Pop quiz: How long does it take to beat a moron to death?

A mysterious man dressed in blue stands upon a streetlamp, perched with a mighty pose, a striking image of inspiration! Mayfield can rest safely, knowing their streets are being patrolled by... BONK BOY!

Wait, no. Bonk MAN. Though that doesn't exactly have a good ring to it. Whatever. We'll work on the name later.

The very obvious unknown figure looks over the town. In one hand, a bat. In the other, a pistol. On his face is a blue, winged mask. Tied around his shoulders is a bed sheet a sweeping blue cape, fluttering in the fall breeze majestically! He scans the scenery looking for trouble, or those in need!

Except, this is Mayfield. Generally, it's pretty quiet. Especially after something like nuclear fallout. NO MATTER. Scout will find it. Or he'll make it up. Having trouble getting your groceries into the car? BONK MAN (yeah let's stick with "Man", thank you) IS THERE! Did your bike chain pop? BONK MAN IS THERE! Or maybe you're just walking down the street minding your own business. BONK MAN IS THERE to... tell you of some kind of danger. Yes. Danger lurks around every corner!

Later, in the park, for the kids in town, Scout Bonk Man will basically have a big game of pretend going on. No, not pretend! Superhero training! Any kids are welcome to join in the fun. Any adult is welcome to as well, especially as the villains - whether they volunteered or not.

[Feel free to jump in at any point! While Scout is patrolling, coming up to you with fake (or real?) danger, or in the park!]

[Open phone call made from the hospital to all. Scout sounds irritated.]

Hey, Mayfield! Ya know what's shittier than I town fulla never-ending zombies? A town fulla never ending zombies on yer birthday. As much as I can go 'round shooting guys in the face all day, a break to go get some drinks would be nice.

---

[To anyone hiding out in the hospital today, Scout will be found in the cafeteria, digging some cake out of the fridge for himself. Now if there was only beer.]

Guess will have to do! Wait, what kinda cake is this... Aw man, carrot cake? Not even any chocolate in here?

[Filtered phone call to non-drone types]

Awright. I don't care if this gets me droned, or thinkin' I'm a commie all of a sudden or whatever the fuck is happenin' this week.

I just wanna say this: I am a cop, an' I ain't arrestin' anyone for being a goddamn Commie. Unless that Russia guy or whatever still lives in this town, there ain't no Commies. Got it? Now all of ya need ta get off the freakin' phone lines talkin' about people ya murdered or cookies ya stole or whatever the fuck. Jeez.

An' if I do start arrestin' people, ya know it ain't my fault. Mayfield did somethin' ta me. Look guys, I've been here way too long, an' I know how this shit works. Get off the phones, rip the cord outta tha wall, and hide down in yer basement 'r somethin'. Cuz when all the drones are even actin' nervous? Shit's gonna hit the fan for real.

Scout is out on his lawn.

He is watering it with a hose.

He is wearing a golf shirt and shorts.

If this isn't true horror, I don't know what is.

He gives least he gives you a friendly wave when you go by!

"Hey there! All ready for the fireworks tonight?"

[[OOC - tags will be slow for the next few days]]

[Scout has had enough of this little "event". His friends are killing each other, hallucinating. Helpless people calling over the phones pleading with each other. People literally laying dead all over town.

While out on patrol, Scout comes by the lake to find the body a familiar ally carelessly tossed in, sorting a large stab wound to the chest. It's a difficult task, but he manages to pull Olivier out, and carry her to the church. Anyone inside will find him knocking loudly at the door; he's looking for Ciel.

On his way back, he stops at the police station. Scout is a cop, after all, and he wants to talk to Grady. Where is that miserable fuck when things like this are happening? If Scout can't find him, he's leaving, but not before cracking his badge in half and dropping it outside the station.

Eventually he makes it back home; anyone still at 1451 Mitchell will find him still damp, sitting in the kitchen, looking empty and angry. This is Scout trying to control his temper so he doesn't just start breaking things. Once that passes, he gets on the phone.]

