Noelle Is Here

Noelle came into our family at 9:40pm on Thursday, December 29th.

She's 12 hours old in this picture.

Noelle Snyder

6 pounds, 12 ounces, 19.5 inches

With long, dark curly hair! :)

Here's the first new sister encounter. Chiara has been just darling about all this. Sorry it's just a link again rather than an embedded video ... I can't figure that out. :)

http://youtu.be/MucijK3vezY

Thoughts That Keep Me Up At Night

I'm going to the hospital tonight to be induced. Let the angels rejoice! I consider myself a pretty tough girl, but these last two weeks have been brutal. Probably less painful than being pregnant with Chiara, but I didn't have a toddler to chase/feed/entertain/clean up after in those days ... so I think it evens out. I actually wonder how women can do two children. I imagine that evokes laughter from all those wonderful mommies who have way more than two, but being new to two I'm a little nervous. Not a lot nervous, just a little. But Heavenly Father helped me last time, and I'm sure He'll help me again.

At Walmart the other day - one of the three stores I frequent in this new Oregon life of mine - I was browsing toothpaste next to two women who were talking about a friend of theirs who had been trying to get pregnant and finally was. They turned to me, looking at my belly, and the older one said,

"You are all baby! When are you due?"
"Next week," I smiled. "But I sure hope she comes before then."
"When my friend __________ was pregnant she looked just like you. She's so short she reminded us all of a midget."
I don't know what my face did right in that moment, but I don't think she noticed. She turned to her friend and continued.
"Doesn't she remind you so much of ___________? All baby and just so little! It's hilarious when they look like midgets like that. What is it that makes them look so much like midgets?"

They went on like that, back and forth about the hilarity of short pregnant women, long after we said goodbye. I was two aisles down and I could still hear them talking about that. All I could think was, I'm even wearing three-inch heels! What a strange thing to say to a perfect stranger. Three years ago that would have made me a little defensive or slightly insecure. Not today. What. Ev. Er. :)

I should mention I've tried every SINGLE thing I was told would induce labor with no results. Noelle likes it right where she is, thank you very much. I even tried castor oil. Two tablespoons the first day, which didn't work, then the full FOUR tablespoons the next day with only a little sprite to help it go down ... Swallowing pure oil is even more disgusting than it sounds. Then we went to the library. I just laughed out loud remembering how smart THAT was. :) Four tablespoons does terrible, terrible things.

Tonight I cooked dinner for the first time in like a week. It's been so fantastic around here. Every time I turn around Eldon is cleaning the kitchen, doing dishes, cooking something, vacuuming, bathing Chiara, cleaning mold from window sills, doing laundry (the cleaning AND folding) ... etc. It has been glorious to have him home. :) What a blessing this between-semesters time has been for us. How many women get to just relax and wait for her baby to come? Not many.

So, to be silly I came up behind him while he was at the kitchen sink, turned myself sideways so I could wrap my arms around his waist, and squeezed him.

"Oh," I said in a sing-song voice. "This is what it feels like to be you!"

We have laughed about that so many times since then. This isn't to say he doesn't work hard, because of course he does. But in real life, when he's on campus all day and comes home just in time to see Chiara before she goes to bed (sometimes), I'm not going to make him do chores. My goodness. I happily cook and clean and do everything so he can come home to a house of order and relax, unwind, and feel rejuvenated. He does take out the trash, but only because it's uncomfortable for me - this pregnant - to haul it out to the dumpster and lift that big heavy lid to get the bag in there. In fact, some of his friend-girls at school have said, watching him eat whatever lunch I've packed for him that morning,

"I need a wife."

Sometimes I wonder how men survive medical school without wives. Then I think of all the demands that come with being married with children and wonder if it's any easier. Certainly it's more joyous and rewarding, though, right? When Eldon comes home and Chiara is still awake she hears him at the door and shouts,

"Daddy's home!!!! I hear him!!!!!"

Then she rushes to meet him, all squeals and giggles, and hugs him while she tells him what she was just doing five seconds before their reunion. That has to feel good.

Because Noelle's due date is right around the corner we weren't able to travel this Christmas ... which meant we had a lovely, quiet holiday to ourselves. That's what I tell myself, since I'm rather devastated that all my family is gathered together at home right now except for Eldon, Chiara, and me. We drew names for sibling gifts, and Shauna got Eldon. She called me to ask what he would want and I told her. A pretty church dress for Chiara. She thought I was joking, but I told her nothing would make him happier. For his birthday, for goodness' sake, our date was walking around Target looking at all the baby girl dresses in the store. I emailed Shauna a picture of his favorite one. She trusted me, and that's what he got for Christmas. :)

Look at his smile. :) It was an excellent choice. He put it on her immediately and she was twirling in it all night. We've been teaching her about modesty lately - spurred by a princess book we have with Jasmine in all her tummy-showing glory ... don't know why it didn't occur to us sooner that Ariel is only wearing a seashell bra - so on Sunday when she didn't want to wear the jacket with her dress we told her it was modest. Worked like a charm. :) Ahh ... these lovely years when they are so obedient.

My mom and my sister visited recently. I was hoping Baby Noelle would make her appearance while they were here, but alas ... some prayers are not expedient. But we had so much fun together, and Chiara has not stopped talking about them - or Grandpa, even though he couldn't even come - since. This stage is so much fun because she remembers everything and everyone. I love it. Also, she tells me where we got each article of her clothing when I'm putting it on her in the morning. I'm not even joking.

"We got this at Walmart?" A little black skirt.
"Yes, Honey."
"We got this at Target?" A light blue shirt with snowflakes made of tulle.
"Yes, Love."
"We got these shoes at Kohl's?" Brown with little pink butterflies.
"Yes, my girl."

How she does that or why it matters I have no idea. But she's definitely arrived at the age when she has the potential and capacity to truly embarrass me with her words. For example, our friend Doug came up to me at church the other day with a smile on his face.

