You should totally go read the story for me if you have not already. Ghostbusters 2016, where the team is on Family Feud.

That was actually the prompt I gave, which I thought of while I was hurriedly writing my sign-up and then was like OH MY GOD that has to happen, Kevin has to say things that make Steve Harvey make that FACE. And that was totally what happened! Yay!

Here it is:

I Ain't 'Fraid of No Feud (2365 words) by Anonymous
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Ghostbusters (2016), Family Feud (TV)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Abby Yates, Erin Gilbert, Patty Tolan, Jillian Holtzmann, Kevin Beckman, Steve Harvey
Additional Tags: Game Shows
Summary:

The Ghostbusters are called to the Family Feud set.

---

And, since authors have gone onto the stories, I can claim mine now:

Retirement Might Be a Myth, and Bullet Holes Suck (According to John McClane) (4985 words) by florahart
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Die Hard (Movies)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Matt Farrell/John McClane
Characters: Matt Farrell, John McClane, Frederick "Warlock" Kaludis, Original Characters, Al Powell
Additional Tags: Canon-Typical Violence, tough guy feels
Summary:

Okay, so it's been six years. But yeah, sure, John will still jump when Matt calls out of the blue.

I didn't actually intend to write Die Hard fic (it wasn't what we matched on), but then that was the story that worked. I also had this whole other complicated AU idea for it, but ugh, could not make it work in the timeframe and also this might not be the right characters for the story, so. In any case, McClane is always fun, and I had fun making him old, cranky, and still ready to tell all and sundry to fuck off.

---

In unrelated news, my kid replaced my keyboard, and the one he gave me has the home/end/ins etc set of keys above the arrow keys arranged like this:

Home	End
Insert	Page up
Delete	Page down

and it is killing me because I am old and I paste things with shift-ins, and ins is not the top left and I click shift-home every damn time and then it highlights stuff and does not paste and then half the time I backspace trying to remember how to paste and then the highlighted material goes away and then I am all full of the woe. My life is very difficult.

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Tags: yuletide

Since authors have gone onto the stories, I can claim mine now:

Retirement Might Be a Myth, and Bullet Holes Suck (According to John McClane) (4985 words) by florahart
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Die Hard (Movies)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Matt Farrell/John McClane
Characters: Matt Farrell, John McClane, Frederick "Warlock" Kaludis, Original Characters, Al Powell
Additional Tags: Canon-Typical Violence, tough guy feels
Summary:

Okay, so it's been six years. But yeah, sure, John will still jump when Matt calls out of the blue.

I didn't actually intend to write Die Hard fic (it wasn't what we matched on), but then that was the story that worked. I also had this whole other complicated AU idea for it, but ugh, could not make it work in the timeframe and also this might not be the right characters for the story, so. In any case, McClane is always fun, and I had fun making him old, cranky, and still ready to tell all and sundry to fuck off.

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Tags: yuletide

(Hi, yes I know, I am never here any more. I'm working on it.)

So, as of recently, I am a fitness instructor (no, I still have my day job. This is in addition to that), and one of the things I do is run "challenge groups," wherein I make a private group, on some platform (could be here, could be Facebook, could be an app if I can make it work), and we all do a workout every day, together in the sense that we all do the same one, at home, on our own time, for 4 weeks, checking in with each other and holding each other accountable. The workouts are generally about 30 minutes.

One of the things I am certified/trained/allowed to teach is a brand new program, called Country Heat. It's a line-dance inspired cardio workout, and it's a lot of fun. And very sweaty, but also very easy to modify for any experience or fitness level. If you are saying to yourself LINE DANCING WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK FLORA, no, I get it, but honest, I also do hip-hop kinds of dance and other stuff, and this is fun. No special equipment, no special kind of space -- I have done this in a space about 8 feet square in my garage.

Anyway.

The home version is coming out this week, and so I want to do a challenge group using that program. Right now, I am drumming up interest/taking questions. I'm looking at starting the 4 week program 3 weeks from the date of this post, on August 15, so it would run through September 11. Cost is somewhere in the $50 range for the program, of which I do get some kind of commission but not, like, most of it. I believe, but am not positive, that the program is currently only available in the US and Canada.

Are you interested? You can ask questions here, or via private message.

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So, I am all over gender-neutral pronouns, and I want to call people what they want to be called and stuff, but I am wondering if there is a term which is widely preferred among people who identify as non-gender-binary, not for pronouns but for third-party references to them as family members. For example, my children both are male, so I call them my sons when I refer to them to other people, and I would call female children daughters. Or, I have a sister and two brothers. Aunts uncles grandmothers...

