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Friday, September 16th, 2005
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10:45 pm
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1:40 pm - Dream
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OK, there is/was a guy, Justin, in my life that we had an on again off again...well....I would say thing, but it wasn't even a thing. We had fun and were, what I thought pretty good friends. Since we live in different states we didn't see each other very often, but we use to talk a lot. But recently we haven't talked much and not at all in the last few months. I was tired of always being the one initiating the conversations and so I stopped and I have yet to hear from him. And I don't know if it's cause things got weird the last time I saw him in June or not. Cause we talked like twice since and that was it. It was a weird visit and I think I might have said some things that he did not like. But we haven't talked and maybe it's for the best. Who knows.
Anyway, my dream was about this guy. I think about him every now and again cause we have a lot in common, so if I see a movie or TV show that he may like or hate I think about wanting to talk to him about it, but that is gone now. But beyond that I try not to think about the people that don't want to be in my life, it's just easier that way. In the dream, I'm eating in a cafeteria, like in high school, but it was in a mall of sorts. But it looked like a high school cafeteria. And he comes to sit down next to me with a cute, but much younger girl. She is really nice and bright and I can see why he likes her. But he is totally ignoring her and hitting on me right in front of her. It gets so bad that I excuse myself and take him out of the place to yell at him. I tell him that he has had his chance and that we are just friends. That he has a very nice girl there and that he needs to get on with her and get over me. That maybe we might have had a chance a long time ago, but that is way over with. And I look over and the girl had followed us out and she had heard all of it.
I think this dream is trying to tell me that it is really over. Through all the years I have known him, I think part of me has wanted something serious. But there was always a reason I didn't want to get serious with him. And even though I don't believe in regrets and I only have one in my life, I am starting to wonder if this may be number two. That I should have said what the hell to all my rules and been vulnerable and told him that I liked him from the very beginning. To see what might have happened. But I didn't want to lose the friend....and looked what happened. I don't believe in regrets, because you can always learn from your mistakes, and I hope I can learn from this. And where ever he is, I truly hope he is happy. Cause I think at one point I may have loved him and would not admit it to myself (and I may never admit it again) and I lost out on knowing if I could have be loved back. It sucks not knowing.
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(Kiss My Ass)
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| Thursday, September 15th, 2005
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9:43 pm
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| Tuesday, September 13th, 2005
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7:51 pm
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| Sunday, September 11th, 2005
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6:57 pm
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I haven't kept up with the last three movies on Netflix like I wanted to. But I wanted to mention "Born into Brothels". It's a documentary about the children in Calcutta's red light area and a woman that went in there and ended up teaching these children photography. These photographs that these children take are amazing. Just as amazing as these children are. They have beautiful smiles and still have an innocents to their eyes, even after living in such circumstances as they do. You see their world through their photos. It's wonderful.
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(Kiss My Ass)
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6:41 pm
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Today is September 11th. The day that most people know as 9-11. The day made famous four years ago. There is so much I would like to say, but I can't put it into words. I would just like to remember all those people that lost their lives, and their families, for horrible people and horrible reasons. Our nation became one on that day. A pride in our country that we may never see again in that proportion. But my thoughts go out to the families today.
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(Kiss My Ass)
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| Saturday, September 10th, 2005
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11:51 pm
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Things are weird right now. I'm basically happy, but I wish things could be different, better. Work has me totally thinking in circles right now. I'm not sure if the changes there are good or bad. The only thing I know is that it is too early to tell.
I have been thinking about someone that is apparently not in my life anymore. Part of me is sad about it and part of me thinks it's for the best. I really don't know which is right.
Nothing much else.
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(Kiss My Ass)
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| Saturday, September 3rd, 2005
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9:52 pm
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I have to say that I love Bill Maher. I will worship him till the end of time. That is all.
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(Kiss My Ass)
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1:10 pm
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This story was posted in the Richmond community. This part of it bothers me so much I wanted to share it.
a few months ago i really needed a new job waiting tables, and figured i'd make good money and establish connections with important people by doing so at the country club of virginia.
[...]
but today took the cake. a very prominent richmond family (you'd recognize the name) calls at 8, reserves our biggest table for 8:30 (we close at 9) and arrives at nearly 8:50 with guests in tow. the wife proceeds to inform me that their guests are "refugees" from new orleans and while their accents bear out their origins their impeccable clothing and peach skin color instantly identifies them as not a part of the huddled masses stranded at large public buildings. rolling my eyes at the woman's over-emotional introduction, i proceed with the normal process of serving a meal, simply wishing to leave at some point before 11 pm. what caught my ear was, when passing by the table, an account of how the family left the city. the man of the guest family described a scene in which hundreds of fellow evacuees from the city were attempting to board their private jet, en route to richmond. apparently the family did not wish to aid others in need, as they closed the door to the jet in the faces of many who wished to come along. their host then said "don't feel guilty about it, you simply had the means and they did not. the almighty must've smiled upon you for a reason."
yes, that's what he said.