"So, Chiara was telling me in nursery that she can go pee pee on the potty."
"Yeah," I responded. "She's getting really good at that, thank goodness."
"She also told me YOU go pee pee on the potty." Said with a twinkle in his eye.
"Oh ... well, I do do that." I laughed. What can I say?

What was I talking about earlier? I feel like I was going to post pictures. Oh, my mom and sister visiting. :) Here are just a few of the reasons Chiara loves them so much:

Who wouldn't love this Grandma??

Aunt Shauna reading Chiara's new princess story book from Grandma and Grandpa.

You know, everything Chiara loves to play with she thinks my parents gave her. Usually she's right, since Eldon and I hardly ever buy her anything. But she'll be playing with something and she'll turn to me, tilt her head and say with her coy little smile,

"Grandma and Grandma give this baby a me?"

or

"Grandma and Grandpa give this bear a me?"

I just always smile and say yes. :) She's right to think they're awesome.

The bear reads the ENTIRE 'Twas the Night Before Christmas poem. She loves it more than life. Eldon doesn't ... if the batteries ever go missing I'll know he took them. :) Also she loves her princess crown.

Her "major" gift was a doll - whom she named Mary, which confused her for a day and a half while she thought her baby was married to Joseph - with a matching bed and stroller. Oh my goodness, she loves that doll. We dressed her (Mary) in one of Noelle's newborn sleepers and Chiara carries her around like a cherished treasure. It's the cutest thing.

Well, I'm getting induced in 43 minutes, so I'm going to go. I hope my next post has a picture of our littlest girl. Actually, I KNOW it will, because I'll have nothing to say until then. So I guess I just hope that we have that picture tomorrow and not a week from now. :)

(I just heard Chiara tell Eldon, "She's not very modest." I wonder which story they're reading right now. Those hussy Disney princesses. :))

Musing While I Sneeze and Cough

I've had a nasty cold for three days now (just ambushed by Ursula's voice in my head, "Got that? Thrrrrree days." Chiara loves watching Ariel.) As if I weren't tired and uncomfortable enough, now there's liquid spurting from my face all day and I have more body aches and less sleep and I've been taking Tylenol for the pain in my face from being so stuffed up. I'm a sight to behold.
Have you noticed that my little fake baby widget says TWENTY THREE days left of this pregnancy? I'm so thrilled about that. It better be less than that in real life, but it's such a small number to see ... surely I can cheerfully endure to the end. :) Except that my sinus region feels like I got hit with a sledge hammer. I'm not cheerful about that. But I can deal with the waddling (hilarious, I'm sure) and the rib hits and the bladder bouncing and the itty bitty hernia that makes my belly button look like an outie.

Oh, I need to post a video of Chiara mocking me for the way I walk. :) She does this all the time. At home, at church, at stores ... just whenever she thinks of it. It is absolutely hilarious to us.

http://youtu.be/POz_ppu00ck

(It's not working for me to embed it here ... so I'll try again later. But at least for now there's a link for anxious grandparents. :))

As Eldon said last night, "I'm even more excited for Noelle to come than I was for Chiara. With Chiara I had no idea what to expect, but now I do!" Being the woman who must actually bear the child, I don't share the exact sentiment, but I am excited for another child. Really excited. I just have more fear than I had with Chiara, which puts a little damper on the giddiness. :)

Also I have not done a SINGLE belly picture. I have pictures with my belly in them, but they don't show the bump like an intentional belly bump picture would. Also they're ugly. So I need to get on that STAT ... before Noelle comes and the belly is no longer sticky-outie and cute, but sticky-outie and not cute. I'm to the point where any intentional exercise more intense than pushing a shopping cart is immediately painful ... I can't wait to be able to work out. It's weird the things we miss. Although I do wish I had a jogger trampoline, because I'd bounce on thing all the live-long day to get myself into labor. :)

Also I'm excited for that first Eldon hug without a big belly in the way. Turning sideways to get through a narrow gap. Sleeping on my stomach. Oh ... sleeping on my stomach. (Though once Noelle comes I'm sure I'll long for the days when I just slept. Period.) Snuggling Chiara on my lap. Just lots of little things. But I do feel highly feminine when I'm pregnant. Like, "I'm a sacred vessel, a life-giver, and a partner with Deity." Sometimes though, like when I'm in my sweats, grabbing milk at Walmart and I forgot my wedding ring and my face has no makeup but the smudges of mascara from the day before I don't feel so feminine. Or even very human. :)

Eldon and I just laugh and laugh about this little life we're living right now. It's about to change, but gosh we love it. We were sitting on the couch the other night, watching Chiara dance her signature lyrical jazz to our instrumental Christmas music, and I thought we'd both just perish from pure happiness. When we're old and toothless we're going to chuckle together as we long for these beautiful days. So we just try to soak it all in and smooch our little girl as often as we can.

"You kissed me, Mamma?" she'll ask me.
"Yes, Honey."
"Because you love me." It's not a question. It's a statement. :)
"Yes, my girl." And then I do it again.

In a couple weeks we'll have two little girls, and Chiara and I have been busy nesting for Noelle to come. Now when she sees things she likes at the store she doesn't ask for them for herself, she says, "Oh, that's cute for Noelle!" Usually clothes. :)

She loves to hold her hands against my belly and feel Noelle moving. "I hear Noelle!" she yelps at me with her delighted face on. "Hi, sister!"

Chiara is going to be such a darling big sister. If she loves Noelle half as much as I love Shauna we'll be just fine with this new transition. :)

This Little Girl of Ours

Chiara has become a fount of knowledge and opinions. Overnight. It is so hilarious to me to listen to her talk. I've started writing her quotes down on the fridge so I can remember to tell Eldon when he gets home ... because goodness knows my pregnant brain is unreliable.

She was Abbey Cadabby from Sesame Street for Halloween. Or, that's what I told her since she called the dress-up dress my mom sent her "Abbey Dress." If I'd been thinking I'd have crafted her a little wand ... but I wasn't thinking. Not about Halloween anyway. I think she actually looked like an 80's jazzercise instructor.

