Guilty Pleasure Reality Run Down: Celebrity Apprentice, Week 1

If you ask me, television today is clogged with menial reality shows (do we really need seventeen singing competitions?). And despite the wide array of topics reality shows cover (from hapless bachelors/bachelorettes, to models who cry under Tyra pressure, to compulsive couponing) there are very few reality – and I use “reality” in the loosest of terms - shows that are worth my time. However I cannot in good conscience say that I don’t have my secret guilty pleasures when it comes to the unscripted series. Last Sunday introduced probably my biggest guilty pleasure in the realm of warped reality entertainment, The Apprentice. More specifically, The Celebrity Apprentice. Note: While I have seen every season of The Apprentice – both celebrity and non - I do not endorse nearly anything that Donald Trump says or stands for. But the show has an undeniably effective formula. A dash of D-list celebrities (sometimes even E- and F-list), a cup of boardroom cat-fights, a pinch of overly dramatic feel good charity moments, and a sprinkling of bad comb over, all baked in 450 degrees of “You’re fired!” make for a scrumptious Sunday snack of reality television.  Now that the season is in full swing, I feel compelled to write about the weekly episodes of charitable warfare, if for no other reason than to give me something to do at work.

First of all, I should introduce the cast of characters and what makes them a “celebrity” (or in most cases in Celebrity Apprentice (CA) history, noteworthy at best). This season there are a whopping 18 notables (there aren’t even enough chairs in the boardroom for the losing team!). Now, I would like to point out that this season there were actually very few people I had to Google to find out who they actually were, so The Trump is getting better at finding people who can actually claim to be (or have been) a bona fide celebrity. Good on ya Trumpy. And like most CA seasons, the teams are split up into men v. women. Ladies first, in alphabetical order:

Tia Carrere: Now this is someone I actually had to look up. Her tag of “Actress and Singer” was not enough to know who the hell she was. According to Wikipedia, she played Cassandra Wong on the Wayne’s World movies, voiced Nani in Lilo and Stitch, and won some Grammys for Hawaiian music. (Being tied to Wayne’s World would explain why I never heard of her).

Debbie Gibson: This pop icon came to notoriety in the late 80’s with a number one single “Foolish Beat.” Recently, she also appeared in Katy Perry’s music video of Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.).

Teresa Giudice: A very Italian real housewife of New Jersey famous for flipping over a table. And apparently she has some cook books out.

Victoria Gotti: Another very Italian contender, Victoria is famous for being the daughter of the Gambino crime family Mafia boss John Gotti. She also has a few books under her belt; mostly about what it was like growing up as John Gotti’s daughter. (Pretty sure none of them are on Oprah’s must read list.)

Lisa Lampanelli: The Queen of Mean, Lampanelli is a standup comedienne famous for her very raunchy and insulting material. She was even at Trump’s roast. But in real life she seems very nice and is extremely charitable, being an advocate of many minority groups. (FYI, this is one contender that I am rooting for at this point)

Dayana Mendoza: Hailing from Venezuela, Mendoza was Miss Universe 2008. It is notable that Trump owns the Miss Universe pageant.

Aubrey O’day: She joins the auspicious category of celebs I was unfamiliar with. The show labels her as a pop star, being a member of the girl group Danity Kane (your guess is as good as mine). She seems to be in a state of denial, believing to be the most recognizable celeb on the women’s team (sorry honey, I even knew who Gotti and Mendoza were before I figured out your claim to fame).

Cheryl Tiegs: An old school supermodel, Tiegs has also been in obscure films and was even a judge on Ashton Kutcher’s ill conceived reality show True Beauty.

Patricia Velasquez: Considered the first Latin supermodel, she has been in films like The Mummy and The Mummy Returns (quite the repertoire) and TV shows like The L Word, Arrested Development, and Rescue Me.

Now the men, also in alphabetical order:

Clay Aiken: American Idol’s resident runner-up, Aiken has a permanent place in Ruben Studdard’s shadow so he has an axe to grind to win CA. He also has been on Broadway’s Spamalot and most recently came into the spotlight for coming out (BIG surprise – almost as shocking as when Ricky Martin came out).

Michael Andretti: Famed IndyCar legend and father of Marco Andretti who was originally slated to be on the show, but due to a tragic event had to bow out. What a nice dad for stepping in for is son.

Adam Carolla: The only reason why I knew who this guy is was due to the fact that he was on Dancing with the Stars (another ubiquitous celebrity show) but even then, I had to look up his accomplishments. He is an actor, TV host, radio personality and comedian. But one of those comedians that thinks he is funny but rarely is (Lampanelli can run circles around this guy).

