hiverious

7 years on and I still feel like I should just up and kill myself. I'm not getting anywhere in life and even if I were to "succeed" career-wise, social life-wise and influence-wise, it will still be transient and for nothing in the end.

How people put up with their Sisyphean life beyond me. They must be in possession of an inherent dullness in order to not be fazed by the utter tedium of their existence. That probably explains why bad movies make so much money, they're too dull to have anything other than watery paste poured down their throat by big media.

As it stands right now, I'm already dead, I just don't have a plot reserved for me yet.

Maybe i just need to go back up to 20mg.

*people talking about law revue being not good*
Me: Des said it's good that I didn't go to Law Revue given that it was worse than med revue
Avi: But Med Revue this year was amazing
Me: ...
Everyone in the room: ...

Derek: I've talked to some of the revue vetrans and they said that this year's med revue was one of the best
me: ...
Derek: Some of them work for comedy shows
me, thinking: Given the state of comedy these days...?

Avi: You can't go to revue expecting to laugh all -
Me: I went to revue expecting to laugh more than 3 times
Avi: That is a problem then

Me (After mentioning a serbian film, since it's the only movie on my hdd at the moment, and in reply to Des saying this year's CSE revue is Dark humour rather than "dark" humour): I found a serbian film hilarious
Everyone in the room: ... Okay

But it's not like my sophomoric contribution to the arts could outshine any of the tripe they subject upon a willing audience. That's why I don't try to contribute much, unless I want to make people suffer. It's meta humour, really. It's my little take on a not-joke. I'm not laughing because the joke is funny, I'm laughing because you're stupid enough to try and make sense out of why I am laughing.

There's a saying that professional film critics are nothing more than failed film makers. However, as I have said before, someone's inability to perform at a certain profession does not preclude them from calling out bullshit work when they see it. Just because I haven't written a Great American Novel doesn't mean I can't criticise Twilight for being the work of a talentless hack, no better than some of the very worst of fanfiction.

But this is an amateur production, and I must say the technical aspects were astounding last year. Credit where credit is due. The spirit behind the productions is inspiring, even if I find the environment quite toxic. I'm not a very Revue person it seems. I may just work in a small team of likeminded people and work on absurd, non-comedy web short animations. Kind of like Dumbland, except with less credibility since I'm not David Lynch.

But professional comedians saying that Med Revue was funny... Remind me to find out who they were so I can avoid all their work.



Fuck, I hate myself.

Eugenics. Breed them out.

I don't remember.

Maybe the first time I saw Alien... or something.

Salo was different kinds of horrifying, though I am not sure it qualifies as a horror flick. Personally, I found Salo harder to sit through than A Serbian Film (which had its moments of pitch black humour to lighten the tone).

Actually found The Exorcist quite funny. I don't know why.

Have yet to finish Martyrs, that may end up being the one. I've heard nothing but good things about it.

I do recall [rec] scaring me when I watched it, but I can't remember what is actually what I would call the SCARIEST movie I have seen.

Scariest movie I saw as a child? Jurassic Park. The Nightmare on Elm Street flicks could not compare to Jurassic Park. Seriously .___.

I don't know why I watch horror movies. I don't really enjoy the sensation of being scared. Having said that, if a flick fails to scare me, and doesn't offer me anything else, I can't help but feel disappointed.

All I know is that gore is not scary in the least.

"There’s something about dinosaurs that always captures our imagination. These ancient predators have always been a source of wonder, curiosity and awe, especially seeing as nobody has ever seen a living, breathing one for themselves. That’s why we have so much fun referring to them as much as possible, as evidenced by DICE Frostbite Engine Coder Christina Coffin's creation of the *Tyrannosaurus Warfare Pack. We hope you enjoy it as much as we do."

Proving once more, which series is the superior one.

Just when I thought i was making some progress I realised I still utterly despise people and hope to either have an early death or see an end to all of them.

Back in the day Infinity Ward enraged PC gamers by removing mod support and Dedicated Servers from Modern Warfare 2, then a PR person went to 4chan and asked them why they were cold to the PC version of MW2.

Everyone in the thread claimed that it was because MW2 didn't have dinosaurs.

EA and DICE claim that their game Battlefield 3 will dethrone Call of Duty (and MW in the process)

Watch the beginning of their E3 stage demo of Battlefield 3 gameplay.

I think it is clear which series is superior.

*Disclaimer: Try to see this as the unobviously light hearted, faux spiteful entry it is. If not, then all I can seriously say to you is Calm the fuck down and leave me alone*

In the wake of Med Revue and the looming potential atrocity that is CSE Revue, I thought it handy to write a short list of tips to help make the show worth watching for someone with more than 3 brain cells (i.e. someone who isn't part of the majority of the audience).

1) Do not write by committee. Writing by committee is a surefire way of ensuring that anything that is meant to be funny will be as pleasing to an audience as a forever flaccid penis is to a nymphomaniac. When ideas are combined, rejigged, edited, polished, spat on, deformed, raped, and rewritten to death by a bunch of people who don't know shit about comedy, anything spontaneous and endearing about the original idea would have been homogenised beyond the point of recognition. This could be the difference between actual comedy and... well, Med Revue.

chibibo 11:25 PM
when Ryan Stiles was on Two and a Half Men
11:25 PM
it was like they had sucked the funny right out of him :[


SEE WHAT I MEAN? FUCK! THIS IS SELF EVIDENT!! I SHOULD CHARGE THESE RETARDS FOR THIS.


2) Research some comedy. I don't know, researching generally tends to help creative pursuits. Comedy is hard, no bones about it. Rip off something that works rather than trying to write your own. Hell, James Cameron did it with Avatar, and so can you!