Oh my gosh, speaking of 80"s exercise, let me insert a little photo of my nephew Everett who has naturally red, curly hair. I'm so proud of my brother and his wife for this costume:

A baby Richard Simmons. I almost died laughing.

It's so funny to me that I am forced - due to motherhood - to care about such a holiday I dislike so thoroughly. I have always hated Halloween. Get in to the spirit of Halloween and decorate your home with spiders and cobwebs and ugly colors and other beings with deathly connotations. No thanks. I'm lame like that. But ask me if I have already begun decorating for Christmas and the answer is a resounding yes. I'm not anti-festive, I just have priorities. And if it weren't for Chiara this Halloween would have come and gone without so much as a nod in its direction from me. 

She looks 10 to me right here. In this picture she is wearing her "bubble shirt", playing with her "peter" (computer), and showing me her "big girl shoes." Also I tried tying ribbon through her belt loops to keep her pants up. It didn't work.

She was telling me an animated story, so I snapped a picture. She is so anti-photo these days, I can hardly get her to look at me with a camera in my hand. Mostly we do videos, since she will almost always talk for me. Who knew that was genetic?

Also, I made the best rolls I've ever eaten. Except Sister Hopkins' rolls ... they are far and away the best. When I'm making them Chiara pushes a chair to the counter and eats the dough and licks up as much plain flour as I let her have. I'm serious. It's hilarious to me. She's done it since she was tiny, and maybe she'll be like my Mission President and prefer the dough her whole life. :) 

Chiara and Eldon dance in the kitchen together. He taught her some kind of rhythmic, stomp type of shenanigan and she loves it. "Dance me, Daddy?" She loves it.

She loves playing with her plastic fruit and vegetables in the bathtub, and it delights her to "make" things for me in her purple bucket. In this particular picture it was strawberry pancakes. Soup and smoothies are common specials as well. I love her little imagination.

This is how we watched General Conference this past month. Camping chairs and internet. Love it. :) Someday we will have furniture. And someday after that we'll have comfortable furniture. (Yes, that's an untouched sewing project in the background.)

Building forts with Daddy out of Costco boxes. We hardly ever see him, but when he's here he makes it count and I love him for it. Chiara is totally smitten with him. The other day after we kissed him on his way to school she watched him leave and said, "Oh, I lost my Daddy." in her saddest voice. I hugged her and tried to console her that med school isn't forever, but our family is. She sure loves him.

All in all life in Lebanon is good. It's about as podunk as you can imagine, with Walmart being one of the only places to buy something not pre-owned. It's hilarious that there's a med school here. 

Oh, and when we first moved here there were no cows or other livestock. Now there are. False advertising for my future contentedness. But if we didn't live right across the street from the school we'd never see Eldon, so I'm willing to stay here in the land of yard sales and mooing if it's the only way to spend time with him. That is true, true love.

In other news, Chiara has no hair left. 

+

=

YIKES!!! What was I thinking?? I wept and wept and wept all night over this, long after she was sleeping and up until Eldon came home. But it's better for her, because it's quicker to wash and it doesn't get in her face all the time. So I've stopped weeping over it, because it's just hair and it will grow back. And it actually is really cute. Eldon loves it. (Though I think he's going to admit to me in 10 years or so that he cried over it too ... but since I was already a wreck over it he chose to act 100% supportive. Bless him.)

Good thing it's impossible to ruin a child this darling. :)

Things I Hate

Not to be completely pessimistic and yuck, but I have a lot of things on my mind and I don't like any of them. So. In honor of this day from dark, hot places, I'm going to make a list. Then, someday when my posterity are reading this they will laugh that the charitable, kind, gentle woman they know was ever me. :)

1. Potty training. It's enough to make me never want more kids. Not really, so don't judge me, but I'm fed up with cleaning poop off my kitchen floor. What is so traumatic about pooping in a little pink potty the shape of a harmless frog? Pee? No problem. Poop. Forget it. It's totally illogical.
2. Noisy neighbors. I actually think they are doing it to make me mad now, because they have never been this noisy before. Entering into my third trimester my sleep is becoming more and more precious and difficult to come by. And they wake me up every time I try to take a nap. Chiara has a noise maker that can drown them out - even a nuclear explosion would, I think, not break through the volume of that blessed little machine. But mommy needs to keep her ears open for her own child, so a noisemaker for me is out of the question. Though it doesn't keep me from fantasizing about waking up in the middle of the night to my sciatic nerve or numb hands or whatever and banging on my ceiling with a broomstick each time. "I'm up, you can be up too. Trying to sleep up there, huh?" Spiteful wretch that I am.
3. Spiders. When I'm a goddess that is one little creature that is not making the cut in my worlds. No offense, but I'm hoping there's some artistic preference as to what has to inhabit our planets and maybe Heavenly Mother thinks spiders are charming. I, however, could happily do without them.
4. Slugs. 
5. Nature in general, now that I'm thinking about it. Dirt is just sub-telestial. I like flowers and trees and harmless, toothless, stingerless, clawless animals ... but dirt? I don't think it was in Eden. And I don't think I have to like it.
6. Just realized slugs are toothless, stingerless, and clawless. I still hate them.
7. When the hem of my pants gets wet and periodically freezes my heel. I just moved to Oregon ... so tough luck on that one. 
8. Also socks, in case you were wondering. And close-backed shoes.
9. Fruit flies. But just the ones in my house.
10. Dusting. Truly, truly hate dusting.
11. I don't dust. I kind of hate that I don't, because I hate the dust I can see, I just can't bring myself to do anything about it very often. Because I hate to dust.
12. Chipped nails when I don't have a file or a clipper on hand.
13. Finding my toddler painting her own nails in the office while I was occupied with cooking dinner. That was lovely.
14. Speckles on mirrors.
15. Wrinkles in the spines of paperback books.
16. Wrinkles anywhere on books.
17. Library books with mystery stains.
18. Second floor windows with smears on the outside.
19. The little bumps on the sides of my feet by my baby toe.
20. That "this little piggy went to market" ditty. What does it even mean? It's weird.

