Saying Goodbye

It seems it's time for a goodbye post.

This blog has long been left dormant, and it wouldn't seem right to let it linger in the universe without closure. We are living life, letting the pain of infertility fade into the background while we enjoy our Chipmunk and watch her grow. She is an amazing little girl with a heart of gold and a competitive spirit. She keeps us hopping and learning every minute and we could not love her more.

We will never forget what this community has given us or what infertility taught us. We no longer pass judgement on someone else's struggles. We know what that feels like when your shoes have yet to be walked in. We are stronger than we thought and so is our marriage. Thank you all so much for being our people through this fight. Ending up with a happy, healthy, family of three and new friends who understand just how special that is was more than we could have hoped for when starting this blog.

If you are reading this message and just starting your journey, I have a something for you to file away in your brain. It will all be okay in the end, and if it's not okay, it's not the end. I don't know what your okay will be. It might not be the picture you have in your mind right now, but it will be okay. There will be peace and joy. You will find it. Keep choosing joy as often as you can.

Dear Chipmunk

We send our daughter emails on a regular basis.  We'll let her know about the account and her password when she turns 18.  Today, I sent her the email below, and wanted to share it with you.

Dear Chipmunk,

I'm assuming that 15 years from now we'll be looking back on this week as a trying time for America.  It certainly is right now.  I woke up Wednesday morning feeling like the rug had been ripped form underneath me.  My liberal naive self always thought that most people were inherently good and strove to be good on the outside.  Maybe they didn't have enough education, or enough life experience to really key in to empathy, but they wanted to be good.  I don't know that I believe that today.  Donald Trump won the election.  A man who has said and done horrible things.  He has avowed misogyny, xenophobia, racism, and hate.  He has swindled small businesses from their well being simply by being a dick.  The American people condoned those behaviors on Tuesday by electing him president.  My heart is sick over it.

Here's the rub. You are biracial.  I am not.  Your dad is a minority.  I am not.  I may be a woman, but I still have privilege and it's my job to use it.  At mass this week, Father Steve told us not to be chicken little.  We all have work to do, and he's right.  My job is to set an example for you and teach you to be a good person.  I will stand up for you, your dad, and others whenever I can.  I'm not entirely sure what that looks like right now, but I hope that by the time you are reading this you can tell me I'm doing a good job.  I'm not going to lie, I'm scared.  I'm an introvert and I hate confrontation.  It makes for an interesting combo.

On Tuesday morning, election day, you and I sent out an optimistic tweet. It's gotten over a thousand likes and hundreds of retweets (which is more than my neglected little twitter account has ever seen). People were inspired by your shirt and your smile.  Remember this, my girl.  You CAN be anything you want to be.  If that glass ceiling hasn't shattered by the time you're 18, shame on us, but that means your generation has work to do too.  Something tells me there will always be work to do.

We are a family that believes in social justice, Chipmunk. We need to call out hate wherever we see it.  Complacency is not okay.  I've done too much of that, and it's wrong. I will do better and so will you.

Rounding Up Troops

Unaffected's blog "For We Are Bound By Symmetry" is one that I read from the beginning of my journey.  She was part of my IVF cohort, if you will, and I know she was part of many of yours as well.  She's had to start a new blog for reasons no one wants to think about.  She could use some support and y'all are the best supporters I know.

https://endlessnessthatyoufear.com/

Start Asking

I was honored to be a part of the Start Asking campaign as part of infertility awareness week with Bobbie Thomas of the Today show!  This campaign was sponsored by Ferring Pharmaceuticals with support from Resolve and ASRM.

Check it out and share the site with friends who need to Start Asking, either for themselves or others.

Who DOES That?

I missed my beta appointment.

Sort of.

After transfer, I checked out and realized I didn't have any appointments scheduled for my beta.  By my math, it should have been the 31st since it was a 6 day blast.  When I went to check out, she had me schedule on the 4th because of the holiday.  So I figured that they had reduced hours for New Years Eve.  No biggie.  On Thursday I got a call asking what happened.  They were worried because it wasn't like me.  I told them I thought it was Monday.  Apparently I had two betas scheduled.  I was kicking myself because I could have just gotten it over with, but I didn't know about the Thursday visit.

So I promptly started peeing on things.  As of this morning I am absolutely not pregnant.  I'm truly okay.  It wasn't meant to be and my family is the way it is supposed to be.  I'm looking forward to getting all of this crap out of my system.  I want my body back.  I want to like it again and not be so damned mad at it all the time.

A new journey begins.