you can't reclaim pieces of your heart once freely given.
but you can reach for the sun anyway, and twist 'round those empty spaces - we grow in unexpected ways, i think, when we let ourselves recover.

spring came a bit late for me this year; but in pruning i'm surprised at how quickly new shoots emerge and quest for light.

there's no clear path forward - but perhaps that's when it's best to listen to the whispers of instinct.

thanks to everyone who has responded to my last entry/current situation with words of comfort, and for all of the offers of advice or support. they are *very* much appreciated, even if i haven't had a chance to tell you so directly yet.  when i'm not being selfish or frustrated, i have enough perspective to know that it's my dad (and his soon to be ex-family) that i should be really worried about. i'm just even more helpless in that arena, so i've been venting about the more immediate, and seemingly more easily fixed things.

so, other things, totally not related:

1) when the going gets tough, the tough drive away. i'll be driving to montana over an extended veteran's day weekend. does anyone have suggestions as to what to stop at and marvel at/experience along the way? sadly, much of yellowstone and the tetons are apparently closed during this time of year. i'm looking for anything here - from the world's largest ball of string (where is that, anyway?) to the badlands (already on the list). suggestions for road trip games and time occupiers are also welcomed.

it might have been suggested by my mother that if i sing someone might lop my head off with an axe by the end of the trip. i'm not sure who this statement says the most about.

2) remembrance sushi.  given that i will be away, i need to coordinate a little early this year.  remembrance sushi will be at yama on the 14th. please let me know if you would like to attend, preferably by next thursday (6th) so i can make the reservation.

at a party on saturday i was accused of never writing here, which is by-and-large true, save for coordination posts and things that i keep for myself. as catherine noted (at that same event), even when i used to bother to write something here it tended to be rather cryptic anyway.

( so here's a really long entry...Collapse )

1) BT this weekend at Ibiza, 20 ducks.  You should come and dance. Will it be ambient, will it be more of his older dancier music? Who knows. But I'm going and I'm dancing and you should come too.

Secondly) I'm back from Costa Rica. It was awesome. I jumped off a bridge and didn't die. More later.

C of all) For those following my seemingly impenetrable career path, I've got a new job starting mid-August. On the face of it it's a non-sensical move, but I'm convinced it's the right one for me right now.  In the mean time, I'm sort of working two jobs, which is admittedly a little taxing and is going to cut into that non-existent free time of mine.  Again, more later.

IVly) While I wasn't paying attention, both my former (grad school) adviser and cookie monster were on the Colbert report.  I should keep up with pop culture better.

sometimes, when you don't use it for too long, your voice gets rusty.
and i realize i've never been good at articulating things verbally - but now i find that i can't even find the written words.

maybe it's because i've pulled so far inward, though i've always been by nature a bit of a closed person. (understatement of the week, i know)

anyway, i don't know how to wax eloquent about putting my cat to sleep today. it sucked. a lot.

he's been my friend for, well - longer than i've known anyone who reads this.  which in the scheme of my life narrative is a really bloody long time.

i'm exhausted from releasing all those tears i didn't even know i had left in me. and still surprised by the ones that well up unexpectedly.

i had nothing left afterwards for the house, when i did my final walkthrough this afternoon.  in retrospect, i'm amazed that the only things i conjured up on that last visit were relatively positive memories. and that none of them involved my family.

and thus the things which have born witness to my history pass.
alas that i can not compose a more appropriate requiem.

even if your personal and professional life are in an official state of disarray - it's okay. embrace this.

have that good cry you've been needing. hack off your hair. go to puerto rico.

life is making room for possibilities, and this openness is something you haven't had for a long time.

breathe. live. love. smile.

someday, i will have to begin feeding the internet again. which means doing things like cleaning up my lj (both visually and in reference to my actual entries), getting back into writing, and maybe even doing something with that facebook account that people seem to have found. you guys are crazy - i set it up to look at some of my sister's photos and all of a sudden i have "friends" or whatever after one tawdry visit.

bother.

anyway - this isn't a real entry. this is a: i would like to go see the ansel adams exhibit this weekend (or possibly next), and am looking for folks to join me. not sure how much flexibility there will be on time/day given that last weekend sold out - so i'd like to coordinate with a small number of folks and buy tickets in the relatively near future. if you'd like to join, let me now your availability and i'll do my best to finagle something that works for everybody. (tickets run for 14 bucks a pop to the exhibition - i'm not sure if that's in addition to or includes the general corcoran price of $6)

also, a psa: this week is restaurant week in dc (and in some nova/md restaurants). many tasty establishments are having three course lunches for $20 and three course dinners for $30. take advantage of it.

i need six of me to do everything that i want to do with my time. a rich benefactor wouldn't hurt either.

anyone up for remembrance sushi on wednesday?

i'm currently thinking matuba's (in arlington) circa 7:30. input welcomed.

dude, for serious, i just got invited to dinner at the deputy administrator's house.

i admit to being a little bug-eyed.

anybody have recommendations on computer speakers?

since i got a rent easement for having to deal with asbestos abatement, i figured i could splurge a little/invest for once. :)

considerations (which from my reviews thus far seem important):
- i don't game much - i want the speakers for music, not for dvd watching or game-playing.
- space is not an object.