This is kind of funny to me, because I'm running out of things now that I came back to this post a few hours later and I'm in a much happier mood. Probably because so many hours have passed since I cleaned poop off the floor. :) And Eldon is home. I really love that.

State Fair

When we moved from the wide open spaces of Star, Idaho I thought we were moving to a more suburban, city-ish place. But no. I don't know why Eldon never corrected me when I told people I was excited to move to a real city, because he'd BEEN to Lebanon and KNEW it wasn't a city ... but whatever. :)

Probably all states have fairs, but I associate fairs with country places. There were lots of stinky animals and there was poo on my shoe when I got home (charmed, I'm sure) but it was fun. Chiara loved it, and that's what matters.

 

She loved the horses. "BIG horse, Mamma! BIG horsey!"

 

Terrified of the llamas. I could not for the life of me get her to get near it. You can't see her face in this picture, but I took it just before she screamed and ran back and hid behind my legs. All the other kids were so excited to touch the animals and feed them that gross $2 crap you can get at the gate ... but mine clung to my pants the whole way through. AND, lucky for us, you couldn't just go back out the way you came, you had to exit at the other end of the yard, so it was more of a haunted house experience for Chiara than a petting zoo. Maybe someday she'll like animals. But in all honesty, I don't like them either ... so maybe it's genetic.

We're surrounded my fun, cool stuff and all our girls wanted to do at one point was sit in the middle of the path and read the books we brought from home. Amanda and I just laughed ... toddlers are totally unpredictable. Jordin, by the way, is Chiara's FAVORITE friend. She talks about her every single day. :)

So tired on the way home. It was a long day ...made even longer when Amanda and I couldn't figure out how to get OUT of the fair and walked a million circles following their very VERY sub-par map. My heck. Seriously, we walked around for an embarrassing amount of time before we finally found our exit. The girls were gone, we were done, and it was all we could do to just not throw our OWN fits of frustration. :)

Blue juice from the gas station on the way home. It was like a 45 minute drive, and Mommies needed beverages. :)

Love it! Like the nail polish? Turns out it's SUPER tough to get glittery nail polish off little fingernails. 

She was too distracted by the uber talented boys-hitting-trash-cans group on stage to look at the camera. :)

The only thing that could have made the day better (other than not getting lost) would have been if Daddy could be there too. For now he just has to watch the videos and look at the pictures when he gets home.

Lebanon, My Love

We are in heaven here. Well, let me toss out a little disclaimer that it's hot with no AC, we have raucous neighbors living above us, and the only non-thrift store store in town is Walmart ... but we love it. We have fun friends, a clean apartment, and a stellar library. What else could a mommy need?

Here's a random collection of pictures. I'll have to take some that paint more of a picture of our world here, but for now Chiara has two sets of grandparents (and a great grandma!) who are dying for ANY pictures of her. :) 

I could use a little more husband, actually, but I have to really praise Eldon on this one. When he's home, he's home, and that means he's 100% Daddy and Husband. So we don't get too many hours with him, but they're good hours. When he comes home I become chopped liver and Chiara is only interested in him. :)

He does this with her for as long as she wants ... that's why he gets those impromptu kisses.

In other news, Chiara has glittery princess shoes that she wants to wear every minute of the day. I got them a size too big, so they fit over these jammies that are at least one size too small. But hey, if she insists on wearing the polka dot kitty jammies it is fine with me. Sooo not a battle worth picking. She's still groggy from sleep, and yet she has found the energy to don her princess shoes and her purse full of sparkly beads.

The on-demand smile. I have no idea where she picked up this cheesy grin, but I hope she'll show the camera her real face at some point during her childhood.

 

This is not it. :) But because I'm excessively classy, let me add this picture. We chose not to bring our TV to Oregon, deciding that we don't need one and don't want to need one. What I hadn't foreseen was the awkwardness of a sick baby who wants to lay down, watch Princess and the Frog, and drink ice water (she orders ice in her sippy now, btw). I brought the laptop into the living room, hooked up a monitor, and put the monitor on the very chic, couch-matching ottoman. It was either that or make her a nest in a camping chair in the office. She wasn't a big fan of the nest idea.

This is the sweatshirt my mom got for Chiara the first day we took her to the beach and I hadn't packed warm clothes for our California vacation. So now every time she sees it she wants to wear it because she thinks she's going to the beach. I tried to capture her excited face right before the crushing disappointment of not actually going to the beach. She always clasps her hands with joy ... I love that. :)

We're settling into a routine now, which is nice. Play groups and grocery shopping and naps have all kind of been shaken around until they settled nicely into my days. Thank goodness there are so many other medical student wives with kids, because we get together all the time. This town is heavy on the elderly population, so I'm grateful for other moms with two-year-olds Chiara can play with. 

In fact, I just agreed to tend a little girl a few months younger than Chiara while her mom goes to nursing school. Her mom and I met through a mutual friend and we're so similar and our girls like each other so much that I thought I'd try it. I'm hoping it's a wonderful thing for Chiara, who would rather play with other kids than do anything else in her entire life. Juice and books and even Elmo pale in comparison. :) We'll see.

Eldon is really enjoying school. I love watching him work so hard intellectually because he's in his element and it makes him happy. He's stressed and stretched to new limits, but it's in a good way. Chiara loves to sit on his lap and "read" one of his anatomy books, pointing to pictures and hearing him explain what things are and how they work. She runs to the bookshelf to get it and brings it to him. She did that once with me, but I don't think she was overly impressed with my explanations.

"Yeah, Honey, look ... that's like a big circle with pink on the edges and some, squigglies in the middle." 

"Op, yep, that's the tummy I think." 

"Uh huh ... I don't know." 

"Maybe that part goes down and this part goes up." 

"I don't know, Honey."

Anyway, she doesn't bring me the anatomy book to read anymore. :) But she is very fascinated by the idea that there is a baby in my tummy. She rubs it and kisses it and talks about it all the time. At first she was convinced there was also a tiny baby in her own tummy, but now she knows there is only food in here.

