Because we all need a little reminder sometimes

List Love

I love lists.   They're just my thing.

As much I would like to be one of those people who read the NYTimes every morning and articles in magazines, I'm just not.  I'm usually not one for long explanations, I like things short and sweet, to the point, and concise.  I saw this link on Facebook (apparently FB is my main referral for reading material these days) to "13 Things Mentally Strong People Do." I clicked on the link that took me too lifehack.org and . . . Jackpot! They have articles or posts galore about random facts, tips to improve life, and everyday life hacks.  Sometimes when there's a lul in my day, when I need an topic idea for a group I go onto the website, or even for a little motivation boost I visit the website.  I feel like a nerd because I find it super entertaining.  I mean just look at some of the posts.

7 Ways How Making Your Bed Every Morning Can Improve Your Life

10 Ways To Beat The Winter Bue

15 Things Happy Couples Do Differently

30 Ways To Cut Your Monthly Spending

10 Things To Do When You Feel Lonely

10 Simple Habits To Make You Become Happier

7 Reminders About What Really Matters In Life

10 Benefits Of Sleep You're Not Aware Of

20 Ways To Maximize Your Motivation All The Time

8 Ways To Stay Calm And Cool

20 Things People Should Say More Often

15 Reasons To Declutter Your Home

9 Suprising Benefits Of Laughter You Need To Know 

42 Amazingly Free Things To Do That Will Make You Smile

15 Things You Can Do To Stop Worrying

10 Relationship Tips That Couples Often Forget

18 Simple Ways To Put Laughter Back Into Your Life

40 Ways To Let Go And Feel Relieved

7 Reasons Why You're Not A Millionaire

8 Tips To Feel Good About Yourself Without Making Comparisons

20 Simple But Powerful Changes To Simplify Your Life

40 Ways To Achieve Peace And Inner Calm

10 Facts You Should Know About Fast Food

7 Financial Lessons We Can Learn From Breaking Bad

8 Unexpected Benefits Of Sex You Probably Didn't Know About

7 Life Lessons From Steve Jobs That Everyone Needs To Know About

9 Surprising Benefits Of Crying

11 Food That Will Boost Your Immune System And Make You Healthier

10 Mistakes You're Probably Making That Makes Waking Up Early Difficult

Most are in list form.  Simple.  Concise.  Entertaining.  The perfect combination.  I can't get enough.  

Love Your Wife

http://www.lds.org/ensign/2014/01/love-your-wife?lang=eng

Is it bad that I first saw the article Love Your Wife on a Facebook link before I saw it in the Ensign?  Anyway, even though I am no one's wife at this point in time, the title of the article caught my eye because I have seen far too many marriages, and relationships for that matter, end because one partner (it's not always the husband, it goes both ways) didn't recognize or value what a good thing they have or do anything to fight for or maintain the relationship. Some of the strongest women I know ended up in relationships where they were undervalued, disrepected, taken for granted, and even abused.  But back to the article . . .  

There are a lot of people outside of the church, and even within the church who view it's patriarchy, differing roles of men and women, and fact that women don't hold the priesthood and are of the opinion that this is oppressive to women.  I remember hearing a classmate in grad school talk about her Christian church where women were not even allowed to pray in church.  While some may continue to think that the church limits women, I have been impressed by the respect, empowerment, and opportunities for leadership there are for women in the church.  Something I've noticed in the last few years and that I appreciate more and more is the respect and love that some church leaders not only show to their wives, but also encourage from others.  Seriously, at times it moves me to tears.  Maybe it's because I can only hope and pray that I marry someone who comes to love and value me that much. 

Back to the article . . . again.  Boy am I distracted.  Anyway, here are some good reminders from the article.  I imagine it was directed at men because it is so natural for women to be loving and attentive and nurturing but I definitely think the article stands as a good reminder for both women and men, married or not.

"Express love and gratitude often." 

Elder Nelson -  "Let your thoughts and actions inspire confidence and trust." 

Elder Holland: "One of the greatest purposes of true love is to help each other . . . True love blooms when we care more about another person than we care about ourselves. . . We can endure almost anything if we have someone at our side who truly loves us . . . To give ourselves totally to another person, as we do in marriage, is the most trusting step we take in any human relationship. It is a real act of faith—faith all of us must be willing to exercise. If we do it right, we end up sharing everything—all our hopes, all our fears, all our dreams, all our weaknesses, and all our joys—with another person.”

New Years Resolutions? Forget that!

There is so much buzz about New Years resolutions come January.  For as many people (and lazy people I might add) as there are in this world, I guess it's a nice idea that people come together annually to reflect on their individual hopes and dreams and set goals (unrealitstic as they may be) for the new year.  Too bad these goals loose effort and priority and by February are forgotten.  A co-worker told me about the idea of looking at these kinds of resolutions in a different . . . try something you've never done once a month.   I've been thinking about this idea for a quite a while and it made me realize there is A LOT I want to do and have been meaning to do but just haven't.  Ladies and gentlemen, I present my list of  "One New Thing a Month" challenge for 2014 items (in no particular order).

