It feels like a good time to move. Writing (could one call it writing?) on this journal has kept me from doing many stupid things by giving me a place to go "OMFG WHINE WHINE", and helped me keep up with myself, spy on the people I met ~*~over the internet~*~ whom I now unfortunately love to pieces, and just have a little place to be funny or honest or irritating.

Thing is there's just so much stuff on this journal. There's all this drama and negativity and fourteen year old ness and fifteen year old ness and sixteen year old ness and oh god let's just say I'm nineteen right now and it's embarrassing. I don't know what to do with it anymore. I don't know what you guys do either. Do you read, or skim, or wish you could just defriend me but are afraid that I'll take it personally (I will, because if you say "it's just the internet" I will reach through it and slap you because it isn't "just", it's real people who just don't see each other)? Dilemmas, I know.

It's been with me for almost 4 years. A number of marriages in the USA end before 4 years. Granted, I'm not the marrying type, and you can always break up with your livejournal, no matter how thirteen years old that may sound. But still.

I made a new one a few days ago. It was meant to be all secretive and cool and fabulous and maybe I'd be popular like I was in 2003 (oh snap Joseph) and I DON'T KNOW OKAY. I realized, what's the point of being secretive and cool and fabulous if none of my friends were there to be secretive and cool and fabulous with me?

What I'm trying to say is that for some reason jaig isn't Joseph anymore, or maybe it's too much of him, and he's sick of it because he's had enough of himself everyday without going online and seeing omfg himself being a douchebag turdface online. Or maybe he just came up with a cool username? It is possible! Anything is possible!

Anyway I'll be linking to the new journal immediately, and I'm hoping you guys can move into it with me. If you don't, well. Maybe we've forgotten each other and just didn't know, because we've forgotten each other and just didn't-

I'm not deleting this journal, and maybe I'll move back (Grace did it in Will & Grace, and if she can, then so can I), but right now it feels right to move.

jaig bb, ilu gtg.

I was reading through an excerpt from a Rolling Stone article about Britney Spears when this bit hit me.

A crush of managers in black shirts and gold name tags try to keep the peace, but the crowd running after Britney gets larger, and now the shopgirls have ­started to catch up to her, one of them slipping spectacularly in her platform shoes, grazing her elbow. She pulls herself up, mustering the strength to tap Britney's shoulder. "Um, I'm from the South too," she mumbles, "and I was wondering if I could get a picture with you for my little sister."

Britney turns to [Adnan] Ghalib and grabs his arm. "I don't want her talking to me!" she screams. She whirls around and stares the girl deep in the eyes, her lips almost vibrating with anger. "I don't know who you think I am, bitch," she snarls, "but I'm not that person."


I can't stop thinking of why I wondered how that line had something to do with me.

So I just found out that it's Chinese New Year's Eve tonight.

I am officially the worst Asian on earth.

My grandparents usually go out every other night to walk around in malls; it's very genius, really; I believe it's the classiest way you can do cardio.

I went with them tonight, to clear my head after all that happened. Then, two very gold-digger cousins suddenly got interested in going with me when they heard we were going to Shang, which had this midnight sale going on. As I expected, they both led my grandmother to stores like Lacoste and Hugo Boss and came out with lots of very nice things.

My grandmother was all, "oh, as long as you do not smoke or drink or go dancing, I can buy you anything you want!" and the word 'bribe' hung in the air around us, and I have no idea why.

I left them for awhile to walk around myself. I saw lots of happy couples, and felt better looking at them.

We were in Hugo Boss where I saw a really beautiful brown bomber jacket. It was buttery-smooth, and the lining was just beautiful, and it fit me perfectly. Then I spied the price tag and it said "24,000" so after a moment of complete shock, I zipped myself up, went to a mirror, and snuggled it extra hard before putting it back.

It was a very nice night though; while the two cousins were looking for fancier things they could buy, my grandmother picked out a pair of cufflinks and a leather passport holder for my grandfather. His birthday was coming up and he was resting somewhere in the mall. We surprised him when we got home, and he said something like "oh how wasteful" and then kissed her, and they held hands as they went up the stairs. It was the sweetest thing I had seen in awhile.

Cloverfield last night: oh my god it was the most incredibly horrifying, gruesome, awesome film I have ever seen.

The Axis of Evil had planned this Friday-night dinner and movie, so we all got together at Eastwood and ate at Jack's Loft (I used my dad's card to treat Moki and myself, because few things feel better than stealing), and it was a great two hours of eating and talking.

