maybe we'd be less socially awkward, more comfortable being with other people if we weren't spending our entire fucking lives behind a computer screen and telephone wire, the few interactions we do have being mediated by the roles we play as Employee, Restaurant-goer, Consumer, whatever. when was the last time you really talked with someone that wasn't a close family member or loved one? it's not just your fault, it's theirs too, because they're doing the exact same thing you're doing. it's pretty fucking hard to meet someone isn't it. what do you say? how often do you try to meet someone, and you find yourself starting out as not-yourself, with meaningless small talk crap? do you really want to talk ("talk") about that stuff? fuck no you don't. you want to really talk. but you've turned into part-robot. have you ever said "have a nice day" to your mom or your significant other? i haven't, and i doubt you have either. it's implied that i want them to have nice days. if it's a stranger, i'm not too concerned whether they have a nice day or not. all the jobs i've ever worked, i've had to deal with the public. i have not once the entire time said the words "have a nice day." i refuse. i will admit to having responded "you too." when someone else has wished a nice day on me, but that is as far as i will go. this is getting off-subject.

last night, i decided to turn my phone off and i've kept it off since. i'm going to try to turn my phone off more often. i'm also going to try to turn the computer off more often. i am lonely and directionless, so it's very easy to waste my time on here when i just leave the computer running most of the day. but there are much better ways i could be spending my time. ways that don't contribute to feeling even more isolated. funny how this thing that connects us with other people simultaneously isolates us more.