Lou Ferrigno: Comic nerds will recognize this guy as David Banner’s alter ego The Incredible Hulk on TV. He also was Mister Universe back in the day.

Arsenio Hall: From ’89 to ’94 Arsenio hosted his own variety/talk show, The Arsenio Hall Show. Yep, that’s about it.

Penn Jillete: The talking half of the magician duo Penn and Teller (although I think it would be HILARIOUS to see Teller try and defend himself in the boardroom on the next season of CA).

Dee Snider: The front man of heavy metal band Twisted Sister. It should be noted that Snider made a cameo on one of the challenges on the previous season of CA.

George Takei: Best known for his role as Hikaru Sulu, the helmsman of the USS Enterprise on Star Trek and recent online meme proponent. If you ever need a good laugh or detest the Twilight series, check out his Facebook page – you won’t regret it.  

Paul Teutul Sr.: Co-founder of Orange County Choppers and reality star of American Chopper.

Once the teams are compiled, they must pick a project manager and a team name, some better than others in Apprentice history (I’m looking at you KOTU and A.S.A.P.). The women choose the moniker Forte, because they think it means strength, which it actually is more appropriate to define it as a highly developed talent or characteristic, or something one excels at, but I appreciate what they are going for. The men decide to call themselves Unanimous, though I think this will only prove to be cruelly ironic.

When it came to deciding who should be the first project manager (PM) – an ominous mantle to take up – Velasquez steps up to the plate for the women’s team. She does so because she feels it’s important to represent her charity, The Wayuu Taya Foundation (if you don’t know what that is, Google it – I know I had to). When the men asked themselves “Who wants to be project manager” an eerie silence fell upon the room. When the strategy of electing a contender that was a jack-of-all-trades per se came up, Teutul was pointed out as an example of someone who DOESN’T fit that description. Seeing this as a challenge to his masculinity, Teutul made himself the PM in the “I is man, I is good” fashion. So it’s Latin Supermodel v. Chopper and Mutton Chops King.

The first challenge of the season has the celebs to taking over a New York deli and sell “celebrity sandwiches” (Arsenio claims that a “samich” is better than a “sandwich”).  The team that makes the most money from sales and tips will be declared the winner, and the money that BOTH teams earned will be awarded to the winning PM’s charity.

 As the men strategize in the war room, Teutul makes the outrageous claim that he can get $500K with his donors alone. Pretty big talk for the first task. This spurs the other members of the team to hold back on their contacts for when they need them, holding Teutul responsible if they lose the task. Unanimous decides to create a three ring circus outside their deli to create attention. Which they accomplished handily. With Penn juggling flaming objects and carnival barking, and Ferrigno using his ripped bare arms to hold up a sign saying “Eat a sandwich or I’ll eat you” they drew in a very large crowd (side note: the hysterical way Takei lusts after Ferrigno’s exposed guns is reason enough to watch this episode). Aiken takes the position at the register, up-selling like hell. Quite the charmer he turned out to be. Though he is less charming in his rant against the PM as Aiken is noticing that none of Teutul's donors are coming in.

Forte takes a more cliché approach and turns their deli into a red carpet club experience. Their challenge gets off to a rocky start when team member Gotti spends most of the day making personal phone calls rather than contacting donors to come to the sandwich shop and lay down big bucks. Her unhelpful stigma is only highlighted more as she shows up an hour late on the selling day of the challenge, blaming a torn cornea or retina (she couldn’t decide which). I call bull puckey on this one. Gotti is just probably used to her own schedule. I predict that she will be the hardest to rally to be a team player. I hereby designate O’day as the most annoying participant. Her deluded belief that she is an American icon is ludicrous, and stealing the microphone away from Gibson while singing so O’day can do her own adlibbing shows how much of a diva she is. During the task, Mendoza swoops in and gets a donor to come in and lay down a cool $20K for one sandwich.

Halfway through the challenge, Trump calls Velasquez and Teutul, instructing them to take one of their sandwiches to the Rachael Ray show where the TV cook will determine which one tastes better. The sandwich that Ray deems most yummy will give the corresponding team a sizable bonus to add to their total. While she liked the meat, cheese, and bread ration of Unanimous’ sandwich, she like the texture of Forte’s.

