The Great Susie Hair Disaster of '12

I wish the photos did it justice, but they don't.

Here's my precious princess just a couple weeks before the latest chop job.

 The crooked bangs Dallin gave her the first time he cut her hair had started growing out pretty well, they fit into elastics.

And then this last Thursday, the butcher job......he took most of her bangs off, a chunk on either side of her head, and a chunk right at her cowlick.

 

Susie at the kids' salon...she was a peach.

This is right after I took her to get it fixed.  In some ways, I think it almost looks worse!  You can see the damage to her bangs really well!

And here is what it looks like when I do it.  Better.  And hair grows.  Hair grows.

 

Feeling nostalgic...

Last night, I pulled up this blog and went way back to the very beginning, the fall of 2007.  We'd started this blog since we had just moved 800 miles away from two sets of first-time grandparents...and they were all distraught about missing the new light of their lives growing up.  I sat last night watching video after video of our baby Dallin....and I wanted to cry.  For a few reasons.

One, my baby boy is gone.

In his place is a gangly, inquisitive, smart, messy, very grown up boy.  Who turns five in just over a month.  It breaks my heart a little.  I can never have that baby back.

Which brings me to Two. 

I got to spend so much time with Dallin!  It was just me and my baby boy, all day, every day.  He was the center of our world.  Susie didn't get that, and this baby is going to get it even less.

And to number Three.  I miss our life in Oregon!!!

It was so simple.  Though law school was no walk in the park, our time in Eugene still seems idyllic.  We had a nice apartment (let's not talk about the complex, however), a great ward, TERRIFIC friends (who I still miss like crazy) and we lived in a really cool city.  Though I love being close to our families, and Utah is home to me, there's just no place like Eugene.

I do realize that a lot of my mourning is for a time that is lost.  Even if we had been able to stay in Eugene, it wouldn't have been the same in many ways (still would have been awesome though...just not the same...or meant to be).  I just have to content myself with visiting as often as we can manage and keeping close tabs on our friends.  Don't forget about us, friends!  We think often of you!

And on the bright side, we'll have a whole week in Oregon in just a couple months.  We were planning on going up in September regardless, and then my brother-in-law Matt (he followed in Landon's footsteps and started law school at UO after we left) proposed to his girlfriend, so we planned our trip around their wedding.  We plan on hitting the coast, wandering my favorite bookstore, feeding the goats at Lone Pine, attending our old ward, eating at Papa's and Sweet Life, visiting our favorite parks and seeing as much of our friends as we can.

I can't wait.

Photos for my Grandma! January-February

Susie "helping" with the laundry

Pappy still makes a good horsey

Working on their "puters"

She's so beautiful it almost hurts...

She's getting into her jewelry now

Susie is TWO!

Photos for my Grandma! March-April

Dallin's latest thing is eating a whole carrot

Yum!

It's Mommy

Susie mischief face

Our only snowman of the year...in March....

Happy Birthday to me....with my children hovering like moths....

Daddy was working on a puzzle, and Dallin got totally into it...so we took his picture when it was done 

And anything brother does, Susie must do.  Non-negotiable.

I find her like this often...I love it.

Possessed Susie face

How I found Susie after her nap one day

Uncle Sean and Susie at BYU

Our family!  Go Cougars!

At Bridal Veil Falls

In our backyard, the Easter egg hunt

She just kills me in her sunglasses...

Where to start....

For those of you who are still wondering about my cryptic Facebook status, well...to be painfully honest, I had a miscarriage last week.

Health-wise, I'm doing fine.  Though agonizingly painful and utterly exhausting, everything went as it should for something as unfortunate as this, and for that I'm grateful.

