Looking back, I realize now that I
took for granted those days of crazy cravings during crazy hours,
ever crazier dreams,
the feeling of nausea,
an insatiable appetite,
almost always accompanied with heartburn,
and sometimes vomiting what I worked so hard to get down,
plugging my nose to swallow that disgusting fish oil so you would be smart,
sleepless nights when I couldn’t get comfortable because of my swollen tummy,
clothes not fitting right,
feeling “fat” and frumpy,
having to pee during the night, every few hours,
giving up certain activities to protect my growing belly.
Now, I look in the mirror, happy for a flat stomach,
but feeling sad and wishing there would some day again be a bump there.
I’d do it all again and NEVER complain,
because I know how fragile it can be,
this baby making business.
For some, it comes almost as easy as breathing.
For others, it. never. comes.
I mourn for those people.
I mourn for those who have babies and didn’t want them.
To my unborn child(ren) who I will never have--
I wonder what kind of child you would have been like?
I wonder what you would have looked like?
I mourn for the nights I don’t get to hold you.
Even the sleepless nights.
I cry for the times I will not comfort you.
Looking in the eyes of my two beautiful children,
I realize God has given me a gift,
a gift of realizing how precious my children are,
realizing that every night I hold my children,
I am holding a gift from God,
To me.
To love someone is to see the face of God,
When I look at my children, I see the face of God.
I realize how much he loves them,
how much he loves me,
how much he wants to bless me.
Yes! I am one. Lucky. Woman!
