More anxiety musings
(I am cross-posting these from tumblr in part so yuriko can read them!

Eventually I’ll post about some of the specific ACT exercises from the workbook I posted, maybe tomorrow evening when I’ve had some more time to sit down with them.

In the meanwhile, I’m going to jot down some of what we talked about in my last session, about the roots of my anxiety with relationships. I’ll want to remember it later and it’ll hopefully help me clarify my thoughts.

(After Saturday’s session I joked on twitter that therapy was like university: some tears, some homework assignments. I should have added that I also feel like I should be taking notes!)
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Hit 50k last night!


I enjoyed my story this year, more or less. I have to write another couple thousand words to write to give an ending of some fashion. And if it were a real novel, I would have to fill out a bunch in the middle to make the plot, uh, coherent. At the moment it's little more "Post Modern" than my taste runs.

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He's back!

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It was worth it!
Oh hey I haven't posted in ages so let's bring you up to date on running!

I ran a half-marathon on my birthday. It was a fundraiser for the Canadian Diabetes Association. Half-marathon ON my birthday! How could I not run it? I didn't train nearly as much as I would have liked, but I'm still pretty happy with my time -- 2:14. Although my Garmin clocked the course distance at 21.5km, which would make my half-marathon time (ie., 21.1km) about 2:11:24. (Because of the crowd of runners we middle/back-of-packers begin running well back from the official start. In more serious-business races this is taken care of by a chip in your race bib or clipped to your shoe and your personal time doesn't start counting until you actually cross the start line.) I also apparently raised something like the 4th highest amount of money of any individual participant! (I basically nagged everyone to donate instead of getting me a birthday gift)

I mentioned I hadn't trained as much as I wanted to. I managed to hurt my left hip :( During marathon training, it would sometimes be sore after the long runs. But one day, after a pretty run-of-the-mill Sunday run, it got more and more sore as the day wore on and I was limping the next couple of days. I suspect -- grudgingly -- that part of the problem is the fact that I never bothered stretching much during marathon training. And as I got busier I was doing less yoga so I suspect it was an overuse injury that had been lingering and finally flared up but good. So, I've been running less, stretching after and I've been trying to do more yoga and use a foam roller on my leg.

It's got better since then, occasionally still sore but not days of limping. Today after my semi-long run it was sore again. Sigh. I might also look into seeing a physiotherapist. Lousy, wussy body!

So I think my plan is to take it really easy the next couple of weeks (just do enough running that I hopefully don't lose any fitness) as I'm running another half-marathon on September 24th and then ANOTHER ONE on October 16th (this one's in Toronto). After the halfs are done, I think I'll drastically cut back on my mileage until hopefully my hip starts being a team player, and then slowly build up my mileage and running intensity again. I suppose I can take it pretty easy for at least most of the rest of the year. The next race I'm scheduled in is a half-marathon at the end of February.

This is all very annoying because I had hoped to start adding some speedwork into my running, instead of dialing it back.

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Now with wings!
You can now see wings in one of the cocoons!!

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Chrysalis!
There are a couple in the garden tonight! Here's a shot of one of them:


Liquifying my body and making a new one from scratch, brb

This one is outside my protective mesh coverings so I think tomorrow I'm going to clip it off the plant, tap it to a stick, and bring it inside.

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Monarchs!!
We got monarch caterpillars again this year!! I'm hoping we can protect a bunch of them from wasps this time out.





We saw three that were getting ready to form their chrysalises:



Jessica bought me some mesh protectors you can put around the milkweed stalks, but there are a bunch that are exposed. We have this mesh box I can put more caterpillars in, but I haven't decided the best way to do it. Like, if I clip a bunch of leaves, if that'll be enough food for them.

There are a few more photos on flickr.

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Manitoba Marathon 2011!!
I thought I'd post while my muscles are still sore. Well, they're mostly better but I still feel it in my quads when I walk down a set of stairs. I've been trying to avoid becoming this person tooo much, but I thought I'd do a recap of the marathon. Pics below the cut!

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tl;dr I finished! I survived!

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MOAR bird pics
This fellow has been visiting our bird feeder and birdbath, even though he's a bit too large for it (especially the feeder).

For a while we guessed that he was a purple martin or a brewer's blackbird, but after comparing the photos to ones online, it's pretty clear he's a grackle.

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Taper Town!
Saturday was 32k run, the peak of the marathon training plan. I'm now tapering! It took me 3:32 and most of the 32k felt great. I'd tried to eat extra food leading up to it so that I would be well-fueled. I didn't get the slump at two hours the way I had on some of my other longer runs. But the last 4k were pretty brutal. I've actually got no clue if I'll be able to run the full marathon without walking breaks. I couldn't have run another 10k on Saturday, but during the marathon I'll be buoyed a bit by adrenaline and hopefully my legs will be well-rested and stronger after the taper.

