Letter to my younger self.

Dear me from 2005,

Hello. 10 years ago, you were still in your senior high school dreaming to be a successful business women just like your mom. You were dreaming you could be wealthy enough to donate to your school and be somebody. You were telling everyone that you do not need a man to complete your life because you are so good, you can live it your own. Also, your crazy idea of having a child without getting marry scares all these small town people. You were joking like you are going to choose the best quality sperm donor to have baby with. Well, I'm so glad you didn't and you are fucking naive. 

To be honest, now? You are not at your best place. You are struggling to look for a decent job to support yourself. To even be independent. Good news is, you are dating your crush from your primary school. That good looking naughty boy who's always the centre of the attention in school, who's sound like a Donald Duck when he speaks. He is going to be your husband. Who would have thought that, right?

Both of you are so in love, you know it's difficult because you know your mom so well. Some more, he is from the place your mom hated the most. Well, sucks to be him. Still, no fuck is given because you believe that time will prove everything and love can conquer the coldest heart. I don't want to be mean, but. It really takes time, and you gotta deal with a lot more bullshit. Seriously, I didn't know it will be that difficult. You love him so much till you fucking want to kill him for being so blunt(?) I don't know what's the word to describe. 

Anyways, I'm glad that you left Shanghai to Malaysia and choose to leave by yourself with aunty. You are so much better than I thought. I'm glad you are a strict person who take cares of yourself, I mean I'm glad you are not a slut or material girl. I'm glad you are the most cheerful person and bringing all these positive vibes to people around you. 

Even though now you are dealing with problems of your own wedding. You are kinda backing up, but don't be afraid of the future because nothing is going to stop you to be the best. Trust him, trust yourself. 

Love,

Me from 2015

Year 2015

On November, I finished the grading courses and I'm a certified gemologist. Happily coming back because I can finally work for real for real. 

On December, I interviewed for a gemologist job which didn't last for 3 months. Shame on me. I am embarrass because I was a little high expectation about myself and the job but that's it.

Little munchkin just nap like that. He changes so much about his personality, now he is a sticky little monster. Lol

Time flies to March 2015, we were planning on things, but things are not exactly going the way we wanted. So, plan B is up. This plan B is the original plan of mine which doesn't supported by John at first, now I guess he is take it into consideration. Hahahaha. I guess my thinking too much sometimes is good. 

說話是我的本業，我念茲在茲，嘴巴長在我臉上，我可以控制自己，要說好話，不 要說不好的話。－徐薇老師

不說不該說的

不做不該做的

不拿不該拿的

不想不該想的

生氣了，就會大罵。因為情緒需要發洩。惡毒的詛咒，難聽的話從嘴裡說出。也許無意，也許有心。可是，這也只是在發洩當下不快的情緒，卻改變不了事情已經發生的事實。

最近可能開竅了，也可能想的太多了，反覆的琢磨一句話。「那又如何？」用這句「那又如何」套入生活中的小細節，發現了其實真的沒什麼大不了。我想，我已經懶得去回應或者反應。在幾個月前，我還會冷嘲熱諷的回敬別人對我的不禮貌。可是現在，我卻可以不把它當一回事。如果說我長大了，倒不如說「那又如何」這句話影響了我。 

對於不喜歡的人，我總是用「不用把她放在眼裡」的心態來面對。是自己太過在意那些曾經的傷害？其實追根究柢，就是自尊心太高。總以為自己比較好，仗著長輩對自己的寵愛所以就「不把她放在眼裡」。其實，她可憐，我可惡。仗勢欺人！自己本身很討厭狗眼看人低的人，可是為什麼自己卻成為了狗眼的那種人？如果可以不計較不在乎，別人對你的傷害就起不了作用。不計較不在乎，不代表自己沒有底線可以讓人糟蹋。不計較不在乎，生活會容易快樂很多。

A Small Fast Last Minute Gathering

Hasn't see these people in a very long time. After came back from the State, after taking care of mom I finally have time to do it. Meeting up with these babi(s). This time, we have new member join us, Vince brought a girl!!!!!!!! After 7??years of waiting. Finally!!! We were so worried about his sexuality. Just kidding. LOL. Anyway, we has a great moment to get to know Karen, and catch back about life. Can't wait for the next gathering. This time must remember to call Casson and Cathy. I felt bad for forgetting them and only realize after everyone arrived. My bad!!!

About Time

All of the sudden, I felt funny about all these incidents. I literally let everything happens which is not like a normal me. Pick a fight? Mess with people's life? I normally ignored but I responded. Think back, it's not really a big deal to talk or waste my time dealing with it. Maybe that time I was not at the stage I'm standing right now. I see things clearer now and it really doesn't worth it. So what if I knew how the true color are, it's not necessary to expose to the world because everyone will know eventually. It's the timing, the longer it takes the more we can see and we can now see what had happen and no one is happy with it. No matter how stupid a person is, they will grow up one day and figure out whatever they've did is ridiculous and make people shake their head. They should be ashame of themselves. 

Peace out.

End Of The Study?

After a year spending time in Sydney Australia, I am so done with study. Everything happen in a year. Seriously, everything. Besides school life, I had a couple of trips happening during that time. Went to Brisbane with the Chua's. Came back to Malaysia for 3 times during the study going on, learned the barista skill, worked in a café. Going through a break up, family and friend visited. Oh lets not forget the unnecessary fight, LOL. Wasted time and energy and not even making it better. Lets not even waste time on writing it here.

The study experience:

So far, Sydney Raffles is so much better than Sydney KL. This is undeniable. The courses, assignment and excursion we had done was amazing and helpful except the money we need to spend on our final major project. English is a problem despite I wasn't the worst user, but I was having trouble on assignment. Quoting the lecturer 'baby language'. 

The living experience:

I am the luckiest person in the world. Mom and dad allows me to stay in the most exclusive apartment in Sydney, having the most convenient facility for me. I owned the one bedroom one bathroom unit which also had a huge living room and kitchen. Lots of café visit during the stay, event, and shopping. 

The social experience:

Get to meet with all these awesome people in life and became best friend. The thing is made friend with a sincere heart is very important instead of talking behind their back. We stood up for each other not stabbing each other. There's a difference. Went to a few event with them, like the Halloween party, Café opening, Neon Running event, Casino, and etc. That's a very good experience. Relatives were saying I'm living my life back in Sydney, always see me having fun, eating good food and having good company. 

After all the major project drama finished, I flew to US for Grandma's memorial/family trip. Before this, mom suggested me to take one more course in Taiwan, because I was telling her I don't want to work until next year. LOL. So, I'm in Taiwan now writing this. Living my life with the boyfriend. Anyways, he passed the first obstacle already. Meeting my family in Taiwan. LOL. We are going to have the travelling wedding talk soon!!!

Annoyed.

自我感觉良好的人是不是都有被害妄想症？好像所有话题都跟他有关每个人都在说他？是不是每句都戳中要点，所以可以回应的那么自如好像练习过一样。我又有何德何能去关心一个这样对我的人？我不是我爸，那么大方。对陷害他的人还可以那么大方。如果不是身有屎为什么反应会这样？现在问题制造者比任何人都还无辜。什么叫做躺着也中枪？还有比这句形容词还贴切的吗？我的家事干你什么事？我在发泄我家的事你来回应什么？还那么大言不惭说的动听。真的每个人都那么关注你？如果我在意你说的话，有心要回你会等到这一天？