All vids posted are default 'choose not to warn' and may contain either content or physical triggers. If you have specific questions about any individual vid you'd like to watch but are unsure of, I am more than open to answering them, so please feel free to shoot me a PM or email (anonymously or not) any time, and I will answer to the best of my ability.

This entry was originally posted at http://fan-eunice.dreamwidth.org/280688.html. ( comments) Comment wherever you want.

Sticky all purpose feedback post, now with correct information!

Vids made since mid-2007 can be found under the 'my vids' tag or from the Dreamwidth, Livejournal and AO3 (coming soon!) posts for each vid. Earlier vids at fan-eunice.com.

Warnings Policy

Times Like These (All Dogs Go To Heaven) DW|LJ|AO3

You Were A Kindness (Witness) DW|LJ|AO3

I Wanna Rock (Storm Chasers) DW|LJ|AO3

Barton Hollow (Homeland) DW|LJ|AO3

Hoping Machine (Harry Potter) DW|LJ|AO3

Love Hurts (Haven, Nathan cries on a beach challenge) DW|LJ|AO3

When My Boy Walks Down The Street (Ferris Beuller's Day Off) DW|LJ|AO3

Bad Karma (Legend of Billie Jean) DW|LJ|AO3

Bad Moon Rising (Beetlejuice) DW|LJ|AO3

Poor, Poor, Pitiful Me (Mythbusters) DW|LJ|AO3

Shine (Thelma & Louise) DW|LJ|AO3

Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise (Stand By Me) DW|LJ|AO3

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun (Once a Thief) DW|LJ|AO3

(Keep Feeling) Fascination(Valley Girl) DW|LJ|AO3

Roll With the Changes (How To Train Your Dragon) DW|LJ|AO3

November Rain (Blade Runner) DW|LJ|AO3

Father and Daughter (Punky Brewster) DW|LJ|AO3

So You Say (Little House on the Prairie) DW|LJ|AO3

Unsound (Smallville) DW|LJ|AO3

Legends Never Die (Nightmare On Elm Street) DW|LJ|AO3

The Eleventy Project, an attempt to vid every episode of S5 as it airs. (Doctor Who)

• Break The Night With Color (episode 5x10) DW|LJ|AO3
• Sunglasses at Night (episodes 5x08 & 5x09) DW|LJ|AO3
• I (episode 5x07) DW|LJ|AO3
• Twilight Omens (episode 5x06) DW|LJ|AO3
• Can You See The Lights (episodes 5x04 & 5x05) DW|LJ|AO3
• Voulez-Vous (episode 5x03) DW|LJ|AO3
• See Who I Am (episode 5x02) DW|LJ|AO3
• Walking On Sunshine (episode 5x01) DW|LJ|AO3

Mother Mary (China Beach) DW|LJ|AO3

Now and Then (China Beach) DW|LJ|AO3

Simon Says (Doomsday) DW|LJ|AO3

Dreams (Marley & Me) DW|LJ|AO3

Charles In Charge (Nightmare On Elm Street) DW|LJ|AO3

TKO (itty bitty titty committee) DW|LJ|AO3

Then The Morning Comes (Galaxy Quest) DW|LJ|AO3

Never Loved A Man (Doctor Who) DW|LJ|AO3

Ever Fallen In Love (Hard Core Logo) DW|LJ|AO3

Papa Don't Preach w/greensilver (Torchwood/Doctor Who) DW|LJ|AO3

Taking Chances (Doctor Who) DW|LJ|AO3

And She Was (Doctor Who) DW|LJ|AO3

Don't Touch That Dial (Doctor Who) DW|LJ|AO3

Moons of Jupiter (Doctor Who) DW|LJ|AO3

Forever Young (Highlander) website only

Whatever It Takes (Bend it Like Beckham) website only

Lullaby (Dead Poets Society) website only

Running Down A Dream (SGA) website only

Swing Down Chariot (Dogma) website only

Hello my equinox vidder! I love you already!

Let me start by saying what I really, really, want is a vid you feel passionate about making. If that means ignoring everything below? Feel no qualms about it. I trust your vision, and even if we see a source differently we both love the thing itself and I always find different perspectives interesting. If you are looking for direction, and an idea of what I like and what comes to mind as what I’d want to see in a vid for these sources read on!