On of my big concerns is the weather. It's been far cooler than typical lately; we've barely had any days where we hit 20 so far this year. So I'm worried it'll stay cool and then suddenly warm up right before the marathon and I'll not have had a chance to get used to running in warmer weather.

Finally, I also need to scope out restaurants along Pembina HIghway where I can duck in for a bathroom break. For the long runs, I usually have to really go after 5-8k or so. The marathon sets up porta-potties along the course, but there are usually line-ups so it can apparently be quicker to go to a McDonalds or coffee shop instead.

I am still hoping for a sub-5 hour time and closer to 4:40 would be nice.

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American Goldfinch
There was an American Goldfinch visiting our yard this morning. I've seen them out at Jessica's parent's place, but never in our neibhourhood before. He stuck around long enough for me to grab my camera and snap some pics!





There are a few more pics over on flickr.

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This week will be the hardest week of my training program, in terms of mileage at least. I had a really nice 8k run this morning, but I think I'm beginning to burn out a little bit. Although that may just be because my runs last week were pretty crappy. I used the treadmill in my hotel in Atlanta¹ and I hated it. Haaaaaated it. But by the time I was getting back to the hotel from my conference, eating and digesting, it was always getting dark, and I didn't know the good/safe places to run. And running 14.5k on a treadmill is a serious, mind-numbing slog.

Last week was actually a step-back week and my long Saturday run was only 22.5k. I guess 22.5k shouldn't feel *easy*, even after all this running, but Saturday was brutal. I had to force myself to make it just to 21.5 and when I stopped my legs were wobbly and shaking, which was a first. I was trying to think what went wrong, and I was doing a lot of walking in Atlanta so maybe my legs were more tired than I realized. I can't remember what I ate on Friday but it's possible I didn't have enough fuel in my system.

So yeah, I was feeling pretty bummed about my running, but today was much better.

For the rest of the week, I have 16k tomorrow, 8k Thursday and -- gulp -- 32k on Saturday. That's the longest run before the marathon and after that my taper begins. I'm looking forward getting a chance to rest my body more and not having to dedicate quite so much time to running.

Now, a marathon is 42k so I'm curious to see how I feel at the end of the 32k. Two weekends ago I ran 29k and while I could have run more, I'm not sure I could have run another 13k. But by the time the marathon comes around, I'll have had three weeks of reduced mileage to hopefully give my legs some rest and recovery.

¹ Speaking of, I should post about Atlanta and TechEd. Maybe tomorrow.

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Gulp!


If I waited another week, the registration fee went up another $20 so...

(I reserve the right to switch and do a half if my last couple long runs really kick my ass)

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My long run this week was 25k. I did it in about 2:43, which is a slightly faster pace than what I ran for last weekend's 24. It also felt much, much, better. I mean, it was still a long, hard, tough run but I never felt like I was suffering. I ran with my old, broken-in shoes, though, and had to dash inside for a bathroom break at 9k so I did get a bit of respite.

In a wise move on my part, I booked had a massage booked for 11:00am Saturday morning. I basically finished the run, had a snack, showered and then went to the massage. This was my first time at Waterfront Massage and Keely was great. I've also heard that Monique, the owner, is really good. I got a bit of a talking to when she found out I don't bother stretching after my runs. But really, I'd just finished a nearly three hour run right before seeing her. I don't think it's that surprising my quads were tight. I *should* be more dedicated to going to yoga though...

Looking ahead, this was actually the third longest run of my training plan! This week is a step-back to 19k, 29k the next week, then 22.5 and finally 32. After that, my taper begins. I...don't feel as though that's enough training :P On the other hand, three weeks ago I was kind of shitting myself over the 24 and 25k runs.

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Yet Another Longest Run Ever
Saturday I wonder ran further/longer than I have to date: 24km in a little under 2:39. That's a slower pace than my 21km run and about the same as my 19km run from a few weeks back. Back to roughly a 4:40 marathon pace.

How did I phrase it over at dailymile.com? This felt like two separate runs. One was a fun, challenging 16km run, followed by an awful slog of an 8km. I did three passes of my ol' faithful 8k route and felt great through the first two. Then just as I was coming up to our house, my body was like, "Okay, I am all done running down!" and I had to mentally drag my body the rest of the way. Also the ball of my left foot started to hurt; I think that might just be the new shoes needing breaking in. In retrospect, I probably should have used my old ones for the long run and continue breaking the new ones in on my shorter mid-week runs.

My left knee was sore again after the run, albeit not enough to cause a limp. Sunday morning it was still achy, but I went for a short bike ride (40 minutes or so) and that seemed to loosen it up and make the ache go away.

