Jesus died for my sins and all I got was this lousy t-shirt

Okay, who stopped the fucking payment on my reality check? Marshall, the red-headed man of mystery, is taking the bloody vows? I am, for lack of an appropriate expletive, astounded, ladies and gentlemen. Seriously, though, Marsh, my sincerest congratulations for what I'm sure will be a great wedding. Just be sure you pull in a decent band and stock the damn bar with the Amaretto Sours and Long Islands.