Designer Notes: Five Years After

Winston Churchill was a racist asshole but he was also neurodivergent as hell. He spent his nights during the blitz rehearsing strategies over and over of how he would leave the building if it was bombed or taken by nazi troops. He had contingency plans for his contingency plans. He was a ruminator, and he was wracked by what could happen and how he might be responsible. When he was seven years old his father let him borrow his gold pocket watch, and a school bully threw it in the river. Winston paid his own money to have six men from the village divert the river so he could search for the watch in the mud. He did not find it and his strict, emotionally distant father made him pay for the lost watch. Sometimes ruminators are built from trying to stop their parents withholding their love. They live in the “if only”, forever.

When my grandfather was 19 years old the nazis invaded his home country of the Netherlands. Resistance immediately began. One day, after the assassination of a leading figure, the nazis marched into the middle of the town square and randomly grabbed fifty men. They put the men in the middle of the square and then they gunned them down. They knew that people were helping the resistance, so they made sure everyone knew the price of that help. My grandfather was standing near a younger boy who screamed and yelled when they took his father and then when his father fell, the boy stopped screaming, and went into a kind of catatonia. My grandfather was looking at the boy, and he never, ever forgot that look. 

My grandfather survived the occupation, just barely. Once he was rounded up by soldiers who intended to have him shipped to the work camps in Germany. One soldier left to get back up, and he and his two friends rushed at the nazi. My father grabbed the guard’s gun and hit him in the stomach hard, and he never forgot the look of pain on the man’s face as all the wind was knocked out of him. My grandfather survived, and left his homeland and had four children and eleven grandchildren and dozens of great grandchildren. He raised a dairy farm out of nothing but dirt and built a life. Sixty five years later, I visited him in hospital when he was quite sick. It was the first time I had been alone with him in my whole life. I held his hand and I saw fear in his eyes, the fear of dying. I held his hand and I comforted him as best I could.

Last week someone died while I was performing CPR on them. 

For a long time as a young boy and young man I was terrified that when the time came to save people, I would falter and not be strong. I lived in a permanent rumination of what I would do when the time came. In my autistic fashion I would listen to The Impression That I Get over and over and over, because I was so worried that when I was tested I would fail. Turns out I shouldn’t have worried. I have carried people out of danger. I have given my last bit of food to feed another. When my grandfather was afraid I held his hand despite my fear. When my friend was dying I didn’t panic. I pulled her onto the floor and I did everything I could to save her life. But the worry goes on. I live in the perpetual fear of failure. Trying to make myself into something that cannot fail. That will not fail. And that will stop the bad things from happening. If only I had concentrated, listened, paid attention, they told me as a boy, then the silly thing would not have happened. I had to pay attention. I had to stop it before it happened. I have to stop it.

This is a blog about games. Bear with me.

I don’t watch horror movies much. I have enough horror of my own. But I keep making them. My latest game I have just announced, and it is dark. As dark as it gets. It’s called Five Years After and it’s about the apocalypse, and the nature of how we self-destruct. It’s based in part on the post-apocalyptic fears of my youth: movies like The Day After and Threads and When The Wind Blows. The nature of the game is that we begin five years after a terrible apocalypse, and then we wind the clock back and back and back, to find out how the terrible events took everything from you. Bit by bit, the things that kept you safe and happy in the world before the zombies, those things are stripped away. The fun of the game, the power of the game, is discovery: the random nature of which things you lose when tells a unique story that cannot happen any other way, and reveals things to you that you did not know about your character and could not know without playing. I think it is fun and beautiful, but it is also very bleak, because there is no happy ending. You are left with one attribute that you keep, but that is often bitter sweet or darkly ironic. The world ended and so did you.

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Threads by Barry Hines is something everyone should watch once.

My great colleague and co-developer Peter asked me what the game was for, then, if it was so bleak. I think it’s a fair question. I have always believed that everything we do echoes unto eternity, that small things matter and that my games and my art can and will change others. That’s why we make art, really: to take our thoughts and struggles out of ourselves with the hope that it connects with other people. I also believe that art isn’t always just a good thing, and that we should justify what we put into the world, as opposed to flippantly believing that art has no power and can’t affect anyone. I keep making grim, dark games and I think I should justify that, even if I find myself unable to make anything else. Peter thought the game’s message was that you cannot change your fate, and therefore the game was defeatist and nihilistic. The game might even be adding to the wickedness of the world, then.

I think sometimes there are people who give up, who see a wicked world and decide that it’s not their job to clean it up and they might take fatalism as an easy excuse to justify that. But I think there are also people like me who think the opposite, who think that everything is their responsibility and their fault, and if they try hard enough, if they work hard enough, then nothing bad will happen, and that everything bad that does happen must be because they didn’t work hard enough or love well enough or think things through. This has only gotten worse in a world of advertising that desperately makes you feel insufficient, and the panopticon of social media, where everyone is judging you, all of the time.

Terrible things have happened to me. Things that I cannot tell you and might never speak of. Things that defy belief in the suffering they have inflicted, and the cruelty of their shape, and the callousness of those who inflicted them or let them continue. These things took things from me and they took things from the people I love and those things will never heal. Or rather, healing will not make them back to where they were, back to good as new. And yet I persist. I grieve for what I have lost but I remain and that is worth something. What I lost in the fire, I find in the ashes. Like the phoenix I was burned but did not die; I was reborn.

And there is nothing I could have done to stop this things from happening to me, and these parts of myself being taken from me. They were not my fault.

The fascists are rising over my friends in the USA. Their gestapo is snatching people off the streets and killing them in death camps. Israel is conducting genocide. The world is full of monsters and people are dying and in a way, maybe, all my games are about all of this. Relics is about how we can believe in our own potential to be good. Partners is about trusting one another. The Score is about how security is all theatre and the most powerful forces are much, much weaker than they look.

And Five Years After is a reminder that terrible things are happening and you must be brave and you must fight hard and it will cost you. But none of this is your fault. In their panic, people will blame you and tell you you should have done more to stop it. But there is always more we could have done, and more we could do. Blaming ourselves is not going to help. They did this to us. It is their fault. And now we have to be brave, and we will survive – but it is not our fault.

I don’t know if Five Years After can help us deal with the apocalypse on our doorsteps, but maybe it can, and even if it can’t, it’s what I feel and think. It’s what I want to say. It’s what my heart aches to speak of. And I hope that someone out there finds something in it for themselves.

Ecce Homo, Ecce Ludus

(Note: it turns out Substack is boosting nazi profiles and trying to drive culture wars for money so I’m back here, blogging away)

As someone with autism and a whole host of mental illnesses, I often feel as if the world is not made for me, that I will not and do not belong and never will. Over time I’ve learned to draw some power from that, and also lessen my belief in the totality of it. Still, when I find something that seems made especially for me, I am often overjoyed – and bewildered. Such is the case with the MegaDumbCast, a creation of the brilliant Kris Newton.

I first stumbled unto the wonder of this podcast when a friend reached out to me to see if I wanted to be interviewed about my autism. The podcast, you see, began as a way to make fun of Palladium Games and their epic badness, a sort of MST3K walk-through of the worst dregs of published TTRPGs of the 1980s and 1990s. Back then, it was common for some games to turn mental illnesses, neurodiversity and even less-than-mainstream qualities into flaws and/or powers, often intersecting with random tables. One could, for example, see too many zombies and as a result become homosexual, or terrified of clowns. Palladium’s version of Call-of-Cthulhu horror investigation was Beyond the Supernatural and it was happy to use the then popular trope of the Magical Autist. This was a VERY popular and stylish trope of the 1990s, especially after Rain Man won oscars, appearing in many TV shows and they even made a Bruce Willis movie about it. With the first two series of MegaDumbCast covering Ninjas and Superspies and Heroes Unlimited, series three covered Beyond the Supernatural and I was happy to take part and point out that the guy in Rain Man doesn’t even have autism.

In return, Kris healed my soul with comedy genius.

It’s possibly hard to explain what it was like to be nerd in the 1980s, and how absolutely arcane and demented most ttrpgs were on top of that. Designers were still figuring out what rpgs were (really, they still are) and had no idea what to include and why, and often their guesses were absolutely insane. And few books were as gloriously insane as Palladium Books. They served a particular kind of roleplaying which has (oddly) mostly fallen by the wayside nowadays, where everything is really about finding some insane combo to make you an untouchable godlike badass, and the GM’s role is to hit you as hard as you can until you man up and find those combos. But even that wasn’t presented coherently. Poor baffled gamers around the world had no idea why Kevin Siembieda simply cut and pasted his table of medieval weaponry from Palladium Fantasy into every other game he published (or rather why his long-suffering and hardworking wife Marianne did for him), or why it cost only $100 to buy one of those FBI lockpick guns which would make every GM plot swiftly solveable because doors couldn’t be locked, or why anyone would buy a dagger that only did 1d4 damage when it was cheaper to buy an Ingram submachine gun that did 4d6. I think a lot of game designers were born in this era because the games were not complete or coherent and you had to first build a useable game first, before you could even show it to others. And that experience, of being hunched over these amazing, arcane tomes, that you could only get from one store in the very centre of the city, that never had all the line so you only ever saw snippets and fragments, and trying to figure out why Kevin Siembieda was obsessed with how much bullets would penetrate bones or why certain superheroes would own a comb but others would not – that experience was not something a lot of people went through. So it feels very special and personal that the first few series of MegaDumbCast was about very much this, through a lens of “now we know better”. It’s like watching Space Mutiny being MST3Ked (or Hawk the Slayer) with people who grew up seeing it in the cinemas. (Being an MST3K fan was also a weird niche experience too, before the internet!)