I think if I recover just as well from my 25k run this weekend, I'll bite the bullet and register for the full marathon...

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Toronto Trip In Point Form
I was in Toronto again this weekend and as usual my trip was action-packed enough that it can only be summarized in a bulleted list.

Friday

• Arrive around 12:20. Made the fatal mistake of getting a seat near the back of the plane. Was also trapped by a polite, off-duty pilot sitting beside me who left everyone else off before he got up. 15 minutes to even get off the plane.
  
• Met up with brightling and randomcyn for poutine.
  
• Dropped my luggage off at Vix's, geocaching with brightling and randomcyn. We found one before Ruth had to head home to Georgetown.
  
  
  
  • Later, I realized it was a cache I'd found back in 2009.
    
  
  
• Cyn and I found two more caches (one which she'd found a few days previous but since we were walking by its location she watched me try to find it). One of them had a travel bug that I brought home to Winnipeg.
  
• After that I had to pop into a running shop to buy Emergency Shoes because I forgot to bring mine.
  
  
  
  • This despite double checking that I'd remembered to bring socks to run in.
    
  • I had a 16k run scheduled and was worried about the consequences of skipping it.
    
  • My current shoes had more than 840km on them so a case could be made that they were ready for replacement.
    
  • Sadly, while the new pair is the same make/model as my old ones, they are boring black instead of awesome green.
    
  
  
• I also had to stop and grab a toothbrush and toothpaste.
  
• SWEET FLOUR
  
• Script Frenzy writing session where I mostly gabbed. It was nice to meet a couple of nano-ers I'd hitherto known only online.
  
• Crashed at Vix's place.
  

Saturday

• Early morning run through ridiculous rain and wind. Much of my route was along the lake and it felt like the rain was stabbing me in the face with needles made out of rain.
  
  
  
  • Totally would have skipped the run, except I would have felt like an idiot buying shoes to run in and then skipping.
    
  • Only rain 15k because I missed a turn-off on the trail I was supposed to be following.
    
  
  
• Coffee with Beatrice (who was the first friend I made when I moved out to Mississauga)
  
• Sushi lunch with triumphantchaos and oilsdragon
  
  
  
  • Was very late due to the subway between Kipling and Jane being closed.
    
  
  
• Dropped my luggage off at randomcyn's place, then headed off to climb with hellebelle and her fella.
  
  
  
  • Weirdly, I climbed much better this trip than my last one despite being a climbing slacker so far in 2011. In November I was doing 5.6s and 5.7s (and hang-dogging on those). This time I aced an over-hanging 5.7 and did two 5.8s with only a couple of falls on the latter.
    
  
  
• Finally go to check out Snakes & Lattes with Cyn, meagar, Jenny, Britt and Zoe. Colin was working that night so I got to visit a bit.
  
  
  
  • We played hilarious games that all involved killing each other. Including one where the essence of play is pointing orange foam guns at each other.
    
  • Loved the vibe at S&L.
    
  
  

Sunday

• Encore visit to Sweet Flour, this time with Human Melissa.
  
• randomcyn and I went for crepes at Crepes A GoGo, which was delicious, but incredibly busy/popular. We were there for almost two hours O_o
  
• Popped into another Script Frenzy writing session, but had to go shortly after.
  
  
  
  • Wasn't expecting to be at crepes that long.
    
  
  
• After that it was off to hang out with yuriko. This was maybe the highlight of the visit since we became friends only after my November trip, but we began gabbing a lot since then. I think was I was getting zonked out by the weekend's adventures by that point so Marla probably thinks I'm either dull or a stoner.
  
  
  
  • She also very awesomely offered to drive me to the airport.
    
  • I had Pho for the first time!
    
  
  

Flight home was nice, although I couldn't get comfortable enough to nap.

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Perhaps the most you will ever hear me talk about nipples...
This week in running went pretty swell. On Tuesday I lowered my 5k best to around 27:30 and on Wednesday my 10k time at 58 minutes.

And my long run was 21km! I effectively ran my first ever half-marathon this weekend! My time was 2:13, a pace which would put be under my "Fuck yeah!" time for the full marathon. Of course, at this point doing that twice in a row is quite inconceivable. I think I'd call my legs my weak spot. They were getting tired toward the end and my left hip was getting sore, but my breathing was smooth.

Hilarious moment: when I ran past the museum site, some construction workers cat-called me! They were pretty high up so I imagine they just saw a blond ponytail bouncing along. Poor, myopic construction workers.