The task comes to a close and the teams are brought into the boardroom for the very first time. Dun dun dun!!! Trump asks the women how they did and Velasquez praises her team, saying she is sure they won. She goes as far as to point out Mendoza and Carrere as MVPs. When Trump asks if that means she won’t be bringing in Carrere, Carrere stupidly says “You can bring me in if you want to.” Famous last words for a lot Apprentice hopefuls.  Teutul praises him team as well, saying he didn’t have any problems with the men. And Penn shows his true colors as a strategic kiss ass by overly hyping up Teutul’s performance as PM. The prestidigitator sure knows how to play the game. But Trump isn’t a fan of adulation so this is the part in the show when he stirs the pot. He asks Velasquez who the two weakest members of her team are. She names Gotti, due to her not focusing on the task, and Tiegs, for being the slowest member of the team when it came to producing the sandwiches. Trump asks all the women if the PM should be fired if they lose the task. They unanimously praise Velasquez, saying she should not be fired. When Teutul is asked who the two weakest members of his team are, he goes after Takei, labeling him as weak. But even Trump refutes this, arguing that all the years he has know Takei, the Star Trek star has been a person of great personal strength. Teutul also calls out Arsenio but only as a “random” decision. Notice how he puts the only non-white male contests under fire…

The totals are revealed – the women’s first (which is usually a bad sign). They earned a little over $120K which is impressive for a first task. In fact it was the highest total accrued in a first task in Apprentice history. But Forte only gets that record for about 30 seconds when it is revealed that Unanimous raised over $300K and won the Rachael Ray bonus, more than doubling Forte’s total. Oh snap! So Velasquez’s money goes to Teutul bringing his total over $400K (close to his goal of half a million) for Make-A-Wish, and the male minorities are safe for this week.

In the boardroom, the women gang up on Gotti and Tiegs. So Velazquez strategically brings them in, having the most ammunition to go against those particular two. With the three of them stating their case, both Gotti and Tiegs admit to holding back on contacting donors, and they both state Velazquez should not be fired. Then in an anti climatic admission, Tiegs says she is not cut out for the CA environment prompting Trump to tell her how wonderful she is before firing her. Poor nice, shy Tiegs. At least she didn’t up and quit. In her booted off interview she states how she doesn’t have the toughness of the other women, and is glad for that. Nice girls go home first on CA.  

He Knows His Way Around a Master Sword

     From out of the depths of my entertainment credenza I recently fished out my Nintendo Wii, blew off the thin layer of dust it had accumulated, and lovingly inserted my latest Wii purchase into its blue-glowing slot. The game: Legend of Zelda – Skyward Sword. For many reasons I am a fan of the Zelda series. Great game play,  intriguing dungeons to explore, puzzles to solve, an arsenal of fun toys with which to kill enemies, bright characters etc. etc. I appreciate a good video game plot just as much as the next guy, but I’m gonna get real with you; just like most heterosexual male gamers play Tomb Raider because they are crushing on Lara Croft, I too have a video game crush. It comes in the form of a pointy eared heart throb. And this is my list of five reasons why The Legend of Zelda’s very own Link is the hottest video game character.

1.       1. The tunic:

Sure, there are tons of video game characters sporting somewhat skimpy, muscle hugging medieval garb. But I defy you to name a video game ensemble of this time period that is more iconic. The boots. The hat. The green. Simple yet stylish. While simultaneously accenting his golden locks and bringing out his serene blue eyes, Link is always looking his best as he topples evil-doers who should really be concentrating on updating their wardrobe instead of wreaking havoc over Hyrule.

2.       2. Strong and silent type:

Yes, an Italian-accented “It’s-a-me!” may make the ladies swoon, but it lacks the suave nuance of the soft spoken Hylian hero. No need for pretentious one liners or mounds of can’t-hit-the-A-button-fast-enough-to-get-through-this dialogue. It’s all in the eyes and chiseled facial expressions that communicate “I WILL dashingly save you (again) Zelda” and “Time to roast the giant demonic pig!” And let’s not forget the impact of a great smile over talking. Whether it is his bashful grin as he helps out yet another whiney town’s person or the exuberant ear-to-ear as he finds the bow and arrows, his smile is worth a million rupees.