 Go to Sundance Film Festival

Visit a new place

 (I've already got my travel destinations narrowed down to Europe, Thailand, or India) 

Go mountain biking

Go snowshoeing

Go to Bear Lake

Go without facebook for a month


Try Sushi

Go to a movie by myself

cooking, upholstery, basic home repairs, haven't decided yet

Learn to play the organ

Learn to make homemade bread

Run a 10K.  Well, maybe

3 years post crash

I can't believe it's been 3 years since my dad and I got into a car accident and I've never really told the whole story.  People get in car accidents all the time, no big deal, but I guess the reason I wanted to write about it is that because it was kind of life changing for me. So . . . here's the story.

My dad flew out to St. Louis after I finished grad school to help me drive back with the U-haul trailer on my Jeep.  I'll jump to the eventful part because 1,200 miles were uneventful.  We were on the highway in Wyoming with about 3 hours to go before we got home when we hit black ice and the car started spinning out of control.  Not only is your car spinning out of control scary enough, but then the U-haul trailer fish tailed, ended up breaking off the the hitch and hitting the passenger side where I was sitting.  And if that isn't bad enough, the car was still spinning when I saw the lights of a semi-trucking headed right for us.  The movies do a pretty good job at illustrating what that looks likes but in no way does cinema portray the intense fear that comes with it.  There's the saying, "it was like my life flashed before my eyes."  The two thoughts I remember having are "these are the last few seconds of your life," and "are you content with the way you've lived your life?"  

I will never forget nor can I ever describe the moment of impact from the semi hit our car. Glass shattered and we continued to spin.  When the car finally came to a stop I looked up and over at my dad and saw his face covered in blood with a blank stare on his face and asked "what happened?"  Since we were in the middle of nowhere and after realizing how injured my dad was, I hopped out through the window and sprung into action to figure out what to do next.  The driver of the semi got out of his rig and started yelling at me.  I told him that my dad was hurt and we needed to call 911 but he said he needed to call his work because his delivery would be late and meanwhile there was fuel leaking everywhere from the semi.  I finally found a cell phone to call 911.  It's really hard to tell dispatch where you are when it's dark, you just woke up, and are in the middle of no where.   Since we had all but blocked the highway, a few other truck drivers stopped and came to help and were able to tell me a mile marker.  My dad was still in the car, confused, and bleeding.  I grabbed a scarf (my favorite scarf I might add) to try to stop the bleeding.  None of the car doors would open and he wasn't oriented enough to climb out the window.  I couldn't get him out of the car but two truck drivers, neither of which spoke English, helped lift my dad out of the car.  They were my angels that night.  

It took a while for police and paramedics to arrive.  Meanwhile, I was worried about my dad.  To this day he doesn't remember what happened (lucky him).  I eventually found my shoes and coat but it's amazing how adrenaline kicks in and you don't even realize you're cold. After 45 minutes in the ambulance we finally got to the hospital in Rock Spring.  In addition to the gash in his head (which was so deep I could see his scull), my dad broke some ribs, which punctured his lung.  I had some nice contusions but we were both incredibly blessed.  I had already called my mom and told her not to come because the roads were so bad.  The next day was Sunday and my mom called to tell the bishop she wouldn't be in ward counsel because she would be headed to WY.  He asked if someone could go up with her, which she originally refused, but after every member in the room offered to go and help she agreed (they joked later like it was just like with the pioneers to "go bring them home.").  These 2 sweet men in my parents ward, who didn't know me, spent 8 hours of their day serving me and my family and I am forever grateful.  They drove up with my mom and siblings, came to the hospital to give my dad a blessing, and then went to find the U-haul trailer to break it open (since it was mangled from the crash) and take my things (everything I owned was in there) the rest of the way home.

The drive home from WY home was miserable though.  It was still snowing and we passed several semis that had slid off the road.  I couldn't relax the whole way home and had no ideas I'd feel anxious every time I got in a car for the next year.  I thought so much about how had the accident had different results, how much my family would have been impacted.  That weekend there were 13 car accident fatalities in Utah.  My heart ached for those families who lost loved ones.  I hoped that they had some understanding of the plan of salvation and prayed they could find peace and comfort.   Of course I was grateful to be alive, but I couldn't help but question why my dad and I were "lucky" enough to have lived through our accident.  Back to the thought I had right before the crash "this is the last few seconds of your life": thinking back, I didn't have regrets of anything I had done, but only what I hadn't done.  I realized that I was blessed by Heavenly Father with more time to live but that I needed to do more to dedicate my time, thoughts, and efforts to good things and life a more Christ-centered and productive life.  Whenever I find myself loosing motivation or drive in life, I am reminded of this unforgettable experience when I learned how precious life truly is. 