Is the general usage if one's child is nonbinary or in some other way genderqueer such that neither son nor daughter is appropriate, to just say "my child"? (Or, my parent, or my sibling, etc, although I feel like my father's sibling is pretty awkward) It feels weird to me, because "my child" makes me thing of like priests? Or of school permission slips (My child has permission to...). But maybe this is only a matter of culture having told me that son and daughter imply this specific family relationship, and child/parent/sibling are more distant.

Anyone got expertise they wanna share?

Also, this entry is public, so if for some reason you have expertise you wanna share, but you want not to do so in a way that identifies you, anon is fine and so is PM and whatnot.

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Fic I want, which is sappy as shit, and maybe I just need to write it, but anyway:

( aw hell, this is gen, but it's a characterization spoiler anywayCollapse )

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Tags: age of ultron, sometimes i want marshmallows

I wrote utter fluff for valentine's day.

Actually, and astonishingly, this is the third thing I've posted this month, although I didn't point at the others here (but I mean, if you want, you can find them from my AO3 user pretty readily), all Clint/Coulson because apparently that is what I am currently able to write. Astonishingly because my storyteller was on almost entirely hiatus all fall and January due to my brain being otherwise too full of work.

Anyway. Warning for tooth-rotting and ungood verse.

Voicemail, Violets, and Valentines (1800 words) by florahart
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Clint Barton/Phil Coulson
Characters: Clint Barton, Phil Coulson
Additional Tags: shut up I like sap, get-together, Valentines, bad poems, Valentine's Day Fluff, They're both bad at feels
Summary:

Clint has left Phil a valentine, and okay, so it's sappy, so sue him, love poems aren't his strength okay?

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Tags: avengers: clint/coulson

So, my entire autumn was ridiculous, but I did manage to participate in Yuletide. Here's what I did:

The Voyage Home (3959 words) by florahart
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The African Queen - C. S. Forester
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Charlie Allnut/Rose Sayer
Characters: Rose Sayer, Charlie Allnut
Summary:

After the excitement of navigating the Ulanga and plotting to blow up a boat, Rose discovers the prospect of going home to England sounds unbearably dull. Also, she misses Charlie.

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Tags: yuletide

It's a Marvel-wide fest, so there are lots of fics with other pairings (and in fact it's not the pairing with the highest , but somehow all four postings today are C/C. (one of them is mine from the previous post; there are also three others) The collection is here, if you're in the mood for longish Marvel fic but haven't found the fest yet.

Anyway, collectively they are 99,300 words in these four works, so I guess it's a pretty good day for folks who are fans of this ship. Heh.

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Marvel Big Bang fic, so, you know,

It's Not the Fall That's Going to Kill You (21369 words) by florahart
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Rating: Mature
Words: ~21350
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Clint Barton/Phil Coulson
Characters: Clint Barton, Phil Coulson, Natasha Romanov, Background OCs, OFC, Nick Fury
Additional Tags: breaking up, Getting Together, Happy Ending, mention of Coulson/notClint, Phil has issues, SHIELD’s psych department has its work cut out for it, temporary (canon-compliant) character death, vague mention of unfocused suicidal inclination, not particularly AOS-compliant, fallout from trauma, Clint does use his words until he can't any more, I do break them but then I fix them, shocking lack of porn, Canon-Typical Violence, Phil sometimes makes pride and self-loathing an art form


Summary:

The thing is, Phil knows Clint is always going to be the guy who jumps off buildings, and he loves him the way he is, and these two things together mean he cannot be in this relationship any more. Even though it is going to suck to end things. Even though it actually feels like it might kill him.

So he makes the hard call and tries to go on with his life.

Except, it turns out the alternative to living with a sniper who's practically a superhero is worse, and then way worse, and then everything really goes to hell.

Fortunately, the universe somehow gives them another chance, and Phil isn't throwing a good thing away twice.

Note: there is also art, which is awesome, embedded in the post or here

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Tags: avengers: clint/coulson

Hi writer. I already like you for wanting to write one of the things I requested, and if you already have big ideas for what to write, don't let me hold you up, seriously.

There are prompts in the signup, so while those are duplicated below, really this letter is more generally about likes and dislikes, divided into plot- or setup-related and porn-related. This is not a statement that you gotta write porn, but just, if you're going to, I feel like you might like to know what kind is my favorite. Oh, general comment: just because this is yuletide, there is no reason you need to make this story winter-holiday-focused. You certainly can if you want (any winter holiday including one you make up if the world you're writing in calls for it), but it's not important to me either way.

