Been writing a bit, or trying to... by a bit I have three thousand more words than when I started, and by trying to I mean the last sixteen days or so. I genuinely do not remember! My memory has felt kind of dodgy this grocery cycle, proven to me by me struggling to once again retain narrative whilst doing shb patches. I read the words but it's performative and the line is forgotten entirely as soon as it goes off screen. This is the downside with writing regularly it seems 😔 my ME has deteriorated that much, in that I now have to trade off one for the other... and explains why silksong and then base shb went so well. But I want to be creative and balance my mental health of doing something for a finished product and getting back into doing something, so...

It is not my big wip that needs edits, but something I started working on in small spurts on my phone to try to get past feeling nauseous and unwell anytime I tried writing for my girls as the doubts would just eat at me. It's set after the ending of Even if it makes you cry, so right after Amélie makes the decision to leave Talon as Ashe is her next target, but indulges a measure of weakness and goes to say goodbye to her for good, and instead stays with Ashe because Ashe asks her to ask, and that promising to do so is a lot easier said than actually done. Change is hard. Is she even capable of it, does she deserve it? Especially for an assassin used to being ordered and always in limbo. She exists in the now, not the future, and clings to the past... when she can bear to, at least.

This makes her spontaneity very real. And I was going to have them become fiercely codependent off the bat, a lot of angst and a lot of talking, and also include some spice for what would be their second time sleeping together (somehow all the more significant than the first because this is affirmation, they know who each other is, they left and they're angry but they came back and there's joy, love brings both sorrow and joy, etc)... and all this tied in with excellent timing of Amélie leaving Talon in canon and her being confirmed to be on a formula to suppress bad memories, and me being like ok I'm going to write withdrawals and her wondering if she should leave all of herself behind and how tasty it would be if someone loved her hard enough that she felt as though she doesn't have to suppress the bad memories anymore. Or want to. She doesn't change, she is incapable of change. But she is changing and that uncertainty frightens her, when death is so absolute. So maybe Ashe sees her with her pills and tells her it's okay... that she likes her as she is, and who she will be. Because she likes her blue. :]

I still don't know if it's very good, though 😭 I go through stages of liking then hating it, which may merely be attributed as being tired. I've been awake a lot during the day, which is nice to see daylight, but more than twelve hours awake multiple days in a row has a big bad knock on effect in the days following... even if I manage to sleep for nine to ten hours consecutive, which you think would be enough!!! Alas.

Did get to work on some Dark Knight adjacent prose I've been looking forward to doing for a few days though. ( Read more... )

I have a few scenes to go and early groceries tomorrow so I'll have to leave it until mid week, but I'm hoping to maybe reach an end in the next couple of weeks...I'm at 5k now, so knowing me it'll probably be about 10k words in total, lol.

Title: "...Groovy?"
Artist: magnavox_23
Character/Pairing: Team
Rating: G


2x21 1969

candyheartsex had creator reveals and this is what I wrote. :)

Title: i don't want anybody (but you)
Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV)
Pairing/Characters: Buck/Eddie
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 1821
Summary: The real reason Eddie doesn't date.

Title: not an ending (just a new beginning)
Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV)
Pairing/Characters: Buck/Eddie, Christopher
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 1565
Summary: When Buck watches Abby leave, he doesn't expect to immediately run into the two people who will be his future.

Finding Moments (627 words) by thawrecka
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: 长公主在上 | Zhǎng Gōng Zhǔ Zài Shàng (Web Series)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Gu Xuanqing/Li Yunzhen
Characters: Gu Xuanqing, Li Yunzhen

Terrible headache and I didn't even drink last night, it's just that people were too loud in the pub. Amazing how you can get symptoms identical to a hangover without alcohol just from being around people yelling for hours.

Recently read: The Woman Dies by Aoka Matsuda, translated by Polly Barton - I picked this up partly because I enjoyed Barton's translation of Butter, and partly because the cover art is so cool. Collection of stories, much of it flash fiction, tacking sexism, gender, technology, the media, etc. A lot funnier than I expected. The titular story, which is my favourite, is incisive about sexist cliches in the movies, but also has a very funny conversation about vaginas. I feel like this is best read all at once, because so many threads are picked up repeatedly in multiple stories (the Japanese national anthem jokes, for example), and it has a great rhythm that way, so I'm glad I read it all at once. I had a great time with this.

