A Flood of Seascapes

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Rain Passes, Sea Glitters, acrylic on panel, 30 x 30 cm, 2021

Or whatever the collective noun for seascapes is. Anyway, after having lived by the sea for quite a few years but never painted it, I’m now painting it obsessively, even though I live further from the sea than I’ve ever done. Perverse! Or perhaps it’s a bit easier to process now I’m not faced with the vast sublime spectacle of it every day.

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Rain Clouds Passing, Early Evening, acrylic on panel, 35 x 40 cm, 2021

I guess it’s true of other things, that it’s easier to digest them and figure out what they mean to us some time after we were immediately confronted with them. Sometimes a thing is just too big, or too complex for us to get our heads round it, or it brings up difficult feelings that we’re just not ready to process at the time, or maybe we take it for granted and we don’t realise how special it is until it’s gone.

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Storm Fading into the Twilight, Shingle Glimmering at my Feet, acrylic on panel, 50 x 60 cm, 2021

When I lived by the sea I never once took it for granted. Every single time I set eyes on it I thought ‘wow’, it never once lost it’s power to impress and delight me. And it is so big, so unfathomable, so alien, that it can act as a great receptacle for all our thoughts, feelings, ideas and all the other ‘stuff’ that goes on in our heads that we want to chuck at it. It can mean anything we want it to mean; it can be benevolent, healing, terrifying, vengeful, playful, sexy. We talk about it and treat it with the kind of reverence and mysticism that we talk about our gods.

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Rain Clearing, Dusk Falling, acrylic on card, 20 x 30 cm, 2021

I was less than a minute’s walk from the beach when I lived in Ibiza and the same in Whitstable. At the end of each day I used to wander down and stand on the shore looking out at the dark surface of the water, sometimes glittering with the reflected light of a full moon, sometimes noisy with restless waves stirred by the wind and at other times utterly black and still and silent. I’d say my prayers to it, for want of a better term. I’m not a Christian, nor do I follow any other particular spiritual path, but I felt compelled to fling out a fragment of my self into the water, like a little pebble that went plop. I never knew if anything else heard or acknowledged my words; if it did, great, and if there is no God and we’re just an accident of freak chemical reactions, well, I’d feel compelled to do it anyway.

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West Beach After Heavy Rain, acrylic on panel, 20 x 30 cm, 2021

The sound of waves breaking on a shingle beach

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Storm Fading into the Twilight, Shingle Glimmering at my Feet, acrylic on panel, 50 x 60 cm, 2021

The therapeutic application of sound as a healing tool has a long history. In Germany there is a great , and to my English ears, hilarious word for it; Klangtherapie. Well, the sound of waves breaking onto a shingle beach is certainly Klangtherapie for me, i find it, at the same time, both relaxing and energising, it clears my mind of fluff and detritus somehow and I’m left feeling calmer and more centred.

I could almost hear the sound whilst I was painting this picture, based on some photos I took on Reeves Beach in Whitstable a few years ago. A storm has been lashing the coast all day , but it cleared as the light faded and I walked down to the shore to enjoy the delicate rain washed sky and the reflections across the water which turned into glowing molten metal as the surface took on the opalescent colours overhead.

The sea rolled the pebbles on the beach around and around, the sound a susurration of rumbling and hissing and swishing and slopping, it was hypnotic.

It’s no surprise to me that the sounds of the sea turn up so often on relaxation CDs or music to help with sleep. It must touch something very deep within us, from our earliest memories and, perhaps, from further back, recalling our most distant collective memory .

By the seashore

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Rain Clearing, Dusk Falling, acrylic on card, 20 x 30 cm, 2021

I’ve lived by the sea twice in my life so far; on the island of Ibiza in my early 20s and, more recently, in Whitstable on the north Kent coat. In both places I would walk along the seashore daily, sometimes several times a day, to marvel at the wide open horizon and drink in the ever-changing sky reflecting in the water. It was different every day and beautiful at any time of year and in any weather, well, almost any weather. But what I never did was paint it. I think it felt too obvious, too clichéd as well as a bit intimidating. Faced with the sublime right on my doorstep, any creative response felt like it wilted before it ever got near a canvas; anything I did was sure to be a timid faded shadow of what I felt and wanted to express. As well as that there were a few well-established artists already in Whitstable who painted mainly seascapes and they were very good, so I shrank back from trying my hand for fear of unfavourable comparison.