THEN CLOVERFIELD. When the credits suddenly appeared we were all just quiet.

JJ ABRAMS: lol end!
THEATER: huh.

( cut for spoilers and talkingCollapse )

Omg. I loved the movie. Loved loved loved it. I was incoherent five minutes after we got out of the cinema.

Then the night ended with my dad telling me I should have found a way home even though I was hitching with perfectly decent friends, whom I couldn't just force to go home just because my dad was telling me to. He makes no sense. And today, Satan was being more of herself than usual, so I cheered myself up with pretending she was Marlena.

Oh my god, I just had the busiest week ever and it's not even finished yet.

First was Monday where I basically freaked out the whole day over my one-week-late midterms (NOT fun, especially when I found out the next day that my professor was in Malaysia, which meant the sexy outfit I wore to school to push my grade up a bit went completely unnoticed FROM A THOUSAND MILES AWAY).

Then was Tuesday with that survey.

Wednesday was me doing a photoshoot for UP JMA (Junior Marketing Association, aka Partying Mestizos 'R' Us) for one of their publicity events. We shot it at a run-down building in UP, even though that's pretty redundant, and the models were all late so we ran out of light a third into the shoot and I ended up improvising lighting techniques out of my ass. I spent the night Photoshopping, and coming out with really amazing shots in the end, so take that.

Thursday was more editing, re-prettifying, re-cheekbonizing, re-smoothing, and it hit me that I could just maybe seriously do this for a living. It's so ego-stroking (and slightly weird) to know that people know me for my photography, when I don't exactly parade my photos around or madly link to them online.

Another thing that happened today: a mutual friend asked Moki and I how we'd feel to be nominated for this Valentine's Couple contest. Winners get money and an overnight stay at a hotel? What? Apparently it's a university-wide vote, so Moki and I will now be upping the PDA ante, and wearing really sexy clothes. Clearly we know who we are catering for.

Tomorrow's Friday, and the Axis of Evil (I seem to be the only one calling my CSA friends that, but maybe it will catch on in a less politically correct future) will be going out for dinner and a movie at Eastwood. Thing is we're probably watching Cloverfield, and from the reports of people getting sick in the cinemas maybe we should watch the movie first. Because we're smart. But because we've been naturalized into thinking that dinner must occur before a movie, even outside romantic-two-person-so-last-decade-heterosexual-dating situations, maybe we won't.

Clearly I've been listening attentively at my Anthropology class. Apparently everything is a social construct. Even anthropology.

Finally! Saturday's coming up and the JMA event will be held at Mezze Greenbelt 2. I'll be having dinner with the Divas first, then partying. I even got myself this really hot white long-sleeved black-striped button-down shirt for the event, and it makes me look even more enticing than usual really good.

So many things are happening and I'm catching and going along with all of them. It's like I'm actually popular and my parents don't exist! I love this feeling!


edit: I almost forgot. We have Wonka Nerds Rope. It's NERDS. On a JELLO ROPE. I could not be happier. Nerds are my favorite candy on earth.

A friend of mine asked if she could interview me for her Gender and Sexuality class, and gave me this questionnaire her professor gave her. I answered as calmly as I could.

1. What do you think caused your homosexuality?
I don't know. I've heard it's a mixture of genetics and upbringing, so that's what I'm going with.

2. When and how did you know you were a homosexual?
It was in fifth grade. Before that I basically didn't feel anything sexual until one day when it just hit me, why I didn't like girls the way other classmates did, and why I tended to look more at the boys.

3. Is it possible that homosexuality is just a stage you are going through?
Anything is possible. Sexuality is this confusing, fluid mess after all, and by the way, I love how the question is being framed already to suggest that homosexuality is a phase. However, right now things make more sense than they ever have, so it isn't likely.

4. If you've never slept with someone of the opposite sex, is it possible that all you need is to experience good "straight" sex?
That's just like the last question. One has to sleep with someone he's attracted to, before "good" sex has to happen. If I had good sex with a plant, I seriously doubt I'd be plantsexual.

5. To whom have you confessed your homosexual tendencies? How did they react?
All of my friends know, it's hard to keep a secret like that, especially when I'm enjoying being myself so much. The friends I came out to in high3 needed a little time to get used to it, because even if all I did was confirm Major Suspicions, it was still confirmation. After that, it didn't become an issue to tell the world or hide it, it's just another bit of me to get to know anyway.