3) Find writers with taste. If the people writing your scripts generally tend to enjoy the majority of comedy films that have come out in the past, say, 15 years, fire them and find someone who KNOWS WHAT FUNNY IS. Then let them go wild in the hopes that their unchained ids will give birth to something so sidesplittingly funny that it makes everyone who witnesses it lose control of their bowels. If the material is still bland, drop the unfortunate writer into a wood chipper and snort their meaty residue in the hopes of picking up some of their supposed comic genius.

4) If all else fails, find actors who can carry the weight of the production. An actor with brilliant comic timing can elevate even the most trite of scripts. Of course, there is only so much a good actor can do, but then this is a University Revue. No one expects real comedy.

5) Physical comedy can make up for shitty writing. Some of the funniest parts of Med Revue involved some mimes pretending to be a tank. The absurdity of the situation combined with the ingenuity required to pull it off more than made up for the fact that the rest of the revue up to that point could comfortably slide up next to the ouvre of Friedberg and Seltzer.

6) Do something unexpected. Comedy is about spontaneity. Comedy is about having expectations subverted. This ties in with point number 1. Committee is the death of spontaneity.



All said and done, Revues will always be aimed at the plebeians. So I shall leave you with a hearty "FUCK YOU" and a friendly "I HOPE YOU DIE IN A FIRE".

Talentless hacks!


*Addendum*

Guest 0 minutes ago
7) You can stop whining about it and try writing one yourself.

Hiverious 0 minutes ago in reply to Guest
Suppose I could try to write one myself, but as your reply has shown it would be a lost cause. My intent is clearly not getting through and I would be no better than anyone else writing one. I wonder if this is what Srđan Spasojević felt like when people failed to see the underlying political message in his film as they were too preoccupied with all the fucking and murder.



Not that the "why don't you try your hand at it" argument always smacked me as cheap. Still, I suppose I'm the juvenile one here.


Hiverious 0 minutes ago in reply to Guest
I also forgot to mention, I make no bones about the fact I am a horrible writer. There's evidence enough of it on my tumblr. That, however, doesn't preclude me from making observations. I observed that Med revue was severely lacking, but not without its moments of brilliance. However, judging by the people sitting behind me at Last year's CSE revue, maybe it's a good thing that all the writing is homogenised bullshit, because for the love of GOD those fuckers kept going on about how the writing was too fucking complex for them.


So. My humour has failed on you. You have failed to make an impression on me. All is well with the world.

Feel free to further discuss, or should I say... DISQUS! I'm so fucking funny I scare myself =D

So I just saw Dumbland and I am not going to bother with a review because there is no way I can review what I just saw. It reaches the levels of inanity of some of my "comics" while holding a sense of malice and contempt for its subject matter and its audience that I can never hope to achieve. I suppose I can say I have witnessed around 30 minutes of angry surreal brilliance.

I can say it is a damn sight less disturbing than Rabbits.

David Lynch, I can never hope to understand how you operate.

And the same, it seems, holds true for myself and others, especially when congregated in groups of more than one.

On Saturday I found myself in the paradoxical situation where I enjoyed myself while being utterly terrified and wanting to no longer be in the place I was in (while being too bashful to excuse myself, lest I appear rude). I enjoyed, vicariously, the subject of the evening enjoy herself. I, however, do not seem to go well with groups like a diabetic and a year's supply of sugar.



I do not know where this leaves me. I have had a chat with my parents and they tell me it is futile to push violently against my fundamental nature. I have been informed I am good in a one on one setting. My first honours supervisor advised that I was good in an online setting, where I am freed from almost all reminders that I am engaging with flesh and blood. I see only text and some trappings of personality (as much as the MSN will allow).


Mother has also promised to find me a good wife.

Sorry Sammy. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me =P As I said I appreciated the invite =)

There are times when I feel like an automaton, carrying out human functions but being unable to function on a truly human level. That gets me wondering what a truly human level is to begin with and whether or not I need to be functioning on it.

I suppose if I want relationships of any kind to be fruitful, I need to be more human. I must apologise here to someone who probably will be able to identify themselves without me having to make their identity explicit. I will strive to better what I have achieved with you, for both our sakes.

I suppose the upshot is I feel defective and burdensome to those I hold dear to me.


There I just said in one like what took me 4 paragraphs to summarise. My time spent on twitter has not made me any more concise than I used to be. Lord help us.

And now I find myself in a self-important, self-pitying wank-fest. I am spewing out black bile and pretentiousness in an attempt to make my situation sound more profound that simply being a directionless social phobic with depression, who is currently enamoured of someone.

I did, however, bake some wicked cupcakes ^^

So a while back I wrote a review about a movie called BOLT. Since then it has come to my attention that certain people only wish to watch movies that are "entertaining" and "happy". In light of this I shall attempt to write a new review for BOLT to help inform these people about the likelihood of them being entertained by the movie.

BOLT is a cute film. It has its Michael Bay-ish moments in a clever and meta way, referencing how modern action movies are turning into over saturated, green tinted hyper-edited schlockfests. This may require more thinking than one is willing to do when they go into a movie expecting to be entertained.

Further to this, I must inform you that a pickup truck does get exploded during the movie.

Taking this into account, I would say that I could not in good conscience recommend BOLT to people looking for entertaining and happy movies due to the levels of meta-referencial humour being used and the abject misery the film would cause to pickup trucks everywhere.




Matt: Oh god! I thought you had some strange audio manipulation thing that made your voice go all "NooooOoOOoOoOoooooooo" But that was just your voice.