It's the most wonderful time of the year!

I love Christmas! I love the traditions, the time spent with family and friends, the food, the music etc. . I am thankful for my Savior. For his willingness to come to earth to provide a perfect example. Most importantly for His gift of the atonement and a way back to our Heavenly Father. That is the ultimate gift. I have been so blessed in my life. I have an amazing family. I really couldn't ask for better. I have awesome friends. I have the gospel of Jesus Christ and a testimony of it's truthfulness. I have a healthy body and have been given many talents with opportunities to use them. I have been blessed with trials to help me grow and life experiences that are incredible. I hope we all have time to reflect on our lives and the gifts we have been given...the ones money can't buy. Merry Christmas everyone!

Perspective

Since receiving this calling to play music I have been on a roller coaster. I recently have been reading and studying a little bit on the Savior's birth. I watched a video done by my church on Christ's birth. It was so beautifully done. While I was watching it there was a moment that really hit me. It got me thinking about Mary. I can only imagine her feelings during and after the angel visited her and told her of her chosen calling. I am sure she felt overwhelmed, and a feeling of inadequacy. But her words were, "Be it unto me according to thy word." I have reflected on this a lot this week. She accepted it with a faith and grace that is amazing to me. I can only imagine what it would be like to be the Mother of our Savior. What a daunting task. But she was ready to do the Father's will. Not to say that my new calling is in any way comparable but I have felt those same feelings of being overwhelmed and inadequate. After the last time I played I was determined that I would practice and really work hard on the songs for when I played today. I practiced the two songs given to me over and over and over again. I thought I had them down pretty well and could play them through without too many mistakes. I felt pretty good going into today, then...BAM! It was like I had never played the first song before. I don't think I hit more than about 20 notes right on each verse. It was humiliating to say the least. I didn't even end on the right chord. The second song went much better. I received the same consoling comments as I did the first week I played. It just made me feel horrible. I would rather people just not say anything than to say I did great, when I KNOW for a fact that it was terrible. I went to choir and was thankful that at least I could sing even if I couldn't play the piano. Then I came home and it hit me all over again and I cried. I hate feeling this way. I had a headache again before church even though I was prepared. I felt confident going in because I knew I had practiced really hard and could play the songs. So when I played so poorly it really was frustrating. I feel like it doesn't matter if I practice or not it is going to sound terrible either way. At least I am learning how to play the piano better in private even if I still can't play in front of people. I am trying to be positive but it is hard. I DREAD going to Relief Society. I really just want to skip out and go home after Sacrament meeting and Sunday School. But I know I need to stay and stick it out. I really hope someday I will be able to play the piano in front of others and not feel humiliated every time. My perspective has changed from I can't do this to, I can do this, back to I can't do this all in two weeks. I hope I can get it back to I can and keep it there someday soon! Oh did I forget to welcome you to my pity party? Sorry! Welcome!!!