we're really fucking poor right now. which sucks because i was going to get her a bike for her bday next month. i get paid in a couple of days, but then there's rent, internet and cell bills, lollapalooza tickets, car needing to get fixed, and the rest of the normal stupid things we're always paying for. and back to broke again soon enough. we seriously need to figure this stupid shit out. how to get out of this. on the days when the sun is shining down on me, the wind is blowing, and i'm on campus at work, on a break, wondering what the fuck i'm doing going back in the building when it's so wonderful out. why don't i just walk away? i keep thinking this. keep fantasizing about it. i know i CAN. what i don't know is what happens then. how we continue. what we do. we want to do everything. it's so difficult to believe that we can do everything we want to do without M-O-N-E-Y. maybe we really just don't know what we want. i think we have to figure that out. it's ridiculous how difficult that is. especially when you're so in love with everything.