Are you my mummy?
June 11th, 2015 (04:43 pm)
Well, are you?
I saw that I hadn't posted in 8 months, so I thought I'd post something, but when it came down to it, I didn't really know what to say.
I mean, a lot can happen in 8 months, right? Except happiness doesn't often express itself well in writing. I can tell you about events in the lives of those I love (like, my little sister got herself engaged and married, all in the last 8 months; my older sister just found out she's pregnant and is due in September; my little brother started college), but me? I'm just living, I guess.
I worked at the zoo last summer; that was fun. When the job ended, I got back into project-based/on-call archaeology and have been living on that ever since. It helps that I technically live with my parents, which isn't too bad because I live in hotels when I'm working and spend a lot of time at Sam's when I'm not. Oh, also, I bought a car! That definitely helps; no more getting rides to the office from my parents, or Sam having to drive two hours every time we want to see each other.
Anyway, work is good. Apart from being always either not working or out of town (nature of the beast in my field), I'm enjoying it; I got to be Crew Chief in October, and I've had a lot of independence on the project I've been on recently, and I'm having fun. I work for multiple companies, going on projects for whoever's got them for me. I'm going to have 5 separate W-2s this tax season. Fun.
That's pretty much it. Except, it sounds a lot more blah than it is; I love archaeology, and I'm still thinking about grad school, and reading, and loving Sam, and the loving Sam part is definitely the best.
So--what have I been doing in the past few months (besides snagging myself a hottie boyfriend)?
Well, mostly I've been thinking.
And reading; Shakesville and Fatshionista, mostly.
It's just...dudes, the world sucks.
Everyone fucks each other over: men do it to women, whites do it to non-whites, thin people do it to fat people, abled people do it to disabled people, straight people do it to non-straight people, everybody does it to trans people.
And mostly, it's not intentional. It's not like dudes wake up every morning and think, "Gee, how can I marginalize women today?" or white people plan out their days thinking, "You know, I'd really like to forcibly remind a black person of their race today" or thin people get on airplanes thinking, "I hope I get seated next to a fat person so I can sigh and grimace and make them more uncomfortable than they already are in their tiny airplane seat."
It's something you learn, something that you aren't even aware of, something that seeps through into everything you do without ever thinking about it or noticing it.
Except that I want to notice it. I want to examine my privilege. I can't very well get all up in arms about women's rights and ignore how non-white women feel; that's pretty much the whole problem with what is historically known as feminism. It's just an example, but I want to be aware of what's going on in the world; I want to educate myself on how other people feel--people that are not like me, who have problems I can't even fathom, who are forced to move through the world in ways that are completely alien to me. And, clearly, that starts with fucking asking them.
How can you claim that we live in a post-racial society when you've never asked anyone whose very existence is negatively defined by race? White people have the luxury of thinking they don't have to worry about racism--because white isn't a race, right? Wrong. It is a race. It's just the "right" one.
Obviously, I don't know how everyone unlike me feels, nor am I saying that I'm all enlightened and shit and this makes me better than you. All I'm saying is that I'm fucking trying, and that makes me a better person--but not a better person than you, because I don't give a shit how good of a person you are; all I can control is myself, yeah?
Also, I wish I didn't have to mention this, but it must be pointed out that you shouldn't interpret something I post on MY livejournal as a personal attack on anyone who happens to read it. That's just silly. How could I even DO that? How should I know you're going to read it before you do?
:D
Anyway, if you want to know what I'm thinking about lately, try http://dichotomiesofahybrid.blogspot.com.
I guess it is for me...sort of. I'm blogging somewhere else these days, but the regularity of those posts varies, and they're usually not as "Dear Diary" as LJ has been for me in the past. Regardless, it's been a while.
Should I sum up? It's been, what, almost 5 months?
I went back to the resort and did the new job; it basically sucked, except--oh, hey, remember when I worked at a restaurant, back in 2006, right before I went to Italy? Remember that guy Sam who worked in the kitchen?
("Scruffy guys") Nostalgia here
("Sam") also here and here and here
Why do I bring him up? Well, he is my boyfriend nowz.
Oh yes. He iz.
