Journal created:
on 28 May 2005 (#7250477)
Updated:
on 21 August 2011
Name:
jdark
Website:
Icon journal: 
iconsoup.
Piper: So what is our level of confidence in this plan?
Phoebe: Well, on a scale from one to ten, ten being we whip ass, one being he laughs at us while we're on fire and naked...
Piper: Maybe you should lie to me.
- Charmed, Pre-Witched
July 1, 7 P.M.
Have been rejected by a small traveling circus that I sent a letter of introduction to. The owner of the circus pointed out that anyone who would write a letter seeking employment from a circus was probably not the kind of person they were looking for. He also said that he was plumb full of knife throwers already and was only looking for a bearded lady at the moment. I have therefore accepted an offer to attend Haverford College just outside of Philadelphia.
I should note that I have been greatly disappointed in the amount of sex I have been encountering since my return. Do not seem to meet many women while digging holes. And my tendencies toward quiet meditation do not foster contact with the opposite sex. Wonder if attending an all-male college is a mistake.
- from The Autobiography of FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper
REJECTED DIALOGUE - KRYCEK and MULDER:
KRYCEK: "You're losing it Mulder! I can beat you with one hand!"
MULDER: "Isn't that the way you like to beat yourself?"
(...oh wait, they used that one, didn't they? There were, however, several different versions of this scene as proposed by other staff writers and the fans.)
(A shocking survey taken at this point revealed in the males watching an overwhelming tendency to say "shove your stinking survey" and not the overwhelmingly gay response we had anticipated.)
JOHN SHIBAN.
Shiban's request for rotting livestock in this scene to provide "a startling social metaphor" was turned down as were ensuing repeated requests to insert a character named "Headless Harvey". A character named "Quiet Willy" was used so Shiban would shut up.
VINCE GILLIGAN.
KRYCEK: "You're losing it Mulder! I can beat you with one hand."
MULDER: "Isn't Sam Shepherd's kid looking for you?" (hits Krycek in the face, gets up, and kicks Krycek's unconscious form repeatedly)
DARIN MORGAN.
Don't kid yourself.
SLASH FIC.
KRYCEK: "You're losing it, Mulder! I can beat you with one hand!"
MULDER: "You never needed that other hand anyway."
KRYCEK: "You do remember."
MULDER: *sniffing* "Is that...blonde I smell?"
KRYCEK: "She meant nothing to me!"
RATNIKS FIC.
KRYCEK kicks Mulder's ass and says coolly, "That's for saying I had a stupid ass haircut, punk." (spits)
IF MULDER AND KRYCEK WERE PLAYED BY AL PACINO AND JOE PESCI, RESPECTIVELY.
KRYCEK: "Hey, hey! Look who can be bitch-kicked with one arm!"
MULDER: "I thought I smelled shit, you asshole. Get offa me!"
KRYCEK: "Aw, c'mon! I'm here ta help you! You know, I gotta little proposition to make!"
MULDER: "So do I. If you drop the gun now, I'm not going to seriously impair your remaining four appendages."
KRYCEK: "You can't let the damn arm thing go, can ya? A-ight! I'm gettin' up! I'm gettin' up!"
- from The Slightly Mundane Files by Amanda Finch
JOHNNY MNEMONIC:
Johnny: What the fuck is going on? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? You know, all my life, I've been careful to stay in my own corner. Looking out for Number One... no complications. Now, suddenly, I'm responsible for the *entire fucking world*, and everybody and his mother is trying to kill me, IF... IF... my head doesn't blow up first.
Jane: Maybe it's not just about you anymore.
Johnny: Listen. You listen to me. You see that city over there? THAT'S where I'm supposed to be. Not down here with the dogs, and the garbage, and the fucking last month's newspapers blowing *back* and *forth*. I've had it with them, I've had it with you, I've had it with ALL THIS - I want ROOM SERVICE! I want the club sandwich, I want the cold Mexican beer, I want a $10,000-a-night hooker! I want my shirts laundered... like they do... at the Imperial Hotel... in Tokyo.
iconsoup.Piper: So what is our level of confidence in this plan?