Masterchef Junior

They are so tiny! And talented! I would love to see something adorable and upbeat that highlights that these are itty bitty children in dinosaur shirts and sparkly bows (some of whom can’t even see over the mystery box or reach the counter without a step stool) making ridiculously complicated and sophisticated food. And how much fun they are having doing it and supportive they all are of each other as well.

I won’t say don’t use tears because I see how that could work (and even help build) a positive narrative...just don’t center the whole vid around heartbroken children, please.

I’ve pretty much loved every season and child on this show so use whatever works for you!

Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order

So, this game made me cry a LOT over Order 66 and the traumatic aftermath in ways I hadn’t before. I would love to see a vid that focused on that and the process of dealing with and trying to move past it for any or all of the characters. Please feel free to hurt me as much as you want with this one.

That being said I *also* had a stupid amount of fun swinging a lightsaber around and using all the force powers so if you want to make a high energy action vid that’s all about style points? Please do! I will enjoy the crap out of it.

Also, also, I would nod sympathetically and laugh until it hurt over a vid focusing on such moments as “so you thought you could beat Oggdo Boggdo without dying 100 times?” And “remember all those times a space goat knocked you off a cliff?”

Basically, vid me this game in any fashion and I’ll be thrilled

Horizon Zero Dawn

I love everything about this game. Everything. I’d tell you how many hours I’ve played but that would just be embarrassing.

I love Aloy and her journey. I love her anger and defiance of tradition and her determination. I love her curiosity and thirst for knowledge and answers. I love her connection to Elisabeth Sobeck and the exploration of what that is and what it means over the course of the story. I love the father daughter bond with Rost. I love all the chemistry she has with everyone she meets and the connections she forms along the way. I love her so much.

I also think just the world building alone, with all these amazing environments and stories that exist as ruins and bits and pieces of a past that no longer exists and destroyed itself would be so cool to explore in vid form.

Just, have fun! Take whatever aspect of the game appeals to you if I haven’t talked about it here and run with it. I promise I will love it.

WarGames

Would you like to play a game?

Hello, I am a child of the 80s and this movie was basically designed to directly appeal to my pre-adolescent self. Did I think computers and computer games were so cool, and desperately wanted to have one? Yes, yes I did. Was I terrified that we were all going to die in a nuclear apocalypse? Yes, yes I was. Was I totally fascinated with the concept of AI and computers gaining self awareness? You betcha. Did I think Matthew Broderick was adorable and all but not quite understand why I got a funny feeling in my tummy about Ally Sheedy instead? That absolutely happened.

My childhood. Please vid it.


Ink Master

I am obsessed with this show. Obsessed. I am regularly astonished by the art that is created, both in the flash challenges and the tattoos.

Like. What these people can do with weird materials and limited time is magic. What they can do on human skin is extraordinary. Also I find the entire process of tattooing so fascinating. The planning and stencil making, the tools, the actual tattooing of ink in someone’s skin, all of it. And while I do find all the drama and posturing hilarious, it’s not really what I come to the show for (it’s just a ridiculous side bonus). I mostly just want to watch people make really cool art in non-traditional mediums.

This entry was originally posted at https://fan-eunice.dreamwidth.org/348286.html. ( comments) Comment wherever you want.

I keep reading over and over that most Trump voters aren't really racist/sexist/homophobic. They were just voting for this other thing (usually economic concerns, which...well, I won't get into that right now but wtf), and if we just took the time to understand them and listen to them they wouldn't have voted for Trump. They think that is both comforting and a way forward.

It isn't.

Let me respond with an analogy. For this analogy we will be using a puppy, on account of unlike when it comes to women, people of color, and the LGBT+, people have actual empathy to spare for puppies.

Here is a hungry man. He genuinely hasn't eaten in a week and has every right to be upset and angry about that and he's miffed at those he perceives are responsible for his hunger. Before him stands two candidates. One offers him a turkey sandwich for his vote. The other offers a steak dinner, and also he will be kicking the shit out of this puppy. The man votes for the steak dinner and then watches as a puppy get the shit kicked out of it. You say, "Okay, but he's not a bad person. He was hungry. If you had just focused on how a sandwich isn't a filling meal the puppy would have been safe."