"Food in here!" she says, pointing to her belly. "And food in there." Pointing to Eldon's. "Baby in there!!" she yells, pointing to mine. 

Tonight we were asking her what the baby's name should be and she would carefully repeat each name. When we had her say Auden she said it so tenderly and then bent over me (I was sitting on her floor) and hugged my stomach for a long, long time. It was so darling. Not that we're choosing that name or anything, but it was an adorable reaction reserved only for that name. :)

Speaking of Baby #2, who we now know is officially a girl, here's a scan of the picture the tech gave me. They gave a friend of mine three pictures, so I don't know why we only got one, but whatever. :) She was smiling, seriously, when they did a close-up of her face. It was the cutest thing. I took this picture to the medical school after my appointment to show Eldon. Then he brought me into the lecture and his friends passed the picture around and whispered their congratulations while the professor was up there showing slides of different people and cultures and describing their different approaches to "medicine" and healing. It makes me jealous, actually, that Eldon gets to learn such cool stuff while I write the ABCs over and over in different colored markers at home. :) I would never trade roles with him, but I do miss school sometimes. Only the good classes, though.

Chiara is learning so much so quickly, I think we laugh about something new she says every single day. Last week she figured out the word "scared" and told us she wasn't scared of dogs, or bugs, or whatever she happened to see at the moment. Then we woke up one morning and there was a mosquito hawk on the wall above the kitchen table. 

"I not scared the buggy my head! I not scared the buggy my head!" she told us, as she covered her head with her hands. Brave words, but the panic in her voice gave her away. :)

Then the next morning I was making pancakes at the stove when a big black spider creeped from behind the microwave, down the wall behind the stove. I yelped and kind of ... flung myself out of the kitchen.

"Mommy, scared pancakes?" Chiara asked me, her big blue eyes full of concern. She rubbed my arm with her hand. "Scared pancakes, Mommy?"

"No, Honey," I laughed. "Mommy's not scared of pancakes." Eldon and I laughed about that all day. She's just such a sweet, delightful child. I am so in LOVE with this stage where she can tell me what she's thinking. For one thing, because it's adorable and for another ten things because her thoughts are so hilarious.

Another example:

"I need food, Mom!" with panic in her voice.

"Okay, Baby, what do you want?"

"I want pancakes."

"Okay, you can have pancakes." She LOVES pancakes.

"I want pancakes. I want pancakes in my mouth." 

"Okay, Sweetest," I laugh, leading her into the kitchen. "I'll make you a pancake to put in your mouth."

I fully recognize that life is going to hit us hard again at some point, that trials are bound to come. But I am so, SO in love with our life right now. Just how it is. We're all so happy and healthy and hopeful ... it's just good. Life is good. It's good when it's hard too, but it's also good when it's not. :)

No Internet

Of course, when I have tons of cute pictures and fun stories there's no internet at our house. But the Comcast guy is coming soon, and I will post then.

In the meantime, Chiara is going without watching her online Elmo shows, which is tragic in her life. And Mommy is reading books instead of blogs, which has its pros and cons. Eldon has internet at school, and since he's always there anyway I don't think his life is changed in any way. :)

Beach Trip

My family and I took Chiara to the beach today, which was probably one of the highlights of her whole life. :) She has no fear, so she would run toward the waves with unreserved enthusiasm. My heck, this child ... until she's old enough to understand danger I'm going to spend her every waking moment just trying to keep her alive.  She runs circles around me, and people often ask me (complete strangers, mind you) how in the world I keep up with her. I'm not sure, but I think I have divine help. :) It's been especially challenging during the last four months as I've been struggling with all the sickness and fatigue that come from pregnancy. I have no idea how women do it with more than one child on the outside. :)

But today was a wonderful day, and I promised Eldon I would post some pictures so he could witness her first beach trip. He's been gone for two weeks, and I can tell you ... his girls miss him like crazy. This class in LA ends in two more weeks, and we're counting down the days until he gets to come home.

***

While I'm talking about his class, I'm just going to "casually" mention that Eldon has aced every test he'd taken down there. He's just so smart, it blows me away. This class is a full year's class - two semesters - crammed into one month. But he got 95% on his first test and 98% on the second, with another to take on Monday that I'm sure he'll ace as well. It's such a blessing to be married to such an intelligent and capable man ... It sure makes me feel safe and secure. I'm just so proud of him. He can do anything he puts his mind to. It's not my favorite thing about him, and goodness knows I'd still be crazy about him even if he weren't such a wonderful provider. I'm just grateful that he is, that's all. There are a lot of things about him I love more, though.

***

So, here's our little lamb at Baker's Beach in San Francisco. When we live in Oregon we'll be less than an hour from the beach, so I think she and I will be going there often. :)

We spent 5% of our time playing with new beach toys. All she was interested in was the danger.

Nice Eeyore sweatshirt purchased at a thrift store on our way over ... I hadn't packed anything warm. :)

This picture is deceiving, because she's not avoiding the waves as much as she's gaining momentum for a bigger splash when she hits the water.

"Come on Grandma!" Chiara called, gesturing with her hands. "Watch this, Grandpa!" She loves them.

Running toward the waves at full speed.

And more running. We kept carrying her away just so we could see her run toward the water because it was so darling and she was so happy and excited. There's nothing cuter than your own child's joy.

Looking for the white rock she dropped in the sand ... never to be found again.

Did I mention I had to take off her pants because she pulled a fast one and plunged into the water during the split second it took Grandpa to adjust his grip on her hands? :) 

Determined to get her bum in the water if it was the last thing she did. 

It was a cold morning, but that sure didn't stop her. I don't even think she noticed the temperature at all. All she cared about was the novelty of ocean waves. 

"It's coming!!" she'd yell out, and start running toward the froth of the tide. Maybe we'll only go to the beach when Daddy can be there too ... Keeping her alive at the beach might be a two-person (at least) job. She scares us to death. :)

Filling in for Shelli

I am sure Shelli won't mind if I post a few pictures.  Isn't that why she made me an administrator?  If the quality isn't quite up to normal standards, Shelli can change it when she gets back. The following is Chiara getting in the middle of my packing job....literally.