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(7 Ass Kissers / Kiss My Ass)
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| Friday, September 2nd, 2005
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8:52 pm
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I am actually enjoying watching the gas prices go up. Don't get me wrong, I am not liking actually having to pay for it, but it's nice to see what people are doing when they actually have to pay for gas. People at work are actually talking about car pooling. Others are talking about having a no car weekend. And others (including myself, but I wanted to do this before the gas hike for the exercise) talked about biking to work if it were not so dangerous. It was nice to see people actually caring about the environment, even if it's because of their checkbooks. But I am sure once these prices stabilize in a week or so it will only take them a couple weeks to forget about all their talk and go back to their gas guzzling days.
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(1 Ass Kisser / Kiss My Ass)
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7:31 am
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The real reason that it is taking so long for the Reserves to get down to New Orleans to help, not the crap the news is spitting, not the "reasons" the president is saying, but the real reason......because all of our Reserve Troops are in IRAQ. We don't have enough troops here to handle a national natural disaster like this quickly enough. Sad, very sad.
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(2 Ass Kissers / Kiss My Ass)
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| Wednesday, August 31st, 2005
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7:47 pm
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Before I go into this rant, I need to say, I am deeply moved by what I have seen on the news the past couple of days with the destruction from Katrina. It is a horrible thing to happen to so many towns and cities and the fact that they will have a long time to even think about putting their lives back together is just horrible. But I have to say this about the media coverage of it.
On the cover of our newspaper there was a title that said 'Our Tsunami'. I also heard a newscaster call the hurricane tragedy the same thing. This is NOTHING close to what those people went through a year and a half ago. Over a hundred thousand people lost their lives within minutes. This hurricane had plenty of warning and most people that died did not leave because they either didn't have anywhere to go or no money to go anywhere with or were just plain stupid. This flooding has taken a couple days and the Tsunami that happened last Christmas happened within minutes. I hate that we have to fucking Americanize everything. This is something the media does with everything. Something happens somewhere else, we have to put an American spin on it or our American audience won't care about it. It just annoys the fuck out of me that they are calling this "Our Tsunami". That is just so fucking wrong.
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(4 Ass Kissers / Kiss My Ass)
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| Monday, August 22nd, 2005
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8:56 pm
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Half way through the afternoon I was having the worst time breathing. So I decided to leave early. But I had an appointment with my chiropractor that evening, so I decided to keep it and go early (they don't mind that). I thought that since they are usually pretty good with my other ailments that have nothing to do with my back, they might give me a trick or two to help me deal with my ribs. What I didn't think about is that my ribs are very entwined with my back. So what my chiropractor did was adjust (or crack in laymen terms) my chest. It hurt like mighty hell because he was putting pressure on a very tender area, but he said that it would heal in a week or two if we adjusted it, instead of letting it rest. And he adjusted my back differently because putting normal pressure on my back would not be good. He said to ice it instead of heat it like my GP said. He said the heat helps make an inflammation more inflamed after the initial help. He explained it a lot better. But my chest hurts a bit worse and my breathing is about the same as it has been over the last few days. I am suppose to go back and get another adjustment to my ribs tomorrow. I really hope this all works and I do start feeling better in the next week instead of several weeks. It will be worth the initial pain right now.
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(Kiss My Ass)
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| Saturday, August 20th, 2005
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8:59 pm - To me you are the teacher in the Charlie Brown cartoon
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My rents called this morning. I got exhausted and was in pain from just talking to them just for a little bit. I have been doing fine except for that. Granted I haven't done anything at all today. I have so much shit that has to get done too. And the kitties are getting really low on food, to the point where I am going to need to buy them a new bag this week or they are going to have to start eating my food or they will starve. But just the thought of lifting a big bag hurts. Maybe I'll ask my dad to take me to the pet store after work one day this week. It's not like I will be busy going to the gym or anything.
I kinda feel alone right now. Different from my normal loneliness, but not really. Not that that makes any sense, but when do I ever? But when I have my migraines or any of my other health problems, I'm use to getting things done and working through them. But this is different. I can't walk up my stairs without getting winded. I can't talk for long without getting tired. Hell, I can't eat a full meal without having to take a break. And this is suppose to go on for a few weeks. How am I going to get my daily things done? I have no one close to me to rely on. No one to deal with going to the grocery store for me. No one to water my tomato plants and garden. Stuff I am just going to have to push myself to do. And eventually I will get back to normal, but for this first week, it would have been nice to rely on someone else. With my migraines I am so use to pushing through the pain. And nowadays, I have it so they don't last more then a couple days. But this is totally different. And there is no one around to take care of me but me.
