einsideout, posts by tag: work - LiveJournal

after i graduate with this
potentially useless
bachelor of arts, i will

move to halifax.
live alone.
find a job, work, and figure things out.
make happen what needs to happen.

It's Sunday, the weather is beautiful, and I'm trying to stay awake and keep up my energy as I work on a listening journal for twentieth-century music. I'm not sure why I'm so tired. At the moment, I'm not actually working on it at all. Instead, I'm listening to Beethoven's Piano Sonata No. 30.

Some of the problems I posted about previously have been solved. Thursday I went to talk to the flute / double reeds prof, who offered to take my flute to the city for repairs and lent me one of hers so that I could do the audition. At first, she was going to lend me a school flute, but it was too different from what I'm used to - closed keys, no b-foot, offset g - so she offered to lend me one of her flutes. The flute I'm playing until I get mine back is a silver Armstrong with gold-plated keys and an engraved lip plate. The audition went well enough. I was really nervous because I was worried that I wouldn't get into band, so my breathing was a little messed up when I played the two scales. He asked for two easy ones - C and G. When I played the fast piece, my heart was racing and I think the tempo might have been all over the place. Towards the end, the flute was sliding down my face because of how much I was sweating. I managed to calm down for the slow piece, and it went quite well. I checked the list and seating chart yesterday, and my name was third on the list, so I guess I'm playing first. That surprised me. I think everyone who auditioned for band got in. It looks like there will be a lot of flutes - ten. That's a bit much, but it's not nearly as bad as my highschool band, where we had something like twenty (and most of them weren't very good) and where I played oboe to get away from the sea of out of tune flutes and to get better parts.

I dropped the course I was worried about. I think it would have been too much music history for one semester anyway, so now I'm taking intro conducting instead. The class I went to on Thursday was actually fun. This means that I'll have class 10:00-2:30 straight through on Tuesdays and Thursdays, plus the French lab I'm teaching Thursdays at 2:30. I guess I'll have to start packing a lunch to eat between classes on those days.

I'd like to rip out my uterus, but other than that, things are fine. I'm looking forward to the first band rehearsal tomorrow night.

i still haven't heard anything from ottawa u, and i've got nine days to respond to the offer from carleton.  i might accept it, although i was hoping to go to ottawa u.  there's nothing to do but wait.

today was a long day at work.  the new girl showed up an hour late, her white shirt wrinkled and dirty.  she spent her time text messaging her friends and complaining about how slowly the day was passing.  this is the girl who showed up two and a half hours late for her interview and who put on her resume that she was bilingual when she barely speaks french.  another application came in today, but one of the other employees is quitting, so i guess we're stuck with her.  i never would have thought that it would be so difficult to get employees.  the job is even more than minimum wage, although not by much, and it's not like there are a lot of jobs available around here.

i'm so tired today.  i had been telling myself that i would work on my essay tonight, but i don't see that happening.  i'm not here.  i haven't got the concentration or the energy to sit down and read anything, let alone write in french. 

this has been going on for too long.  i don't know what to do.  i don't suppose there's anything i can do.

i feel like i should be doing something with my weekend, but i'm really just waiting to go back to bagtown. eighteen days of work and then two days later, i can go back.

i'd kind of like to go take more pictures today, but i don't know where to go. i suppose i could wander around town looking for stuff, but really there are places i'd love to go but can't. there's this dead tree in the middle of a field between the road and the river and there are these two abandoned houses. one's huge and the other is pretty small, with stairs going up just inside the front door. i think the roof has been collapsing for years.

my dreams are all about transitioning these days. i see myself becoming who i really am and finally i'm happy and comfortable - i can relax. i feel like i need to be doing something, to be moving forward, doing something, but here i am. at the same time, i've got doubts and fears. i've been thinking about talking to my mother, but i think that's better left until a bit later.

maybe i should check out my bike to make sure everything still works (in other words, that my brother hasn't taken parts off it to fix his) and go somewhere. that would get me a little farther than my feet.

I can't wait to be back at school doing a radio show. I have so much music I want to play. I don't know if I'm going to do two shows or not. I really want to do one by myself and I also want to keep doing one with the co-host I worked with last year. We have some ideas and I've had a name for the solo show for a long time.

Today was a really long day at work. I couldn't wait to get out of there. I didn't do a whole lot, as usual - swept the floor, typed, went to the fort, took my lunch break, catalogued records so that I can try to find info about them (time period, etc.), wrote a report on Flora MacDonald, typed some more. The president asked me if I liked the work I was doing. I think I said yes, but it's boring. I'm not going to tell him that. I suppose I can always find things to do, like research random stuff, if I get sick of everything else.

I feel like I need to talk to E. again. I don't even remember what I said. I didn't expect to have to explain what being trans means. I assume people know these things, especially with all the gender conversations we've had. I have no idea what I gave for an explanation, but after I while I think she at least sort of understood. She said, "this makes sense, knowing you."