But things grow. What started out as riffing on Palladium’s mistakes evolved. Kris crashed into the weird moment that White Wolf games were so rich and popular they tried to make a Street Fighter RPG, and along the way Kris also shined a light onto arcade culture. He took a stroll down FASERIP Marvel, which was still very much in the goofy 1980s school of design, when we learnt RPGs from our friend’s older brother, who was also a non-digital Joe Rogan. Then – as I said to him at the time and he mentioned on the podcast later – Kris hit series six and speedran the entirety of the World of Darkness. Much like me, Kris and the RPG hobby Came of Age via the World of Darkness, and Kris started to talk about how he left his restrictive Christian upbringing. As all great art does – and I use the phrase great art without a drop of irony: the show is goofy and ‘dumb’ but it’s really smart and really deep as well – as all great art does, it revealed the artist. Early on, Kris refers to his other podcast, Gameable, as his real podcast, but over time, MDC became the more popular one, and the one both he and I think has more depth and more legs, and the one that the fans responded to. It became a more personal journey, into Kris’ and our pasts, and who we were becoming over the years the podcast ran.

Along the way of all this, Kris has also proved to be not just a historian of tabletop roleplaying, but an incisive critic thereof. Every episode there’s some core nugget of why these things are bad and what is better, and every few episodes I’ll hit a quote that I’ll write down or a concept that I’ll blog about. Like me, Kris gets that there’s something interesting in ttrpgs, even if it’s only interesting to ttrpg nerds, and it’s worth thinking about them and getting them right.

A few weeks ago we found out that series seven would tackled D&D 3rd ed (2000). Now, even though it was only 5 years after Advanced D&D 2e Revised (1995), 3E is quite a different beast than anything that came before it, representing a kind of seismic shift in terms of quality and coherence. It was certainly anything that had been on MegaDumbCast before. In many ways, 3E is a GOOD RPG. It’s not insanely bad like Palladium, or messy like FASERIP, or a bad idea like Streetfighter, or poorly assembled if ambitious like the World of Darkness. I wondered: what could MDC say about such a game? Indeed, would Kris’ insistence on taking our games to task mean he would come for a game I quite enjoyed? Would I find MDC coming for me, and thus find it less funny?

I should not have worried.

The second episode is Kris being angry. Angry that the game isn’t Ninjas and Superspies. The contents is in the right order, alphabetically and numerically. Shit is nailed down and specified. Everyone is credited correctly. Things are done well, and there seems to be nothing to make fun mode. This is “MDC hardmode”, says Kris – the jokes aren’t just writing themselves. 3E, he says, is “beautiful and obscene…because of the mania of (these designers) for creating something perfect”. To the point that Kris starts to wonder if, after all, the megadumbness we found along the way is inside himself, that he was the Kevin Siembieda all along. Or at the very least that he has met his match. This is his White Whale, his kryptonite, his Nemesis: the unriffable RPG. In other words, he is saying what I’m thinking. But also – because he’s really, really smart and really, really understands TTRPG design – he’s pointing out also the deeper problem with 3E and its moment in time, and its precursors and its decendants.

See, that precision comes from a particular kind of mindset, which is that the rules as written are sacred. That what is in the book is not just more important than your homebrew, but acquires a kind of mystique and power. And this idea emerged early in D&D’s history. Although Gygax intended to emulate something like Kriegpsiel where the players would not know the world and react as if they were themselves, stumbling onto strange things, what he ended up making was a world where knowing the rules and the text and the monsters described was the secret code that unlocked how you win. To a certain kind of nerd, this was a spiritual proposition. Just as D&D came out, nerds were sliding into popular culture and being taught, along the way, that they were at once the downtrodden, just as people of colour and women and gay people were, but also that they would inherit the earth, and grow up to control the computer that the jocks had to work on. The 80s told us the nerds would get all the women, soon enough, and in the 1990s, as computer gaming took off and the tech boom began, it seemed to be coming true. By the 2000s, nerd culture had become no longer something that other people laughed at, but still liked to pretend they were outcast martyrs (much like Christian fundamentalists do). And that, and culture around it, was transforming into something that believed this religious proposition: that if you knew enough of the rules, you got to be in charge and you were not just a king, but a philosopher king. You were SPIRITUALLY better than other people. Futurama made a joke that “technically correct is the best kind of correct” and the nerds took this literally.

Which is why they were utterly bamboozled when the humanities came along and insisted that they were sexist creeps. Gamergate could never have really been comicsgate or fantasygate because it needed that sense of Rules As Written precision.

And what’s really bad and really important about all of this, is that the people who really truly believe this? They are now running the world. Neonazi Peter Thiel met neonazi Elon Musk when they were both running D&D at the University of Pennsylvania in the mid-1990s. Musk was a game designer who was known for running a bit off-book. Thiel was more traditional, following the core D&D. They are not isolated examples. I sometimes call them Gygax’s Bastards: children of a dark enlightenment, who think that knowing facts makes them powerful. They are both, interestingly, most likely autistic, as well as having high IQs. A lot like me.

I’ve been pondering a book about this, about how D&D broke the world, about how Rules As Written became a magical thinking that broke nerds and made them into fascist futurists, and how we now live in that world. In lieu of me writing that, I recommend you tune into MegaDumbCast, for this series or any series. D&D3E is Newton’s great challenge, but I think what we’ve seen is he is rising to the occasion, as he and us grow older and understand more of who we are and how we got here. Sure it’s dumb. But it’s dumb on the square – dumb with meaning. Dumb with insight. Dumb with truth.

Strap in. Join me. It’s going to be epic. Like a twentieth level fireball.

How The Sausage Is Made

Normally I talk about TTRPGs on this blog but here’s a diversion on some other game design I do in making other kinds of tabletop games. This is something I’m working on now, a flip and write about learning geography. I chose Africa to start with, and I came up with a simple idea: you colour in certain countries and then have to work adjacent. That seemed like it would work, especially when I saw that the Democratic Republic of Congo bordered nine different countries. There were about 50 countries in Africa, and if you dealt out three cards from a deck, I did the maths to figure out how likely it would be to get one of those countries be one of the nine countries that border the DRC.

The easiest way to do this kind of probability is to consider the opposite: if none of the three cards fit, then the first card has to be not one of those cards, which means 41/50, the next has to also not be, which is 40/49, and the next also has to not be, or 39/48. You can even estimate this: 9/50 is about 20%, so you need three times for 80% to hit, which is (8x8x8)/(10x10x10) = 512/1000, so 51% of the time in those three cards there will be no cards that matched, which means 49% of the time there WILL be a card that matches. Not great, but it seemed a decent start. (You can see how good an estimate this is because the first number comes out to 54%, very close to 51%).

As Cole Werhle observes so well in this great video, game design is about going around a loop as often as you can, as fast as you can. So I found a map of Africa online and randomly generated entries from my spreadsheet (I use google sheets). This let me test the mechanic VERY quickly. As Werhle also points out, playtesting is best done with a very specific idea in mind. I was able to just test this one idea. And it didn’t really work. It was too likely to not get a country that matched your cards. So I had a new idea, which was that if you couldn’t get to a specific country, go to one that matched a category of country. I went off to wikipedia and grouped African countries by their population, when they joined the African Congress and the height of their highest mountain. Now I had two countries you could go to directly, and one “back up” card that was “go to this category”. I really like Welcome To – it seems to me to be the very best flip and write, so my original idea was each card would also show on their back one of four kinds of bonuses you could score, and so you’d have this choice of going to the two direct countries, or to the back up, and you might choose depending on the bonus. That felt like a decent mechanic. It was time to test it properly. I’m someone who rushes to get to physical templates because I think kinaesthetically – I solve problems better when I’m holding the cards in my hand.

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I always find something that motivates me a lot is to make a box, and give it a name and the vital stats. That way it feels like a ‘game’ not a bunch of random mechanics.

I went to the shop and bought a $2 pack of 100 penny sleeves, a pack of playing cards and a bunch of different coloured sticky-notes. One thing I often do is do this stuff while watching TV or watching seminars for work. A few hours of write, stick, sleeve and I had my deck. I was worried the actual core mechanic still wouldn’t work at all but I ignored that worry and made the prototype anyway, because I knew there was only one way to tell if it worked and that was to make it. It used to frustrate me greatly to make 100 cards and watch something fail but I’ve learned to get faster at making the cards and learned to tolerate the failure, because learning those things helps me loop faster. And I was right to do so because as predicted, as soon as I had the cards in my hand, I saw that three cards was just too many. I went back to two, and that seemed to click.

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The cards were like this pretty much from then on. I colour-coded them to the parts of the map (the N here is north), and the bottom showed the category. You can see how originally I had elevation height as a category, but then replaced it with summer temperature levels.

Now all I needed was a rough map. I found something online that had the countries marked and was white, imported it into my free Canva account. I added some ideas about bonuses to make some countries worth going to for more points, and borrowed another Welcome To… idea of using your bonuses to increase how much you scored for each area. I did NO stop to figure out if my scoring ideas were balanced or even good. All I wanted to test was: is it an interesting choice to pick the exact country and get a bonus, or go with a category, and will you always be able to do one of those two?

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The first map. The postcards were for if you went back to a country.

