To the other person on the internet who may read this, I do still like blogging and such. I just don't have as much free time between school and work and homework and trying to find time to sleep.
Been in school all year long now, by the end of this year I'll have 29 credits complete (Most done this year, go medium amounts of academic productivity and interest) so hopefully by the "end of the world" I'll almost have an associates degree. Technically I think the semester finishes before, so yes. As long as I keep a fair load the next three semesters I should be able to. A degree in what? I don't know. All I know for sure is I have a math class and an Ethics and Values class left in generals. Not really looking forward to the math, E&V should be fine unless I get the super anti-Mormon professor I've heard a lot about.
Currently I'm the following courses: Meteorology 1010, English 2010, Photography 1050, and American Heritage 1000 or something. (This is the class with arguably the best professor, but the subject I'm least interested in. evidenced by my lack of studying at all and subsequent failing of his hard test. Looks like I'll be focusing on that class a lot more!)
My meteorology class is mildly interesting. It has a lot more conversions and math than my other two science classes this year have, but it's relatively basic thus far. Just a brushing up on old arithmetic and such. Am seat acquaintances with a guy named Ben who is in my AH class too, and a girl named Kayla. She's kind of cute, but haven't really talked to her beyond school stuff. Ben is shy but nice. We have to do a group project with a partner for the class, we'll see if I can get one of them to help with one. The professor is a goofy mid 30's guy who looks like almost like a hipster stuck in nine-to-five professor clothes, but he's funny and a good visual teacher.
I have been super excited since I found out I could take a photography class for my FA (Fine Art) credit requirement in my generals. I took a Humanities through the Arts class this summer, but it was counted toward another requirement. This is so much more fun and interesting to me because I already like taking pictures and have basic means to do so. (I painted one painting in my HttA class and enjoyed the feeling of creating something enough to purchase more paint and brushes and use my other two canvas. I just haven't made the time or unleashed my fleeting creativity in post-modern abstract art) With pictures it is more about capturing the image already there artistically or in a way you like vs having to do it completely from scratch (Unless you like that sort of thing in pictures) because I am not gifted in drawing, painting, sculpting, and have very little artistic vision.
I have some good friends at work who I mentioned my excitement on the matter to, and they've been kind enough to let me borrow their nice cameras and tripods to practice and shoot. It has saved me hundreds of dollars, and I'm thankful to A) Be a person other people can trust with their nice things and B) Be in a place where I can make that connection with people and get some help. C) Started to get the idea of networking. One of these friends is a photographer herself and she gives me pointers and has really helped explain a few basic concepts my professor kind of glazed over in our 150 person lecture. She loaned me one of her nice 35mm cameras until I found out the class was full digital. She still loaned me a tripod. Another friend loaned me her Canon 40 EOS DSLR fancy pants camera so I could have apparatus to shoot with. I even have another friend who is holding Photoshop classes for free to show people some neat editing tricks that I hope to attend. (I have been using Picasa because it is free and it is straight forward but seems limited in what personal touches you can make in editing)
It has been a challenge learning something totally foreign to me (Manual photography) and I still have a lot to learn, but I can certainly see it becoming a hobby at the least. I like to be outside and hike and such anyway and usually take pictures. Now I can learn how to do it better. Turns out that being an introvert finds me enjoying less people photography and more nature photography. I'd like to try portraits and things like that, but it turns out I don't really know a lot of people who are concerned with their pictures. Portraits without subjects = rough. I was recently introduced to the genre of "Light Painting" with photography, and I am really excited about the prospect and application. I am trying to get some other people to come along, but maybe I just have boring busy friends these days for the most part.
My English class is about what you'd expect. Thankfully, because I was usually a grammar and punctuation and spelling nazi, I have kept the fair portion of my skills that way with some minor burps. Writing has become something I enjoy doing though I don't do a lot of formal stuff. My papers have been said to be strong with a few minor punctuation errors due to typing then at 2-4am usually. The best part is I typed a paper after being awake 16 or 17 hours and it had less proofreading problems from my professor than my lucid paper did. I still think it'd be an interesting job to be a column writer in a newspaper or magazine and journalism / communication in some form is still a possible major direction for me. This class has been nice in helping me brush up on those skills and to learn some more structured ways to beef up a paper and make it more intelligent sounding.
