hunningham | Recent Entries

We have started watching films with father-in-law.

Certain criteria: they can't be too long (he has very firm opinions about films which are over two hours), must be brightly light so he has a chance of seeing something on the screen, cannot be subtitled for obvious reasons, and have to be dialogue-heavy.

Father-in-law is a good person to watch films with, bit of a film bugg with eclectic & wide-ranging tastes. In the past he's been my go-to person for arthouse films, and we may try that again, but not just yet.

Films at home work because we can pause when something needs the extra explainy. Father-in-law has tried audio-descriptions previously and disliked them intensely ("they explain the bits I don't need explained") so we'll not do that again.

Films we've seen so far:

Clueless (we were talking about Jane Austen adaptions and this is the best one)
Galaxy Quest (it's the best Star Trek film, and Bryan has never seen it)
Legally Blonde I (one of H's favourite films. Bryan enjoyed it, but now wants a rest from college / high-school films)
Wake Up Dead Man (I hadn't seen it. This worked well - lots of talking, and Daniel Craig having fun)
Gun Crazy (1950s 'Bonnie & Clyde' noir. Bryan suggested this one when we were talking about romantic Valentine movies)

I'd love to show him The Menu because he'd really enjoy the comedy horror piss-take of celebrity restaurant scene, but a lot of the action takes place in the dark as a murderous chef chases people around a tiny island so I think that's out.

On my list for future watching:

Conclave
Bringing Up Baby
Gosford Park
Spirited Away (he saw My Neighbor Totoro with me last year & loved it)

Suggestions welcome.

Blue badge arrived this morning, and father-in-law and I are both excited. It's going to be easier to find parking spaces when I take Bryan somewhere instead of driving round & round and doing that mental arithmetic for "how far can he walk today?"

We also got a phone-call from the vision support team, and next Thursday someone is coming to demonstrate electronic magnifiers. We have many handhelp magnifiers and Bryan can use them to read large print one word at a time, but it's hard work for him. We're still hoping that some way of reading can be found.

Vision support have recommended applying for attendance allowance, so that's another thing for my list.

Thinking about walking - I have a new-found appreciation for bubble paving. It is so helpful having the road crossing marked, especially when there is a dropped kerb. I feel as if I should drop someone a thank-you note.

Today we are going to Compton Verny to see the exhibition on The Shelter of Stories. We've found that Bryan can still enjoy art exhibitions - I just have to do a lot of narrating.

This morning I have cleared up & picked up & put away. I have changed beds & hoovered & done the laundry. I have washed up & planned food for the week & done the food shopping. I have taken father-in-law out for an indulgent lunch.

And now I'm being quiet. Father-in-law is having a little nap, himself is away for the day (rugby at Twickenham), cat is off doing cat things and I have the living room to myself. I'm reading, and ignoring the to-do list.

The luxury of not doing, of being quiet in the middle of the day.

From The Elements of Eloquence: How to Turn the Perfect English Phrase by Mark Forsyth

adjectives absolutely have to be in this order: opinion-size-age-shape-colour-origin-material-purpose Noun. So you can have a lovely little old rectangular green French silver whittling knife. But if you mess with that order in the slightest you’ll sound like a maniac.

Recently seen in the wild :

On what fucking pink foggy raccoon-ridden planet do you think this happened?

New Year's Resolution - Read for fun!

I want to read for fun, for pleasure, to reread old favourites, to read fan-fiction and not to be waylaid by 'should read..' or 'best of...' I'm planning to visit brick-and-mortar bookshops and take my own sweet time browsing and selecting a book to read. I'm going to pick a book which I want to read right now this minute, not one which looks interesting and will just be added to the TBR pile.

Inspired by this Tom Gauld cartoon which I have printed out and stuck on to the fridge.

Christmas is over, father-in-law is away staying with the other bit of the family, I've had a long & tiring visit with my mother, but I'm back home now and it's just me & himself for the next week. And it's so nice just being us. Having an extra in the house - even a much-loved & gentle family member - it's an effort. It's odd working out where the stresses are, but today we had lunch with books and without conversation - such a delight.