Three years later, I sat down at my desk at the new resort job and this scruffy dude is sitting next to me and he says "Do I know you?" and I say "You look awfully familiar" and he says "You worked at Tanglewoods." and I was like "HOLY SHIT DUDE NO FUCKING WAY" and the rest, as they say, is history.
Oh, hehrow!
I am watching Just Married with my roommate. I am able to be in the same room as him for extended periods of time without being forced into inane conversations every five seconds. This is remarkable, but not really when you consider that I usually do get along better with male roommates.
What, you say? Roommate? I thought you lived in a fantastic studio all by yourself!
I did. I moved.
I got laid off, too.
Immediately after getting laid off, I decided to move home with my family. I set about finding someone to take over my studio, for which I'd signed a 12-month lease exactly 6 days prior to getting laid off. I found a subtenant, then was offered another job by my former resort, and for a variety of reasons, I changed my mind about going home and took the job, which meant finding a new place to live. I found said new place to live and moved out and in, bopping around between here and home and Boise in between. I started my new job yesterday.
If this sounds fast and furious, it was. I got laid off on November 19th, and everything I just mentioned has happened since then.
There's something else I didn't mention, too, but I'm not ready to mention that yet. I'm pretty sure you can figure out what it is just from that description.
Anyway, yes. Fast and furious life update from the twitter addict. Seriously. @hybridization. I twitter all the time.
Oh, also, roommate went to bed and did not say goodnight. This literally thrills me, although you may not believe it. Saying goodnight to your roommates every single night seems so awkward to me.
I am applying to grad school.
I am applying to NYU, Columbia, and Duke.
I am saying it here because it scares the shit out of me but I'm making myself do it anyway.
Taking a cue from Kim, I present Ten Good Things:
1) It's rainy and foggy and gloriously Pacific Northwest today. I love rain.
2) I moved into my very own studio apartment and I fucking love it. Photos as soon as I get it all set up.
3) The CCO of my company ate one of the muffins I baked this morning.
4) My friend Josh, who totally fucking rules and always makes me smile.
5) Apparently I have fantastic cleavage, because last night, on a dare, I wore the only cleavage shirt I own to a bar, and the boys loved it, and Josh said they were all cold to him because they were all hitting on me and I showed up with him.
6) When it comes, you know it. I haven't asked myself if this is it, even though, under the circumstances, I probably should.
7) It is Friday and I ate waffles for breakfast.
8) I'm seriously considering quitting smoking. As in, more seriously than I ever have before. Both of my sisters and my best friend have quit in recent months, and I happen to know that my brain is wired similarly to the smaller of the sisters who quit, and so this makes me believe I have the ability to quit.
9) I am biologically capable of producing fraternal twins. I've known this for quite some time, but for some reason it is making me really happy lately. (See, identical twins are a fluke of reproduction and come from the same egg, but fraternal twins happen when a woman ovulates on both sides simultaneously. Most women just alternate, and the women who can ovulate on both sides don't always, but if you can ovulate on both sides, it's because you genetically inherited it. My mom's sisters are fraternal twins, which means the genes are present in my family, and a few years I ago I had ovarian cysts on--you guessed it--both sides at once. Hence, I have the genetic component and I know for a fact that I have the biological expression. Hence, I can have fraternal twins. You probably did not need this long of an explanation, but hey, I'm chatty today.)
10) I think I will fold up my bed (it is a Murphy bed, which means it folds into the fucking wall!) tonight and have a dance party. There is nothing below me except the garage and so I will not fear disturbing anyone.
Last night I dreamt my brother Jim fell from a second-story deck--on his head. He was bleeding profusely, clutching his head, and screaming; I picked up my phone to call 911, only to discover that a call was coming in. It was Matt. He wanted to talk--after months of nothing.
This portion of the dream was so vivid; I've often dreamed of my siblings getting horribly injured, and it's always the same traumatic, bright red, bloody, horrifying vividness. But they usually don't involve anyone else; it's usually just the blood and pain. If Matt does decide to talk to me and it comes at a terribly inopportune time, I will once and for all start believing in my dreams.
