You make me go awwwww

You know how people says that kids don't lie kan? I'm having some weight issue now biasalah dah ade duit lebih makan nak mahal je. And I tend to munch a lot if I'm under pressure *reads: always*.

And I went on the weighing scale just now hoping for a miracle. But miracle my foot. The digits are still the same. Gahhhh. Then I said 'gemuknyaaa'. Then came this angel with her halo saying 'ciksu kurus la, ciksu tak gemuk'. Ciksu melted to the floor rightaway! Now excuse me while I ransack the fridge. Hehe

caffeine overkills

So I'm having THIS problem again. Where my body is begging for some sleep but my eyes are like supercharged energizer bunny. I know that I have issues with caffeine. I don't drink coffee at all cause if I did I would get nauseous, jumpy and whatnots. Drama kan? My friend can drink the blackest coffee and still sleep like a baby at the end of the day.

This is what exactly happened few years back when I was sitting for my P2 paper. Drank teh ais for dinner just for the extra boost and by extra I didn't mean spending the night wide awake with my mind jumping around here and there, talking nonsense if it could talk. Flunked that paper, go figure!

I had teh ais during our minum session after 5.30. The normal routine for slaves of the big firm like us before returning BACK to work. But I didn't expect that I would still be wideee awake at 3 in the morning. Crap. And tomorrow we need to say a word or two to the camera since our big boss is leaving at the end of this month. Bubye glowing skin *not that I have it*. Hello designer panda eyes. Dear god, have mercy on me. Sigh.



P/s: here I am, cold sweating thinking bout work. On what specifically, I have no idea.

I still believe in fairy tale. What about you? And they lived happily ever after, that's what they said. With the pressure that I have to go through now, all I need to know is at the end of the day everything, everything will be okay. Sigh. Now excuse me while I go and find my happy ending.

I cried watching a Kardashian's show. Why would someone cry watching the Kardashian kan. Kim didn't get her father to walk her down the aisle and as for me, I'm not going to get my dad to be my wali *insert sad face here*.

ps: Her dress is ah-mazing.

From kota bharu to old klang road

How was your raya? Mine was ok but i still can't accept the fact that i'm ineligible to receive duit raya anymore. Cries.

Being at home brings me closer to my late daddy. When i first entered their room, his smell still lingered as if he was still around. Felt like i needed a reality check. Broke down and cried on his side of the bed rightaway. His grave is like a knock in the head, waking me up to my senses. Nangis lagi since this is the first time i'm home since March.

And this raya jugak la i received tons of when's your turn? For marriage obviously. I'm a 21 years old hormone-driven-hopeless-romantic lady. Jangan tanya boleh? Kan dah buat i pressured nak cari a companion. Facepalm. But hold your rein as i know that now is not the time to look after a boyfriend dah. Ni masa mencari calon suami who can guide me to the right path, who accepts me the way i am. I want 'us' to be like Ayah and Mama. Cinta sampai akhir hayat. There were a fee occasions where people asked Mama dah ade pengganti or not. I can't understand why people could be so insensitive. Urgh. But her answer brought me to tears every single time. 'Takkan ada pengganti dia'. And by this point people would realised that they have been an insensitive cow.

The first two paragraphs was written when i was still in kb and im not rajin enough to edit it. That explains the title yeh. Oh people, my birthday is in 4 days now!

It has been a year.pejam celik pejam celik.i used to say i dont know how to live my days after he's gone.tapi now dah a year dah pun.

I miss u daddy.it has been ages since i last cried cause of u.i mean the sobbing punye nangis.masa baca yassin tadi laju je air mata.how i wish u were still here with us.

Since i've been working,dh jarang baca yassin.balik rumah dah penat,kejar benda duniawi tengok fb and tumblr then terus tido.the cycle repeats tomorrow.mungkin hati dah jadi keras.rindu memang rindu.all the time.tapi the tears dont shed anymore.harini rasa dekat sangat to u ayoh.

I still remember when i complained how hard the paper was and u said u are proud of me no matter what.how i wish u could see me now and tell me the same thing.i really need that.

Al-fatihah.

Money money money

Lets' talk bout money. Without money, u can die but too much of it can kill u.

Money 1
Being a career woman *super puke*, i now know how hard it is to get RM1. Yelah, everything have to bayar using my OWN money. Bayar tu bayar ni hulur situ hulur sini, end of month dah terkorek duit. Last month, i only had RM20 in my purse and i had to take a cab to a client's place. Tau saje lah taking a cab in KL macam mana. But before hailing the cab, i tawakal pergi atm check duit. I never felt richer. It wasn't even 28th yet tapi alhamdulillah gaji dah masuk. HE is always there for me.


Money 2
Did u know that an engineer in Medan only gets around 300 usd per month? That's like what, 1/3 of Malaysian engineer punya gaji? Count your blessing everyone. Yes,we can argue that the cost of living in Indonesia is cheaper yada yada yada but,their value is only worth of that? Duit ni if we keep on saying tak cukup la, memang tak akan cukup *i'm guilty of this jugak*. I pergi interview kakak cleaner, she said she get RM900 every month and sometimes she has to come at 7 and leave at 7 u know! Kalah auditor. Terus i insaf kejap cause i ni balik lambat pun duduk je hadap computer, got aircond somemore.


Money 3
Last night i went to pasar malam with my mom. She went to buy some ikan while i pergi beli air. Then when i met her she said the fishmonger tu claimed that my mom gave him duit palsu. I check la the money and memang it was fake pun. Macam normal kertas u print out as duit and buruk sangat sampai i pegang terus koyak in the middle. Come on la, takkan la mama nak bagi that money kan? Kita tau adat, ade sivik and i know that my mom's duit memang fresh from atm cause we baru withdraw. But the guy said my mom was the last customer and tu her duit. So mama just said ' makcik boleh ganti tapi tuhan tahu' qnd hand him another 50. I dengar tu pun i almost nangis, tak tengok live lagi. Why la have to be like that? Lapar duit sangat ke? I felt like shoving the fishes into their asses but mama said 'kita rugi 50, insyaAllah dapat 150'. Amin. And i just hope they will get sleepless nights. Asyik nampak muka my mom cakap tuhan tahu. Amin.

On a lighter note, how la nak jadi fashionable ni? I la paling sopan pergi office with baju kurung every day. I look hideous in suit * nangia ceruk dinding*

Ok la bye loves!