Now, a couple of years later, and many miles away (and many miles from the sea!) I went to the studio this afternoon without any plan of what I wanted to do and just sketched this tiny seascape on a piece of card. ‘There, it wasn’t that difficult was it’ I felt like telling myself. The creative impulse is such a delicate, precious thing, it’s so easily inhibited, shut down and frightened away. There are lots of manuals and how-to books available these days that aim to help an artist overcome the unceasing, critical voices that often kill any urges to make something and I wish they’d been available to me when I was young. But however many books we read, in the end, we have to do it. Do. It. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it gets any easier as I get older, but sometimes I surprise myself and just get on with it

The worst thing that could have happened today when I had a go was that i spent a couple of hours making something that I didn’t like; hardly catastrophic. And even then, I would have made something that didn’t exist before, you can’t lose really. I must remind myself of that every day!

Waterside

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Waterside, acrylic on canvas board, 40 x 40 cm, 2021

It’s STILL cold here in Berlin this week, not at all like last Spring which started in March with warm sunshine that lasted right into October. So my painting has been mostly about reminding myself of that thing called summer.

This image is a painting of a lovely place I visited at the end of last summer about an hour or so north east of Berlin in a region called Uckermark. I stayed in a guest house there with three other artist friends and we were all inspired by the place. At the bottom of the garden was this stream and lush green path. I’d walk there every evening when the bats were flitting and the light was like melting vanilla ice cream. We all hope to go back there again this year, it was a place that really touched us.

In other news I had my second lockdown birthday earlier in the week. What passes for excitement these days is rather different from pre-Covid times but I had a lovely day nonetheless.

We had a walk round Victoria Park, Berlin’s highest spot, at a dizzying 66 metres! If anything remotely resembles a hill here they call it a Berg, or mountain, bless!

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I had lots of lovely birthday messages, and I got this amazing cast iron tea pot from Jan, I’m totally in love with it. I played about with it photographing it before I eventually got round to making some tea.

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And finally, the cherry on the top of a thoroughly exciting week was getting my first jab – woo hoo!

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Elhampark Woods

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October – Elhampark Woods, acrylic on canvas board, 30 x 60 cm, 2021

Last autumn I was staying with friends in the UK just as the second lockdown was introduced. The weather was lovely so we decided to have a day out before the new restrictions started.

Our first port of call was Elhampark Woods. In the low, slanting light of late autumn the trees were glowing and the leaves aflame; it was a quite unremarkable stretch of woodland but everything was looking magical in that sunlight. It was very still, and the sky reflected in the water of a woodland pool looked like a mirror; endless and bottomless, like Cocteau’s mirror-portal to the underworld in Orpheus.

The landscape in winter can be great to draw and paint; bare branches and stems create all kinds of interesting shapes and patterns – but I am ready for the froth of spring again and everything becoming softer.

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‘But the forest IS queer’ – part 2

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Glade, acrylic on panel, 40 x 40 cm, 2021

I wrote recently about how much I enjoyed Tolkien’s copious and varied use of the word ‘queer’ in The Lord of the Rings.

‘But the forest is queer’, said Merry Brandybuck in Chapter 5. He was talking about The Old Forest, just over the border of The Shire to the East. ‘Everything in it is very much more alive, more aware of what is going on, so to speak’. The forest is different to the ordinary world, a mysterious place.

Whilst Tolkien’s use of the word queer is clearly more about describing strangeness or uncanniness than anything else, it’s difficult to read it as a gay man and not muse on the contemporary meanings as well. For me, there’s common ground between both readings of the word; queer can be both curious and, well, queer. The chapter about the Old Forest is a good example. It is magical, and there are forces both good and bad at work in its ancient tangle of roots and branches. And it is also a place I project all kinds of fantasies onto, fantasies of escape, of finding likeminded spirits, of difference and of feeling more at home than in the mundane world.