My mother has given me a teeny-tiny bucket armchair to replace the one which I had moved into father-in-law's room. This has made my cat very happy. I knew that I missed having a comfy chair in the office; I hadn't realised that cat also wanted to be comfortable in same room as me. Yesterday he sat and stared until I got a clue and put his blanket on the chair. And then he sat and had a very thorough wash and a long sleep. Focusmate partner was charmed.

Greens are being awful. I want to save the world, stop climate change etc etc but people keep on getting in the way. We've got a lot of personalities going on at the moment, and the local party is doing office politics (only without the office). People muttering in the break room, getting their feelings hurt, toes trodden on, accusing each other of whatevering, plotting behind the bike shed, little power groups, conspiracy theories and it's like living through an episode of Mean Girls. Fascinating to see how some people absolutely revel in it and just want Drama! Excitement! He said! She said! while I just want to retreat like a distressed snail.

My father-in-law is staying with his daughter for a couple of weeks, so I have swapped one elderly relative for another and come up to Edinburgh to visit my mother. I came up on Saturday, and leaving tomorrow Thursday.

My mother doesn't need much help, so most of what I do is sit with her and listen. I have brought my laptop with me, and am also working while I'm here - this helps, it gives us a break from each other. I have also watched far too many episodes of a TV show called Bargain Hunt, and another show about house-hunting and lots of weather reporting. All the exciting weather is in the highlands, here it's just freezing temperatures & sleety rain. We've been to Tesco, where we managed to mislay each other, and my mother was horrified by the price of frozen mashed potatoes. The USA is gangstering into Venezuela.

It's been long visit, I'm not sleeping well, and I'm feeling very worn.

Went for walk with himself. We walked across the fields to the old mill at Milverton. Muddy & lots of dog walkers wishing us Happy New Year. There's always a shock when I step outside & have to stop a moment to let my eyes adjust. Even at the dead time of year it's so much brighter outside than inside.

I napped on sofa under a soft woolly throw for most of the afternoon. I am still very tired.

My cat is asleep in the airing cupboard. There's something very endearing about a sleeping cat. We surrendered to catitude some years ago, realised that keeping cats out of such a cosy warm space was clearly impossible and bottom shelf in airing cupboard is now designated cat safe space. No more claw holes in clean sheets, or car fur over the clean towels.

My father-in-law has gone to stay with his daughter for the next 3 weeks. The flat feels very quiet & empty and I had a nap on the sofa. I don't know why it feels quiet - he's a gentle man who made an effort not to be a trouble to us, and spent much of his time sitting in his own room listening to radio 4. But it feels as if a weight has been lifted, as if I no longer have to be 'on' but can just relax. It's very strange and I'm wondering how I will sleep tonight.

Last night I slept so badly. Awake and desperate for sleep from 1am until after 4am. I tidied up, and read a book, and did a slow stretching routine, and had some snacks, and stayed off the internet, and petted a cat, and all the slow calming things I do for myself and *did not work*. Bugger.

But this afternoon. Went to bed for a nap after lunch and went down so deep. Slept until four in the afternoon, and wow, so good.

It's a reboot. Turn brain off, wait a bit, turn back on and a lot of the problems just disappear. Anxieties about Christmas, family, money etc stop chewing up all the available CPU and drop out. Very strange to see (& feel) the difference between this morning when I was panicking about lost the letter from the hospital, sausage rolls need cooked, no puff pastry and this afternoon when we found the letter, and honest to god, no one cares about sausage rolls.

And right now happy & cheerful.

A bright clear blue-sky day, and such a delight after days of grey & drizzle.

I took my father-in-law Christmas shopping. First stop, coffee & a pastry. Then, the chocolate shop (general presents), the wine shop (present for son), the bookshop (present for me). And then lunch in a tea shop, and homewards. A very satisfying morning. I really don't remember old style Christmas shopping being this relaxed & enjoyable. Father-in-law went to sleep in the afternoon and I, alas, had to go back to work.

Book tokens
My mother gave me a book token for my birthday and I am enjoying the spending of it so much. This year I did not buy online, but went to local bookshop (Waterstones) and spent some happy time looking, and browsing, and reading before making a selection of some books I had never heard of before.

