Enjoy our new normal.

 Going fishing. Lots of fun but the fish weren't biting.

 Everyone likes to get cozy in Footie Pajamas.

 Daddy Daughter Costume Party. (Jimmer and Whitney)

David met with his new doctor and was given a clean report. Dave is in full remission. He has been getting stronger and feeling better. He remains on several medications but is doing well. We have had a great year and are doing our best to make memories as a family.

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow." Einstein

I spent this past week anxiously awaiting today's doctor visit. It has been several weeks since I had walked into Huntsman Cancer Hospital. (I'm sure David wishes he could say the same) and I was flooded with emotions. Flashes of Dave bald, frail, weak, hurting plagued my mind. Could it really be such a short time ago. Now David has just completed his 7th month of chemo. (28 chemo treatments post stem-cell transplant). We have 5 months left to go.

The greatest news of the day was that Dr. Tricot said that he believes that the cancer is in remission. He said that David's spleen was still enlarged which isn't preferable but her feels the next 5 months of chemo should help it to return to a normal state. Dr. Tricot also said that he feels confident that if we can complete the next 5 months of treatment that the cancer shouldn't come back.

I could believe my ears and made him repeat himself. I truly for the first time during the past year felt HOPE. Real hope. I think I have been faking hope to comfort myself and to placate everyone else around me. Each time my fear would wake up and overwhelm me, I would try to allow my faith to put it back to bed. But today I feel like I can truly allow myself to picture my future with my sweet husband by my side. I haven't dared to look into the future at all. It always seemed to turn up posibilities of me raising my kids without Dave and my kids growing up without thier dad. I feel full of hope, grattitude, and love today.

It has been a year now since Dave got sick. This past year has been game changing for our family. We have felt things more deeply, we have seen the love of family, friends, and neighbors around us and I have felt carried through it. Each time the burden became to heavy, My Savior picked me up through sweet whisperings, feelings of comfort, and the hands of His angels around me. David has been such a positive influence on our family. He has stayed remarkably happy and confident through this whole process. If we could could the number of shots, sicknesses, transplants, pills taken, dr. visits, it would be unbelievable. Our world changed so quickly. I am grateful for this trial in our lives. It has truly been a blessing. We are better for having experienced it. Although there is much evil in this world. There is oh so much beauty, and kindness, and charity. I don't know if I can ever thank everyone enough who has been supporting us through this time.

Easter Sunday....and the rest of April

Fun with cousin's Lily and Henry after the egg hunt. Henry happened to have and wear the same vest. Seriously not planned. Chris and Amy hid the eggs and Amy crocheted cute hair flower clips for the girls Easter presents.

Easter Egg hunt at Grandma and Grandpa Welsh's house.

We got a quick family picture on Sunday. The kids have loved watering the spring flowers in front of our house.

April has realized that it is Spring and the flowers are feeling brave enough to bloom.

On April 5th we celebrated 9 years of marriage. We went to do sealings at the Salt Lake Temple which was emotional for both of us. We felt so grateful to be there together and to have Dave doing well. We ate at the Garden Restaurant afterward which is becoming tradition. It was a wonderful night.
Dave's Chemo has been going okay. He usual get's sick 2-3 days after each dose. He gets muscles aches, fatigue, and some not so fun gastro-intestinal side effects. But he is going to work through it all and just getting treatments on his lunch breaks up at the hospital. He is a superhero.

Ally has first gradeitis and keeps trying to find ways to not have to go to school. She would rather stay home with the boys and I.

Grant and Brody's friendship is growing and it is fun to see them wrestle and sword fight. We are getting back into the swing of things and have 1 month of treatment down and 11 left to go.

Spring is in the Air!

The kids with thier Hone cousins
Ally holding cousin Mckell Roxy with the classic 7-year old smile
An intense Mario cart battle with Moody cousins
Grant holding new cousin Allyson
Ally with new cousin Allyson


Grant's 5th Birthday

In our front year our tulips are pushing through dirt and begging for some sunshine. We are back in business and have had an eventful week. Dave and I went back to work. The kids went back to school, Grant turned 5, and Dave got his first maintenance chemo treatments. Ally and Grant had soccer games. Grant scored 3 goals and Ally scored 1 goal.
I had to re-register Ally Jane to get her back into class. When we walked into her room. Her teacher said, "look who is here class." They all shouted "Ally!" Then one kid started chanting, "Ally! Ally!" and the rest of the class chimed in. Then a classmate ran to give her a hug and a group hug formed. One little girl started crying and saying, "Ally I've missed you so much." They all started fighting over where she was going to sit. It was an emotional scene straight out of a movie. I tried to enjoy the moment and not think about the germs each kid may be exposing my daughter to with their hugs.
We were able to go visit my brother Dan and Becky and see our new niece and cousin. We also ate dinner with Trina and let the kids run around with their cousins. It felt so great to get out of the house and spend some good family time together. This week we were able to go to the park, it is great to see friends again and breathe the fresh spring air.
Dave, Brody, and Ally all did get a little sniffle early in the week but nothing too problematic. When I told Grant to be careful because Daddy had a runny nose, he laughed. I asked him what was funny and he said, "grownups don't get runny noses mom." I thought it was cute. He probably rarely sees a grownup with snot running down thier face. We feel so blessed that we have been able to stay healthy this winter.
Dave had a difficult time sleeping this week due to the steroid treatment that they put him on during the chemo. He got a dose on Tuesday and on Friday. However, this weekend he was feeling pretty tired and sore in his muscles. He still managed to make crepes for us today. His brother Chris and wife Amy and brother Steve came over to enjoy them with us.
We have seen the goodness that there is on this earth. We continue to be blessed by others. We have felt our Savior's love through the Spirit and seen His works through the hands of friends and family. Thank you so much.