Whilst gay men have historically coalesced into communities in the big cities (that may well be changing with the arrival of the internet and social media) there is something in wild spaces that also draws them, and all other creates who might not feel they quite fit into mainstream society. It brings to mind Derek Jarman’s writing in his book Modern Nature, where he recalls summer nights up on Hampstead Health, walking through the woodland and finding men gathered in a timeless tableaux round a fire. As well as the bars and clubs of central London, men also went up to the woods, to meet, to not be alone, to make friends, flirt, have sex, fall in love, have a laugh and a drink together or just to enjoy the trees in the moonlight.

Another example is Luke Tuner’s book Out of the Woods. Throughout the book he explores his relationship to Epping Forest during the turbulent time when he was coming to terms with his sexuality. The forest is neither particularly welcoming nor malign, it is a place that is other, unworldly, a place to get lost in and find oneself, a queer sort of place.

Personally, I never really felt at home on the ‘scene’ as it’s known, where I felt just as much a fish out of water as anywhere else, but I DID feel at home out in the woods, or up in the hills, the wild spaces where the skewed values of human civilisation held no sway. These are places where the things that the ignorant and bigoted might use to separate and divide people have no currency at all – no wonder so many feel a sense of peace when then spend time in a wood.

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I painted this glade which I photographed last summer. I liked that late afternoon light falling across the grasses and lighting up the trees in the distance, beckoning one to go further and explore. Now the weather is turning lovely once more, it’s high time to get out into the woods and experience that otherness again. I love how, when you step over the threshold of a wood or even just a small copse, things feel difference instantaneously. Sounds are muffled, the world outside the trees feels cut off, the air feels changed and your senses sharpened. It’s queer, how different it is, but in a good way.

‘As Kingfishers Catch Fire’

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Just a photo of my big ‘ol face today, I’m looking forward to when we can finally take our masks off and walk around showing our faces again. I get the masks, we need to wear them, but it’ll be so lovely to see people properly once more.

The title of this post is from one of my favourite Gerard Manley Hopkins poems, As Kingfishers Catch Fire. I love this poem, not only for its dazzling first line, but for these spellbinding words at the end of the first stanza:

…’What I do is me; for that I came.’

Whilst i’ve not suffered during the pandemic like many people have, the last year has certainly affected my mood and how I feel in myself. Sometimes I’ve felt more relaxed, without the pressures that existed pre-Covid, but sometimes I’ve felt anxious, adrift and fearful of the future. This line from the poem is like an anchor that helps me keep my feet on the ground – I just have to be me, that’s why i’m here, that’s what i’ve got to contribute.

It’s been useful to refer to during this time of crisis, but I wish I’d read this poem when I was a young teenager as well. There were times then when I felt unsure, lacked confidence, lacked a clear sense of self. These words would have provided a useful steer through the sometimes choppy waters of adolescence.

Gerard Manley Hopkins was a Jesuit priest as well as a poet. His poems often celebrate the richness and diversity in nature, richness and diversity that are God’s creation, a reflection of his greatness, and, therefore, something to be praised. Every individual living thing has a place in the world of this poetry, everything has value. It’s an approach to life that is full of humanity, and one that is much needed right now, when so many have been buffeted by the various storms that have passed over everyone in recent months.

Here’s an example; the wonderful Pied Beauty, a poem that celebrates all that is unusual and different, and a lovely counterpoint to the increasingly mean-spirited, suspicious and judgemental atmosphere that appears to be growing in the UK at the moment –

! hope things return to the gentler ways of being that I think were more widespread some time ago. I might be seeing the past though rose-tinted specs but I remember my home country as being more at ease with itself a while back. A bit more pied beauty please!

The Green Fuse

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The Green Fuse, acrylic on paper, 14 x 22 cm, 2021

What a perfect phrase to express the life force that pours through the veins of all living things. The title of this post was conjured by Dylan Thomas, of course, in his poem The Force that Through the Green Fuse Drives the Flower. His words were on my mind today as I cycled up to the studio with sparkling spring sunshine bouncing around the streets and glowing on the tips of plants and trees growing by the roadside.

I arrived in the studio at the start of a new week with a feeling that I wanted to work in colour again, and in particular, green. Still very small scale monoprints, but adding some spring and summer colour to the mix now.

