uh oh

Tarot Spread: Singing Over the Bones



1. You: Your present state.

2. Find the Bones: what have you lost/let die?

3. Assemble the Bones: Why did you let it die?

4 & 5: The Song: How to bring it back to life.

6. The Spirit: What will this bring to or bring back to your life?

(c) Source

It’s much more important to write than to be written about (Marquez)

Whenever I feel uneasy about my writing, I think:
What would be the response of the people in the book if they read the book?
That’s my way of staying on track. Those are the people for whom I write. (Toni Morrison)

Achievement unlocked - I fell asleep while talking on the phone with my mom. It happened closer to the end of her telling me how to make fireweed tea and I immediately woke up, but anyway.
How is it even possible to do nothing on holidays and to be so tired.

I feel... Out of place.

Yay! Summer holidays, starting from tomorrow.
I don't even want to plan anything, bought "A Plague Tale" on Steam and two bottles of soda with good old sugar (sorry, aspartame!) and two cans of wafer rolls with milk chocolate.
Well, I'll go for a run anyway tomorrow. Let's pretend no one noticed all these extra calories.
And I've dyed my hair blue, not sky blue but denim blue.
I guess the older you get, the less freedom you feel anyway. It's not like I could have spent all three months like that, someone has to do the cooking and pay the bills. Yikes!

This is absolutely stupid, but I feel like crying and eating a box of chocolates all alone, while Requiem for a Dream soundtrack is playing somewhere in the distance.

Me and my best friend were exchanging handwritten letters since 12, I guess. Usually on special occasions like New Year's Day or Birthdays or Halloween (yep, it is a very special occasion!) we would give to each other a plump envelope filled with random thoughts, stories and all the stuff two teen girls share with each other when they feel that the rest of the world is against them.
I have to admit, I always was the one who wrote more, she sometimes was the one who wrote nothing, but that bond was mostly undamaged until now.
For me writing about my feelings comes easy, this is what I do - I write all the time, just not the things I need to.) For her - not so much. I have my own struggles, but she is much busier and has literally zero free time. I've made my own sacrifices to have it, but it was my choice, etc.

Ff to now - yesterday I told her that while decluttering I've found several more letters (mostly quick notes now, tbh) and she jokingly replied that she haven't yet read a previous batch. And I've just scribbled another letter, lol. First one since February, two sides of an A6 notebook, so it's not like I'm drowning her in correspondence and am solely responsible for the deforestation of Brazilian rainforests.

Well, at least she remembers not reading them.

It's even funny how such a small thing can hurt so much.

Quickly glanced at the journal style settings - nah, that's beyond my understanding.
Maybe someday.
I've used this greenish gray preset for two years, maybe we were meant for each other.

During the last two weeks I had to take a pill once a day early in the morning on an empty stomach, another one twice - in the morning and in the evening 20 min before eating, and yet another one three times a day with food. At least I'm done with the last one.

I'll just make an effort and stay here. If no one reads it - the better.

Since my holidays have mostly started, I've decided to sort through my things and to give away some of my stuff for free. Most of my clothes are too small for me anyway - to put them on comfortably I'll need to weigh 10 lbs less. And I'm starting to doubt whether it's happening at all.
Okay, I've just tried to press the dot symbol and failed three times, enough for today.)

Sundays mostly feel lonely, although I do not know why.
I have so many plans for the summer!
But they are mostly to learn something new, dem plans. Like learning to touch type. And to finally read all the books. And to do yoga regularly. And... This one feels like a faliure already.)
And I guess I'll stop here. With my current fifteen words per minute it takes a lot of time.)

You can, because if you can't, you'll die, and while it is an option and also an inbuilt human feature(at least up until the point when we become amortal), later in this case is better.

Politics aside, if this is not hilarious, idk what is.