You're not going to win me over with happiness
when what I need is eternal life,
or social visits
when what I need is a Spirit-to-spirit,
heart-to-heart
beat.
beat.
What? Have you nothing else to say?
Say say talk
talk talk to God
they say
say say,
but not to me.
Say hey?
Sometimes,
but more often than not
not
so much
omitted
forget it?
How can I?
What for war
wonder well
when I'll surely be in hell,
since we none know neither
when/how/where
we leave this dwell-
ing to be far gone.
Too far gone to make a difference.
Am I?
I think not.
Do you?
...still nothing to say?
Or may...
...be?
Fine,
be that way.
Or change.
Spare change will do,
but love makes more cents
and dollars and millions
and better, since that treasure is secure,
but how can there be security in silence
when there is yet so much to be spoken?
Take my token
piece of advice,
if it is even that.
But don't add to my vice
ad[d]vice
that serves less than
heart-mind-soul-strength
love
not full strength.
Or willingness is okay,
if that's all you have to spare
change
me
you
commitment
=love
from God's perspective,
not feelings.
Like sympathy.
Spare small sympathies,
as pathetic as they sym,
like pathology
symptomatic
of the path
to empathy
empty path
is all I see,
because love≠emotion
from God's perspective,
but commitment.
But willingness will do.
Will you?
I know.
I've not been the best.
That's the problem, I confess.
But to get better,
first step.
Not imagined, not "forget it,"
this is real.
Simple.
Why can't you see that?
Can you?
Due
duty
ditto.
Do you see the widow
and the orphan in my eyes?
Or is it a surprise?
The Good Shepherd leaves the flock
to find
the lost
sheep.
You follow the Good Shepherd, don't you?
So you say,
but you walk away,
back to the flock,
your back to me.
Do you think I don't see?
And can He not see
your clear and obvious
hypocrisy?
I see you.
Where are you?
Talking.
But not to me?
What if
you're wrong?
Hey, stop judging me,
without listening,
always needing to be right!
But I'm not.
I'll pray for you.
*silence*
Is there any more?
Say it. No more silence, please,
not any more.
©Gabriel Koulikov
--
God, this hurt to write.
It hurt more to post.
But I hope, maybe, something.
I tried writing something more direct and serious over this last month, but this came out instead. It's been almost and over a year*. Please reply. (*=see below)
If you consider yourself a Christian, and see God's Word as having authority, I'm talking to you.
Why the no James 2, John 13-17, or even Luke 15/John 10 response, so clear? Between those three, all possible perspectives about me are covered-- but there have been none of those! Supposedly Christian, supposedly Bible-based... how can I but doubt? (and why don't you?) Have you ever known anyone else so wanting to convert that you stop talking to him when he needs help the most, and is willing? How can you possibly convert anyone, or otherwise do the Matt. 28:18-20 thing if this is your behavior with one MOST WILLING to, and most wanting to seek mutual commitment/benefit in the process?!
-Note: I don't see talking as the solution, but doing. But not doing plus not talking? How can that be the solution? Like how "collaboration" means "together laboring," not talking. Get it?
I think if we put our heads together and tried SOMETHING, something good might come out. I'm not asking for a free meal. I'm not asking for "just anything." But SOMETHING... something is the solution. Not lack of it, but it's presence.
I've tried to "fix my life" on my own during this last year; it still hasn't worked. Help.
"Hello, my name is Gabe Koulikov, and I'm a compromise addict. I admit I'm a hypocritical apathetic compromiser, but I'm an honest one; I want to change." I have been unable to reach sobriety on my own. Is there no intervention?
In case you didn't catch that last time, yes, this is a literal and deliberate and loud cry for HELP. And it's still there. I've tried to fix it on my own. And it's still there. So, please SOMETHING...
I don't get how my so-called friends so-called "Christians" so-called "Bible believers" could ignore this for over a year and not understand what that would mean.
I know that really "the only One who can help me is God," but for those who supposedly "have God," why not some real help with finding Him? Don't you care whether or not those you know end up in hell and the Lake of Fire forever?
And if you say nothing else, or do nothing else, please at least let me know precisely WHY you each stopped talking with me on such topics of critical importance (if you never read the original post, this does not include you; if you have, it does), as I still have not figured that one out. (minus Elisheva P, Carrie G, and sometimes Esther K, so thanks to them-- though I would like to know why you three often wait months at a time to continue past conversations on such topics) Either private messages or public comments for this topic are fine.
And any comments/questions/feedback from the rest of y'all would be nice. (i.e. from those who don't consider themselves Christians, or who otherwise don't see the Bible as having significant authority over one's life)
--
*For those who don't know what I'm referring to, please read my blog from last year, though some of my perspectives have changed (like recognizing "church," the building and the service, as pagan and not biblical thanks to Frank Viola's explanations and citations in Pagan Christianity, and that now I explicitly articulate myself concerning how comprehensively Bible-based Christianity is the only legitimate/defensible form of Christianity; also, I've started learning biblical Hebrew and Greek), but it's still a close enough "gist."
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