( Likes and dislikesCollapse )

( My literal requests are here under the cut, for reference in the same post, but I mean, if you're my author you already have this.Collapse )

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Tags: dearauthor, yuletide

Hi writer. I already like you for wanting to write one of the things I requested, and if you already have big ideas for what to write, don't let me hold you up, seriously.

There are prompts in the signup, so while those are duplicated below, really this letter is more generally about likes and dislikes, divided into plot- or setup-related and porn-related. This is not a statement that you gotta write porn, but just, if you're going to, I feel like you might like to know what kind is my favorite. Oh, general comment: just because this is yuletide, there is no reason you need to make this story winter-holiday-focused. You certainly can if you want (any winter holiday including one you make up if the world you're writing in calls for it), but it's not important to me either way.

( Likes and dislikesCollapse )

( My literal requests are here under the cut, for reference in the same post, but I mean, if you're my author you already have this.Collapse )

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Tags: dearauthor, yuletide

As their devoted fans and followers will remember, Potter and Krum competed against each other in the controversial Triwizard Tournament, but apparently there are no hard feelings, as they embraced upon meeting (what really happened in that maze? Speculation is unlikely to be quelled by the warmth of their greeting).

I... don't quite know what to do with that.

In other news, I once again have like 12 WsIP (primarily MCU), a couple of which are longish but not anything ridiculous like "nearly done". I hate working this way, but I can't just not keep trying to write the stories in my head. Grah.

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...I see people post fic tagged "Porn Without Plot/Plot What Plot" and I have this moment of sort of hoping it's anthropomorfic involving the two PWP characters.

Clearly, it would be best if it were gen, or at least kind of innocent. Which naturally means this happened in the last ten minutes...

There once was a youngster named Porn Without Plot
Whose name was a source of disgust.
He wanted his classmates to see him as deep,
But everyone saw Porn; thought lust.
Then one day a new kid arrived at the school;
His name, Plot What Plot, meant the chart
Placed Plot next to Porn, 'cause that was the rule,
But better: Plot thought Porn was smart.
Great friends they became, each helping the other,
And Porn stopped concerning his head
With how the rest saw him (who needed another
Excuse to be angry and sad?)
Together they studied and worked on their math,
Wrote essays and filled sheets with ink,
Til one day they looked at their lives' single path,
And realized how deep was their link.
So Porn got the license and Plot bought the cake,
And all of their classmates showed up,
Romance dabbed his eyes and True Crime tried to make
Them sign an unneeded pre-nup.

And then they did not smoosh frosting on each other because ick, and they lived happily ever after. And probably eventually there was porn, but this isn't that story.

The end.

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I got Draco Malfoy talking to Toby Ziegler.

Sure, that seems reasonable. *nods*

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Once again, it took me months and months to manage to actually finish one fic. I mean, I have several others in varous stages of being thousands of words, but none of them are done. Anyway, fic posted in the middle of the night last night, which is fitting since the whole concept of "so what happens when you run out of bottles of beer on the wall?" showed up in my head and was immediately met with, "well then obviously you're out of turns so you might as well take on a god" also in the middle of the night during a particularly insomniac bout last winter.

Here it is...

Title: A Hundred Bottles of Beer (11216 words) by florahart
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Clint Barton/Phil Coulson
Characters: Clint Barton, Phil Coulson
Additional Tags: not entirely AOS compliant, stops before events of Winter Soldier, Phil in the Army, Phil recruits Clint, temporary (canon-compliant) death, neither of them is good at feelings, Happy Ending, (sappy ending), fortune teller, Phil swears like a soldier

Summary: When Phil was a young man, a fortune teller at the circus told him he'd face death a hundred times.
He didn't believe her, until, upon reflection on the evidence, he kind of maybe did.
And then he met Clint.



...now to convince the muse to write the Steve/Sam(/Bucky) that won't congeal into a plot in there...

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Tags: avengers: clint/coulson

...which I have not read before.

Is it just me, or are there like six totally worthwhile ships to ship in these books even though pretty much every character is described as totally physically unappealing? AO3 has no fic (but the books are not new; maybe ff.n does? Ugh, dislike), which is too bad, because despite that I am only halfway in the middle of book 2 (of 3), I sort of really want to read fic.

*puts on list for yuletide...*

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( just cutting it all because, you know, spoilersCollapse )

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Secret holiday exchange fic, so this was posted at AO3 many days ago.

