endometrium

hmm i keep doing the annoying self sabotage thing where i stay up late and can't bring myself to do my work or study and then feel too guilty to sleep and somehow always delay getting to work in the morning

i was very confidently incorrect at teaching this afternoon which makes me laugh and also want to hide under a table

i am unable to defeat this overwhelming sense of imposter syndrome at present. part of my is like YOU ARE FINE. YOU ARE AT THE EXPECTED LEVEL. and the rest of me wants to beg constantly for validation ugh it's so annoying and i hate it when other people do it let alone myself, it's so frustrating

also i really do need to study now because my next rotation is incompatible with anything other than being at work tbh

I was reminded yesterday of how much I loved diarising and writing letters and notes and giant email threads and how cathartic I've always found it to word vomit my thoughts out in text. I was advised that it may be a good thing to restart so here goes!

Nothing will compare to the glory days of my LJ from the ages of 16-22 or spending all day with my bffs and then writing giant email threads but it doesn't have to tbh.

I suspect I will post into the void and talk about work and fandom and real life because they're always a little too intertwined for me to post about them under separate aliases.

I think I will find it hard to continue without the feedback of comments and the community of fandom and uni that I didn't even know how much I needed until it stopped.

Maybe the BFF will be the only one reading it but that's ok.