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(Kiss My Ass)
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| Friday, August 19th, 2005
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10:55 pm
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After 3 days of shortness of breath and chest pains I finally broke down and went to the doctors. She said that I have costochondritis. Basically that is inflammation of the ribs. As she put it, the good news is, it has nothing to do with my heart or lungs, so I am not going to die or anything horrible like that. But the bad news is, it takes like 8 weeks to heal. She said that I did it by either lifting weights last Friday, mowing the lawn on Saturday, or it could have been an infection that caused it. But she highly doubts that it was an infection. So basically I probably pulled my chest muscles near my breast plate. She gave me some anti-inflammatory drugs that won't bother my IBS and told me that I can't do to much for the next few weeks, including bear hugs. I can put a warm wet cloth on my chest and put a heating pad on top of that to help. But beyond that, I just have to wait it out. There really isn't any way I can rest my chest muscles unless I want to learn to live without that breathing thing, and that's a tricky thing to do. So for now I have to deal with the pain and the fact that I get out of breath walking across the room. Even eating a meal tires me out. It's pretty pathetic. I hate being sick like this, where simple things make me so tired. So this weekend is basically me lying on my couch watching TIVO, or me lying on my bed watching DVDs. Then I have to pick up the rents from the airport and tell them I have doctor's orders that they can't hug me, that will be fun. And I can't help with their luggage. That will be fun too. And I am defiantly going to have to pay someone to cut my lawn for the rest of the year. I am now going to do the least I can possibly do for the next 24+ hours till I have to go to the airport. The cats should love it.
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(Kiss My Ass)
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| Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
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2:26 pm
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12:21 pm
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I feel icky. Yesterday before lunch I was having a hard time breathing. I thought it might be the air quality or something with all the humidity. And then after lunch my diaphragm really started to hurt and my chest was really tight. I went to Best Buy to buy Sin City and then planned on going to the gym. Just walking around BB my stomach hurt and I had a hard time breathing and I just did not feel right. So I decided to come home. I slept a little bit thinking the pain would go away, but it didn't. I woke up and was up. Briana, the little 6 pound kitty walked on my chest and it felt like I had a bruise on the right side of my left breast. It is just real tender there. And my diaphragm hurts under my left breast. I wouldn't worry too much if it weren't around my left side where my heart is. It just feels like I have been kicked in the chest. I have never had pain like this and I am sure it will go away, but the hypochondriac in me worries. Since it still hurts and I didn't get any sleep last night I decided to stay home today. No need sitting at a desk not feeling right when I can be in the comforts of my own home not feeling right. But I have to say, middle of the night TV has really gotten a lot better. Family Guy, Futurama, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Roseanne, But I'm a Cheerleader (if you have never seen this movie SEE IT), and Best Laid Plans. Not too bad to keep the mind off worrying things. I'm sure things will be better tomorrow.
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(1 Ass Kisser / Kiss My Ass)
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| Monday, August 15th, 2005
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8:47 pm
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Today is my grandmother's birthday. It's been basically an OK day except for this headache that I just cannot shake. My parents sent me a beautiful plant yesterday. And since they are in California they made sure they called me today. But beyond that it has been basically uneventful. I do miss her a lot. But I miss her a lot everyday. I thought about it today and there were a lot of things she taught me but there are two things that stick out. In life, she taught me to speak my mind. There was never anything she left unsaid. She was famous for saying things like, "I know no one wants to hear this, but..." or "I know no one wants my opinion, but...". She would talk to people she knew. She would talk to people she didn't know. She really didn't like silence. And in her death she taught me to live for every moment. Even though she was a few months shy of her 80th birthday and some people would consider that old, she was constantly doing something or going somewhere. You would never see her home alone and bored. Up to the day she died she was taking yoga or going to a water exercise class. She was going to play Mahjong or driving her friends to church. She had plans to go to Alaska with my parents. And then we were going to spend a week at the beach. She was no frail 80 year old. And I know I want to be constantly moving and doing things and traveling till the day I die, because you never know when that might be. I love my grandmother so much. She would have been 81 years old today.
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(Kiss My Ass)
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| Saturday, August 13th, 2005
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7:31 pm
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I physically feel horrible. I got up early (well I always do whether I want to or not) and mowed my lawn. It took forever. I ran out of gas (though a good neighbor gave me the rest of hers) and I decided to do a good deed. Because my neighbor next door had cut my lawn for the past year (cause he is one of the nicest guys out there) they moved out. This was the first time I had to cut my grass in a year. The house next door is vacant (it was a rental) and the owners live in Florida. Who knows when the next renters will be in and who knows when they will have someone cut their lawn. I thought I would be a great person and cut the front of their lawn so at least that wouldn't look horrible. Well I almost killed my lawn mower doing that little bit and because I have an allergy of grass I feel even worse. That's what you get for doing a good deed.
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(8 Ass Kissers / Kiss My Ass)
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| Tuesday, August 9th, 2005
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8:19 pm
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