Yes. Yes he motherfucking is a bad person who needs to goddamn feel bad. And ashamed. And he's just told me that he believes the safety of that puppy rests not in it's inherent right not to get the shit kicked out of it, but how full his stomach is. Fuck you.

And if you think for one second that when he sits down to eat his steak and discovers it is actually a shit sandwich that he's going to blame anyone but the puppy for it, you're wrong. You're so very, very wrong. That puppy is dead.

You can "reach out" to these fuckers all you want. I don't care. Fuck them. Seriously, fuck them. Fuck their issues. Fuck their wallets. Fuck their concerns. It is NOT reasonable to hold someone else's basic human rights hostage for...well. Anything. Ever.

If all you are offered is a crust of bread against a steak and puppy kicking, you choose the crust of bread. If all you are offered is starvation against puppy kicking, your last ounce of energy before you pass out should be spent putting your body in front of that puppy to protect it. Anything less does, in fact, MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON.

Note: not you guys. The wider internet. I'm just posting this here because...howling scream of frustration into the wind?

This entry was originally posted at http://fan-eunice.dreamwidth.org/348038.html. ( comments) Comment wherever you want.

I know I have sucked at posting, but I wanted to today. Because it would have been Zen's 50th birthday. And for as long as I knew her, she told me she wouldn't live to see it. And for nearly 13 of those years I told her that was nonsense. I had all the sense and logic on my side to back that up. Not even two years ago several of us were actually starting to plan a big 50th bash in defiance of that prediction. We were going to give her so much grief for outliving it.

We were wrong. I hate that so much today. I want to be at that weekend bash right now. Or even just where I have been more Halloween weekends than not over the years, finding hokey decorations to make her laugh (as far as I know the glitter spiders are </i>still</i> strategically placed all over her house from where they went up years ago and never came down), curled up on the smaller couch watching horror movies together and going to pick up a cake. Halloween kind of sucks now.

This entry was originally posted at http://fan-eunice.dreamwidth.org/347793.html. ( comments) Comment wherever you want.

I started a long post but it just went super negative so I deleted it instead of posting. I am completely overwhelmed right now. The long and short of it is that the last year has brought into sharp relief just how unhappy I have been for a very long time, and how much of it is to do with how dependent I am, and now that I am back in my old situation it is becoming intolerable. Life, as I have learned, is far too short to spend it miserable.

I need a job. I need a job I can do from home because I still have the mental illness and physical disabilities that got me in this predicament in the first place. I need a job that will hire a 43 year old with no real work experience and an unerring habit of freezing like a deer in the headlights at the thought of filling out a job application or resume or anything remotely resembling 'selling' oneself. And it needs to pay enough to live on. Not well or anything. I have no objection to living poor if it's on my own dime. I just need to get out of here. I need to get out of here soon, and on my own steam, before it crushes me back into submission.

I am so fucked. Yes, this is the less negative post. I said to my therapist last year before all this started that I felt like I was fading away and disappearing entirely. As horrifying as the last 10 months have been, I have also been here. Present in the world. And now every day I can feel myself slipping away. It's terrifying. And worse, it's an insult to my best friend who grabbed on to every last second of life to the very end.

This entry was originally posted at http://fan-eunice.dreamwidth.org/347627.html. ( comments) Comment wherever you want.

I haven't really posted in the last 9 months because I haven't been sure of what to say, really. I'm still not. I keep starting and stopping this post because. IDK. My best friend died. But she also lived. Every last minute. Guys, right after she told the doctors to cut it out with the doodads and medicines because she was done, she sent me down to the gift shop to get her chocolate. The last thing she drank was a Pepsi with more gusto and appreciation than I've seen foodies with a 5 star meal.

And it was also hard. Like being born, dying is hard work, I didn't realize how much. She wasn't in pain or distress in the way you might think, she was also heavily on the good drugs and not particularly conscious or coherent for most of the afternoon (her choice), but the body struggles to live even after you've told it that it's okay not to. Her body caught up with her choice about a half hour before she went and in the end it was so chill and so Zen, I can't even quantify it.

