Scientists Discover Actual First Day of Year is April 17th!

i have yet to find someone to whom i can expose my lunacy. the most i can do is write and show people what i've written, but i have trouble even doing that. the one person i'm closest to pulled away from me just as i began changing into who i am these days and i was too afraid she would pull away more if she knew about what was going on with me, so i kept my mouth shut about it. now, i'm confident that the friendship is stable, but i wouldn't feel comfortable revealing this side of me to her. i think i tried talking with her about some of the things once or twice, but it didn't go to well, so i've just kept quiet since. so i constantly think about trying to get involved in as many promising situations as possible. but the infinitude of possibilities is harshly restricted by the rarity of such specificity. i know the most important thing is to just let things happen. but i know, also, that i'm constantly faced with endless decisions about what to do next and that i'm extremely indecisive about them. which gives me control over what to do next such that letting things happen will first be dependent on whatever i decision i make. i should listen more with my inner ear, but there's so much noise sometimes. and i get distracted. maybe i need to be more alone, with more bare walls, and less availability to technology that might distract me. or is that the methadone answer? is there something deeper, more fundamental i need to confront? at any rate, for now, i am left alone with my lunacy. where are the people whose dreams are as real as their waking lives so that they blur the two? where are the ones who penetrate so far into everything that they get lost inside it? those whose lunacy is apparent to anyone from a mere casual glance in their direction? where are these people?