Or if my brother, who happens to be in Navy boot camp right now, gets horribly injured at Navy boot camp.
Since I got my bangs, last fall, I have found them to be handy in covering up my oily, acne-prone forehead. However, the past week or so has found me pinning them out of the way. This is not because I'm growing them out and they're at an awkward length. I am ordinarily too lazy to style my bangs, but I rarely pin them back; instead I just let them hang out all tousled and hippie.
But now, my forehead is delightful. It is neither overly oily nor overly dry; the acne is gone; it has even color and tone. I am proud of my forehead, and thus, as I am still too lazy to style my bangs, I pin them back. I should probably let them free and trim them up before I go on my little vacation, but whatever, I've got time.
And so, why is my forehead delightful? How do I admire it every time I walk by a mirror? How do I choose to pin the bangs I love in order to display it?
I will tell you my secret, and you might not believe me: Equate Pre-Moistened Exfoliating Face Wipes.
Yes, that is correct. Equate--Wal-Mart brand. I started using them about a week ago, and at first I felt they weren't wet enough, and weren't cleaning enough, but now I see that they're cleaning exactly enough--no dryness, and yet no oil. I really think it's the exfoliation that's the key, though.
Yeah, yeah, this is dull as tombs. I had to share. My forehead has been nothing but a source of annoyance to me for years upon years, and now, after just one week of wiping it at least once a day with a little towelette that actually costs less per application than exfoliating cream, I'm DELIGHTED.
So, I wasn't planning on sending this 10th birthday v-gift, but darned if I didn't go make sure it would be free if I wanted to. Just checking to see if LJ remembers I've had an account for over six years, y'know.
Jesus Christ. Six years. That's how long it takes for a permanent account to pay for itself, right? But with the advent of Twitter, I apparently no longer need LJ. Yikes.
Seriously, though, I guess I have random shit to say--still. I try to keep twitter as academically/intellectually esoteric as possible, with the odd random comment here and there, and anything of substance goes on my new[ish] blog (in case you missed it), so that leaves mindless drivel for livejournal. And I guess I just haven't had much mindless drivel lately. Oh well.
Mindless drivel alert!
I've been out and about lately; a weekend in Utah, a trip to California to see my little sister graduate, a long weekend at home to see my little brother graduate and brew homemade beer with my cousin. Good times. I'm going to South Carolina the first full week of June, which should also be pretty fucking awesome. Camping this weekend will also be awesome.
It's good, all this activity. I've been kind of weird these days, it's hard to explain, but I've just realized that no matter how much I like my current job, it's not what I want to do for any significant length of time. I miss being outside, I miss using my brain, I miss doing the things I love and getting paid for it.
My intellectual pursuit of religious truth has kind of exploded since I joined twitter; so many awesome atheists and freethinkers on there. I'm writing for my blog, I'm discussing stuff on twitter, I'm thinking constantly about things, and all of this has reminded me that I'm not done with my education and I'm ready to go back. I've been out of university for two years now, and I'm ready to go to grad school now. I haven't been until recently, but I am now. I'm going to apply for the fall of 2010, and may the gods get me into at least one program!
Sorry this post isn't very eloquent. I pour that sort of energy into my blog these days. Seriously, go read it. I'm more proud of it than anything I've done recently. I'm proud of getting my thoughts out where others will see them; I'm proud of writing things down that are important to me and touching people's lives with them (people I've never met!); most of all I'm proud of myself for thinking these things. I am more alive now than I've been in years, and I am alive in heart, mind, body, soul, everything. I never feel this way except when I'm using my brain in this way, and I'm delighted.
I'm also spending more time doing random shit with a buddy of mine; he's unemployed, lives in his van, and kind of just does whatever he wants. We met up in Utah for an awesome weekend, and he's rolling back into the county this weekend so we're going camping and canoeing. He lives life from A to B, and when I hang out with him, I do too, and it's awesome. Seriously, everyone should try it. You have the best days of your life when you wake up in the morning and you're in a sleeping bag next to a firepit and the sun is filtering through the trees and all you're thinking about is lighting the fire and making some coffee and sitting back to enjoy the morning. And maybe later you'll go hiking, or take some photos, or build a dam across a creek, but for now you just want coffee and the morning air.