Dave decided to get a wig. These are a few of the runner-up wigs. He wore the one below back to work the first day and gave everyone a good laugh.

The doctor's visit and a little reflection

Our visit on Thursday went well. The doctor said that his lymph nodes are all normal size. His spleen is still enlarged but he said that the maintenance chemo should take care of that. The other cancer markers look good as well. It looks like the transplant did it's job. Dave gets his first doses of chemo on Tues, March 29th and Fri, April 1st. He decided to do two doses a week every other week. He will be on that schedule for a full year. We will see how things go. Hopefully he won't feel too tired or too sick.
Dave is still bald. He has some blond peach fuzz hairs starting to peek through. Our time at home is coming to a close. I have mixed feelings about getting back to REAL life. It has been a sweet time to be together as much as we have. Dave remains in good spirits. I overheard him telling someone on the phone the other day, "Man, I am lucky to have a stem-cell transplant so I can watch all of the March Madness games." I love that he considers himself lucky. We do feel so blessed for the doctors, medicine and treatment that he has received. We are also grateful for the tender mercies of the Lord and his earthly angels that we have felt along the way.

We have made a lot of fond memories during our time together. One of our favorite times of the day is when we go sneek into the kids bedrooms before we go to bed. We love watching them sleep. There is an indescribable feeling of love, pride, gratitude, and joy staring at their faces. Ally and Brody take after their dad's sleeping positions and is usually curled up is a peaceful sleep. Grant is usually sprawled out across his bed with at least one extremity dangling off, he takes after me. Those night time moments make it all worth it.

As we get back to our new real life. I hope that we can remember to take with us the gratitude, compassion, and perspective that we have gained through this experience. We will never forget the kindness and love shown to us by family and friends.

We're Alive

We are healthy and happy. Sorry that I haven't posted for a little while. I have been working on a slide show of Dave's pictures and some of our favorite memories of the past year. I kept trying to get it on our blog but the music wouldn't work. So for those of you motivated enough you can paste the link and watch the slide show. Make sure your sound is on. I found a song for Dave that I liked even though I am not a country fan. It is a Kenny Chesney/Dave Matthew duet. The pictures are not in chronological order but the last picture is the most recent of Dave.

http://www.go2album.com/showAlbum/548623/dave-slideshow

We are doing well and enjoying our family time. This week Dave will get another full body PET scan to measure the tumors and see if they are smaller or gone. Also he will get his blood retested to check for any of the cancer markers. We will meet with the doctor on Thursday and get the results. Hopefully things check out well and then he will start his maintenance chemo. Then he will be getting 4 rounds of chemo a month for the next 12 months.

We are so grateful Dave is recovering so well. We are loving the warmer weather and spending time outside with some fresh air.

"So Sweet and Precious is Family Life." -James McBride

Dave has had a cough for a few days but it seems to be clearing up. He got up this morning and did some push-ups and sit-ups, he is getting stronger everyday.
This morning we built a fort in Brody's room and the kids had fun crawling around. The kids were thrilled that they got to play in the snow today. As soon as we got Brody down to sleep for his nap I spent the next 15 minutes getting the kids dressed in their snow clothes. I told them that they needed to play outside for at least 15 minutes to make it worth all the work finding the gloves,hats, scarfs, boots, etc. There is something precious about kids hardly being able to walk bundled up in thier snow clothes.
The kids took a bath in our jetted tub tonight. Ally and Brody love the jets and Grant is terified of them. Ally tried to convince Grant to let her turn the jets on. He finally agreed but said, "Can I hug you while you turn them on." They hugged and that sweet assurance is all he needed.
Brody has been cutting some teeth and been grumpy. Ally has been extra loving to him and said "Mom, It's hard to grow new teeth. I know how he feels." She is such a sweet big sister.
On Wednesday our carbon monoxide alarms kept going off. We changed the batteries and they still went off. We called around to see who could make sure we didn't have carbon monoxide in our house and a fire truck and ambulance showed up. Of course all the neighbors came out worried that there was something wrong with Dave. We were really starting to feel a lapse of attention and though we would boost it up a notch. Those who know us know that we love a lot of attention (not really). We are sorry for the anxiety is may have caused our neighbors.
The firemen went in with a sledgehammer and an axe. They were inside 10 minutes and then came out peacefully (with all the walls intact) and no carbon monoxide to be found. They told us that our alarms were expired since 2007 which is strange since we bought the house newly finished in 2008. Anyway we were glad that we could sleep well that night knowing that there was nothing to worry about.
My brother Matt and his wife had thier baby yesterday. She had a super quick delivery and the baby has been in the NICU for some glucose problems. I saw a picture tonight and she is precious. They are hopeful that she can go home soon. On a sad note, our sweet sister-in-law lost her baby yesterday at 12 weeks pregnant. We are so sad for the loss. We love them and are praying for them.