At this point I was still thinking that something would force you to choose which bonus you got – a boat, a plane or an elephant (which meant you could increase your scoring for each section). Those letters are part of an idea of ticking off country names by starting letter. I couldn’t make the boxes look good and it’s just floating there but it was enough to test! Pretty does not matter. Amazingly, the mechanic DID work: it was an interesting to try to colour in adjacent countries and such. I also realised an easy way to add choice was to let you choose ANY bonus. I took that very basic version to my testing group and it actually goddamn worked. People felt it was an interesting and fun choice to pick which country to colour in. The scoring was totally broken but remember: I wasn’t testing that.

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First playtest with not-just-me. Couldn’t afford colour printing at this point.

But since the scoring was broken, I had another go. I also made boats only able to go to one of the sides of Africa. I got rid of the postcards since they weren’t scoring enough and added “rest days”. Again, please note how ugly this is. Still, it was enough to put in front of another testing group.

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Second public playtest version. The letters are back again.

Now I was worried because until this point I hadn’t dealt with my biggest problem: how to put the information about each country onto the map. Instead, I was handing everyone a table to use:

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I had now discarded year of joining the Congress for GDP, then found HDI to replace GDP.

That worked but was inelegant. I knew the game wouldn’t really be fun if you had to use a table. I figured the only way it would work is if every country was about the same size and then we could colour them and pattern them. So I went to an artist I knew and asked him if he could draw a map that was mostly geographically accurate but each country was about the same size.

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This makes me uncomfortable.

One of the goals of the game was to teach geography and this just didn’t look right. I suggested we do it it with colours and patterns. It didn’t look great either.

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This is where collaboration helps because my lovely artist was like “I think I can do what you want with symbols”. See, I’m not good at visual stuff. Lots and lots of game designers are, but not me. Unfortunately, hiring artists costs money and four years ago I couldn’t afford this, but I scrimped and saved and I could say “I can pay you $50/hour”. (All up it was around $500 for what you see here. Which eight years ago was more money than I could dream of having. But I scrimped and saved and busted my ass with other things.)

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Now this is looking great.

The next step was of course, to get it playtested.

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As you can see, the borders are really hard to see. We had to fix that – but I knew that before playtesting. Again, I didn’t STOP though. I just asked my playtesters to ignore that part and do their best, and try to concentrate on the icons. The icons were what we were testing. And the icons WORKED. So now we just had to make the sheet clearer. We also got some good feedback about scoring, but mostly, we were testing clarity. So we looped on that part.

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Now we have a way to add everything up, and the boats are much clearer. I also made some changes with scoring, and moved the numbers of points for things off the map. That way I could change the numbers without paying my artist more. Likewise, I got my artist to change some of the scoring stuff as well because I’m not made of money. I tested a few thigns, then got all the changes together so he could do them in one go. Always try to save money!

Playtesters were very clear on one big thing about this version though: there should not be elephants where there are no elephants. Thematic integrity is a big deal! Someone also said that writing ACROSS Africa made them feel like colonisers, so I changed the name. I also figured that at some point I’d want to bring goals into the game. I didn’t know if the goals would work but I figured they probably would, so again to save money I asked my artist to just add some suitcase boxes on the map for goals to come.

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Eagle-eyed folks will also spot an icon in Egypt from an idea I had about goals, but it wasn’t generic, it depended on goals always involving certain countries. So I got rid of it so I could change the goals. It also made the map less cluttered. Likewise we got rid of the northmost and southmost points.

Now it’s time to test the scoring again. Will the numbers on the map hold up? I probably should have turned them into empty circles so I could change them with cards. But for now, it will do. I also tidied up the cards so they now have the specific country on the front and the categories on the back, making them easier to read. But they don’t need to be any prettier yet, because they are clear and working. I’m saving up to make the cards nicer, while I also test the scoring. That’s going to take a while and some spreadsheet work, but it’s only NOW that it’s worth testing that, because again you try to test one thing at a time. And it’s also clear enough to enter the Geo-Facts challenge, where it is a semi-finalist!

And that’s how the sausage is made. Tiny steps, iterating fast, iterating often.

Games Are Dangerous

Wittgenstein was correct when he said that language is a game and games are about language, and the easiest way to see this is by watching the wonderful British show Taskmaster. If you’ve never seen it, it’s a panel show where five comedians get given bizarre and ridiculous instructions which they must feverishly try to attempt and be measured in their success by various arbitrary standards. Inevitably, nearly every single task is open to some element of interpretation and whenever the participants ask questions the official task deliverer says the catchphrase: “all the information’s on the task”, which it never is.

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A show that will never work in America because Americans have no irony.

Games are often described as being both freeing because they are not real but also freeing because they are – for once – clear and delineated. In real life we can never know if our car is better than our neighbours, if we are truly good, if we should have another beer or if we should go kill and eat the person who cut us off in traffic but in games we have a magical system that tells us all these things are possible/permitted, and these other things are not possible/not permitted, and at the end we will know for sure who is best and who is not. Which is relaxing, in the same way that doing a sum is less fraught than writing an essay.

All of that is sort of true and almost entirely false.

That is not to say – as some hacky game designers have to my face – that there’s no craft or diligence to our field. It is our job to design rules that are clear and beg no questions, and to be unclear is to fail as game designers. Yes every player can eat all the chess pieces and they maintain that freedom, but you’re not to blame if you begin with “place the pieces on the board”. You also are allowed to make some base assumptions, like that the person reading the rules is also going to explain those rules to the rest of the players, or what “shuffle” means.

Although that said: I used to keep a tally of every time a computer game didn’t say anywhere that you should use ASDF to move because how would anyone know that? So even these assumptions are moving targets as literacy changes. We are always engaging with an audience and the audience is always changing. In this, game designers are like comedians: there is little that is always perfectly funny in all times and all places because audiences change. This is true in the micro (tonight’s group at the game table, tonight’s audience) and the macro (Western hobby gamers, American tv viewers). A comedian I know once told me about how his Amy Winehouse jokes were considered hilarious until she died at which point he instantly retired them all, because humans are like that. We – all of us – had felt okay laughing at her addiction until we didn’t.

It’s a potent example because games are exactly as fragile. Huizinga invented the idea of the magic circle: once we all collective consent to play a game together, we enter the circle where normal social rules vanish and we can lie (bluff), betray, compete ferociously and attack with violence; we can be deeply antisocial and deeply antagonistic and it’s all fine …

… until it isn’t.

There are times in Taskmaster where it’s pretty clear that the players aren’t having fun and are close to what in computer games is called the rage-quit, or they just give up trying, or are otherwise upset. Consent must be FRIES – freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic and specific, and lots of games make all of those things impossible. It is hard to know what is going to happen in many games and how they are going to make you feel and the rage-quit is just one example of rescinding consent. Nowadays in TTRPGs we talk about the open table which means we (try to) discard the obvious social pressure to “keep playing” – you can walk away at any moment.

The anti-racism educator Jane Elliot runs a savage day-long simulation where blue-eyed people are singled out, bullied and subjugated. Sometimes she lets people leave when they become overwhelmed. Sometimes she doesn’t, because black people cannot leave racism. There is an incredible phone game where you are given a little chicken to care for and then sixty seconds later the chicken is killed. You do not consent to that, because if you did the game would not work: the violent shock reminds you that every single day millions of chickens are born then slaughtered in sixty seconds when the machine determines them to be male. The lack of consent makes the game work. In 1940, feeling he had done enough gaming of art, the surrealist Marcel Duchamp abandoned art to become a (terrible) professional chess player. In 1966 he returned to art with a piece called etant donnes. The work invented installation art and forces the viewer to participate (so it is a game) by walking through smaller and smaller rooms until one approaches two eye holes. One is compelled to look through and is met with the sight of looking into a the genitals of a young naked woman. You become complicit in a simulated violation (or are you, as her expression and pose makes it unclear) – and the lack of consent is the point.

Games are more participatory art forms – maybe the most participatory – and therefore they violate and mess with consent far more than other forms of art. And this doesn’t just happen between the designer and the players or between the rules and the players: it happens between the players themselves. In both areas, consent is not clear and is constantly negotiated, and so are the exact nature of the rules and their edge cases. And – and this is really important – even when the rules are clear, social negotiation is still going on. We are never truly in the magic circle at all, and we are certainly never only in the orthogame. As an example, consider a small child coming up to bat in cricket (or baseball). Naturally we bowl slowly or underarm, not how we would bowl to an adult. We do not play by the rules, which tell us our goal is to try to get the other person out. Of course, for some people, games exist precisely so they can be anti-social and luxuriate in “wickedness”, or at least in obedience; to some this is not permissible. We MUST bowl as hard as possible at the child, or how will they learn what a game is? When I was about eight years old my father taught me how to play patience (aka solitaire, or Klondike) and after a few games I ran to him jubilantly to tell him that I had “won” the game (which rarely happens in that version) and, I added “I only cheated once”. He shook his head and told me that it didn’t count. It hit me like a blow. But I also – now – see his point. And all of us likely have a moment where we too would yield to the rules. If the child in the cricket example was saying his being caught “didn’t count”, we would insist on the rules kicking in then – or maybe we wouldn’t. Maybe it depends if we thought they had had a fair go first. As another example, a gentleman I know insists that when we play scrabble, we can’t use any “weird” words. When we point out that that’s an impossibly vague description, he gets cross because of course we know what a weird word is. When we suggest adding an authority like a dictionary, he gets cross because we should just be able to know.