When I write for my blog, I try to be as cohesive and organized as possible, and give my posts good endings, but here I can just stop typing when I'm done. I'm out.
Dear Fox,
Two new episodes of Bones in one week, while delightful, does not in any way make up for the lack of House. I understand that the whole thing with Kal Penn may have disrupted things a bit, but I do not forgive you for depriving me of House goodness. Please to return him posthaste, kthx.
No love,
Me
My blog is now on the blogroll at AnAtheist.net.
That is all.
Except not, because PEOPLE I HAVE NEVER MET IN REAL LIFE ARE READING MY STUFF AND LIKING IT.
Also, apparently I don't post anymore since Twitter took over my life so, a few things:
- My b-day came and went and I is 25 now. Hollah.
- Ski season ends soon. Yay (seriously).
- My mom has been cleared by her doctors to drive again, which means she can come see me!!!
- I am going to CA in May, possibly East Coast in June. Good times.
- Um...that is all.
Oh, yeah. Today in the marketing meeting we went over the rough draft of our FY2010 business plan, and one bit was about our target customer, which was single/married/families in which the head of household is aged 25-44, and I said "Oh, hey, I just hit that range on Sunday!" and there was general laughter at my youth (I am the youngest in the marketing department) and celebration that all 10 of us are now in our target customer age range. Ha.
Oh hay I has a new blog!
http://dichotomiesofahybrid.blogspot.com/
It's actual, like, thoughtful/intelligent/perhaps stuff.
But in other news, I so do not want to be at work today.
I often get the feeling that people think growing up in a big family is all bad. I won't go through all the reasons I hear on a regular basis; I'm sure you have also heard them.
I also won't go into whether or not it's socially and/or environmentally irresponsible to bring seven children into the world. No. Do not even try to go there, as anything you bring up at this point (when the seven children are already in the world) will essentially be a reason why I or any one of my six siblings should not be alive, and not only will I not tolerate any suggestion along those lines, it's just a completely moot point. My parents are done having kids. It's irrelevant to pretty much everything whether they should have had as many as they did or not.
Moving on.
I would like to walk you through a thought experiment. Pick your favorite sibling; if you do not get along with your siblings or are an only child, think of your best friend.
Think about that person for a moment.
Think about how you have fun with them, how you can laugh yourself silly over nothing at all, how you think of them at random times because you heard a song on the radio or something, how you'd love to just drop everything to spend the whole day with them, how you know you can call them at 4 am if you need them, how they know everything about you and have been there your whole life, and if you ever needed a kidney they'd fucking tear theirs out with a spoon for you.
Think about that, and now think about the fact that I have six people that fit that description. SIX. If I ever needed a kidney, I'd have six fucking kidneys lined up for me. If all six were a match for me, I would have six people fighting over who got to give me their kidney.
And every single one of them is different. I have a very special, very unique relationship with each one of my six siblings, and none of them in any way replace any of the others. Sure, I have a favorite (I'd be lying if I said I didn't; hey, it'd be pretty hard to NOT have a favorite out of six), but if I lost all the rest of them still having her wouldn't make up for it.
If I want to talk about sex, there's a sister for that.
If I want to talk about snowboarding, there's a brother and two sisters for that.
If I want to talk about physics, there's a sister and a brother for that.
If I want to talk about children, there's a sister for that.
If I want to talk about sports, there's a sister and two brothers for that.
If I want to talk about young adult literature of the late 19th century, there's a sister for that.
I could go on forever.
OH MY GOD. 
student_travel is on Spotlight. This has caused my flist to overflow with "New member! I saw you on Spotlight! I also like to travel and have no money! Let's be best buds! Give me tips about my coming trip to Egypt/London/Kenya/China/Alaska/Clevelan
I am intolerant. Seriously, though, before the posts were at a manageable level; I could keep the community on my flist without it annoying me, and I'd say I commented on about 30% of the entries. Now I have to filter my flist or I want to punch something in the face. And if this keeps up I may have to take it off my flist altogether, which would be sad.