Currently reading: Lord of Mysteries: The Clown, Part 1 by Cuttlefish that Loves Diving - I'm 44 chapters in and really enjoying myself. There's some things the animated series glossed over but that the novel goes into more depth on, so the world feels even more textured. I'm most delighted by how sneaky Klein is, and how awkward all his interactions with Leonard are, but there's a lot to enjoy. I like that this has more on the tarot club, and I'm amused by Audrey and her large dog.

Yen Press doesn't seem to list a translator anywhere in the book, but I can believe there is a human translator because there are so many clunky adverbs. When did adverbs stop being considered bad writing, my guys? Maybe I'm out of touch on this, because I see them so often in published fiction these days (especially in translated fiction), and they always annoy me.

DNF: The Moon Glow Bookshop by Dongwon Seo, translated by Shanna Tan - the idea of a bar that sells drinks that tell stories is fun, but the prose in the translation is so clunky and surface, with no real subtext or interesting description, no depth or texture, that I just can't push myself forward.

Episde 6: This one was so sexy! The pride parade! The pool sex! ( Elaboration under here )

Episode 7: AKA not my fav. ( Elaboration under here )

P.S. If anyone knows a place to get Sense8 screencaps, please share :) I'd love to make icons.

***

Title: Appleading
Author:kat_lair
Fandom: Wheel of Time (technically just the books but it's not really contradicting anything re the show either)
Pairing: Liandrin Guirale & Moghedien, Liandrin Guirale/Moghedien
Tags: Ficlet, Control, Power Dynamics, Choking, Torture 
Rating: M
Word count: 632

Summary: In an old townhouse in Amador, Liandrin begs with eloquence she didn’t even know she possessed. It’s a wonder what fear can do, to loosen tongues and inhibitions.

Author notes: Response to merryfortune's prompt of You're appealing to emotions that I simply do not have (from 'It’s Hard to Say ”I Do”, When I Don’t') over at likealighthouse's Fall Out Boy Femslash Febrary Ficathon. Takes place during Book Five when Moghedien catches the Black Ajah in Amador. This is unbetaed so if you spot a typo/mistake, please do let me know. Except for the title which is me mangling the English language on purpose. For my amusement.

Appleading on AO3

( Appleading )

***

I'm thinking of posting my fics here as a way to encourage myself to post them on AO3. They'll absolutely be WIPs and I'll have editing them until I'm satisfied, but I don't want them to be rotting in muñy PC be sure I'm to afraid to post them.

Week 3 of the Stuff I Love challenge!! 💞

This week's theme is music. I did a similar top 10 music list during the last Snowflake Challenge, so I think this time I should put some sort of restriction... so here we have top 10 covers by Hololive and Holostars members.

For those unfamiliar, Hololive Production is virtual YouTuber (Vtuber) company. Vtubers are basically content creators who use a virtual avatar—typically live 2D or 3D, using face/motion tracking—to present themselves. Hololive Production members (or talents, as they're sometimes called) usually stream video games, make both original and cover music, and sometimes perform as idols, among other activities. They're separated into subgroups, but the main ones are Hololive, which is composed of female talents, and Holostars which houses the male talents.

I don't frequently watch live streams unless it's a concert or karaoke stream—most of the vtuber content I engage with are through clips, but I'm always game for cover songs. A lot of vtubers (especially Japanese ones) actually started out or have some background as an utaite (JP cover artist), which I also loved listening to many years ago. I love them for both their aesthetically pleasing music videos (even if sometimes it's just png recycling lyric videos due to budget constraints) and for whatever spin the cover artists or arrangers can put into the song to make it their own.

CW: Some music videos might trigger those with photosensitivity. Without further ado, here are my 10 picks as well as 4 honorable mentions in no particular order! :"D

---

( 1187 words; lots of Youtube embeds inside )

Belated thanks for the birthday wishes -- they were very much appreciated!

Finished editing the WIP o'Doom (and nearly a full week ahead of schedule!), so will hopefully be a little less AWOL for... well, until the next ill-advised fic idea hits, I suppose.

For now, though: that educational meme that's been going around recently.

( Cut for Questions! )

Fragment: Opened my eyes to darkness, I was in a car, realized I was somewhere I knew and started looking around.

Fragment: Running around putting game missions together and getting confused. Opened a door and dad was there and said something but I didn't hear anything, I wondered if he was malfunctioning because he was a clone machine. There was a plot revolving around a mystery

Fragment: Riding in the passenger seat while dad is driving, he suddenly opens his door.