On the Record (15816 words) by florahart
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Clint Barton/Phil Coulson, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov
Characters: Clint Barton, Phil Coulson, Jarvis (Iron Man movies), Natasha Romanov, Melinda May, Jemma Simmons, Tony Stark
Additional Tags: Clint Needs a Hug, Clint is a mess, SHIELD likes secrets, #coulsonlives, non-graphic mention of suicide, Nick Fury Lies, Tahiti is maybe not that magical either, Bandaids really won't fix Clint's issues, angst but I fix it honest, no one is actually suicidal, insomnia of complete doom, I don't recommend Clint's solution, dubious treatment approach is dubious, Hurt/Comfort, supportive team

Summary: Ever since the battle (ever since Coulson died, is the main thing here) Clint can't sleep. Like, at all. 45 minutes of unconsciousness in a night is a great fucking success, and half the time, even that happens in several pieces over the course of several hours. Losing his mind is on the very short list of ways things can go next.</p>

Then, he has a brilliant idea, but until he gives it a try, he doesn't know how brilliant it is.

(Turns out, it's brilliant.)

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Tags: avengers: clint/coulson

Two fics for the 2013 Secret Snarry Swap:

First, my original assignment:

Way to a Man's Heart (9160 words) by florahart
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Harry Potter/Severus Snape
Characters: Harry Potter, Severus Snape, Hermione Granger, Charlie Weasley, Ron Weasley, George Weasley
Additional Tags: get-together, Clueless Harry, Snape Lives, matchmaking service, slightly insecure Snape, everyone knows but them, dating without knowing it
Summary:

Harry wants to meet his perfect match--everyone else is pairing up, and he's not getting any younger (okay, he's twenty, still true). He's willing to try anything to find The One, even embarrassing things like place personal ads, but what he doesn't think to do is look right before his eyes.

Then, I also picked up a pinch, which I had scribbled pieces of but not put together so I literally typed a whole lot of it, with the help of my kids and their vocabularies, in the car while someone else was driving while I was on my way to Christmas family adventure time (I am sure this is totally normal):

Marks (5136 words) by florahart
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Harry Potter/Severus Snape
Characters: Harry Potter, Severus Snape
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Alternate Universe - College/University, Teacher/Student but without coercion, Harry likes to babble, Snape takes office hours seriously
Summary:

Harry's a computer science student, but he needs a writing credit to qualify for an internship. All the writing classes are full, so he ends up in Snape's lit class as a substitute. Snape has a reputation as a hardass, but it can be said that no one passes his class without learning to write, so that meets the requirement, and then, once Harry starts working on that, it turns out they have something else in common.

Unrelatedly, I also wrote a tiny American Hustle-related cracklet last night in the middle of the night. Because I needed to. Cough syrup might be to blame.

Something Real (300 words) by florahart
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: American Hustle (2013)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Carmine's Hair/Irving's Hair
Characters: Irving Rosenfeld's hair, Carmine Polito's hair
Additional Tags: I'm Sorry, Had to be done, epic hair is epic, Crack, it's possible this happened because of fever, anthropomorphized hair what is wrong with me
Summary:

Irving's hair is jealous of Carmine's, but it's okay, they have mutual respect

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Tags: crack: fic, fic pointing, harry/snape

I've been poking this fic a while, but then I had exchangey things to write so it got back-burnered. But last night, I hauled it out and finished it, so I posted it.


Just Lucky (8688 words) by florahart
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Clint Barton/Phil Coulson, brief and limited Clint Barton/OMC
Characters: Clint Barton, Phil Coulson, OMC, Jarvis (Iron Man movies)
Additional Tags: #coulsonlives, but Clint doesn't know it, Jarvis is a big help, shut up I like sap, destined relationship, Clint swears like it's going out of style, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Pining like a champ
Summary:

So, Clint's known for ages he has the muddled mark on his body that will eventually clear up and show him the name of his destined partner/mate/love-of-his-life/whatever, but at this point, it's more of a pain in the ass than anything else.

Until it suddenly goes and tells him something completely unexpected.

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Tags: avengers: clint/coulson

(which I have only just noticed nearly 3 hours into Day 2; skillz, I has them)

(also, what the hell, it's almost 3am. Awesome.)

Moving on. Today's challenge, here, is In your own space, post a rec for at least three fanworks that you have created. It can be your favorite fanworks that you've created, or fanworks you feel no one ever saw, or fanworks you say would define you as a creator.

I'm going with one I think a lot of people skipped, one that is so fully absurd it barely qualifies as a story, and one I just still love even though in order to be canon compliant, it cannot have a happy ending.


So, sometimes I write fic that's kinda dark.