Delayed Guiltification

Yesterday it was snowing AND I went shopping, the perfect marriage of two things I dislike most.  Plus, I went to Gateway which probably wasn't the best choice seeing as it's outdoors.  The only thing that made the outing okay was that I was carrying my favorite bag.  It's from the Fossil outlet store in Park City and I get compliments on it ALL the time.   I got a great deal but it was still a splurge.  I love this bag and have never regretted the purchase until I was walking around Gateway and passed someone I can only assume was homeless.  I say this because 1) people who are displaced are more noticeable when there's bad whether and 2) I know the address of the homeless shelter off the top of my head and it's very close by.  Suddenly it hit me.  Guilt.  How selfish am I for being okay with making such a ridiculous purchase on a cute but overpriced bag when down the street people are waiting outside in the cold for hours just for a meal and place to sleep for the night.  I can live pretty minimally and I realize I have bought more than I need in the last year just "because I can."   Grad school taught me I can't fix the world but I'm definitely rethinking my priorities.

I Wish You a Merry Christmas

The other day I asked my mom if she had any extra Christmas cards that I could use.  By the way, I hate cards.  Love getting them.  Hate giving them.  I don't even include cards with gifts for weddings or showers because I never know what to say and end up in an awkward back and forth between my brain being blank and overloaded with useless things to say.  Back to the Christmas cards though . . . I found one that said "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" and because it was the cutest one my first instinct was to choose that one.  Then I thought, "if i'm sending this out who is the other person or persons in 'we'?  Me and my other personalities?" (great line from Gilmore Girls).  Never thought my relationship status would limit the kind of Christmas cards I can give haha.  I guess that's why the song is never sung by a soloist.

I laugh because it's happened

I was on pinterest one day and one of the "Busty Girl Problems" comics came on my feed.  I think they're hilarious!  At times being "well endowed" is nice,  but the girls sure can cause an inconvenience sometimes.  For example:

Vulnerability

I see a lot of tough stuff in my job.  Seriously, you can't even begin to image.  After I meet with a client I usually leave feeling like their life is like a Lifetime movie (the sad ones) that seems so unrealistic because of how much bad happens X 10.  This leaves me feeling like my own trials and needs are insignificant and unimportant in comparison.  After carrying the load on my own for far too long I have realized that MY own struggles are still important to my Savior and that I can and need to rely more on Him (and other people too, but that's much harder) and accept His invitation to lay my burdens at His feet.  Matthew 11:28-30 has been on my mind a lot in the last little while.

On a less spiritual note, even though I've tried to do better with asking for help and  expressing my own needs and emotions, it's been hard because I'm a pretty private person so writing about this is kind of big for me.  One of my friends once said said that he was an open book and I'm like an entire library with 6 foot thick cement walls and a vaulted door.  I think that's a bit of an exaggeration but you get the point.  Anyway, a while back I heard about a TED Talk about vulnerability.  I've listened to it several times and find it interesting both personally and professionally and I think it has good insight for anyone in any situation.  Enjoy.

A true inspiration

Two public figures have died in the last week.  Paul Walker died in a car accident at age 40 and Nelson Mandela of medical complications at age 95.  Yes, Paul Walker's death was tragic, but it's disappointing that there is so much more chatter about this death than the loss of a great man who had such an incredible influence on history.  After all, he did win the Nobel Peace Prize for "work for the peaceful termination of the apartheid regime, and for laying the foundations for a new democratic South Africa."  Maybe younger generations, or maybe just Americans in general don't really understand or appreciate the role that Nelson Mandela played in challenging institutionalized racism, inequality, and oppression but it made me think about this quote about privilege: "Privilege is when you think that something is not a problem because it's not a problem to you."   I don't want to get too social worky or social justicey here so I'll just end this post with one of my favorite quotes that is from Nelson Mandela, a true inspiration.

"I have 27 first cousins. That's 27 first cousins alone!"

I thought about doing a recap of my Thanksgiving but my brain has had ADD lately.  I first started thinking about how much fun we have and how much we eat when we're together.   Then I remembered back  to grad school 3 years ago when I was in a family therapy class.  We had an assignment to create a genogram and I thought it would be fun to do a genogram for my family, I'm talking the WHOLE family, just to see peoples' reaction since none of my classmates had more than 2 siblings.  I'm pretty proud of myself for being able to name all my cousins and their spouses and kids (and sometimes even grandkids).  So back to my class' response to my very chaotic looking genogram . . . boy were they shocked! And I was just as shocked that some people only have two cousins and it made me think of this quote from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" but I personalized it a bit and substituted "Mormon" for "Greek."  

"So, you have two cousins, I have 27 first cousins. Just 27 first cousins alone! And my whole family is big and loud. And everybody is in each other's lives and business. All the time! Like, you never just have a minute alone, just to think, 'Cause we're always together, just eating, eating, eating! The only other people we know are [Mormon], 'cause [Mormons] marry [Mormons] to breed more [Mormons], to be loud breeding [Mormon] eaters."

It may seem crazy to some, but I love it.  Only I have 29 first cousins.  Beat that Toula Portokalous!

A perk of being single

I'll admit that I sometimes feel out of place when I go to family functions but today I found a perk to being the only single cousin in my family . . .  everyone else has a Kitchen Aid.  So, when my mom and her siblings were going through my grandpa's house and dividing his belongings, guess what I got?  That's right, this beauty.  The thing I love about it most is that it matches the "cobalt blue" sink, dishes, and other kitchen accessories at the ranch and knowing my grandpa, it was probably special ordered.  Anyway, I'm pretty stoked about it. Guess I need to start being domestic again and baking.