You haven't really lived until you witness the world through the eyes of a child where even the most mundane job of packing is wonderful entertainment.  She does love her daddy and she is quite a bit more easily understood in person than over the phone.

   

A tribute to a few of my beloveds ...

I have to take a moment during this exceptionally long nap time to offer tribute to some very important people in my life. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with gratitude, and when that happens I tend to overflow with words.

Eldon -- The most temperate man I have ever known. I said for years I wanted to marry the best heart I could find, and I truly believe I managed it. He is wholly without guile and anxious to make my dreams come true. He has worked a hard job for the last year, rarely making the money he was promised, and has done it with gracious and understated diligence. In fact, he does most things with gracious and understated diligence. I am completely in love with him.

Chiara -- My little mirror. She constantly asks me if I'm happy, especially when I'm not particularly happy, and pats my arm and asks, "Okay? Okay, Mamma?" She is a testament to me that children truly do come here with their own built-in personalities, because I don't know how any mother could teach that kind of sensitivity to a 27-month-old. She tries to hard to please, and I've found that her tantrums are spurred by my own negative reactions to her behavior or choices. When I'm nice, she's nice.

Baby #2 -- I don't know what to say about her, except that she has awakened in me that assurance of the divinity of my body and the long-reaching effects of my choices. Pregnancy is a spiritual time for me, despite the undesirable side-effects and sickness. I love her, and I know God loves her. I can't wait to meet her.

My mom -- For so many, many things. She taught me to be a considerate wife. She taught me that it is possible to be completely fulfilled and in love with my children. She taught me to laugh at myself, and to offer my shoulder to those who may need to cry on it. She taught me to give, and to look to God in every thought. All things denote there is a God, and my mom sees those things in a truly heart-piercing way. And she's really, really funny. :)

My mother-in-law -- She somehow managed to raise 10 of the most stalwart people I know. I can always tell when Eldon is on the phone with her because his voice takes on a kind of reverent tone. She inspires people who know her well to be their best selves. She's always learning, always teaching. I hope to become more like her someday.

My dad -- The great champion of children. There's no end to his heart. Chiara and Everett are in there, along with every child and teenager and adult he's ever taught. He holds people in there and loves them to pieces. When I was on my mission someone saw my last name and rushed up to ask if I was, perhaps, his daughter. Yes, I was so pleased to report. I don't think he can ever know the amount of good he and that heart of his have done in this world.

My father-in-law -- Ooh, I just got teary for the first time during this post. This man is the reason Eldon is who he is. When I see him I recognize some of my very favorite things about my husband. This is where he learned to help me with dishes as soon as he walks in from work. This is where he learned to be gentle and careful with his words. This is where he learned to be honest and sincere and ... full of real intent. He has a special place in my heart forever and ever.

Bryce -- Ooh, tears are back ... they're running down my face. My goodness. He has been a dear friend and example my entire life. He has never disappointed me. I wept when he got married because I realized we were both going to have to grow up and cling to our respective spouses, which meant there would most likely be no more chats in my bedroom about books and poetry and gospel doctrine. (Are you embarrassed that I outed you about that, Bruce? :)) He is the most powerful man I know, and I don't say that lightly. There is something so unique, so special about him ... I love that I have a front row seat to watch who he becomes and what the Lord does with his life.

Haley -- Is sweet. She's talented and intelligent and grounded and responsible ... but my favorite attribute is her sweetness. I've never seen her angry, and I've never heard her say anything unkind. Bryce has to constantly watch out for her because she won't voice her own discomfort or her own needs if she thinks it's even the slightest inconvenience to anyone present. I wish I were more like her in numberless ways. She's a darling wife and a sweet (redundant, but it's the perfect adjective) mother, and she has a kind of selflessness that allows her to read people and their needs with marked insight.

Kevin -- Oh, but I love this kid. Kevin has unparalleled self-control. He knows what he wants, he knows what he believes, and his whole life is built in and around those things. People are drawn to him because of his natural ease and infectious enthusiasm. He's your loudest cheerleader and also your most honest friend who can lovingly tell you that you're being stupid and you need to stop. I have never seen such a life full of successes and achievement. And it's not just that he's smart. Lots of people are smart. It's that he's nice. I think he blows the world away by how nice he is.

Rachel -- She makes Kevin so happy, and seems to be his perfect companion. I think Rachel has a daily love affair with life and living. She's creative and fun-spirited, so her days are full of inventive, darling ways to appreciate her moments and live them to the very fullest. I admire her in so many ways. I don't think she has an interest she is not passionate about. Everything she likes is written in bold-faced type and she actively pursues it. That may sound like a dumb way to describe someone, but I think it's my favorite thing about her. She is not passive about what matters to her, and that is a remarkable quality.

Shauna -- The darling of all our hearts. I think if you were to ask each of us who we'd take on a trip with us, if we could only bring one sibling, we'd all want Shauna. She refers to herself as the ninth wheel, but it's only because she's too modest to know she's really the highlight of everything. She has a capacity for loyalty that astounds me. When I went through my darkest hours (um, like a year+ of them) she never left me. She never let me run my course alone, hoping that by the next time she saw me I'd be Shelli-ish again. She's fun and funny and makes us all cry tears of laughter, but she's so much more than that. Every time I see her I'm more and more amazed at the woman she is using her choices to become. She's incredible.