6. Why do homosexuals feel compelled to seduce others into their lifestyle?
I think it's beneath me to answer such a question like that. Whoever professor which came up with this test is either a stupid Catholic, or in the closet. Why do heterosexuals feel compelled to seduce others into their lifestyle? By the way, "lifestyle" denotes a choice, which I sadly did not have when choosing my sexuality, because surprise! It came naturally!

7. Do you think that you make your homosexuality obvious to other people? If so, why do you do that? Is it possible for you to *not* flaunt your homosexuality?
This is the same as the last questions. Gender is not a bipolar opposite of woodsman masculinity and damsel in distress femininity. My mannerisms are my own, and honestly, do you know how offensive it is for straight people to flaunt their heterosexuality? Being themselves in public, what a disgrace!

8. Many people believe that homosexuals tend to be child molesters. Do you think it's safe to expose kids to homosexual teachers?
Unless we find statistics to prove so, it's very inappropriate frame the question like that. Anyway, a teacher's sexuality has no effect on his or her ability to teach, but gay people tend to dress better, so that could be a reason why all these children are throwing themselves at them. Who knows!

9. Homosexuals are known for not conforming to societal gender roles. Why do you not adhere to these roles?
Why are there roles in the first place? Heteronormativity is such a dirty word. Roles are there to make people feel better that they can drop everyone around them into tidy boxes, but in reality, everyone's different. Gender and sexuality can cross this enormous continuum, and everyone can find themselves anywhere there. It's not that I don't adhere to the roles, they just don't seem to adhere to me.

10. Do you think that homosexuals are mostly happy? Why do you think that is?
Anyone who knows exactly who he or she is has found him or herself, and is happy. When I came out it was the most freeing thing I ever did, because I didn't need to let those meddling heterosexuals "seduce" me into their "lifestyle", or "adhere" to their "roles". Happiness is knowing who you are and accepting yourself, and I can't be the only nasty abnormal homosexual freak in the world to have done so.

11. Have you ever considered seeing a therapist to stop your homosexuality?
My parents have. Trust me, it's easier to cure homophobia.

-

In conclusion. This bitch named Professor Bea Torres deserves to be raped by a rampaging horde of lesbians, and then run over by a Pride Parade. Do you honestly know how hard it is to come up with politely bitchy answers that are still very meaningful without going "YOU STUPID FUCKING BITCH"?

edit: apparently, the professor compiled a list of questions she felt gay people would be asked most frequently. Which is a big relief. Kind of.

Nina's part of her school debate team.

NINA: could you give me a failed government project I can complain about?
*instantly*
NEL AND JOSEPH: everything.

I love my braintwin sister. I guess I was just waiting for her to be all the fourteen-ness she could be, because since I'm stuck at being twelve, and girls are more mature than boys, it's a perfect combination.

♥ to everyone from yesterday. It's not fun, but you make it easier.

Today was epic. I don't think I've ever worked that much so far this year, and funnily it wasn't exactly a lot. Ah the perspective I gain from being an unproductive Film student.

The day began at midnight; I was still up studying for my Anthropology 10 midterm. What, I just started now? What, I haven't learned from my sleepless nights in high school spent cramming? Well. No. I also had a paper for the same subject due. You know the feeling you get after spending months literally not needing Word, and suddenly having to run it to type a serious paper with a serious grade attached? The closest feeling seems to be rusty. A few paragraphs in though, I got into the groove of talking about how the evolution of Chinese wushu was a response to changing ideas of Chineseness and cultural identity, and it got easier and easier, and before I knew it I was finished.

Remember the photography midterm I aced? WELL. That day, I had to submit a three-minute long silent short concept film for my other film class which I completely forgot because both classes were under the same professor. Last Tuesday went like this:

PROFESSOR: sup foo
JOSEPH: holla yo yo, here's the photography midterm.
PROFESSOR: lol where's the other dvd for your other midterm?
JOSEPH: you trippin
*pause*
JOSEPH: no wait.

I spent last Friday conceptualizing and reconceptualizing when literally none of the people I approached could make it for filming the very next day, the following Saturday filming with Kim A and Jacques whom I kept on calling different names because I was so out of it, Sunday (that was hours ago) panicking because I had no software, no hardware, no nothing to extract the footage from my camcorder's tape to my computer which would freeze up for minutes at a time just with attempts to refresh webpages, and no friends who could help, for editing on Monday along with my Anthro midterm, so I could submit it on Tuesday. Deep breaths.

Finally, at 3 am, I was getting somewhere? I mean really, downloading a torrent for the first time (highly exciting) for Adobe Premiere which I only used once before for an hour or so, excavating dozens of differently-shaped cords, one of which was supposed to connect the camcorder to my dad's relatively faster laptop where the Premiere would be installed, which would then save my entire life, and realizing that for the first time this school year, I was very nervous.