Joe is back

Joe has been staying with Dave's brother Steve and Amanda for the past three weeks. We started to miss him and he is now home with us. Things just didn't feel quite complete without him. I have to admit I really missed having him around and so did the kids. We adopted Joe from our friend's the Pettits about 4 years ago.

According to the doctor, Dave isn't supposed to touch him because of bacteria. He washes his hand if Joe slips a quick lick in. But we have enjoyed having him home. Things feel complete with him here.

We are doing good otherwise. I finally got unpacked today and folded over a weeks worth of laundry. Yesturday The kids and I went on a walk. It felt soooo good to be outside and breathe the fresh air. Dave started working on some certification classes that he is doing. He started doing a chapter a day. Go Dave.

Faith over Fear

When Dave first went to the hospital back in October. I remember going home each night with more questions than answers. It took a month before we got the Castleman's diagnosis and then a couple months after before they were sure that he had POEMS syndrome too. When the kids would ask me if Daddy was going to die. I found myself wondering the same thing. I didn't know how to pray. I wasn't sure if I was ready for "Thy will be done." I wanted "my will"- which was for Dave to be okay and our family to go back to normal. As we approached the chemo and transplant my anxiety grew. I wasn't sure if I needed to just hope for the best or prepare for the worst. My mind would wander what would it be like to be a widow at 32yrs. old. How would I take care of my kids by myself. How would they get by without a dad. I pictured Daddy- daughter dates and Father-son campouts unattended. It was hard not to think it. I guess I was running rehersals in my mind to try and prepare myself for that possibility. Convincing myself that I would be okay no matter what happens was my way to manage the anxiety.
A few days before the chemo began. We had a visit from the Stake President and the Bishop. The President gave me a beautiful blessing which words continue to resonate with me each time I get discouraged. The Bishop shared a quote with me that gave me the answered to what I had been looking for.

"Choose faith over doubt, choose faith over fear, choose faith over the unknown and the unseen, and choose faith over pessimism."-Richard C. Edgely

It has helped me each time I start feeling afraid. It was truly the answer I was looking for. Today has been a challenging day. Dave slept a lot and we all seemed a little more emotional than usual. But we made it through. Tonight we sang some songs and read some books. Brody wanted to say the family prayer. He grunts his best attempt at copying your words. Ally and Grant couldn't help themselves from laughing. Children's giggles have to be among one of life's most heartwarming sounds.

Just another day in paradise.....

Dave lost his hair in patches this week. So he decided to "Bic" it. I think he looks good! The eyebrows and goatee are still hanging on.

....you know you had a rough night of sleep when you forget how many times you were awaken in the night by each of your kids: bad dreams, growing pains, potty breaks, needing a drink, or spurts of random crying (Brody). Amazingly I don't feel too tired, yet. Dave said that he had a couple requests for me to update the blog. So, sorry for being a slacker all week. Thanks to those who are faithfully following our progress.

We have had a great week as a family. It has been such a great thing to just enjoy being together. Dave sleeps in and takes naps during the day. He is getting a lot of rest. The doctor says he is not allowed to do any housework or go to work for 6 weeks. He helps me out by playing video games or watching TV with the kids. Brody likes to go over the the couch and pat the cushion where he wants Dave to sit. Then he goes over and climbs up on the couch next to him. Grant is getting a lot of extra help on his Lego Indiana Jones game and said that he can't believe they are beating so many levels. He loves playing alongside Dave. Dave has been teasing me that this is my dream come true. I love having him home, not sick, but it has been fun to just forget about life and be together.

There have been days or weeks of life where happiness has eluded me. Depressed and anxious feelings, I believe, are part of the human experience. It is in those difficult moments that we learn about ourselves or plead for closeness with our Heavenly Father. I have been thinking about how often have I wished the present moment away and thought I can't wait till.....We go on a trip, we get a new car, the kids are all in school, I loose my baby weight, the house is all organized, when everyone is healthy, and on and on. My lists of "I will be happy when" could be neverending. I have come to realize that happiness isn't bought, a certain size, or time of life. It is a choice, and a gift of the Spirit. And although my house is a mess, I am not my ideal size, our car isn't fancy and my husband is sick. I feel truly happy. I feel grateful for life, health, the gospel, friends, family, and the safety of our home. I am living in my own little paradise.