Looking at the weather forecast for the next ten days or so, I can see that the green fuse is about to go off with a bang, big time. It’s very welcome. Whilst Germany is mulling over tightening Covid restrictions, i’m glad that the growing things around us are getting on with it regardless, they cheer me up!

Winter’s last gasp

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Jan photographed through a sheet of ice, Saturday 20th March, 2021

Winter was still hanging on last night, but it feels as thin and brittle as this sliver of frozen water we found on our walk yesterday. It will melt away at the slightest bit of warmth from the sun, or from Jan’s breath and not return for many, many months. I’m glad, i’m so ready for spring, but I do love the painterly effect the ice produced when I photographed things through it yesterday.

Here in Berlin, Spring comes late compared to the UK, and often quite suddenly. I prefer the softer, gentler Spring in Britain. In this part of Germany everything dies back so completely in the winter, by March the landscape looks dead and blackened. Then Spring arrives, and within a week you can almost see the plants and seeds growing, and almost hear them say ‘right, we’d better get cracking, come on!’, and everything shoots up. I think this will come next week as the temperatures rise up the high teens, it’ll be all systems go. The first signs are there already, in amongst the leaf litter.

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Violets growing in the Naturpark Südgelände, Berlin, yesterday

Each morning I usually read a poem over breakfast. I have a lovely book called A Nature Poem for Every Day of the Year, edited by Jane McMorland Hunter and published by Batsford. Not surprisingly, all the poems at the moment are about spring. There are many different responses to the new season in the poems, and I can tell that my reading of them is so coloured by my experience of the Covid crisis over past year. There were some lovely comments on the blog yesterday (much appreciated, thank you!) , from people who had experienced similar feelings during the pandemic and the Covid restrictions. It’s like we’re seeing everything through the filter of a sheet of emotional ice. But perhaps this filter will melt away if things become more positive over the coming months.

Today’s poem is a few lines taken from Shelley’s Queen Mab and it expresses some hopefulness and optimism that is very welcome against the backdrop of the news broadcasts that remain quite gloomy still –

From Queen Mab, canto IX, lines 165-170, by Percy Bysshe Shelley (1792-1822)

Though storms may break the primrose on its stalk, Though frosts may blight the freshness of its bloom, Yet Spring’s awakening breath will woo the earth, To feel with kindliest dews its favourite flower, That blooms in mossy banks and darksome glens, Lighting the greenwood with its sunny smile.

Spring Equinox

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Early Spring by the Copse, mixed media, 12 x 16 cm

I’ve heard quite a few people say, over the last year, that they’ve lost track with what day it is. Without the office or workplace to go into during the week, without the kids going off to school, and the social outings that punctuate weekends, the days all run into one. I’ve felt it too, even though I work from home and my routine has not been as disrupted as for many.

For some, after getting accustomed to this new way of being, they found they rather enjoyed it. They would work when the felt like it, eat, sleep and do recreational stuff when it felt right, even if this was at completely different times than they had usually done particular activities. But for others they felt rather discombobulated by it; cut adrift, without the anchor of their usual weekly structures to keep them grounded. I’ve gone through periods when I felt I was coping just fine, keeping busy, quite content with life being different for a while. And at other times my mood has sunk, and I yearned for my life to coalesce into a clearer, more defined shape.

But, all the while, the natural world around us is getting on with it regardless. Migrating birds come and go, flowers bud, bloom and set seed, seasonal fruit and veg appear in the shops. This has also stirred mixed feelings for me. On the one hand, it’s been good to be reminded that we are part of a much, much bigger world that will continue to keep turning, despite the difficulties of the pandemic. On the other, it reminds me of how much world there is out there and how little of it i’ve been seeing; I want to hitch a ride with the migrating birds!

This lovely spring poem by Emily Dickinson touches on some of these feelings; the passing of time, the transience of moments, and how each one of us, and each other thing in the world, is travelling along its one, unique journey, with a schedule all its own. Sometimes we move in step with others for a while, an hour, a day, a decade. But just as often we diverge from other’s trajectories and don’t meet again for a while, or ever. How precious the moments are when we touch somebody, or something else, beyond ourselves, before our orbits go spinning off again along different paths.