My grandma -- A constant source of unconditional love and support. Her consistent love was so helpful to me as I grew up. I admired her so much, and I knew she was crazy about me. She taught me to be tough, to do what I knew was right, and to do it the best I could. She wrote me a letter once, warning me that I might be making some less-than-stellar dating decisions. I'll never forget how loved that letter made me feel, and how hard it must have been for her to write it. She was right, of course, and I quickly got myself back on course. I broke up with that guy. I think I'd do anything she told me to do! :)

My Heavenly Father -- The light of my entire life. He has never failed me. There was a time when I'd felt heaven had all but abandoned me. I hardened my heart and depended on my own strength to get through each difficult day. My goodness, there was no clearer way for me to feel my own weakness, my own mortality, than to refuse His help. I know I'm nothing without Him. I've tried. He is everything that is good, and kind, and forgiving, and hopeful. Sometimes it's hard not to humanize Him, and imagine how He must think of me for a plethora of reasons, or in light of a plethora of mistakes. But God truly is love. When I imagine the most loving response, the most forgiving and gracious and selfless response, then I know I've come close to imagining His character correctly. I trust Him. I love Him. I need Him. He is everything. My grandest goal is to give Him my whole heart.

I'm just so grateful for this life of mine and all the dear, inspiring people in it. I'm truly, truly blessed.

Auden

This is Eldon's and my favorite girl name at present. I think it is lovely and feminine and sophisticated ... all the things you would hope your little girl to grow up to be.

However.

When I was on the phone not too long ago with my mom and little sister they laughed me to scorn for even CONSIDERING such an atrocious name.

"Auden? Like, Oddity, Odd-Ball, Oddest, Odder-Then-Them-All??"

There was no end to the jokes and threats to never call her Auden, no matter if it was her name or not.

"Kids at school are going to call her odd for her entire childhood, Shell, you have to think about that!"

"Odd. Odder. Oddest!!"

"Shell, I will give you $1000 if you don't name her that."

So, since that conversation I've been wondering ... Am I that misguided that I didn't realize it was such an awful name, or are the two most beloved women in my life just ... yucky? :)

It's strange to announce name preferences so early, but by this time we were already calling Chiara Chiara ... And I know people guard their names so no one else takes them. But I'm not convinced this single post will broadcast my preference to the entire world.

I'd just like to send this query out into the void:

What do you think of the name Auden?

P.S. My mother and sister are wonderful people. Don't judge them too harshly for their lack of sugar coating their commentary. It's just how we do things in our family. :)

182 / minute

That's the heart rate of our newest little one.

"Do you want to hear the heart beat?" the doctor asked me, smiling.

"Yes, please!" I practically jumped from the table.

Eldon stroked my face as he held Chiara, and the three of us listened as the doctor found the steady sound of our baby's heart. That is a moment I will never forget.

So, Baby's due date is January 7th. Eldon is convinced that she's a girl, so we haven't thought about boy names at all. We went on a date to Barnes & Noble last week and sat in the cafe with a dozen baby name books sprawled out on our table. For two hours we wrote down our favorites and laughed at the terribly unfortunate things people call their children. It was so fun. I know it's so dorky, but we loved it.

I'm so in love with this man.

We have seven girl names we both love. There are only four boy names I'm in love with, but Eldon has an aversion to my very favorite one. Namely because it's in the Star Wars movie and he won't be able to refrain from reminding our child that "I am your father."

Have I ever documented the fact that Eldon and Chiara play light-sabers together? She even makes the sounds with her mouth. It's so hilarious ... in a totally nerdy and unacceptable kind of way. Star Wars is like a little cloud hovering over my life. :)

Anyway, we're so excited about our baby. Chiara is SO ready to have a sibling. The nurse yesterday joked about this new baby being Chiara's competition, but I just smiled.

"No way," I said. "This is going to be her baby."

If there's anything I learned from my own mother it's that siblings are treasures and not competition. We'll see if I manage to teach the same lesson in my own home.

Chiara is so smitten with every baby she sees, I sometimes wonder if I'll ever get to hold this child. :) She'll be almost three years old when Baby is born, so I imagine she'll be a good little helper.

You know ... I just, I don't know how to articulate what I'm feeling right now. Probably because Chiara is throwing a little tantrum in her room where I just got up to put her in a time out because she was yelling at me and it makes it a little difficult to conger up the warm fuzzies I was feeling just a few seconds ago. :) I just know that God is real. I know He loves my family. And I am so grateful that it's my responsibility to take care of Eldon, Chiara, and our newest every day. It's hard work, but it's heavenly. Not heavenly as in blissful, but heavenly as in godly. Important. Our home is made up of all the love in my heart, and I'm happy to do it.

I think I'll go fetch Chiara from her room now. :)

What's that smell?

Eldon says I have an olfactory system that qualifies me for mutant status. It's true. I smell everything. Saturday night we were driving and I was telling him all about the book I'd just read (Sing You Home, Jodi Piccoult) and everything I thought about it when suddenly, mid-sentence, I stopped.

"Uggh, what's that SMELL??" I yelped, forgetting my previous train of thought.

"I don't smell anything, Honey." He responded. As usual.

"Are you serious? It smells like ... duck poop." I don't know. It just popped in there.

"Duck poop?" Now he's smiling at me, laughing on the inside. "How do you even know what that smells like?"

"Oh you know what I mean ... It's what I think duck poop would smell like."

"Aahhh." He says, still smiling, in that drawn out voice that means he thinks I'm crazy.

***

But really, the smelling thing is a problem. This morning Chiara had the nastiest diaper, filled with what I was certain was the tuna from yesterday's lunch. I almost threw up. Chiara actually thanked me for changing that one ... it's like she could smell it too. :)

(At her favorite park on a jumbo-sized xylophone.) 

Eldon and I fall asleep impersonating our child. Is that what other parents do? We laugh and talk to each other in her voice and throw fake tantrums and just delight in it. She has become a total Mamma's girl over the last couple weeks and it's so sad for both of us because we loved it when he was her favorite. Eldon loved it because he was the favorite, and I loved it because if I only got to see my baby for a couple hours a night I'd want to be the favorite too. It's like a consolation prize. But not anymore.

Last night Eldon (who sings like Josh Groban) tried to sing her a lullaby and she wouldn't have it.

"No noz, no noz*!!" She yelled, and waved her pointer finger at him.

He turned to me with a crestfallen expression.

"She just pointed her finger at me!" He pouted, devastated. "I never do that to her."

