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Wednesday, June 27th, 2007
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3:06 pm - Easily the coolest people who ever lived ...
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| Saturday, June 16th, 2007
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3:20 pm - Japan remains the king of game shows ...
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| Saturday, March 24th, 2007
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4:45 pm - Call me if you see a Wii Nunchuck for sale
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Call me if you see a Wii Nunchuck for sale in Toronto.
They look like this:
I want to have people over to play Wii and I need one of these to make it happen.
Thanks, yo.
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(2 licks | bite me)
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| Thursday, March 1st, 2007
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5:36 pm - Birthday Month is back!
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That's right, birthday month is back! But wait, "what's birthday month?" you ask, aware of the meaning of the individual words but confused by their combination. Birthday month is when you celebrate your birthday, every day, for an entire month. I did it last year and it was pretty freakin sweet.
"How come you get to celebrate your birthday for a whole month?" you question, finger pointed accusingly at a memory of what I look like (but half as handsome for your own safety). Shouldn't you be asking why YOU don't celebrate your birthday for a whole month? The idea behind birthday month is not that I'm so important that I need a whole month to celebrate my birthday, though I'm flattered you even suggested that, but that it seems impossible to be able to celebrate my birthday with all of my friends and family on one day, due to scheduling and other such conflicts.
"Fine blabbermouth" you cry out, "get on with how this works." Fine, sheesh. So, if you would like to help me celebrate my birthday, post a comment here, gimme a call, or email me, and include an idea of what you would like to do. I'm up for anything you would do, and I'm available all month (until days start to get booked up). If you don't have any ideas may I suggest: movies, music, comedy, indoor climbing, play pool, paintball, arcade, wii, art shows, drinking, snowball fight, making stuff, restaurants, dinner party at my house, etc. Extra points for anyone who comes up with something crazy to do!
There's only one rule: NO PRESENTS! Your presence, are the only presents I need.
Here is the schedule so far. Pick an open date or join in on one of the posted events!
Thursday March 1
- Brett The Hitman Hart documentary with Thom
Friday March 2
- Winston Spear (He's VERY funny) @ Laugh Resort doors at 8:30pm ($15)
Saturday March 3
- Craftiness, Dessert, and Tobogganing
Thursday March 8
- Hangin out with my Mom
- Brother Ali (Rap) @ Phoenix doors at 9pm ($20) [anyone interested? I didn't get tix yet]
Friday March 9
- Lunch with Q
- See the film 300
- Land of talk, cadence weapon, you say party! we say Die!, mother mother, etc. (Indie) @ Horseshoe doors at 7:30pm ($10)
Saturday March 10
- Pharoahe Monch (Rap) @ Opera House 9pm ($23) [anyone interested? I didn't get tix yet]
Tuesday March 13
- Of Montreal (Indie Pop) @ Opera House doors at 8pm ($18) [appears sold out]
Friday March 16
- Grand Theft Bus (Mellow) @ Rivoli doors at 9pm ($10) [anyone interested? I didn't get tix yet]
Saturday March 17
- Clutch (Hard Rock) @ Opera House doors at 7:30pm ($26.50) [anyone interested? I didn't get tix yet]
Thursday March 29
- Bowling with Peesker
Friday March 30
- Queen Musical with a bunch of peeps
Help me fill this month up!
PS - It's true, I am not dead yet. ;)
current mood:  anxious
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| Monday, December 11th, 2006
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1:44 pm - Sorted!
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ATTENTION EVERYONE!
I'm trying to sort out my stuff, and I keep finding lots of other stuff that ain't mine. If I have something of yours, or owe you anything (money, a kidney, an ass-kicking, etc.) PLEASE remind me as soon as possible so I can sort it out.
For example, I know I have DVDs that belong to: C-10, Greg (tons), Kris, Larry, Q
And I have a book that belongs to: Dan, Q
Thx.
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(8 licks | bite me)
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| Wednesday, November 15th, 2006
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5:20 pm - Where can I buy a Spider plant?
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Is there anywhere downtown Toronto (King/Parliament) that I can buy a Spider plant?