Evan Ames Rises Up (6950 words) by Flora
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Kingsley Shacklebolt/Andromeda Tonks
Characters: Kingsley Shacklebolt, Percy Weasley, Harry Potter, Charlie Weasley, Severus Snape, Andromeda Black
Additional Tags: Extremely Dubious Consent, mindfuckery, Possession, trickery, non-gory horror
Summary:

This was written for the Bring Back the Bastard fest on LJ (community: deeply_horrible, originally posted here), the purpose of which was to write stories in which Snape was as horrible/nasty/mean as he was supposed to be in canon. The prompt to which I wrote was Post-DH. Snape's ghost possesses someone. He does it much more slowly, subtly and successfully than Voldemort did. No unicorn-blood required; Snape was MUCH better at potions than Voldemort was.

More often, I write fic that is not, and sometimes that fic is made of pure crack.

Debrief (467 words) by Flora
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Avengers (2012)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Phil Coulson, Nick Fury
Additional Tags: not hulk fault, Thor talks to animals, sometimes plans don't go according to plan, Nick Fury cannot believe this shit, Microfic, Crack, rated R for ridiculous
Summary:

Hulk doesn't respond well to rodents.

And then sometimes I write fic that is ouchy.

Title: Touching the Sky
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Cedric/Charlie
Rating: Hard R, I think. There is smut; it's not hugely and directly explicit.
Words: 6240
Notes: This is NOT AU. Work out on your own what warnings that means, should you care to.



(Course, more than that I usually write things like get-togethers, porn, and kidfic, sometimes all at the same time. But the challenge was to point to three, so I did.)

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So, I successfully remembered not to sign up for too many fests this year, which is good; I'm not looking at a list of 8 incomplete things that are due by next week (not that this has ever happened, obviously...) but a nice limited set of things. So that's good.

However, one of them (not the one I corresponded with a mod about today, no worries) has a prompt that is speaking to me, but here is the thing: I want to write that, but I want to write it and post it todaaaaaay. So I can has feedback todaaaaaay. I dunwanna wait until long-from-now posting time!

...there is some chance this impatience is related to my long-standing issue of finishing at or after the deadline; this always means less waiting time until posting. Maybe I should work on this trait.

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Tags: why don't i have a writing-rambling tag

Here I am watching Deathly Hallows 1 all evening (Dear Jo: I still cannot believe you killed Dobby WTF also it doesn't hurt less at this distance), and prodding ineffectively at my yet another of the fuckton of Clint/Coulson things (what the hell, self, when did you acquire an almost OTPish thing? WTF) and it has just occurred to me that while Coulson is hardly a house elf, still, they do have in common the whole stabbed until dead by magical crazypants while protecting the team vibe.

Um, have in common the whole vibe in which blah blah... not, have in common blah blah while protecting the vibrator belonging to the team. That would be a different story.

But I digress.

What I am not writing is: the fic in which (because #Coulsonlives, obvs, so why not Dobby too) they compare notes about trying to keep all these wizards (technological, magical, wev) safe despite their repeated flingings of self into the fray, while themselves being largely overlooked but actually being quite powerful in getting shit done.

I don't even know how that fic would go, although I feel like the conversation would transpire while Phil was managing 837465 details on his phone, laptop, and files all at once and Dobby was compulsively tidying around him. Phil would find Dobby completely restful and beautifully helpful compared to his usual high-maintenance genius/superskills brigade, and Dobby would love how Phil respected his competence and told him the rules. They would probably get along fabulously.

...and then Dobby would somehow find out that Fury used Phil's death to manipulate people and he would bring all his righteous friend-protecting outrage at Nick and it would be epic and hilarious.

Well. I am now sufficiently amused, but no closer to finishing any of these pile of fics. Alas.

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Tags: things what i am not writing

This is a list of events in harassment at three specific male-majority geekish-majority spaces, and steps taken to make that shit go away. SF/F cons and writing; Atheist communities in general; Open Source cons and spaces.

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And the other one that has been pissing me off since I started it between the Yuletide deadline and archive going live last December. WTF.

When Your First Four Dates Are in a Convenience Store, It Might Be Destiny (19416 words) by florahart
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Clint Barton/Phil Coulson
Characters: Clint Barton, Phil Coulson, Darcy Lewis, Tony Stark, Natasha Romanov, Nick Fury
Additional Tags: AU, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Clint goes to college, Can convenience store burritos be matchmakers, Not a college AU

Summary: Clint Barton, one time carnie, is halfway to a college degree and working nights to pay for it when Phil Coulson shows up in his life and orders a burrito.

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Tags: avengers: clint/coulson