i'm looking for a new job
and looking for ideas/suggestions, etc. from anyone and everyone. i'm sick of working a stupid job simply to make money. it might be different if i enjoyed what i do, but i don't. i work in a university library, but when it comes down to it, it's an office job. i have a desk, a computer, paperwork, etcetc. what has kept me here all this time has been primarily the pay, and the relative peace and quiet/lack of stress of the job. it's a ridiculously easy job, and i get paid more than i probably deserve, but i'm sorry, i just can't deal with the lack of anything related to anything i want to actually be spending so much of my time on. i'm wasting 40 hours a week, 1600 hours a month, at a desk, doing stupid things that i don't care about, and that help no one/change nothing. i could be outside, enjoying the day, i could be helping someone, i could be laying in bed with the girl i love. instead i'm here. why? because i fear the inability to live relatively comfortably without a well-paying, secure job. because i don't know what to do or where to go. because i want to have enough control over my life that i can make my own decisions without being subject to the whims of happenstance (there's a whole other post in there about the fine line between not being too passive/making the most of the thing called will and letting things be/going with the flow). i want to heed the advice of the alchemist and wait for something that signals what to do/where to go, but i also don't want to spend my whole life waiting. i want to do.
we don't have a lot of time to decide what to do next. the lease runs up sept. 1st. if we move, we have to start figuring out where/how now. if we stay, i have to get another job. which was the original reason for this post. even if we move, i'll need some kind of job. i don't know how to go about looking for the kind of job i want. i just want something whereby i can support the both of us, and enjoy what i'm doing. i've looked into freelance writing before, but it's so ridiculously structured relative to what you'd expect. it's also one of those things where you have to submit X number of examples of your work published elsewhere, but how you get your work published by anyone with no prior experience is beyond me. i can write really well when i want to, but i never want to. i'd have to be really motivated by something, which being forced to write as a result of a deadline might help. newspapers and magazines also want prior experience, degrees in journalism, past work that's been published, etcetc. i'd write goddamn books if my brain had the ability to focus on any ONE thing for any significant amount of time. unfortunately it doesn't. otherwise i'd have written dozens of books by now.
i don't have to write. if i did, it would be in an effort to educate people about things. to get people to think about things they might not normally. because right now, really all i want to do is anything that will help change things in some way. anything that will help people somehow. unfortunately, those are the types of things you don't get paid for. they call it "volunteer work". i would love to do volunteer work if i didn't have to worry about food or shelter. how can i combine these things without going back to school and getting some stupid degree that "proves" i'm qualified for this or that position? i really can't hold these highly structured-type jobs anymore. i need to do something more personal, but i don't have enough focus to figure out what, let alone create something. the job just further distracts me and clutters my head. but i know if i just quit, i'd still be confused and directionless.
so i'm asking anyone for ideas or suggestions, though i'm not expecting anything substantial. i'm pretty resigned to the fact that i'm going to have to figure most of this out myself unfortunately. i just wish i had some kind of help. even if i just had some crazy hallucinatory vision that was totally irrational. at least then i'd have a goal/direction. i think my brain is too aware of the infinite possibilities that exist. ironically, it's truly a handicap. i have utterly no idea what to do.
we don't have a lot of time to decide what to do next. the lease runs up sept. 1st. if we move, we have to start figuring out where/how now. if we stay, i have to get another job. which was the original reason for this post. even if we move, i'll need some kind of job. i don't know how to go about looking for the kind of job i want. i just want something whereby i can support the both of us, and enjoy what i'm doing. i've looked into freelance writing before, but it's so ridiculously structured relative to what you'd expect. it's also one of those things where you have to submit X number of examples of your work published elsewhere, but how you get your work published by anyone with no prior experience is beyond me. i can write really well when i want to, but i never want to. i'd have to be really motivated by something, which being forced to write as a result of a deadline might help. newspapers and magazines also want prior experience, degrees in journalism, past work that's been published, etcetc. i'd write goddamn books if my brain had the ability to focus on any ONE thing for any significant amount of time. unfortunately it doesn't. otherwise i'd have written dozens of books by now.
i don't have to write. if i did, it would be in an effort to educate people about things. to get people to think about things they might not normally. because right now, really all i want to do is anything that will help change things in some way. anything that will help people somehow. unfortunately, those are the types of things you don't get paid for. they call it "volunteer work". i would love to do volunteer work if i didn't have to worry about food or shelter. how can i combine these things without going back to school and getting some stupid degree that "proves" i'm qualified for this or that position? i really can't hold these highly structured-type jobs anymore. i need to do something more personal, but i don't have enough focus to figure out what, let alone create something. the job just further distracts me and clutters my head. but i know if i just quit, i'd still be confused and directionless.
so i'm asking anyone for ideas or suggestions, though i'm not expecting anything substantial. i'm pretty resigned to the fact that i'm going to have to figure most of this out myself unfortunately. i just wish i had some kind of help. even if i just had some crazy hallucinatory vision that was totally irrational. at least then i'd have a goal/direction. i think my brain is too aware of the infinite possibilities that exist. ironically, it's truly a handicap. i have utterly no idea what to do.