"I do." I said, trying to keep my laughter under control. It's so hilarious to me when she gets bossy. I mean, it's totally irritating for the most part, but there is that 2% funny factor ... like when she does it to Eldon and not me.

(A joy ride with cousin Drew in the power wheel a couple weeks ago.)

(* So, I hope this doesn't mean she is going to need speech therapy someday, but she says a lot of her words backward. Noz = song. Oosh = shoe. Weird, I know. In church yesterday when it was time to sing Chiara jumped up and yelled, "NOZ!!!!!" at the top of her little lungs. Eldon and I smiled exchanged one of those parental looks that say, "We are so going to miss this stage.")

Chiara has opinions about everything. She wants clips in her hair. Yellow on one side, pink on the other, and she can still tell you which side has which color that night before we take them out for bath time. She knows what dress she wants to wear to church. She knows which pens she wants to color with and which ones have to be removed from the table so she can create her masterpieces without distraction. She asks if we need refills on our water and rushes to the fridge to be the one who pushes the spout on the water dispenser. She pats my leg and asks me if I'm happy if I'm too quiet. She randomly announces that she's "happy now" ... as if to let me know that she hadn't been before that. She is confused by testimonies or talks at church when there are tears involved ... "Crying? Girl sad? Oh, happy now!" She'll think about a chore I've given her, like picking something up or taking something to her room, tilt her head, and then say, "OH ... okay!" 

(Of course she can't leave her doll behind ... even for swings.)

In short, she totally cracks us up. And there are so many, many things that, for the sake of the teen-aged girl she will be someday, I simply cannot mention in such a public forum. But she's hilarious.

She's in love with the movie Happy Feet. I have renewed it at the library a dozen times. She thinks penguins are the greatest animal God ever created, though when she shouts it out it definitely sounds more like an anatomy lesson than the word penguin ... if you know what I mean. The first time Eldon heard her say it the look on his face was priceless. I wished I'd filmed it. :) 

"Happy penguin!" (when he dances)

"Baby penguins!!" (when the eggs hatch)

"Lots of penguins!!!" (when the chicks are singing together)

"Mamma penguins!" (when the moms come back)

I wonder what our neighbors think. :) 

Oh, because it's been AFRICA hot and we've had every window open all day long. Bless the weather's heart for sending me some rain and cloud cover today. My heck in the whole world ... I hate being hot.

***

Today I was just drifting off to sleep after she'd been sleeping for about an hour when I woke up to a terrible sound. It was her pennies. She loves to play with pennies, so Eldon spent hours one time cleaning and bleaching a whole can of pennies for her to play with. Well, this morning she had insisted on putting all her pennies in her snow boot, and then she'd insisted on sleeping with that boot during her nap. I should have taken it off her bed after she fell asleep but I forgot. And the terrible noise that woke us both up was her pennies spilling off her bed, rushing against the wall on their way to the floor.

For the love. :)

The "F" Word

The other night I was ironing some fabric to make a baby blanket for my sister-in-law. For her baby. :) It was late and Chiara was already in bed, so I asked Eldon to read on the couch so he'd be closer to me ... for the quiet company, you know?

It was a really relaxing night ... we didn't have any music playing or anything, it was just us, enjoying each other's presence, silently. Until I had a thought.

"You know what I really hate?" I asked Eldon, maneuvering my iron around a tricky seam.

"What?" he asked, after the six-second pause it took for him to emerge from his fiction and come into the real world.

"I hate when you say things are "fine." Like when I ask you if you want berries in the pancakes and you say, 'Berries would be fine.' Or when I ask if you want chicken or pasta for dinner and you say, 'Chicken is fine.' Why do you say that? I hate that!"

"Um, I don't know. It's just my statement of ambivalence, I guess." Eldon answered ... I wasn't looking but he sounded a little hesitant.

"I'm not mad about it--

"Oh, good." he interrupted me, making us both laugh.

"I'm just wondering what's going through your head when you say it. Is putting berries in the pancakes going to make you happy? Does it matter at all whether we eat chicken or pasta? Or are you, like, ordering me around like the butler in a movie who asks, 'Shall I bring the car around, Sir?' and the guy says, 'That will be fine, Bitumen.' You see what I mean?"

"Not really."

"I really, though, I'm not mad about it." I looked up from my ironing board so he knew I was serious. "But I probably will be if you say it again." I added with a smirk.

***

Fast forward two hours later and I'm just finishing my frigging blanket because the fabric is slippery and I've had to rip out every seam like 18 times. Finally I just decided that the edges weren't going to be perfect and left them a little twisted. Yuck. Sorry, sister-in-law. :)

"Honey, let's just leave it and go to bed. I'm tired." Eldon said from his perch by my table. He'd been watching me for the last 10 minutes. As I'm writing this it occurs to me that we almost always go to bed at the same time. He could have just gone ahead without me ... but I guess that's just not our style.

"I'm almost done, Love, I just want to lay out these strips in order first."

He gave me a pouty face for that. :)

"I'm not going to sew them together right now, I'm just putting them in the order I want." I added, pushing him on the shoulder and smiling as I rolled my eyes.

I put my fabric strips (for blanket #2) down, one green polka dot, then a fuzzy pink, then this darling grey stripe ...

"That doesn't match, Honey."

"What, the grey stripe?"

"Yeah, it looks black. And it doesn't go with the rest of the colors."

"It's there for contrast. It makes the other colors pop. See?" I tried to show him by covering the stripe then showing it again.

"Whatever you say." Eldon sighed dramatically, smiling at me like I was crazy.

I kept putting pieces down and then I put another striped one down.

"POP! Pop pop pop!!!" he yelled out, grabbing my waist and pointing to the fabric.

Gosh this man makes me laugh.:)

"Can you be done now?" he asked as I rolled up the fabric.

"You're so ridiculous." I said, giving him a hug.

Long pause.

"Bedtime will be fine." he said.

"OH MY GOSH!!!" I laughed, pushing him away.

"Sorry, I know ... I said the "f" word!"

And then we both laughed all the way through face washing and teeth brushing. :)