I thought I was okay, IDK, I think maybe I am. I learned more about embracing life and not fearing death and being grateful for every moment this year than I could have thought possible thanks to Zen being who she is. But when the arrangements were finalized for them to come take her body last night I realized I couldn't go with her. How is that possible? That is my job. To make sure she never, ever has to be alone in a scary new medical place, that someone who knows her and what she wants and where she keeps all the info they might need can speak for her when she can't, and remember things so she doesn't have to. And last night I had to let her go without me. I'm not sure I know how to do that yet.

So I don't really know what to say. Soon I will pick myself up and live like she wanted me to. Soon. Not today. Today me and Waffles are just gonna hang out under the blanket here wishing we could be doing our jobs.

This entry was originally posted at http://fan-eunice.dreamwidth.org/347273.html. ( comments) Comment wherever you want.

So anyway. Those of you who are friends with both of us already know that I am in Chicago staying at Zen and Pete's for I'm not sure how long. Obviously until they no longer need or want me here. Those of you who don't know, Zen is in the hospital right now facing a likely diagnosis of small cell lung cancer. She will get to come home soon (knock wood), and the business of tackling this bullshit will begin.

On the upside, Zen is still Zen and while everything about this sucks, there has been no shortage of laughter and fun and cookies and watching our reality shows and movies with appropriate commentary and doing what we do (good thing our mutual hobbies don't revolve around running marathons).

I keep trying to figure out what to say about all this, but it's mostly incoherent profanities. I guess I could tell you I quit smoking? I always wondered what it would take for that to happen since my own cancer didn't even manage it. But I cold turkey quit the second I heard about zen's chest x-ray and made a deal with the universe never to pick it back up again if it turned out to be nothing. I have incredibly angry words for the universe for backing out on that deal (I'm a superstitious atheist, okay). But even though the universe is a lying asshole, the quit remains and likely will forever because any time I even see a cigarette my reaction is intense loathing at the thing that is trying to kill my best friend even though she kicked it to the curb over three years ago, and even more rage at the people who make them. I want nothing to do with that bullshit. I wish I could feel more triumphant about finally quitting, but mostly I'm just sad.



So yeah. Fuck cancer with a rusty nail.

This entry was originally posted at http://fan-eunice.dreamwidth.org/346928.html. ( comments) Comment wherever you want.

Posting every day miiiiight have been too ambitious of a goal. I'm going to keep trying, though. Anyhoo, today I talk about a thing I did not expect happening. Since you've met me, you probably know that I watch a lot of documentaries. So anyway, this morning I'm browsing around Netflix and I see this one called "Indie Game. The Movie." and I'm thinking, hey, why not. So I push play expecting to see a behind the scenes sort of thing on how the indie game industry works and it's history or whatever. Figure it will be an interesting way to kill some time and learn something.

That...is not what I took away from it. I mean, there's some of that, certainly. But what it was, for me anyway, ended up being an emotionally raw exploration of the vulnerabilities that drive creation and for good and bad, how it feels to make something and share it. I wish I were better at words to describe what I mean by that. I only know that by the time the documentary hit the 'release day'/'demo day' part for the two games it was following I had literally started crying and didn't stop until after the credits rolled (complicated tears, positive and negative).

It is very possible that this was just the result of my current brain issues and there is nothing particularly compelling or revealing to anyone who is not me? I only know when I woke up this morning 'Full on crying at a documentary about indie video games' was NOT WHAT I WAS EXPECTING. So there you go. That's my post for today.

This entry was originally posted at http://fan-eunice.dreamwidth.org/346706.html. ( comments) Comment wherever you want.

Woo, I fixed it so I could actually upload vid to youtube so the post now contains a streaming version.

Well, I say I fixed it, but really what I did was run it through the newest version of llamaenc and it magically made it 29.97 fps without fucking it up, because Ian is a genius and whatnot and 'run it through llamaenc' has sort of become my go to for 'something technical is wrong with my vid, fix it' issues.

Anyhoo, my post for today aside from the update on getting my vid to stream is a post. Hello. I am glad my vidblock finally broke and hoping it continues (well, it sort of has to continue at least long enough to let me finish the auction vid I was bought for). Who knows, perhaps the power of a former boyband star feeding a kitten will lead to some of the 8 billion projects sitting on my hard drive actually getting worked on/finished.

This entry was originally posted at http://fan-eunice.dreamwidth.org/346522.html. ( comments) Comment wherever you want.