Phoebe: Well, on a scale from one to ten, ten being we whip ass, one being he laughs at us while we're on fire and naked...
Piper: Maybe you should lie to me.
- Charmed, Pre-Witched
July 1, 7 P.M.
Have been rejected by a small traveling circus that I sent a letter of introduction to. The owner of the circus pointed out that anyone who would write a letter seeking employment from a circus was probably not the kind of person they were looking for. He also said that he was plumb full of knife throwers already and was only looking for a bearded lady at the moment. I have therefore accepted an offer to attend Haverford College just outside of Philadelphia.
I should note that I have been greatly disappointed in the amount of sex I have been encountering since my return. Do not seem to meet many women while digging holes. And my tendencies toward quiet meditation do not foster contact with the opposite sex. Wonder if attending an all-male college is a mistake.
- from The Autobiography of FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper
REJECTED DIALOGUE - KRYCEK and MULDER:
KRYCEK: "You're losing it Mulder! I can beat you with one hand!"
MULDER: "Isn't that the way you like to beat yourself?"
(...oh wait, they used that one, didn't they? There were, however, several different versions of this scene as proposed by other staff writers and the fans.)
(A shocking survey taken at this point revealed in the males watching an overwhelming tendency to say "shove your stinking survey" and not the overwhelmingly gay response we had anticipated.)
JOHN SHIBAN.
Shiban's request for rotting livestock in this scene to provide "a startling social metaphor" was turned down as were ensuing repeated requests to insert a character named "Headless Harvey". A character named "Quiet Willy" was used so Shiban would shut up.
VINCE GILLIGAN.
KRYCEK: "You're losing it Mulder! I can beat you with one hand."
MULDER: "Isn't Sam Shepherd's kid looking for you?" (hits Krycek in the face, gets up, and kicks Krycek's unconscious form repeatedly)
DARIN MORGAN.
Don't kid yourself.
SLASH FIC.
KRYCEK: "You're losing it, Mulder! I can beat you with one hand!"
MULDER: "You never needed that other hand anyway."
KRYCEK: "You do remember."
MULDER: *sniffing* "Is that...blonde I smell?"
KRYCEK: "She meant nothing to me!"
RATNIKS FIC.
KRYCEK kicks Mulder's ass and says coolly, "That's for saying I had a stupid ass haircut, punk." (spits)
IF MULDER AND KRYCEK WERE PLAYED BY AL PACINO AND JOE PESCI, RESPECTIVELY.
KRYCEK: "Hey, hey! Look who can be bitch-kicked with one arm!"
MULDER: "I thought I smelled shit, you asshole. Get offa me!"
KRYCEK: "Aw, c'mon! I'm here ta help you! You know, I gotta little proposition to make!"
MULDER: "So do I. If you drop the gun now, I'm not going to seriously impair your remaining four appendages."
KRYCEK: "You can't let the damn arm thing go, can ya? A-ight! I'm gettin' up! I'm gettin' up!"
- from The Slightly Mundane Files by Amanda Finch
JOHNNY MNEMONIC:
Johnny: What the fuck is going on? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? You know, all my life, I've been careful to stay in my own corner. Looking out for Number One... no complications. Now, suddenly, I'm responsible for the *entire fucking world*, and everybody and his mother is trying to kill me, IF... IF... my head doesn't blow up first.
Jane: Maybe it's not just about you anymore.
Johnny: Listen. You listen to me. You see that city over there? THAT'S where I'm supposed to be. Not down here with the dogs, and the garbage, and the fucking last month's newspapers blowing *back* and *forth*. I've had it with them, I've had it with you, I've had it with ALL THIS - I want ROOM SERVICE! I want the club sandwich, I want the cold Mexican beer, I want a $10,000-a-night hooker! I want my shirts laundered... like they do... at the Imperial Hotel... in Tokyo.