I have come home with The Wall by Marlen Haushofer and O Caledonia by Elspeth Baker. Both wonderful. Happy serendipity. And there's rather a lot of book-token left.
I was expecting advice about lifting heavy weights.
I read Casey Johnston's blog She's a Beast Johnston is a weight lifter, and the standard column is about protein powder, or the importance of eating well, or bracing your core. Or some such.

But a couple of weeks ago, she surprised me with a column on How to read more and yes, it's about reading more and rediscovering the joys & delights of reading, and social media distractions vs bookbookbook. Recommended.
Lets take a fairy-tale and beat it to death
I'm listening to *Princess Floralinda and the Forty-Flight Tower* on audible. This is a delight. A witch has imprisoned the princess at the top of a tower, with a monster on each floor and - as a treat - a dragon with diamond scales on the ground floor. The princess waiting for a prince, and twenty-four princes have indeed come to rescue her and they have one by one been crunched up by the dragon. (Princess Floralinda had to put her fingers in her ears because the noises are quite horrid). So she just has to rescue herself. She has the world's most unsympathetic & sarcastic fairy as a reluctant accomplice - "That’s another creature you’ve killed simply by having no brains, which makes anyone with brains feel as if it isn’t worth the headache of having them.”

I don't know if it's because it's getting colder & damper & darker, or if it's because I'm stressed, or because I'm tired but I want to nest so badly. I want to rearrange bookshelves, and get more shelving, and move furniture around, and buy soft woollen throws and a new lamp.

I was awake again last night and spent hours (yes, it was literally hours) looking at shelving & bookcases online.

Himself & father-in-law are watching the rugby right now, and I am in my office.

I usually keep a little half-pint armchair in here, but that's gone to guest room so father-in-law has a comfy space for himself and can retreat into privacy.

So I have made myself a little nest with a duvet & a couple of pillows and here I am.

It is half-past-three in the morning. I have washed up, dismembered a pomegranate, put yogurt in the strainer, and tidied up the kitchen. I am now sitting down with a mug of tea and biscuit.

Three things which have amused me recently:

The vet has prescribed meloxicam for my cat, to see if it improves his appetite. The box says "suitable for cats and guinea pigs" which I find hilarious for some reason. I am now referring to cat as my elongated guinea pig.

Still working on web application for my property lawyer clients. Currently dealing with processing legal documents called "Statement of Truth" and "Deed of Trust". I love the document names.

I have just bought a duvet from John Lewis. It has a 5 year guarantee - "Our guarantee provides a repair service delivered by authorised service technicians. This is available to you in the event of a breakdown of any functioning part of your product during the guarantee period." I am trying to work out how any functioning part of my duvet could break down.

Trying to do dail(ish) journal entry - I know it's good for me but at a loss to explain exactly how or why it helps. Self-reflection? Vaguely social? Looking at what's happening in my life as opposed to in my head? IDK

I know that if I try and write about the big things I freeze up. So instead of "my father is dying" we have "today we et potatoes" And I can't do a "what I did today" journal - I just bore myself. So instead it's just what I'm thinking about right now this minute. 3 random things.

Yesterday was a good day. I got some exercise, I managed a journal entry, I ignored the greenparty WhatsApp, and I coloured my hair for the first time in about 3 months (I use henna and it really needs to be redone every 2-4 weeks).

And - above all - I am sleeping better. This does mean decamping to the sofa at about midnight with an eiderdown and a pillow, but it is working. If I'm sleeping okay I have superpowers, and I can do anything.

And the first thing I have to do today is order a lightweight single duvet. For my sofa escapades, I am using an old feather eiderdown which Mrs. Next-Door gave us some time last century. I think she bought it shortly after WW2. It has been stuffed into an old duvet cover to stop it leaking feathers, and it's very warm but it smells funky. Not exactly wet sheep, maybe elderly hens?

Cat has had blood tests for kidney disease and for thyroid. And all clear, cat is in good health, just thin and a very fussy eater. I'm so glad. It's not just my little cat, but I'm looking after very elderly father-in-law right now and we're making decisions about his future and his care, and I really don't want to manage end-of-life care and decisions about euthanasia for my cat at the same time. Distressing for everyone.

