part of me says i should just be totally alone right now and cut myself off from everyone. and i'm 99% sure this is what i really should do. then another part of me says i should throw myself into anything crazy and intense without giving a second thought to it. and this is The Big Debate in my head right now because it translates to a real situation. i already know the possible futures. and i already foresee the terrible terrible wonderful wonderful outcomes. see the problem? this is what i do. some people skydive or bungee jump. some people like ultra-violent movies. some people get a thrill from gambling. this is my secret vice.

btw are there any girls out there, other than chan marshall, that like older smog? to me, bill callahan could be chan marshall's twin brother. he's got a very definite male perspective on things, but i think it transcends that.