Fragment: Sneaking into a house (not sure if it was 'Me'), going through birthday toy gifts, two kids were on the balcony up the stairs with one filming. They had red MAGA hats on. They were crying as they walked away. They went back to school to their classroom to tell everyone what happened.

Fragment: Can't tell if this is connected to the previous dream, the recordings are one minute apart but.

There was food on the stove, apparently the people had to clear out pretty fast. We couldn't take any of the stuff or they'd notice.

My sister, her husband and dad are there. BIL covers me, who is curled up on the floor(?) with a really big coat and I snuggle into it.

The light in the kitchen is on and a bunch of people suddenly start going by outside. Sister uses an intercom to start calling out old high school friends, and there's cheering - apparently they knew she was coming. I remember thinking that 'will they even remember her, it's been 15 years' (note: it's been longer than that irl).

Using my TV Show PTW boardgame.

I completed 3/3 from my last challenge. DNF - 1 & Drop - 1. TV Shows are difficult for me in the first place but especially right now ughh. I'm glad to be knocking some off my watchlist though. Animated shows are so much easier which is why all three completed ones are that lol

Avatar: Animation (The Owl House)
Skill: Re-roll dice once

Roll #1

An 8, generate from PTW list. #38...it's The Idhun Chronicles season 2. I had some issues with the first season but I liked  it enough to continue.

Roll #2

A 4, prompt: highest rated on PTW. Looks like it'll be True Detective: Night Country.

Roll #3

A 2, used skill, now 8. Prompt: came out within the last year...hmm Hell Hotel!

Roll #4

A7, prompt: fantasy creatures. I guess the closest I see is Dragon Age: Absolution.

Roll #5

Another 7, prompy: came out in month I was born. Oops the previous one would've worked for this. Most things don't come out in my birth month. Alright more Dark. Next roll is a 6 but I'm not choosing a reward so I'm done.

Almost halfway through I forgot I was still on my PTW list so only the last one Dark was when I remember to go back and choose from it instead. orz

When we lived on the outskirts of Turku, going into downtown to run errands was already a bit of an Expedition, because it entailed a pleasant or idyllic walk to and from the bus stop of about 6-8 minutes, plus about 20-25 minutes on the bus, and then walking around the city center - possibly overcrowded, but full of beautiful buildings and trees.

Now that we live in the country, I'm still closer to the Turku city center than many people are who live in a North American metro area. I can walk to the bus stop (5 minutes, unpleasant scenery) and take a bus that puts me down near the center in about 50 minutes. But that trip feels excessive for a shopping expedition.

There's a big shopping center called Skanssi between us and Turku that is more convenient, about 35 minutes by bus, but the bus doesn't actually stop that close to it so you have to walk like ten minutes (it is very much designed to be visited by car, unlike the city center). And the mall itself just has RANCID VIBES. I hate being there! It's something about the interior architecture and the lighting maybe? The actual finishes are nice, the decor is fine, the lighting isn't UGLY. It is pretty dim inside, which has to be on purpose, but it's more like they were trying for a cozy or intimate or restful light instead of glaring? But instead it's oppressive in there. I always just want to get out. The K-Citymarket hypermarket attached to it is our closest Citymarket*, and it's much more brightly lit but still feels looming, oppressive, suffocating, sullen, and unwell. And I honestly do not know why! Maybe it's not actually the light, maybe it's sounds outside the regular hearing range or something?

So I've been thinking for a week whether it's preferable to go to this rancid-vibed mall, 35m by bus + 10-15m walk, or all the way to Turku, 50m by bus + 5-10m walk. The former SHOULD make me feel better because of the walking and fresh air, and I usually prefer less time on the bus because it's less chance to get trapped near someone's perfume; but would the rancid vibes counteract that?



*The other stores vary in vibes, but none of the ones near us are even close to this bad. Citymarkets Kupittaa and Länsikeskus are both reasonably Ok, and Prisma (Citymarket's competitor, the other Finnish grocery chain) Tampereentie is a little worse, while our closest Prisma at Itäharju is mostly nice, with some bad vibes in one end of the supermarket side. The nicest hypermarket near us is Citymarket Ravattula, Littoinen. I like this one so much more that I ALMOST would go to it instead (it's nearly 40 minutes by car, instead of 15 or so to Itäharju).