In the end, everything worked out: Premiere got installed, Bia had an apparently Very Rare Firewire Cord, and the laptop was at 99% power (this becomes important soon) and I went to bed feeling very very awake. Lying there I vaguely remembered forgetting to continue studying for Anthro 10.

-

The alarm kind of shot me out of bed. Haphazard eating, getting ready, and dashing to school to buy blank DVDs to burn the film midterm on. Then came the Anthro 10 midterm.

It's a bit like the rusty feeling I got from writing the Anthro paper (god, this class is a lot of work). We had seven essay items worth 25 points each, and I died a little inside. Then the professor (the cool one! with the rose tattooed on her butt!) said we needed to answer just three, so I picked my battles did my best and realized that, well, my essay writing skills were coming back just as fast as my memory of the lessons, and I wrote possibly the wordiest (it's a good thing, trust me), most grammatically sound, structurally organized paragraphs I ever wrote ever. I was the first one out of the room. I felt so good.

The rest of the day was spent editing the film. Remember that 99%? WELL.

I ran out of power.

I had to walk all the way to MassComm because that's the only place I knew where you could use the electrical sockets, and when I did, I found out that I had to pay 25 pesos just to plug my laptop in to recharge for my last five minutes of editing. Seriously? After godfuckingdamn tripling the freshmen's tuition fees you start charging 25 fucking pesos?

Anyway. I finished, and that was it.

Then Patti S came along reminding me of her children's party at McDonald's. She's around 22ish. She wanted balloons and Happy Meals and cake. I said I couldn't go, and we both decided to just have one of the best talks I ever had with anyone. Do you know that I can actually slip into smooth Filipino (okay, Taglish) when I'm getting really into a conversation? WELL. Conversations about how silly most Chinese people are tend to get me excited. I was in my element.

Then Sasha came with a miniskirt she bought for herself as a celebration for finishing her thesis, the grand product of four years in film: a seven-minute short film that would make or break her. So I broke into the miniskirt for her. It was drafty, and some weird gay guys stared. I mean, obviously, but they could have been sneakier. Thank god I wore good underwear.

Then I headed off to Writer's Club, where I saw Surot for the second time this year! Yay! The first one was a two-second greeting as I rushed past her, so maybe that didn't count. She danced 5 6 7 8 by Steps, and all was right again because I knew she hadn't changed.

Moki was there too, and we were both wearing green t-shirts, blue jeans, and glasses. I really don't know how connected we both are to each other.

And then.

I went home.

And realized that I just had the busiest, most productive, and most friend-filled day in a very very long time. It feels so good to sit down at the computer right now even though I've done it every night for years.

major eta: all my classes for tomorrow were cancelled, because my two 3-hour classes are headed by the same professor *points up* and he's out of the country probably every other week. FREEDOM.

Sam came over! I had warned her she couldn't just simply walk in, because of the evil that did not sleep, so she dressed in white and brought her two parents along, which was a little over-the-top, but very relieving. I shall tell you later why.

Our friend Sasha needed my old crib for her thesis short film, so Sam ended up picking it up, and after being forewarned, I got the crib ready, sold her to my parents (which was hard, because my mom once saw a picture of her and commented that she looked native, which did not really bode well for Sam). THANKFULLY my dad used to play ball with Sam's dad, so they saw each other and started reminiscing about prehistoric times, and all the tension completely dissipated, thank god.

Unfortunately, Satan and Sam's mom think alike. As the dads were tying the crib to the pickup truck:

SATAN: is your daughter in film?
SAM'S MOM: why yes, and your son? <_<
SATAN: yes >_>
SAM'S MOM: i wonder about their futures :(
SATAN: they never listen to us :((
SAM: um we're still here :|
JOSEPH: gee i love film! :D

Bitches. Right after they left, Sam texted me that our moms should never see each other again or they'd start bonding. What a terrifying thought. Groupthink will unite our mothers.

When Sam left, I was telling Nel how Sam told me my house scared her because it was big and sinister and dark, and then Satan emerged from the shadows (a corner somewhere where she was lurking, clearly to catch me unawares) and insisted that it was because I was feeding Sam "horror stories" about my family life, and I was like, excuse me, that's the only kind of story I have anyway.

And my cousin Benito, who lives in Hong Kong, randomly sent me an 8 gig iPod nano. I've been incoherent. I named her Consuelo.

What a weird night.