I swear ta Christ that if I find out who killed Armstrong an' dumped her in the goddamn lake, I will break every bone in your body. I won't give ya tha satisfaction of dyin'. Don't think I can't do it. I'm a mercenary for a livin', and even I am sick of all this horseshit! I know that yer all startin' ta see things, but all yer doin' by killin' people is letting Mayfield get what it wants. We ain't the enemy here, Mayfield is! An' I know Armstrong felt the same way, so whoever killed her--

Let me say this: if I come across anyone else havin' goddamn duels to tha death in the streets, I'll break all 'a yer bones too, an' ya can sit that way till all this shit is over. Ya got that?!

[The phone is slammed down.]

[Action 1: For 1451 Mitchell

When the ladies of the household wake up - that is, everyone who isn't Scout - will awake to a spotless house, a mowed lawn, a clean car and a breakfast that's started on just in time for the family to join. One might ask how Scout could get all these chores done so quickly, but his energy knows no bounds. Sure, his not!family knows this by now, but Scout is rather adept at avoiding all chores like the plague every other day of the year. Something is up, ladies.

Have I mentioned Scout has no idea how to cook? Because he doesn't. That doesn't mean he's not going to try.]

Siddown, ladies, I got it covered today!

---

[Action 2: For the rest of Mayfield's ladies

That energy just doesn't stop there. Are you of the female persuasion? Are you in need of help in any way? Maybe you need help carrying groceries. Maybe your cat's caught in a tree. Maybe you just look like you have a nasty headache and could use a back massage! Whatever it is, Scout is on the case. Just come up with a scenario and Scout has no choice to be right there for you.]

[Oh boy, regains! Scout always looks forward to getting things in the mail - for him, it's usually cool weapons, a neat hat... but not today, Mayfield. Today Scout pulls out from the mailbox a thin manila envelope. He's disappointed it's not some giant package, but he hastily rips it open to see what's inside. And what's inside can only be described as an extended Mayfield April Fools Joke.

It's full of rather, shall we say, scandalous, compromising photos of a certain enemy Spy and Scout's mom.

There's a long moment of Scout standing on the lawn staring at these, eyes wide and unbelieving, before the inevitable flip-out. Everyone on Mitchell Road can hear the endless stream of Southie-style profanities that suddenly erupt from house 1451.

Once he stops screaming at no one, Scout runs into the garage. After a few moments, he's out on the driveway with a metal trash can, some matches and lighter fluid. It's bonfire time.

Feel free to interrupt him at any point! Be warned, though, his temper is something fierce, and he's not about to share what he has.]

---
[Later, once he's calmed down and all the photos are disposed of, Scout will get on the phone!]

So, it's spring! And there's a whole lotta new people in town again. Well, welcome ta Mayfield, it sucks, enjoy yer stay. Anyway, spring means baseball season and I know a lotta youse guys are already interested in playin'. I wanna get at least enough fer two full teams. That means at least 9 ta be on the field, plus a coupla extras just in case. Let's say 20 people. Anyone can play, I don't care if ya totally suck, 'r don't even got baseball thanks ta whatever the hell kinda crazy world ya come from. If ya wanna learn, whenever I ain't bein' yer friendly police officer, I'll be at tha park. I can teach ya ta play. My name's Scout.

[Anyone interested will indeed find him there when he's not on police duty! Okay, even sometimes when he IS on duty, too. He has a lovely habit of practicing batting by just knocking balls down the street and into the neighborhood, not caring what they hit. Approach?]

[[This post is backdated to January 24, after the events of this log!]]

[See Scout. See Scout run. Run Scout, run! Anyone passing him by this morning is free to try and stop/talk to him, but he's in a rather foul mood.

Scout's destinations are the doors of 726 Anderson and 1492 Kramden. The former to "talk" with Eddie, the latter to check on Ema. Knock knock!]

[[Household/family members are free to threadjack, we can dot a posting order!]]