My dreams continue to be surreal. I dreamed I was reading a magazine this morning, and I still remember the bit I was reading just before I woke up.

"Smoking culture has changed significantly since the first time Richard (name changed to preserve privacy) let himself be beaten with cigars by three girls outside a seedy New York nightclub. "I asked them if there was some other way I could earn my smokes," he says. "They just shook their heads.""

i.
Ignore the skin, thin and superficial, plastic wrap atop a bowl of jello,
muscle’s not it either, wet meat like the packets in the supermarket,
down, down deeper, past the bone, the marrow, past the blood cells, not there yet,
deeper, deeper, deeper than that?
Digging to China in the yard, through the molten core and out the other side,
and what did you expect to find down there among the fossils?

ii.
Feel happy in your face and cheeks and eyes.
Feel sad inside your mouth and nose, wet pressure on your teeth.
Feel anxious in your belly, twisting, chill, and liquid.
Feel them in the soft grey vulnerability inside your head, indefinable, subjective, immeasurable, a disordered firing of impulse,
call it categorizable, knowable, definite,
call it you.

iii.
Find yourself twelve again, thirteen, fourteen,
fifteen and it happens, finally, a definition, a change
you’ve been waiting for for years, sliding and painful

and you don’t feel any different, not at all,
did you really think that this would solve you?
You did?

iv.
Digging deeper, not there yet, not yet there,
how far, how long, how deep
until you set the shovel down and say,
enough,
I am enough?

Tags: poetry

Today, I no longer have to worry about making a choice between my identity and my marriage.

Forgot to update and post this earlier, whoops. >.>;

If you are an artist who has posted art on the internet - check http://www.hippopaint.com/ and search for any names you have posted art on the internet under, they may have ripped your lines, the contact email is at the bottom. If you find your art there, you can also report the app to Chrome here.

... I am mildly annoyed that to switch my default icon to the one I would like to use, I would have to either pay or delete all the icons I uploaded to display my interests. I suppose it's not really that big a deal since I no longer use this account for much, but still ... mildly annoyed.

Almost forgot this year's iteration of the Progress Report:

Someone had another birthday.

Do you have to be at a certain level of friendship before breaking out the horrible puns?

WELL. We know where we're moving and when:

Stuttgart, Germany, in July.