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(5 licks | bite me)
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| Sunday, November 5th, 2006
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6:34 pm - Halloween Photos 2006
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| Friday, October 20th, 2006
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12:44 pm - New LJ Pic!
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It's been a while, so I decided to create a new animated LJ Pic.
Feels good to do something creative for myself again.
Peace.
current mood:  accomplished
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(5 licks | bite me)
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| Friday, October 13th, 2006
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11:29 am - IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
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IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...
Opening Credits:
Timecard by Tiger City
Waking Up:
Dispassionate Furniture (Reupholstered) by Adult.
First Day At School:
Country Roads by Me First & The Gimme Gimmes
Falling In Love:
Nose Over Tail by Alkaline Trio
Fight Song:
Kids Are United by Atari Teenage Riot
Breaking Up:
Give It Back by Lagwagon
Prom:
She'll Hear You by Ben Jelen
Life is Good:
Simple Fly by Pulley
Mental Breakdown:
Champs Elysées by NOFX
Driving:
Pencil Skirt by Pulp
Flashback:
Small Things by Blink 182
Getting Back Together:
Sterile Heaven by Tilt
Wedding:
Number 1 Crush by Garbage
Paying the Dues:
Speed Racer by DJ Keoki
The Night Before The War:
Gossled by Triumph of Lethargy Skinned Alive To Death
Final Battle:
Sweet Gingerbread Man by Bobby Sherman
Moment of Triumph:
Respectable by Nellie McKay
Death Scene:
Adair by The Mountain Goats
Funeral Song:
Carpenters Cover by Shonen Knife
End Credits:
Police! Police! by Young And Restless
Wow. This is the most interesting meme I've done in a long time.
current mood:  contemplative
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| Monday, October 9th, 2006
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12:15 pm - The Clatter ...
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It's almost noon. I just awoke from an upsetting dream. I was sitting on a bed upstairs
in my loft (Frank's room) with Frank, who was visiting from Japan, and we were talking.
[ The first portion of the conversation is not included here ]
FRANK: Hey, I wanted to thank you for that head or tails thing.
ME: Oh yeah, so it worked?
FRANK: I tried it the other day. But I chose the opposite of the outcome. [single tear on his right cheek]
[ Clatter downstairs. Like a lot of glass or crystal breaking ]
ME: What the hell was that?!?
FRANK: I dunno.
We rush downstairs. This is when I realize we are not in MY house, but my parent's house, about the time I was in highschool.
I race past my dad, who has been dead in the present for years, but here is sleeping on the floor in front of an unlit fireplace
(My mother never let us use our fireplace) next to the stereo.
Frank and I look at the unbroken windows, then stare at the stereo, thinking that's where the sound must have come from. There are some lights on the front of the stereo which are on.
FRANK: I walked around because I didn't want to wake your dad.
ME: Don't worry, he's been dead for years.
FRANK: [ Shocked ] What does this mean then?!? [ Points at my dad, snoring softly ]
ME: I dunno. I guess I should check and see if he's physical.
Frank and I crouch down. I reach out my hand slowly and place in on my dads foot, above his slipper where his sock meets his jogging pants.
DAD: [ Screaming ]
He cries out, like his whole body is exposed pain nerves, but does not open his eyes.
I stand up and realize I am awake, and in the present in my own home again.
I'm not sure where I just was.
The song "Bloody Kisses (A Death in the Family)" by Type O Negative is stuck in my head.
I decide to play it, but iTunes has lost the song. I download it again, and am now listening to it.
Weird.
current mood:  curious
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(bite me)
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| Saturday, October 7th, 2006
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2:08 pm - Please don't say there is no reason.
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What is the reason for the war between Heaven and Hell?
Even if you don't believe, I'd appreciate your thoughts.
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(15 licks | bite me)
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| Thursday, October 5th, 2006
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4:00 pm - WOW. Trailer for Frank Miller's 300 ...
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| Wednesday, September 27th, 2006
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9:04 am - Soylent Clock is made of people!
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Check out this internet clock made of people:
Click the image to see it in action.