And the point is, as much as we pretend that games are these places where these complex, individual beliefs about which rules to follow and how much disappear thanks to a strong structure being opposed from the outside, in fact games are the opposite: BECAUSE they require us to constantly negotiate how much we’re going to obey arbitrary outside rules, games are sometimes just as or even MORE complex and tricky.

Now all my previous talk about Skinner boxes is to bring me to this, which I guess will be next week’s blog: how do we negotiate the inherent savagery of games, as we learn about how games are masked rituals that reveal our bloodlust, but also learn that maybe entering those zones are not something that actually helps us learn or change who we are? And how do we use what we know about how to change behaviour by using game elements (and using play) to perhaps change what people think games are, and maybe even change who people are? Is the key to the glorious Sexy Communist Future of Star Trek perhaps a world where there are no games as we know them, because they’re creepy? That’s not just rhetorical: I’ve always been keen to defend games when they are accused of being unimportant, but one must always be ready – at least philosophically – to consider that one’s life work is monstrous and must be destroyed. I think right now is a good time in our culture to start finding out.

(I am increasingly disenchanted with and horrified by what social media does to people and culture but I hope blogging continues and I hope I can find someway for all of this to be read by someone. I am resisting putting these on substack or Medium as yet. Maybe one day someone will turn some of the hit ones into a book. I live, as always, with the dream of an amanuensis.)

See More Skinner, Part Two: Discipline and Punish

I want to really get into the weeds on how players negotiate playstyles and play events, but first I want to stay on the orthogame more, because we’re in a really interesting place with that right now.

I never thought of myself as a game designer until very recently, which is odd for many reasons, not least the patterns you see in the other things I’m interested in: con artistry, education, animal behaviour and probability, the last two which I studied to very high levels at university. I actually spent a lot of time researching games and game design while I was doing my probability studies and was disappointed to find out that game theory, despite the name, has almost nothing to do with games. The definition of game in game theory is one of an abstract mathematical system where there are different choices a “player” can make, or may make with certain probabilities, and which lead to certain outcomes. Although game theory started with the idea of games, and was developed off into psychological concepts, if you pull a book about game theory off a shelf, it will be lucky to feature any games at all in it. It will be about optimization algorithms, which we do now see more and more use of in AI, and the expert systems that came before them. AI is game theory in that it makes choices, runs down those choices, and checks the outcome, and then compares the outcome to a win situation. If it doesn’t win, it then adapts the choice gates, weighting them differently.

I was disappointed, thirty years ago, because I wanted to learn game design and – unlike now! – it was not an area with any academic study. Such things just did not exist before the year 2000 or so. We relied on Homo Ludens and developmental psychology, and the few rare cultural studies like the amazing work by Gary Alan Fine which was the first person ever to go “these gamer nerds, how does their subculture work?”. But then in the 1990s computer gaming became big business and everything changed, and all of a sudden you could get a grant to study this stuff and we started figuring out what people liked in games and how to monetize that hard. It’s important to remember though that we didn’t know these things at all then and we had to learn them through making mistakes. One now-legendary game design anecdote is the story of Golden Ages in the Civilization computer games. Originally the game had Dark Ages, where production slowed down and it was harder to achieve goals and make progress. They swiftly discovered that players hated them so much they would often stop playing when they encountered them. So the designers made Dark Ages play regular play and made what had been regular play Golden Ages. In effect, nothing had changed, but psychologically the game was completely different. This became known as the phenomenon of Loss Aversion.

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Nash Equilibrium is a game theory term that has almost no relevance to game design theory, but it’s fun to say.

Most of the study of game design has been in psychology, and understanding human behaviour. But interestingly, so far, not a huge amount of that has actually trickled down into the orthogame space. By this I mean that the design of the orthogame tends to still operate as if we are making chess, and thus operating in a game theory space. A game is designed to be, still, a mathematical and tactical and strategic operation, where the participants make choices with the goal of producing the optimal outcome. Games typically have dramatic win and loss conditions and score tracks around the outside that provide constant feedback, measuring how well you made those choices. This is considered good design – as I said last week, nobody would play a game where your choices didn’t matter.

But here’s the thing: games, we are discovering, are inherently learning environments. They teach you how to play them and how to learn more about them, and they teach you how to master them, and then they also teach you about yourself and the world and the things they represent. Games in fact have some of the best possible tools for learning because of that direct, actionable feedback, and the ability to repeat the same circumstances over and over again, and to experiment and explore different options. Games we now think overlap with educational processes, in that you can’t play a game without learning more than just how to play that game, and games and game elements may be the best way to teach many things. In fact, I’m thinking about writing a book about how games are actually a kind of social learning ritual, more in common with ceremony than warfare. Given those things, it’s worth knowing that education has been going through something of a revolution in the last few decades and is also still a very young science. We’re starting to explore this new idea that making mistakes and being corrected isn’t actually as useful as we thought. Which is to say people respond better to learning that isn’t based on saying “no, that’s wrong” as a fundamental principle.

At first glance that sounds insane – are we going to start saying something like “one plus one equals three, yes, good job, but let’s try and imagine a better answer.”? It’s not that. It’s more thinking that as much as possible we want to give the participant in learning the most chance of succeeding at something before testing if they succeeded, because the more they fail the slower they learn. Mistakes and failure aren’t learning opportunities at all, but rather impediments to learning. Navigating this is the new frontier of education, because even while we’re not entirely sure how to teach this way, we know that our current education system leaves kids good at taking tests but lacking in imagination and often crippled with a need to be correct. I sometimes use the metaphor of expanding what the light can see: you’re not wrong if you hear something in the bushes and guess what it is, but you’re guessing until we expand the light.

I work in animal training and we are doing the same thing there. To return to Skinner, he helped us divide the learning in operant conditioning into four kinds:

  • Positive Punishment – you want the rat to not go on the platform, so you shock the rat when it goes on the platform. The word “positive” here means an element was ADDED to the rat’s environment. Contrast that with:
  • Negative Punishment – you want the rat to not go on the platform, so the food supply stops when it goes on the platform. It is negative because something good was SUBTRACTED.
  • Positive Reinforcement – you want the rat to go on the platform, so it gets extra good food when it does go on the platform.
  • Negative Reinforcement – you want the rat to go on the platform, so the electric shock STOPS (is subtracted) when it goes on the platform.

Note how the terms positive and negative here don’t refer to the consequence: the middle two use only something nice, and the first and last use only something nasty. Of course, there is a fine line here. For a young child, losing access to a toy can feel like a terrible terrible thing but it is a world away (at least experimentally) from giving the child a smack. And here we return to loss aversion: it felt bad when the Dark Ages kicked in, and it feels great when the Golden Age kicked in. This isn’t operant conditioning (because these weren’t causal) but it shows the paragidm above, while also showing how psychology can shade how we see these things. In effect the Dark Ages felt like aversive – something came along and made things worse – and the Golden Age felt rewarding – something came along and made it better.

So the question then becomes: are we taking this knowledge into designing orthogames? And should we?

Let’s take a look at chess. Chess has positive punishment all the time: if you make a poor move, you experience loss. You had a queen, and you lose it. (Some find Go much more relaxing because when you realise you’ve lost territory you can dance away somewhere else and try to come back to that space a different way. It can still feel very punishing, but it’s less direct.) Modern games have, generally, moved away from the chess model though, and try to instead just reward the leader for good play. They are learning this idea of nice for others rather than nasty for you. It can still feel a bit rough to miss out on a bonus card or a combo, but it doesn’t (for most people) sting like losing a queen. Don’t get me wrong, if you have ten points and your opponent has fifty, you are definitely likely to rage quit, but it does (we think) feel different from “this player keeps moving to attack my pieces”.

A lot of game writers say that the “euro” style games tend to have less “head to head” conflict than American and take that games, and that’s true but also not the whole picture. Because getting cut off, penalised or torn down or knocked off your spot is still an attack and still a loss. So euros often actually feel a lot more cutthroat and “mean” than they look (and that some say). Having the Robber on your hex in Settlers of Catan is in theory only denying you resources (you aren’t losing things from your hand but not gaining them) but it feels like an attack and it feels very personal! Something can become an attack by comparison. If everyone else gets cheese, the act of “not getting cheese” becomes a nasty thing, rather than “not getting a nice thing”. Games like Tokaido are said to be “cosy” because you’re just walking along a road and the worst someone can do to you is get a prize before you do, but the game actually feels like musical chairs: everyone gets a good thing and the loser gets shut out. This makes Tokaido one of the harshest games I know as a result!

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It’s like a knife-fight in a phone booth.

All of which is to say: yes, we’re trying to look at the orthogame and say “can we remove the nasty stuff” but we still end up in punishment territory a lot of the time, because games are either competitive or they are pass/fail. Not winning reflects and becomes losing. As hard as we try to make everything a Golden Age rather than a Dark Age, it’s hard to make orthogames actually feel nice. That might be because the orthogame is set up to be a ritualised test. In other words, our idea of a game is that it should be inherently educational not experiential: you are here to learn to play well, and if you fail to play well, you will be marked down. And that may not be something we want to change! We might not want to do a crossword that lets us put any words in the box. But I think as education begins to ask “what does education without being wrong look like?” we might wonder the same about games. We don’t know what that looks like. It may be impossible, as in, games stop being games if they aren’t about correction. It may be rethinking games entirely. It may be that this is what play is. It may be why we like play so much, and it may be why we should do much more play and why games are actually a poor substitute! (Look, for example, at how many computer “games” now are just colouring in exercises, or dolly-dress up).