Scholastically that is about the extent of things thus far. (I am not bothering to write about my AH class. It is good, prof is good, but he's way too hard for such a low level class. Hope his "Supercurve" saves my bacon this first test!) I'm still gaming most of my free time away, sometimes at the expense of school work (Yes, old habits die hard) and not dating. I had a conversation with a few people in the nursery at work and one my friends my age said she was going start throwing girls at me. I just hid behind my walls about all her ideas. In attempting to explain my stance, one of the nurses who I don't know well misunderstood my reasoning and stated I was selfish.
I had said that life is easier with one. Plans are easier, money is easier, entertainment is easier; life is just generally easier. It is true. Is life happier with one? That is subjective, but really it isn't and I fathom that. No one is all alone for their entire life and still happy. Flings, short dating sprees, serious relationships, engagements, or golden marriages and for some people even divorces. Most people will have some variety of these interpersonal relationships in life and they will generate some degree of happiness depending on the intent and needs of the person. I'd like some of those things, but I feel like I have a core of things that make me unattractive currently that I won't share unless prodded by someone I trust and feel understands me, and therefore I don't try and sell myself to an unwilling customer. I know enough about "sales" to understand when saving face means more than trying to wheel and deal. Does this make me feel safe and not need to change? Yes, at times it does and right now it makes life easier with work and school. Should I keep this mindset forever? If I want to experience some real happiness, probably not. Did I tell these things to that nurse? No, she wouldn't have understood anyway probably, and I didn't want to open a serious discussion on the matter at 2am.
No one wakes up in the morning and can say everyday, "Man, I'm glad I don't have a date this weekend, or a girlfriend/boyfriend to spend time with, or a wife/husband who loves me and with whom I could have children who (hopefully) love me and whom I love. (Most of the time)" I am a person and therefore share a sentiment to the contrary of the above statement. If I felt like I had space and certain things that I feel I lack currently to offer a woman, I'd be out there selling myself like every other guy. I look longingly at happy couples, I envy my friends who are married, and the joy they find in their children. Those are things I desire at a base human level, everyone does. Not everyone will find it, some will find it sooner than others, some may find it a few times or lose it a few times in the process, some may give it up in the pursuit of comfort over the discomfort of the hunt. I hope that I don't become this last one, but it would never be my intent to do so selfishly.
If someone doesn't know how awesome I might be, they're not missing out by my not making an effort to sell myself. This plays into a whole no-soul mate idea which I don't really subscribe to and that may shock some people. Maybe my understanding of soul mates is different in my personal opinion than the world's also. I understand I could be just fine with any number of potential mates with somewhat similar interests. That's well and fine. I do however believe that there are / is a higher level of compatibility than getting along "just fine" in a marriage to a nice person. I don't sit and count the stars or pine for an idealized woman and look for prophecy and serendipity to bring us together and have a magical and perfect romance. I do subscribe to the idea that there is a person, and maybe a small group of people in the current female population of the world with whom I could have better than "just fine" with.
Have I met one? Maybe, but either I was unprepared, circumstances weren't such that we could move forward, or my eyes weren't open sufficiently to understand that at the time. I can contemplate two to three girls I've met who I have felt were different than the average crush/friendship. I ran into one just the other day, and without explanation as to who I remembered a feeling I'd had when we first met a few years ago, and a lingering warmth within me as I was around them and a desire to know more about this person. Cards played a different way for both parties and she went her way and I mine. This will suffer for lack of details, but I saw her again and she approached me and waited for me to finish talking to people and spoke with me for a few minutes and I was reminded yet again. Then I was impersonal and nervous and dorky. (Yes, that shall be an appropriate ending for this story!) We'll call her Free Spirit for the sake of the story.
Anyway, this portion ended up a lot longer than I intended (Go go, free writing!) but suffice it to say I am human, I want basic human happiness, and I'm finding bits and pieces but the core evades me. I understand the theoretical portion, but the (Can't think of the right work) how-to-for-Jon evades me.
There's a minor update. Maybe I'll put up some of my pictures as I take them, though anyone who reads this probably sees them on Facebook for the most part.