3.       3. Awesome Peeps:

     You can tell a lot about a man by the company he keeps. Throughout his long career as a hero, Link has    had many companions aiding him in his quests. In Skyward Sword he has an enigmatic bond with his crimson Skywing, soaring to cirrostratus heights through respect and friendship. Twilight Princess finds him hitched alongside a feisty little imp know ans Midna. This barbed tongue creature didn’t hold back on zingers, but that didn’t hold back Link carrying her to the threshold of her royal fate. In Ocarina of Time (OoT) he is truly a knight on a noble steed when he finds his beloved horse Epona. Saving her from a corrupt (and quite ugly) stable manager, they bravely ride into danger together, and later, after all is said and done, into the sunset for their next great adventure. The greatest bond Link forged with was with his guiding fairy, Navi. Throughout the entire quest of OoT, all you heard was “Hey! Listen! Listen! Look! Watch out! Hey!” but Link patiently and gratefully heeds the wisdom of the blue sprite that had his best interests at heart. Is there a more heart breaking moment in the Zelda series than when Navi inexplicably flew off, leaving Link with wondering thoughts of “Why are you going friend?” I think not.

4.     4.  Musically talented:

     There is something so attractive about an artsy guy. Link’s musical abilities are most magical: He conducts the wind. He goes through time via instruments. He sings wolfish duets into the twilight. I’m first in line for tickets when he goes on tour.

5.       5.He is the freaking hero of TIME:

     Not the magazine. The very fabric that weaves all existence together. That time. He slays demons, vanquishes bands of thieves and destroys evil. Wielding gadgets that would make Bruce Wayne and James Bond jealous, he saves princesses, sages, kingdoms and parallel dimensions alike. He has mastered the skies, seas and land. The most attractive quality of all of this is that he does so thanklessly. For all his heroic work no one throws him a party or a lavish banquet or even bakes him a damn cake. He does it all, without complaint. Just because it is his destiny. And there is nothing hotter than a man of destiny.

Giving Thanks 2011

Good gravy! It's been six months since I've sat before my blog, fingers pecking away to regale cyberspace with my thoughts and words. I'd like to take a moment to apologize to the part of my ego that likes to be consistent and see things through - the rest of me doesn't give him much of a chance. But I'm back (for now) on my fun-sized forum and what better motivation to return than to give thanks, as today is Thanksgiving Eve 2011.

I may not be conscientious all of the time to give acknowledgment to the things that keep me going on a daily basis, so thank goodness for a holiday that encourages tapping into the recesses of my mind to do so. I am thankful for my health. I may not be a perfect specimen of health, but I am able to do so much. I can make food, I can drive a car, I can dress myself. I'm not a star athlete, but I can do summersaults, victory dances, and jumping jacks. I have muscle enough in my arms to give a hug, muscle enough in my legs to run to friends and family in need, and muscle enough in my heart to love.

I'm thankful for shelter over my head and clothes on my back. 

In spite of troubles and flaws, I am thankful for living in a country of want - to eat where I want, shop where I want, say what I want, believe what I want, love and, in some specific locations, marry who I want.

I'm thankful for games - a social pastime that has turned many strangers into great friends.

I’m thankful for music and art and those that create it.

I'm thankful for plumbing, hot water, electricity, heat in the winter and cool in the summer. Utility bills are a small price to pay for comfort.

I'm thankful for two sets of family. First off, my gay-ming family. These folks started out as friends, but over quality time and cherished memories, they have found a permanent place in my heart. I'm very blessed to have these many, many friends in my life. For the friendships that have gotten stronger and the ones I would like to cultivate further. And of course, the family that has been with me for twenty-two years. My sis and bro who are my gaming buddies and life-long friends. A parental unit whose generosity is only out matched by their unconditional love and acceptance. Uncles and aunts who are inspirations on raising families. Cousins who are confidants and friends. A one and only Gran who is an example of vitality and good humor at any age.

I'm thankful for the fight for human equality and rights to EVERY citizen of the U.S.A. And for the men and women who fight for the freedoms for all, overseas and on the home front.

Specifically for the year 2011:

I am thankful for the purchase of my impractical car. It’s fun and I love it.

I’m thankful I was able to participate in a charity event for Primary Children’s Hospital.

I am thankful for fall trips with old and new friends.

I’m thankful for second chances.

I am thankful for the promises of love, comfort and support between me and my best friend and future husband.

And I am thankful to you, dear reader, whoever you are. I wish you and yours a warm and loving day of thanks.

May the spirit of gratitude be forever in our hearts.

M 'n' M: My Last First Date

 

     On May 31st 2011 my life changed dramatically, wonderfully forever. I got engaged to the man of my dreams. In a gazebo that played an integral role in one of our favorite dates of courtship, Matt asked me if I would marry him. Tearfully I accepted his proposal, my heart swelling with joy. That gazebo now has two very significant memories in the Matt-and-Mitch-dating-catalog. But as I reminisce on all the memories in that precious catalog, the most significant (and my personal favorite) would have to be the date that started it all.