I am not the only one who has argued that games are the primary medium of the 21st century. But I’d like to expand that and make sure it doesn’t just include orthogames. I think PLAY is bigger and more important than game. This is the same as how we know that painting the stairs like musical notes makes people more likely to walk up them, and scoring them for how fast they did it does not. Games really are a poor substitute to play and I think as humans we crave play but are told the only way we’re allowed to get play is through games. We have decided that games are good, and play is bad, because if we’re not fighting or being corrected, it cannot be worthwhile. Maybe it’s time we looked at that attitude as well. Maybe the orthogame is a petticoat allowing us an excuse to be playful, and it’s not always the best one. At the very least, we might want to admit that it’s not the only part of play, and we’ll look at that in subsequent blogs.

See More Skinner, Part One: Eat The Cards

B.F. Skinner was a psychologist who played a key role in revolutionizing our thinking about how animals and people learn and is known as “the father of behavioural analysis”. Skinner helped develop what we now think of as the four quadrants of behavioural adaption. If an animal does an action and either receives a reward or has a negative stimulus removed, they are more likely to repeat that action. If they do an action and receive no reward or a negative stimulus, they are less likely to do that action. Animals using this learning are said to be using operant conditioning which is different from what Pavlov discovered with his dogs, which is known as classical conditioning. Classical conditioning is simply the linking of two things without behaviour being involved. In 1897, Ivan Pavlov was studying something completely different in dogs and noticed that when he came to take them to his experiment they would salivate, knowing that the experiment would provide tasty food. This Pavlovian reaction is only classical conditioning because the dogs had no behavioural activity – they were not operating.

Skinner invented the “Skinner Box” which is an animal enclosure that features a light, a shocking device that hurts the animal, a lever the animal can press and a food dispenser. This simple set up allowed researchers to do some studies we would now consider unethical but they could easily change the nature of the environment for the laboratory animal. They could for example make it so one press of the lever produced a treat, or many presses, or a variable number of presses, or only presses when the light was on. Similarly they could associate actions with the painful shock. Very swiftly they found that the more reliable the rule and the more positive the reward, the faster the rats and mice would learn. Even if it took 50 lever pushes to get the treat, the rodents would do it, but if it was sometimes 5 and sometimes 100, the rodents gave up. They also gave up fast if the reward was only the removal of pain. They also learnt faster if every now and then the reward was bigger than usual. They like reliability but they also liked surprise.

Skinner and others reasoned and proved that humans were exactly the same: we respond to the rules in the environment around us. We do what reliably gets us less pain or more reward, and if we can’t figure out how to get those things, we shut down or act randomly. Skinner argued, then, that the problems of human behaviour needed to be examined through what we knew scientifically, rather than through ideology. He expounded these ideas more in his later life, in his utopian work Walden Two and his pop-sociology work Beyond Freedom and Dignity. What’s happened since then is that Skinner’s arguments have been boiled away from their origins down to a what some describe as a cold or calculating view of the universe. If everyone is working under Skinner protocols, then it easy to characterize every living thing as being transactional or mercenary or manipulative. However, for an autist, this is often just obvious: of course I don’t hang out with people who are mean to me. Of course I work on things that return value to me. Of course I model and encourage the behaviour I want to see in others.

Of course it can be manipulative: this episode of The Big Bang Theory is a good example of taking things too far. Sheldon is of course coded autistic and as sexist and trite as the show is and became, it got that right. The other day I said that my approach to stop a family member from doing something that bugged me was to just steer the conversation away from it if it came up and offer lots of conversation and engagement on other topics and my partner reminded me that I could also just ask people to change. I was explaining to someone that I tended to like people who liked me, so Skinner made sense and they said they liked me because they thought I was a good person and had value, and I realised my life of people-pleasing and conformity was driven by trying to fit into a behavioural model where if I acted pleasingly the people would care for me, and that was actually really bad for me because it meant I lived my life in fear of love and respect being snatched away as soon as I fell short.

I had little choice in selecting this adaptive strategy, however: I grew up being autistic so confused about emotion and also feeling negative ones like anger towards me at extreme levels so had to come up with some way to adapt and survive. And that’s the flipside to the coldness of Skinner’s ideas: there’s a path in them towards total and radical love and acceptance. Once you understand that people aren’t totally free to choose what they do, but are shaped by their lives and their environment and that all behaviour is rational at some level, you stop looking at blame so much. This floated across my facebook the other day:

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It’s called “empathy” but it literally says “humans are plants, and are running on Skinner’s operant conditioning”. So is Skinner thinking cold or loving?

The truth is this idea of radical acceptance was Skinner’s big idea too: that our legal and moral systems are grounded in this idea that humans aren’t a product of their environment whatsoever, but are these fully autonomous creatures who exist in a vacuum. There are some good reasons for this ideology of course! It many contexts it matters a lot to treat people as not merely philosophical zombies, regardless of whether it is scientifically provable. There’s also a lot of dangerous “evo-psy” magical thinking where we reduce all behaviour to some magical genetic gift that explains every part of who we are (or worse, that magically makes other people better). But we also know the truth of environment as a factor and apply it to lots of contexts in socialist, progressive and liberal politics: drug reform, for example, is based on the idea that people who are addicts will do whatever they need to get a fix and are not inherently broken or immoral or antisocial. Skinner eventually repudiated all aversive-based training and science, because he believed a principle we’ve now heard everywhere, but never worded as well as in the Good Place: “People improve when they get external love and support, so how can we hold it against them when they don’t?” Skinner also believed in making the environment work to support the behaviour we want, before we even start putting in reinforcers, and that’s the ultimate idea of an inclusive society.

So why is all this on my gaming blog? Because opinion remains divided on how much Skinner’s ideas should intrude into designing games, and especially rpgs. In many ways the orthogame doesn’t need and should not have behavioural control: it is enough for the rules of chess to suggest that you lose the game if your king is lost and the name of the piece and his design as the tallest piece exists to communicate rules not encourage behaviour. The orthogame – any orthogame – still operates under Skinner ideas though: you are punished if you take actions that are suboptimal to play and rewarded if you take more tactical actions. Indeed, a game is considered good when and because it provides this accurate feedback! By most people’s standards it is a poor game that rewards total random choice.

We are of course never only in an orthogame, but that doesn’t mean it’s up to the game designer to deal with things outside of it. Reiner Knizia observed that it doesn’t matter whether players want to win the game or not, only that they act as if they do. In other words, game designers should not be expected to deal with spoiling play, because we’re not magicians. I have seen someone who was helping me judge a game jam once argue that a game was broken because it was possible to play only to spoil. I pointed out that anyone who did would never win, only prolong the game with everyone not scoring. In his view this was “not enough”. I walked away, because nothing is ever “enough”, really: you can eat the cards in Poker but that doesn’t make it a game which “permits eating the cards as a spoiling strategy.”

On the other hand, I do also believe it is important in some games to do as much as you can to block certain kinds of play. And I am a huge believer in the idea that a game is an experience and our job as designers is not only to provide a set of rules for the orthogame but to manage and direct the experience of the players. And I believe games are a great way to control people. My great friend Gregory says that art is a kind of mind control, and game design doubly so. Without consent, my job is to hack your brain and make you do things you didn’t choose to do. But where does my responsibility end, then? If my rules say “Shuffle the cards” and the players don’t, is that my fault? I usually tell my players that if one group misses it, it’s their fault, but if 20 groups miss it, it’s your fault. But the point is that it’s not always clear how much is my responsibility and my fault, and how much I can do and should do. I can’t stop you eating the cards. But I should do some amount of trying to stop you. It might be direct operant conditioning or it might be just designing the environment to make it easier for you to find the fun or somewhere in between.

The same debate comes up when we talk about gamification, a term absolutely ruined by shifting it from its original context and making it mean “how do we get children more addicted to video games”. We now know that gamification has very rarely changed behaviour in the last decade but that’s arguably because it’s always been misunderstood, misapplied, or applied to do something toxic. Games CAN change us a great deal, but that also has positives and negatives. There was an amazing image I saw in a talk at Freeplay a few years back which looked a lot like this:

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The point being that gamification had prided itself on forcing people to change their behaviour (by putting Pokemon outside, for example) but there was a vast hidden cost, and it wasn’t actually really making our lives better. In fact, in some cases it bordered on repression and control, getting people addicted to behaviours. Games are mind control, which means we can’t just use them carelessly.

Someone on Mastodon the other day said that no TTRPG should ever reward players for actions, by which they meant that if you’re having to dole out bennies or XP for doing a certain behaviour you’ve already lost, because you should just have players that want to do those things. I disagree with this entirely. My designs are the exact opposite of this, but my view is not a popular view in TTRPGs! I am now very used to people telling me I’m crazy. I like that. I put those next to my game awards and the games which people told me were impossible.

But like everything in games – and in life – I think the point is there is no easy answer to this. The same is true of pondering Skinner’s ideas and radical empathy. There is no easy answer for where individual responsibility kicks in when it comes to culpability and accountability. There is no clear line where a Skinner-ist view becomes calculating or controlling versus empathetic and accepting. And there is no clear line where game designers should and shouldn’t exercise control on their players, or where they can or can’t, and where it’s needed or not. There’s no clear line between gamification that enriches and that controls. But I think we can learn a lot by thinking about it, so join me for more of that in Part Two next week.