After I got home and hopped in the shower, I realized I was experiencing a running affliction known as "nipple chaffing". I'd heard about it, but never had it before but I guess the combination of longest-run-ever, it being cool out and me wearing a merino wool tanktop that was a bit too big caused some major rubbing. They are still sore :( Apparently there is a product called Body Glide that I need to invest in. Or bandaids over them during long runs.

Today my legs aren't sore at all (although they definitely feel like they've had a good workout) and no hip or knee pain! Woo!

For cross-training, I got my bike out of the garage and went for a nice ride. When I got home I got called for another sand-bagging shift so I went and did that for a couple hours.

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Sandbagging
I didn't do any sandbagging during the 1997 Flood. I can't recall why; I was probably a lazy slacker. Anyway, there was a call for sandbagging volunteers again this year so I decided to offer my services.

In a hilarious bit of logistics, I was told to report to the Sam Southern Arena in Fort Rouge by 5:30pm. So I left work early so I could pick up a pair of rubber boots, drop Jessica off at home and drive through icky downtown traffic to get there on time. I waited around until 6:00pm, got put on a shuttle bus and was carted off to the la Salle Hotel, probably a 20 minute walk from my house :P

Sandbagging was hard work but enjoyable. I kind of have a thing for repetitive, manual labour tasks. Back when I used to work stucco, I really enjoyed shoveling sand. About half our crew were young fellows who worked construction and we had to endure interminable "dike" jokes o_O

I said I was available on Sunday as well, but I'm hoping I don't get called so I can go for a nice, long bike ride!

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In your face, 19k!
This week's long run was 19k and once again I was little nervous about it. And then Friday evening I kind of felt like I was coming down with a bit of a cold and when I woke up my legs were feeling tired and a bit sore. So I went out expecting it to be a slog but it went quite well! There was no point where I felt like a wanted to stop running and I never had to give myself any pep-talks :)

It took me 2:06. So if I could maintain that pace for the length of a marathon (which I couldn't right now) my marathon time would be 4:40. That's pretty exciting because my goal is sub-5 hours and my "Fuck yeah!!" time is 4:30.

The really nice part is that I felt much better after this run than I did my 14.5 and 16k long runs in previous weeks. Today my legs weren't even particularly sore. They felt like they'd had a good workout, and my hips were a bit stiff (so I picked hot yoga for cross-training instead of swimming this morning), but this makes me optimistic I'll be able to handle the rest of the long runs.

Next Saturday is 21k -- basically a half-marathon!

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Nerd Nostalgia!
After transferring everything over to my new laptop, I tested a bunch of stuff and one of them was Boxer, the DOS emulator I use sometimes, and that reminded me that I had an in-progress game of Bard's Tale 2 going.

The Bard's Tale was one of my favourite childhood computer RPGs. It was a grinding dungeon crawl, but what can I say? Young Dana really enjoyed it. There is virtually no story; the quest is literally "Kill the evil wizard." (BT2's story is considerably more sophisticated: An evil wizard shattered an artifact into 7 pieces. Gather the 7 pieces, then kill the evil wizard). The game's graphics at the time were pretty amazing. You had a first-person view of the world as you wandered around the town you were trying to rescue and exploring the dungeons.

I finished Bard's Tale 1 on my Commodore 64, cheated my way through Bard's Tale 2, and played through a lot of Bard's Tale 3, but never actually finished it.

All the games are old-school difficult. In the first two, you can only save your game when you rest at the Inn. This lent a fair amount of tension to the game. "Hmm, my spellpoints are starting to get low. Should I head back home, or risk exploring a little more? I'd love to find the stairs to the next level before I go back..." If your party was wiped out, you might lose an hour or two of progress. The stat of the game was quite brutal, too. The manual even tells you that if a character below level 3 dies, don't worry about, just make a new one. But after that, you might consider backing your characters up regularly. Eventually, as you get more gold and higher level, death isn't so awful.

You also had to draw your own maps. The games had no automap feature (although Bard's Tale 3 added one). I remember Val being horrified by that, but I found it kind of fun. You got a certain sense of accomplishment when you finished mapping out a level.

I actually think I started playing Bard's Tale again simply because I observed that my moleskine's pages were the perfect size for drawing Bard's Tale maps:



So anyway, I am about half-way done (I think) Bard's Tale 2, and I've been playing it a ton lately. I am using the characters finished the first one with (with a couple of modifications) and I'll probably use the same guys in 3. I just went through a massive jump in difficulty. Like, previous dungeon my characters were barely getting hurt. In the next one, they're barely surviving O_o And because they were already high-level, they are much more powerful than had I started with fresh characters for the second game. I also think it would have been maddeningly frustrating.

Bard's Tale 2 feels a little more grindy and boring that the first one, but I want to finish it to vindicate my cheating ways when I was a kid. And I want to use the same characters in #3, which I recall being a lot of fun.

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