Of course, the emotional element is a completely different story.  I've been to each of the 5 stages of grief and back multiple times.  It's hard to plan and hope for months, be over the moon at being pregnant, and then lose it.  But no matter how many desperate prayers I cried, it just wasn't time.  When it became painfully obvious what was happening, the kids could hear me sobbing in the bathroom.  It scared them.  Landon had come home from work at that point, and he tried to explain what was going on.  Dallin, who knew about the baby, and was so excited to have a younger brother (so he planned, anyway, despite how many times we told him that we didn't get to pick), came running in to me and said, "Mommy, did the baby die?"  Which of course sent me into sobs again, but we all climbed onto our bed, and I explained the best I could that this wasn't the right body for our baby, that he/she had gone back to Heavenly Father, and he/she would come to us again.  That simple explanation was enough for my four year old.  And honestly, putting it in such terms as that helped me too.  It doesn't make the pain go away completely, but it helps to understand it as my four year old does.

I'd say I'm dealing with it fairly well now, but I still have my moments.  Reading about friends who are pregnant (please don't misunderstand me, I am truly happy for you, and not even jealous of you...just sad that my womb is now empty), catching a glimpse of others' new babies and ultrasound photos when I went to see my doctor, seeing the little numbers I wrote in the corner of each Friday square of my calendar to track my weeks of pregnancy....all those things bring tears.  But tears, not gut wrenching sobs, and fewer tears every day.

Time heals most wounds, and this too will heal.  And it's not the end.  Not to mention, I still have a wonderful life...a selfless and supportive husband, two beautiful children, family and friends, a testimony of God and Jesus Christ, hobbies I enjoy, my first vegetable garden to plant, spring approaching!  So many people who love me, and things that make me happy.  Just not a baby at this time.

I'm a pretty transparent person.  I don't hold much back, I like to understand and be understood, I'm just all around very open and honest in almost everything.  And with this particular bit of adversity, I shared my sorrow as it happened instead of after.  Anyone who asked, I told.  Some who didn't ask, I told!  And I am so glad.  So many many people have shared my burden, have helped me along.  THANK YOU FOR THAT.  Every bit of your kindness and love, every email, message, phone call, text, visit, card, meal, etc., has lifted me up and helped me to continue.  If nothing else, losing my pregnancy has showed me the tremendous people I have in my life.  While I wouldn't wish this on anyone, I do wish everyone could experience the outpouring of love that I have.  Thank you.  You've blessed my life far more than you realize.

Life truly is good.  And after all, it's better to look up, right?  So onward we go.

Happy Birthday to my baby girl

Susie turns two years old today.  She's growing up into a little girl!  She loves princesses ("punzel" is her favorite), dolls, animals and PINK!  Susie girl has never lacked in personality, and she's definitely made our family more interesting!  We love our girl.

2010

 2011

 2012

Never mind.

I decided not to use our family blog as my journal.  I'm afraid no one will ever read it if I were to post something I wanted to share!  :)

The Start of my Journaling Habit

As most of you know, I am a digital scrapbooker.  I love love love it.  It's my method of preserving our stories.  Except that I am years behind and once I get around to scrapping the hundreds of pictures I take each year, the stories behind the photos have faded.
One of my favorite digiscrap communities, The Digichick, has started a new website to encourage scrappers to "Tell Your Story Every Day."  I love the concept.  They are trying to help us along with actually recording the moments of our lives.  The memories that will dim if not recorded.
This week was the introductory week, shall we say, and today's post was about journaling.
I stink at journaling.  Both in general and on my layouts.  There was time I was great about it.  But since marriage and children...I hardly write at all.  It's a shame.  I, who have always prided myself on my impeccable memory, have forgotten so many details.  So many little bitty things I wish I had taken the time to capture before they drifted away.
So, inspired by this post, I am going to start journaling.  I am going to use this blog as my main journal, and record the more personal things in a notebook I have always kept on my nightstand (the difference is I'm actually going to use it now!).  So you can expect many more entries.  And dear friends, I probably won't address these posts to you.  So if you are curious about something I mention, leave me a comment and I'll fill you in.  In fact, always feel free to leave me comments!!!  And I'm going to try to be better about commenting on all of your blogs.
So here's to a new beginning of recording my family's life!
Love to you all.