No Subs

I’ve long since abandoned any idea of knowing or caring how other people play ttrpgs. I am always Doing It Differently. But I still hope explaining myself adds clarity to other designers and players.

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Here I am playing D&D

As discussed many times, Dungeons and Dragons started as a miniature wargame for crawling dungeons and was never supposed to be a simulation of anything in particular. But the wargames of the day and now had systems where you would retreat from battle and switch to a different set of rules for what happened next – how you solved supply lines, scouted terrain and improved your troops or technology. But because D&D was not so much designed as congealed, when it copied this approach it didn’t really come up with a separate system. It is the same Constitution throw to survive the quicksand whether you are using dungeon movement speeds or overland speeds, or even days march speeds. (As a humorous aside, this important change in movement was buried deep in the back of AD&D first ed, leading to a friend moving towards the keep on the borderlands at ten feet per minute.)

As a result of this, it was never entirely clear how much of the rules of the game describe reality, and which parts of reality. Does it make sense, goes the question, for everyone in the fictional world to have their capabilities measured in strength, dexterity, intelligence and so on? Probably yes. Are the average die rolls an indication of the average person? Again, we’re often told yes. Okay so then does everyone in the world have a class and a level?

Opinions differ.

I’ve had some GMs suggest I was ruining the tone by asking if characters cwere rogues or bards. Thousands of magazine articles have been written about whether a small town should have a third level cleric. Endless you tube sketches have been written about “does the npc shopkeeper know my class is thief”. Sadly, tons of RPGs don’t actually answer these questions! Like we talked about last week a lot of players rcand designers have an idea of what is and isn’t in-world knowledge, and get cranky if you suggest a different idea, or even if you ask the question in cthe first place. But I, being autistic, never assume.

(Not least because I’ve been punished for assuming wrong. The phrase autists have heard the most in their life is “why are tut asking? Isn’t it obvious?”)

The Warhammer Exception Law goes as follows: “Whenever anyone complains about a trope in fantasy/fantasy gaming being ludicrous or unjustified, Warhammer either doesn’t have that trope or has justified it.” Warhammer spoiled me for lots of other games in many other ways as well, and one of these is it appeared in the mid-80s-early-90s trend where the design of the game was not around the idea of special systems existing for characters, but rather that the point of the system overall was to describe THE ENTIRE WORLD. Call of Cthulhu and its parent, Runequest probably did the most work in establishing this tradition. When those games say that a standard soldier has 80% in Marksmanship you can be sure that’s how their armies operate and every soldier has this and the soldier training will be written so as to produce this level when the soldier is released from basic training.

Obviously there were still things outside the scope of the rules but it meant removing the question of “in world” logic altogether. And it tied the system together around a central goal of representation. The downside was some games took this too far like Rollmaster and Harn, with a roll for everything and everything for a roll. Thus by the 90s the pendulum swung the other way and much harder: the idea was born that the rules and rolling dice were bad. To this day, many many rpg players want the rules to be entirely invisible until they peek around the corner in their allotted time, which is usually combat.

I’ve always hated this approach for two reasons. First of all, I don’t want to play five different games at once. I want to play the same game all the time, not two hours of improv drama, one hour of miniature wargaming, one hour of optimisation and one of see-if-we-can-outsmart-the-GM and one of dolly dress up, each with their own rules and each entirely disconnected from the other. I’m way too lazy to do that and way too autistic to know when I’m supposed to switch from one to the other. It’s all very artificial to me, although of course I realise that artificial is a moving target on a sliding scale of personal taste.

The second reason I dislike this approach is that I find that when players are rolling lots of dice and getting interesting results that really drive play and produce interesting outcomes they lean right forward in their chairs and are super engaged. And the only time they get like that when the rules are absent is if the drama comes to this big head and the interplaying acting is hella dramatic. To some, I know, asking for a roll in a big dramatic moment is anathema but to me, rolls exist to create and drive big dramatic moments. To some, it’s totally fine to play a weird game of soldiers alongside deep improv and there’s no loss of fidelity in bolting the two armies together in loosely connected series. To me, I want to use every tool at my disposal to dazzle my players and just as an escape room threads puzzle and plot, so do I expect my RPGs to entwine mechanics and drama.

And because I want to switch constant back and forth, seamlessly, between mechanics and story and out of character and in character, between game and simulation and plot, I want a system that does everything the same way, all the time, at about the same level of detail and the same pace. One of my goals is to roll dice at the same rate for the whole session. Otherwise I’m creating weird disconnects where combat feels different from socialising. And we don’t put up with that in other media. Small structural changes occur to highlight drama and tone, not to highlight whether the character is shopping or dancing. The question the filmmaker asks is “Is this shopping important? Is it light or dark, happy or sad, grim or comedic?” not “Is this shopping?”

Honestly I would probably be annoyed if I had to change systems for dramatic reasons too, though. I’m an extremely busy guy and all my decisions are based on how hard do I have to work. If I have to learn one subsystem (and remember when it applies) I’ll allow it. Two and I’m out. And it may be habit but at least combat feels pretty natural for dialing in the detail. I very much dislike, for example, Gumshoe asking me to decide whether a scene is clue-gathering-exposition delivery or (everything else), not least because these scenes are shot the same way in fiction. Maybe if all exposition delivery was done in bullet time Id get it.

A response to last weeks blog about downtime said they found downtime natural because in the real world there’s stuff you do at home and stuff you do at work. I said to me those are the same stuff. I see no difference.

There’s an autistic cliche that we fear change, which comes from this thing where we always eat the same food and wear the same clothes but that’s not because we fear change so much as the effort of decisions. Given that I can literally eat almost anything for lunch, up to and including small stones, grass, paper, concepts, I don’t want to face having to narrow it down. Similarly people think autists like categories because they fear disorder or continuities and while we do have very black and white brains sometimes, again this is often a defence mechanism against the opposite of categories. If I can eat literally anything, please let me bundle things into boxes so I don’t have to interrogate the infinite complexity. But likewise if you are constantly in infinite complexity, if you see home and work as the same, as shopping and dancing as the same, as combat and chatting as the same, then it is enormously debilitating to have to slam on the brakes and shift systems.

Hence: no subsystems for me. Universal mechanics all the ways I don’t like mini games much either. Although yes of course both these things have soft edges; any rule could be considered a mini game or a subsystem. Of course I’ve considered that. That’s how my brain works, as I’ve just covered. I can see every possible grey area and edge case. It’s exhausting. I’m so tired, all the time, trying to think in neurotypical. And when I say it’s hard, and that it’s not obvious, please: believe me.

Save Bubbles

For those who came in late:

In 1981, Tom Moldvay wrote one of the many absolutely bonkers supplements for what was then BECMI D&D (Basic, Expert, Companion, Master, Immortal) aka the Rules Cyclopaedia ruleset. Castle Amber is a serial-numbers-filed-off riff on the Averoigne stories by Clark Ashton Smith, which in turn owe a bit to the Fall of the House of Usher and other such gothic works. The house and grounds are enormously large and impossibly insane, as with a lot of D&D adventures, and because Averoigne works on sort of different genre tropes to standard D&D, the adventure has a conceit that transports you into the house (not unlike the mists in Ravenloft). There is no easy or direct way to go back to town and re-equip.

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I’m not sure this even happens in the adventure.

Moldvay was not the first to run into this strange issue. Nowadays, all of this is de rigeur: one knows that there is Town, there is Wilderness, and there is Dungeon, and one goes from the first, through the second, to the latter, and back again. In many computer games, travel back to town is instantaneous, which led to the coining of the term “death cab”. (Which isn’t where the band Death Cab For Cutie got their name from). To “death cab” is to kill yourself because it is faster to respawn in town after death than it is to walk back. The original version of the board game Descent had a death cab exploit, so it’s not just computer games.

Obviously we should talk about why the whole problem exists in the first place, but what remains memorable about Castle Amber is the solution. With no way for the party to go back to town, Moldvay created the first Save Game In-World Artefact. When players camp down for the night, a gigantic pink bubble floats towards them, wherever they are in the mansion, envelops the party and then stops time around them for 8 hours, so they can rest and get their spells back. Like most of D&D, it’s goofy as hell, but like most of D&D it was never really supposed to make sense, because D&D was designed to be a game, not a simulated interactive adventure or a storytelling machine.

And it is really the idea of a game where these things come from. The nature of a game, one of its core principles, is games end. Not only that, they loop. Chess lasts until the king is lost and then it is reset; bridge is played hand after hand after hand. The cards run down then get refilled. Much like experience points and may other conceits we’ve just accepted in roleplaying games, there’s no reason for stories to work this way. This is one reason I’ve never really liked “downtime” mechanics in modern RPGs. It is, in effect, the Save Bubble writ large. It just has more genre architecture to support it. It’s not that I dislike genre architecture, it’s just that this isn’t really copying any particular genre trope. It is a very gamist mechanism. It manages tension, sure, but it seems so exist mostly because of video games: to provide stuff to do in the load screen area besides just re-equipping.

Not that there’s anything wrong with this, or with liking it. The whole nature of rpgs is they are three activities in a trench coat (playing a game, experiencing a simulated existing and creating a story). It’s just always good to spot which elements you’re using and why. It feels artificial to me to have downtime because it doesn’t seem to have a narrative referent and it pulls me out of the simulation but I still use plenty of game elements in my rpgs without noticing a conflict. Indeed, one reason it’s so hard to talk about this stuff is often we don’t see the things we are happy to overlook. No rpg has ever felt the need to model toilet breaks, because we all get from birth that not everything goes into a game, a simulation or a story. We have never thought to question this! So often when you say to someone “why does x exist” (or not exist) they don’t have an answer. Likewise they can’t always tell you why something bugs them because of course it does – it’s like modelling toilet breaks, it just doesn’t “fit”.