     Now, as a little back story, it was quite a long process for us to get to that first date. One summer a few years back I got a message from a dating site I was on notifying me of a new message. Opening it up, I saw Matt's picture for the first time accompanied by a message with an offer to get to know each other. At the time I was already in a relationship so I ignored it. A few months after that, when said relationship was on the rocks, I sent Matt an email. Which he ignored :P Then several months after that, when we were both officially unattached, we found each other on a different site and picked up where we left off, so to speak. After a few days of texts and chats we finally made a date.

     A part of that night I find humorous (though I'm not so sure Matt does) is that I had actually double booked that night. I had made two dates, dinner with Matt being the first, which I had planned to leave fairly early to get to the second date. But as I ran into him in the parking lot of the restaurant, I was struck a bit by "love at first sight." And as dinner progressed, with lively conversation of being gay in Utah, family, religion, interests and activities, etc. I knew I was NOT going to make it to that second date! After nearly three hours of conversation over chicken parmesan and chicken picatta, I had the tingly feeling that I had found someone really special. So dinner concludes and we both want to spend more time together that night, though both of us played it cool and tried not to show our eagerness. Setting our coyness aside, we decided to go bowling up at the U of U campus. In the middle of the game, Matt turns to me and says he like to make a little wager, winner take all. If he wins, then we go to his place and continue the date. After a few more frames go by I turn to him and say that if I win, he has to take me back to his place and continue the date :)

     Little did I know, back when we were making the date and he told me to pick a day, I picked his birthday. It wasn’t until a week or two later that I had realized this and felt mortified that I didn’t know and that he spent his birthday taking someone else out. But today, he says I was the best birthday present he ever received~ 

     And that, I can happily say, was my last first date.

2 Inches Taller Diary: 3 Stretches in 3 Weeks

     If you ask me, I'm 5 ft. 7 in. If you ask anybody else, they would say I'm 5 ft. 5 in. To those people, I say shut up. Denial can be beautifully cathartic. What ever happened to mind over matter? If I believe I'm 5'7'' then isn't it so? Alright, I give. That's a pretty flimsy line of thinking. But what's a poor short guy to do?

     Apparently exercise. I came across a link that suggests thee stretches that can supposedly give you a couple of extra inches. So I'm going to give them a whirl in the hopes to reach my coveted 5'7'' height. (Hey, it beats wearing top hats and platforms).

     Everyday for a week I'll take on one of the three exercises and see if there is a difference.

     Week One: 5/9/2011 - 5/16/2011  DOWNWARD DOG

     This is a yoga pose that is said to strengthen and lengthen. Straighten your gams to their personal limit, push your tush to the ceiling and pull the lats down by the shoulder blades. Inhale the Dragon. Exhale the Monkey. Repeat the breath 8 times and relax. Keep the posture a recommended 2 more times - bearing in mind to prevent your head from dropping or your back arching. Have your head remain on your spine, making your spine one long line. 

     

     Updates and conclusions on the Downward Dog to come! Arf!

Derailed: Fast Track to Nowhere

April 24th - 30th is National Medical Laboratory Professionals Week. I happen to be one of those professionals for which this week is dedicated to. At a small hospital in the burbs of Utah I am a humble specimen processor. Fluids, blood, tissue, and other various creepy things from the human body come in, I process 'em and send 'em off for testing. It's a behind the scenes kinda job that is an integral part of health care. This gig fell into my lap - the working gears of life synchronized nicely to position me into a good job at a great facility. I am blessed to be working and making money - I'm grateful everyday I'm not in the gaping maw of unemployment.

That being said (and sincerely so) this is not where I want to be in life. Just one year ago, I was on a train heading toward an actual career. Flashback to the Fall of 2009: an eager, ever so slightly younger college student proudly walks across the grounds of Salt Lake Community College. Weighed down by a bundle of text books, but uplifted by the prospect of learning a craft close to my heart, I walked through the glass doors of the Health and Sciences building - my first literal step into becoming an Occupational Therapy Assistant (OTA).

After a year of vacillating between possible career paths (psychology? business perhaps?) a wave of inspiration fell upon me. Following my family down the track of health care, I decided on OTA school, my late grandfather serving as encouragement to the decision. In the last years of his life, my grad-dad suffered a massive stroke, robbing him of his normal day-to-day functions. With the help of an Occupational Therapist to reteach him the tasks necessary to live a normal life, he was able to leave this world with a fair amount of independence and dignity. And that was the mark I wanted to leave on Earth - equipped with tools of the trade and compassion, I desired to enter a person's life at possibly their lowest point, and help them surpass tragedy and illness to achieve an independent, well-functioning existence.