Cat & father-in-law are getting on well. They share the sofa, have naps and listen to radio 3 together. My father-in-law has told me that one of the big regrets of his life is not getting a cat when his wife died. I am very surprised by this, because he is so not a cat person.

James-the-robot-vacuum-cleaner now has googly eyes. This has not endeared him to the cat. I think the robot is cat's equivalent of a dalek. It's approximately the same size as cat, makes very threatening unpleasant noises, will slowly pursue cat with obviously hostile intention. Have discussed this important matter with family & decided that big googly eyes would not have improved the daleks. Wise design decision on part of the BBC.

We had some problems with moths recently. There were rooming freely in the attic and chewed up a llama skin rug I had from my father, reducing it to a leather rag and a sad pile of fluff. I am impressed with their destructive abilities, but I do not want to encourage.

My moth identification skills are weak, but I think these are carpet moths rather than clothes moths. The interwebs say that the best way to combat is to hover every single day. That's hoover the entire house and under all the furniture. This is not going to happen. It really isn't.

So we now own a little robot vacuum cleaner. He's called James and he lives under the sofa. My father-in-law is deeply interested & fascinated, and the cat is completely appalled. I am going to buy some googly eyes.

I've updated the home router so it blocks reddit, just to stop myself doomscrolling forums such as AskReddit, AITA, & BestOfRedditorUpdates at 3am in the morning. It really wasn't helping - not sleep, not mood, not anything. Just too much time spent reading stories & comments about appalling people doing appalling things to each other. So many tales of evil mothers-in-law (how to pluralise that?), disaster weddings, bad divorces, abusive partners and people being generally mean, and I could not look away.

At some point I'll unblock, or tweak it, because there were some forums which I enjoyed (reddit crossfit was a surprisingly okay place) but need a little break, need to (re)learn some better habits.

At some point I will do a happy post celebrating little joys but this here right now is me venting

Sleep. My sleep up the wall / down the creek. I've had about 3 or 4 hours sleep Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday night. Waking up about 3am and NOT going back to sleep. I feel horrible. Sleep has been bad all throughout August, thought at first it would be better when father-in-law went home, and then I was thinking it would be better when visit to my mother was over, and then..

But it's not getting any better.

It's as if my body & mind are at war with me. I cannot sleep and I do not know why.

I know about sleep hygiene, regular bed time & getting up time (hah!), avoiding screens, blue light, keeping bedroom just for sleeping, keeping bedroom dark & cool, lots of time outside in the daylight, importance of exercise, not exercising too late in the day, relaxing, reducing stress, mindfulness practice, yoga, avoiding alcohol, sugar, caffeine. I have not tried the healing power of crystals.

Gah. So tired. So fed-up.

Today it's going to be hot & sunny. Next week will be thundery showers, and then we're back to our regular broadcast of light rain & drizzle.

So it feels like the end of summer. The horse chestnuts are turning brown & shedding leaves, rowans & hawthorns are red with fruit and parents are shopping for back-to-school.

I had planned to work this weekend and catch-up with hours missed when father-in-law was here, & when I up in Edinburgh. But I haven't. I've had a couple of quiet days; I've caught up with a myriad of small tasks, I've posted on dreamwidth and I've slept well for the first time in what feels like a month.

This morning I was looking at BestofRedditorUpdates again and I was all NO! Who are all these people and why am I reading about family fights about weddings & fights about infidelity & fights about money?

I'm going to take a book and head to the park for a couple of hours. Not a hike - just go & sit in the grass and pretend to be a calm & relaxed person who can enjoy being without doing. It does not come naturally. work-in-progress.

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Proud to be an Introvert

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Navigating disabilities

Quiet place

Grammar

New Year's Resolution

New Year's Resolution - Read for fun!

3 things - even lovely guests are stressy, cats like armchairs, office politics in politics

A week after last post

Tired & grumpy - 3 things make a post

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Insomnia

Christmas shopping

3 Book-related things

I am so tired

Insomnia

Journal is good for me, like eating kale

3 Cat Things

Moth and rust doth corrupt

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This is a whinge

Bank Holiday Monday

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