I’m sure people feel this way about the save cycle. Whether it is going back to town or having your eight hours rest, some things seem natural. Which is why good design and creativity can be found by poking at them and demanding they explain themselves. As I see it, there is no justification for any of it in Ttrpgs because it’s only there in the first place because of wargames following board game logic. Wargames, like all board games, start and finish, and you can’t change your mind about things during play, just as you can’t decide you always had two queens in chess or just ask for new cards halfway through a round of bridge. The dungeon crawl followed this model. There’s often this idea that Gygax and Arneson set out to model the magic of Jack Vance’s Dying Earth but they did nothing of the sort: they designed a game where you crawled through encounters until you ran out of proton pellets and had to reset, and then they looked around for something to justify that. (In a similar way, the setting has a frontier feel because a frontier justifies the dungeon-town cycle.)

You don’t need this mechanic though. All you have to do to remove long rests and save bubbles is not design your system to be about depleting resources. The latter is what causes the former. You may say “but humans sleep”. They do yes but we’ve got so used to the death cab we seem to sometimes forget how difficult it is in real life to solve the issue of “we’re in enemy territory, but we need to resuppy”. Napoleon would despise modern gaming – he spent so much time and brain power desperately trying to solve the issue of resupply, and we sweep it under the table. Doesn’t exist! The moment the last orc dies, we might as well rematerialize in the tavern. Luckily, countless RPGs don’t run on resource depletion and so avoid all this. (This isn’t a new idea!)

I mention all of this because this last month I’ve been exploring the “pseudo-rpg” or “hybrid rpg” space. From Talisman to Gloomhaven, board gamers have been trying to capture as much as possible of the amazing fun of ttrpgs without having to have a GM, because GMing is both extremely taxing and relatively unrewarding. In the last ten years, there’s been an explosion of such games, mostly kicked off by Gloomhaven, and a lot of them are very successful in how they’ve attacked the problem. But they all have this ongoing issue – they have to start and end. I’m lucky enough to be playing Gloomhaven and Frosthaven digitally which means we can, at any moment, pause the game and reload it later as is, because the virtual table preserves everything. If we weren’t doing that we couldn’t stop at any point. We’d probably only be able to stop at the end of a dungeon crawl. Because traditional games have to be packed away and it’s still really really hard to have save games in board games. That’s just how it is. Which means so far all the hybrids I’ve looked at have a fair amount of dungeon-town logic built into the rules.

Again, that’s fine. If you have to have these constraints, it makes sense to use them. But it did remind me of one thing that’s very unique to ttrpgs: they can stop on a dime. The only time you can’t save is between someone saying a thing happened and someone noting the effect on the character sheet or documentation – but even this happens. There’s always the moment of “remember I need to write down that I found those arrows”.

Computer games can save too, of course. Famously so: in many games you can pause mid conversation and go back and try a dozen different gambits, reliving moments infinitely often. Some folks do this so much it has earned the term “save scumming” which is a joking term to some and deadly serious to others. Interestingly, this is something ttrpgs can’t do because our save system – our brains – is able to auto save at any moment, but it loses fidelity fast and it gets cranky if you keep reloading. (Indeed, much debate at the table can arise about memory fidelity. You didn’t actually cast the spell, as the sacred texts go). One of my great unmade game ideas is to find a way to turn “forgetting what we did last session” into a mechanic for a game, but anyway.

But this is always the point: that we interrogate these things, and see the strengths and weaknesses, the limitations and the opportunities. We should never just assume the town-wild-dungeon is the way things have to be, nor should we accept mechanics that follow that form when we don’t need them. We live in a media-drenched age but instead of that making us media-literate it has made us TV Trope zombies. Are these fast zombies or slow zombies we ask, forgetting that we wouldn’t have that question if 28 Days Later had simply followed the form. And where we do question things we often only do so like Tom Moldvay’s Save Bubble: a kludge to paper over a problem, instead of going back and removing the problem we built for ourselves.

Or worse: we keep the band-aids when we don’t have the problem any more. Every now and then I’ll see games that don’t run on resource depletion and don’t need to be packed down and set up but still insist on the town-woods-dungeon dynamic, or even on long rests or death cabs. If we’re not careful a bad kludge papering over a self-inflicted wound becomes a genre standard. Just like clerics did. But that’s another story…

Business Time

Time for some #ttrpg theory. Go watch this scene from Aliens. it’s 2 and a half minutes long and one of the most important scenes in the film.

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Carter Burke is the best villain in all SF because he’s just a weak-willed doofus.

The scene just before it is crucial exposition: they have lost contact with the colony on LV426. This scene is a character beat: Gorman is going, Ripley isn’t, Burke is negotiating to try to get the latter to change to the former. But forget plot and character for now. Look at what happens in this scene: Ripley makes coffee. Gorman declines, he’s all business. Burke is a softy, he needs more milk and he’s used to taking advantage of people so he goes to the fridge and gets it himself. It was Paul Reiser who decided to go get the milk. It’s not in the script and it doesn’t have to be. Some would say it shouldn’t be! (Most scriptwriting advice is reminding you that a script is closer to a blueprint than a description of the action happening on screen, and early scriptwriters often over-write description and acting instructions.)

The scriptwriting jargon for what’s happening in this scene is “business”. It’s not action because it’s not key to advancing character or plot or exposition. In this case it does establish character and in plot beats it will often colour the action and in setting beats it often helps highlight setting! But it’s not those things in itself. It’s things the actors can do while doing their lines so they aren’t simply standing in space and announcing them. And it’s not the same as stage directions, because theatre is different: movement is so important on the stage that these kinds of things are more tightly controlled. However, yes, theatre too will often have business. Let’s compare:

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Actors and directors might suggest “Oh, when Estragon asks Vladimir about rope, Vladimir will pat his pockets” and someone else might say “No, no, Vladimir should look around on the ground.” And these are important choices! Business isn’t nothing. Sometimes business is everything!

And sometimes business is very much in the script, and described and laid out. It’s just not actually the action. It’s either in the foreground where something else is going on in the subtext or, as in our example in Aliens, in the background where something else is going on in the foreground. Here’s an example where the important part of the scene is Jimmy, the coach who until now hasn’t engaged, has an argument with Dottie about the right call. The business here is that baseball signals are funny, and it’s funny to have an argument indirectly.

The actual definition of what is business and what is stage direction and what is action is not going to be particularly clear, but the point is that there are lots of times in all kinds of media where what’s happening isn’t really what’s important. The purpose of business is to fill the scene, so that whatever else is happening – the action, dialogue, scene-setting, setting-establishment etc – has something to hang off and build on. Not every scene has business, because sometimes all you want to do is fill the screen with acting and dialogue or a kung fu fight. But particularly on screens, where we feel the need for there to be cinema-verite (that is, we expect film and TV to feel sort of like documentaries, capturing reality faithfully), there’s often a lot of business.

I’m going to argue that a lot of the time, a lot of what we’re doing when we play RPGs is like this: it’s business.

I think this is especially true in games where we are simulating things, and as such players spend a lot of time planning things or discussing strategy. I think sometimes buying equipment and levelling up is a kind of business too! We’re not entirely out of the story, but we’re not doing any actual storytelling. I would even say that for a lot of people almost all the mechanical parts of an RPG are “business”, and it’s just there so they can tell a story and act in character (and socialize in a way that’s half-in, half-out of character). I think different RPG players think different things matter! And I think we often don’t know how to talk about what matters.

Often, the way that TTRPG design evolves is in these moments of religious jerks. Someone will experience something bad in a game, and then go off and write down in a rulebook “Don’t ever do this”. Or even stronger, they’ll design a game where you CAN’T do that thing. And then other players will read that advice or rules and they will have a moment like “oh my god someone finally put into words the problems I’ve been having with my games”. And then those people will often make the error of going “this is the new milennium. All previous ways of doing things are inferior or wrong. This is the RIGHT way to game.” Or they’ll go “I want to play games that do it the way game X does it.” And the thing about those approaches is they often skip over understanding what has actually changed and why, and we never actually get good vocabulary for what’s actually happening.

One of the reasons Apocalypse World felt unlike any other game before it is that it has no business. One of the key parts of the design is you only roll the dice when it really fucking matters, and actions don’t exist. Nobody just “does” something in a way that involves the rules in AW. Instead we have moves and every move is important and has the power to drive the scene and the story in a powerful way. The GM advice says not to let players try to “do moves without doing moves” – players should commit to “yes, this is a Cause Harm check”. You can see a similar thing in the Trophy system: potentially, every single roll in that game can cause you to gain insanity, so every roll is REALLY important. Again, these aren’t ability checks. They aren’t “see if you can do a thing”. These rolls are always asking “in this scene, how much does your character embrace their dark side to get what they want or avoid suffering?”

In one of those games, the coffee scene above wouldn’t likely involve any dice. Or if it did, it would push the business aside, away from the rules. It might look like this:

Ripley: I invite them in, I make coffee.
Burke: I want to convince Ripley to go to LV426.
GM: Okay that’s a Change Their Take roll. Tell me how you’re doing it.
Burke: First I’ll imply she’s very safe and will just be advising (fails). Hmm. Can I add a die somehow? (looks at Ripley’s sheet) oh, can I trigger your Goal of getting back into space?
Ripley: Yeah, definitely.