With all my prerequisites under my belt, I was accepted into the OTA program. The only OTA program offered in all of Utah, it was a pretty sweet deal. Only two years of study with a projected base pay of $23/hr out the door. Unfortunately, I didn't make it past the first year. Some might call it cruel fortune, others would say "It's life throwing you a curve ball." Personally, I call it a case of cold-hearted bitchery.

All of my hopes, aspirations and hard work had the life choked out of them by a rampant disease I couldn't have foreseen. The program was plagued by the same person who was deemed its coordinator (and I use the term "coordinator" very, very loosely). Unscrupulous, robotic and at times horribly incompetent, this individual cared more about a glowing reputation - conceived through a facade of fakery - than actually taking pride in teaching those who would eventually become peers. (You may think I am using creative license or exaggeration, but I am actually being utterly real here - just ask the other 18 students who have been bogged down by the caustic tyranny) When this person's methods and motivations were put under scrutiny, a toxic backlash began to slowly and surely rise to the surface. A wrath incurred, grades were hijacked, assignments "lost," time and attention to teaching cast away to languish by the wayside.

I don't know if it was a personal distaste for me, or if it was to prove a point (me thinks a combination of the two), but I was put on "necessary" probation which eventually led to a dismissal from the program. Lured into what I thought would be a meeting of reconciliation, I had to sit through a humiliating prosecution where two "mentors" accused me of slacking, cheating, lying and exercising other sorts of unethical behavior. Injury, meet insult. My good name and self esteem were ran through the mud and trampled on.

So ended my career. And a week from now, my former fellow classmates are graduating (ironic side note: April also happens to be OT month). They survived. I wish I had. It's hard to shake off the brick in my gut, mortared to my insides by loss and disappointment. My peers - and my friends that I miss dearly - have accomplished something great. And here I sit. At an entry-level job blogging about how I'm not accomplishing anything.

I can't say my time in the program was a total waste. I met some marvelous people. Including the woman who I credit with pushing me in the direction of meeting the man I love. I'm not a firm believer in the old adage "things happen for a reason." I believe in "fate" and "destiny" in the poetic sense. It makes happenstance or coincidence seem much more magical. But the cynical side of me wants to think that I was part of that class for the time I was supposed to be. That I met the people I needed to and life - in all it's ambiguous cosmic glory - sent me down a different track. Sure, this track does include the affections of a doctor, which in and of itself would seem like a great accomplishment. Yet I still feel empty. Inadequate.

I wish on my train to nowhere I could see past the unknown void. I need a glimmer of some sort to show me where my next destination should be. Or to know that, just because the horizon is shrouded from view, I am indeed headed somewhere worthwhile.

But for now, it's just the sound of a doubtful "click clack, click clack" and a melancholy "choo choo."

Movie Critique: Water for Elephants

     Going into this movie, I wasn't expecting much. From the previews it looked like the typical "boy runs away with circus, steals the boss's wife while training an elephant" movie. But I was pleasantly surprised that there was much more depth and plot to the story than what meets the eye. 

     What was presented as a tawdry affair beneath the big top turned out to be a sincere love story. Jacob, a man who loses his future at the beginning of the show, jumps a random train in the night only to find himself in the company of circus folk. Taking him under their wing, the crew of Benzini Brothers Circus introduce Jacob to a world of freaks, star-attractions and performing animals. But the real beast of the "most spectacular show on earth" is the ring-leader, August. Cursed with a monstrously bad temper, August runs the circus with an iron fist, taking out his anger by abusing the animals and staff. His cruelty drives the headliner, who just happens to be his wife, Marlena, into the comforting company of Jacob, whose love for the defenseless animals kindles Marlena's attraction to him. The more August's tirade grows, the closer Marlena and Jacob come to find how much they love one another. Like a train that goes from town to town, Water for Elephants starts out slow, but gains momentum as the plot progresses and takes the audience through a journey that is as unsettling as it is sincere.

     Reese Witherspoon gave an honest and understated performance as Marlena. Christoph Waltz did his job well as his interpretation of August led the audience to truly despise him because of his treatment of the animals and his wife. Robert Pattinson as Jacob was sub-par (which seems to be normal for him). The true star of the movie was Rosie the elephant - a lush pachyderm with a big heart.

     Overall grade: B