But another GM might go:

Ripley: I invite them in, I make coffee.
Gorman: I think Gorman will accept the coffee but not drink it. Because he’s all about following orders but he’s also all business.
Burke: Is it good coffee?
GM: Ripley, make a roll.
Ripley: What’s the stat?
GM: Let’s say Intelligence.
Ripley: Fail.
GM: Sorry, it’s not good. Synthetic powdered stuff, and Ripley is sleepy from working nights.
Burke: I go get some milk from the fridge while we’re telling her about the attack.
Ripley: Hey that’s my milk?
Burke: What are you, the milk police? Anyway (drops into character) “We want you to come along as an advisor”
Ripley: Yeah nah. Why do you need me if you have marines?
Burke: I’ll roll Persuade, flattering her as the expert. (he fails) Can I try again?
GM: Yeah, but you’ll need to find a new angle.
Burke: (looks at Ripley’s sheet, sees Goal: Get Back to Space) I’ll hint that we can get her off loader duty and back as a flight officer, that’s a new thing.
GM: Sure.

Now here’s the thing. At some point, some GM in the second scene there might have gone “oh you fumbled? Yeah the coffee is so bad Burke pukes everywhere.” And now Ripley feels like she’s playing the wrong game. She’s a klutz, and now this is a sitcom! She yells at the GM that she wasn’t going to make coffee if that could happen! The GM says “no takebacks!”. So Ripley goes away and writes down “only roll when it really matters” or “say yes or roll the dice” or “always establish the stakes in every roll”. Or worse she says “old games suck because they didn’t understand that we were trying to tell a story”. Or “game X sucks because it’s too easy to fail”. Or “I want the system to be invisible until I need it, stop rolling dice all the damn time”. But what really happened is the GM (or the rules) took something that should have been business and made it into actionwithout telling the players that might happen.

All of those conclusions are valid, let me be clear. But thinking about how I GM, I tend to make a lot of business rolls, all the time, because I find that a) rolls keep players really engaged with the activity of “playing a shared experience at a table” and b) add tons of colour and story. Does that occasionally risk throwing off the whole story? Yes, if you’re not careful. But it has benefits as well! Some of the greatest moments in my games have come from business rolls. Also, I think it’s okay if sometimes business rolls do become important things. That’s fine with me. I think if we avoid a lot of that, we end up deciding too much what the story should be. You don’t want to wreck someone’s idea of their character or violate the contract of what the game is about, but it might be really interesting if Ripley’s coffee IS a plot point!

But also, making lots of business checks isn’t the only pro-business solution. Heck, sometimes the solution is “yes, the roll is for the key part of the scene, but other elements of the dice roll provide us with business and colour” – this is sort of what Genesys does. Games with lots of funny random tables like Mork Borg are kind of throwing out business options too (and secretly want you to take them and turn them into big plot points!) Mork Borg and Warhammer like rolling lots of dice and failing all the time because it helps build grim comedy as a mood, and so lots of rolls are going to be business. But rolling lots of business doesn’t have to be for comedy or grittiness. A lot of early game designs tend to assume you’re rolling business all the time. Call of Cthulhu, for example, is one. It loves business! But you can’t take that attitude into Cthullhu Dark (which became the Trophy system).

In a similar way, making everything an ability test with a chance of failure has lots going for it, because it means players never know how they’ll solve the mystery. But if you aren’t careful, in a system with low success rates, you can lock off the ability to move the plot forward behind information-gathering rolls that everyone fails. There are lots of ways to solve that problem, like using a system like GUMSHOE where information-gathering uses a completely different system! But you can also just use ability checks in a slightly more careful way. Often GUMSHOE advocates act like the solution in GUMSHOE is obviously needed, obviously better and obviously easier, when it’s none of those things. It’s just a question of solving a problem in a particular way; there are plenty of other ways to solve the problem. And the better idea is to also understand the problem better! Trail of Cthulhu uses the solution where there’s a forced disconnect between types of actions; Call of Cthulhu just understands not to gatekeep information when they write scenarios.

It’s perfectly fine to go “well, I think Game X is always better”, if you really want to. But it’s worth understanding what’s going on when you do. Players who don’t like systems that generate business are often players who find it easy to come up with business on their own! Generally the biggest problems in RPGs come when there’s a mismatch in player styles and goals, and almost always this happens because some players think that the way they do it is the way everyone does it, because it comes easily to them (or it comes easily to the person writing the game). Assumptions are so easy to catch us out. Hopefully this helps you understand things better and communicate things clearer, and thus have better games.

The Art and The Rest

It took me a long time to consider myself an artist. It has only happened in the last five years. And that was such a hard process I didn’t want to to do anything else. It’s a herculean task to convince yourself that you have to break open reality and add something new to it, to justify all of that, to say this is different, this is important, this has to exist. Even now I’ll start working on a game and still end up asking “Is this worth it, even for me? Do I care enough?”. Especially when my health is so often making things harder.

Convincing myself is hard. Convincing anyone else? Sometimes too hard to even conceive of. So I invented the idea of the “art bucket”. I would, against all odds, create a thing all the way to the end and then simply drop it in a bucket. It has a sense of satisfaction: I have done something and proved it can be done. And maybe if people want to, they can come along and look in the bucket. This strategy is not without its merits: what matters most about art, a lot of the time, is getting it done for you. You need to break the universe and stick a flag in reality and pour your pain out into something and then stop and walk away and say “I did that”. Asking it to do anything else is a side issue. Hang the painting on your wall, share the book with your friends, tuck the prototype into your game bag. We should call that enough definitely! Even if you argue that art needs an audience to work – to be an act of communication – an audience of one counts as an audience.

That then however leads to the next battle: given that I have made things and made them good, I now have to convince myself if it is worth doing the rest. The “everything else” that allows me to find an audience and even make money. Every artist who has any kind of audience has to do some of the rest. Mentors have told me that the key is just juggling that ratio, and I agree. Some have suggested that their ratio is about 10% Art/90% Rest – 90% of their time spend on their art is not making art at all, but finding ways to make that make money. Or doing things that are adjacent to the art to get access or funding for the art, although to be clear, the 90% doesn’t include the day job/funding stuff usually. The 90% is just “finding ways so that the art gets to people or doesn’t drive you broke”. But it is worth remembering that even in profitable industries, even when having an audience and constantly “working” in their industry, very very few artists have ever been able to not have day jobs. Most Hollywood directors have day jobs. Pretty much all published authors have day jobs. And then the 90% is on top of all that.

Statistically speaking, the average writer/game designer doesn’t spend the majority of their time working at the keyboard. I wanted to be Steven J Cannell as a kid, because I wanted to be that guy at the typewriter. How dare you lie to me, Steve!

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Just kidding. Steve is awesome.

I started in my role of “getting RPGs to people” by posting stuff on forums and blogs. Then I got work as a freelancer, which I did really enjoy, but it is conditional on being really into the RPGs in question, and also being able to get the work itself, which I used to do through contacts online and is becoming harder and harder to stay connected to those folks. I also have an auDHD thing where I bounce around from passions (and my skills tend to rubber-band a lot – being super super strong and then shrinking, or appearing too, after the focus drops off). I’ve spent the last eight years or so with a new approach which has been finding my own voice and publishing lots of my own games. And now I’m wondering – what’s next? Do I keep doing that? Do I alter it, or scrap it?

I have a sense that incrementally, I may be able to do more as a publisher, spending more money – risking more money – to get more of an audience and playing to a popular audience since The Score seems to be popular. But I also know that doing that means more of The Rest and less of The Art. On the other hand, having achieved everything I set myself to do in RPGs, I am feeling uninspired in that area and in non-RPG tabletop I’ve done tons of designs and could use a little break. Two arguments for doing more The Rest. But doing that reduces my % of The Art and deep down that’s what I live for. I DO need an audience. I DO want an audience. But I need to work the typewriter a lot. And another autism thing is we tend to feel things very strongly so when things suck we just do not want to do them at all, because that “this isn’t fun” burns like acid.

But at the same time, if I go back to just the art bucket, I find myself frustrated because I do want that audience. Last year I wrote like a million games (because my brain was doing that hyperfocus, hyperskill thing) and one of them is really good and I’d really like it to be published widely, not just made to look like a nice Word document and put out on my website to hope anybody cares about. That means trying to figure out how much of The Rest I can stand though.

I am trying to get used to never knowing what to do or how to do it, and never knowing what I want, and never really being content. It seems to be the way I am, and I am trying to enjoy constantly being in flux rather than waiting for anything to settle. I certainly don’t expect to have a good answer today. And I think sometimes it’s really hard to tell. Sometimes you have to try things to know, but sometimes, even then, you just can’t tell. Especially when so much of my ability to tell if I like anything has been twisted or muted with mental health issues. Maybe the only thing I can do is talk about it, in the hope that anyone else coming after can at least get that this stuff is hard to work out. Not only is it a puzzle to solve HOW to do it, a puzzle which constantly changes as you change and the industry changes and the art form changes, but it’s also a puzzle to solve the WHY and WHAT DO I WANT and DO I LIKE THIS parts too.

Sometimes, all you can do is just put words down and hope it does something, anything, in the act of coming out. And maybe tomorrow, or the next day, it will make sense again, if only for a moment.