Awesome.
current mood:  amused
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(1 lick | bite me)
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| Monday, September 25th, 2006
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2:02 pm - SPOILER FREE Reviews From The 2006 TIFF
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Pan's Labyrinth
Pan's Labyrinth is the tale of a young girl named Ofelia, along with her very pregnant mother, who goes to live with her new stepfather the military tyrant Captain Vidal. Ofelia hates her new life, and refuses to call Vidal "father", despite her mothers wishes. Following what she believes to be a fairy, Ofelia discovers a fawn creature, keeper of the labyrinth near her new home, who entrusts her with three increasingly difficult tasks to complete.
This film is incredible. Despite all the hype I've been absorbing over the past year while anticipating Pan's Labyrinth, I wasn't let down in the slightest. I guarantee this film will live on every DVD lovers shelf, quickly replacing Labyrinth, Legend, and The Never Ending Story as their favorite fantasy film. Director Guillermo del Toro creates a magical world so real that it lives side by side with the real world without issue. His wondrous creatures: fairies, a fawn, and a terrible thing called The Pale Man are brought chillingly to life. His greatest achievement however, despite the inclusion of these creatures, is showing man as the most terrible monster of all.
Guillermo was hilarious in the Q&A after the film. The one thing that struck me as odd was his misunderstanding of one of his inspirations, C.S. Lewis' The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. He even said that Lewis became too Christian for him [paraphrased]. Which I think is hilarious because this film, Guillermo del Toro's magnum opus, is the greatest christian fable I've ever seen on screen, whether that was his intention or not.
Rating: 10 out of 10
Fawntastic! (I feel shame for even considering that to be funny)
Sleeping Dogs Lie
Okay. This is a movie written and directed by Bobcat Goldthwait. You know, that guy from the Police Academy movies! No, not the black guy who made sound effects, the guy with the funny voice. [This was one of Bobcat's jokes when he intro'd the film]. Still reading? Good. It's a romantic comedy about a girl who gives her dog a blowjob in college (she's in college, the dog isn't ... that I know of). Still reading? Really?
Bobcat had an amazing and fresh idea for a film here. Take an idea that no one will accept (dog-job) and use it to dig yourself a hole. Now get your characters to dig themselves out somehow (dig up stupid!). In doing so, he created a bunch of realistic characters, flawed but amazing people that make mistakes, that you actually care about whether you agree with their actions or not. That's hard to do. Aside from being effective dramatically, it's awkward as hell and very funny. I just wish Bobcat had more of a role than a brief ass-cameo in the film. I can't get enough of that guy!
Part of my dream in life is to make the people who make me laugh, laugh in return. Bobcat has always made me laugh and I got a chuckle out of him in the Q&A after the film when I asked "Did the dog have a fluffer, or a stunt cock on set?". Hee hee.
Rating: 8 out of 10
Spit-take!
Bugmaster
Directed by legendary Katsuhiro Otomo (Akira), Bugmaster is a departure (though not the first) from his usual work in that it is live-action rather than animation. The story, based on an acclaimed manga by Yuki Urushibara, revolves around a white-haired boy named Ginko who has lost his youth and one eye studying the Mushi, translucent supernatural bug like creatures that cling to the souls of their victims and cause them harm. As a bugmaster, Ginko cures people of their Mushi related problems, while traveling the beautiful countryside.
This screening apparently featured an unfinished version of the film, which renders this review useless. Though sprinkled with some interesting ideas, the film drags what could have been an interesting short film into a painfully boring feature length film. I hope to get my hands on the manga and anime for a better understanding. I also hope that lackluster reviews will encourage Otomo to get back to the drawing board, literally, and create a new animated masterpiece.
Rating: 6 out of 10
Could have been a contender.
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(bite me)
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| Monday, September 18th, 2006
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11:10 am - SPOILER FREE Reviews From The 2006 TIFF
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The Last King of Scotland
Forest Whitaker gives his best on-screen performance to date playing monstrous Ugandan dictator Idi Amin. Nicholas Garrigan, a Scottish doctor who meets Amin and impresses him with his boldness is chosen by Amin to be his personal physician, which translates into being his most trusted advisor. Amin is set up as a charismatic leader that the people love, but as he rises in power he begins to think everyone is against him, having his "enemies" killed openly, expelling the country's Asian population, and presiding over the slaughter of nearly half a million people. Nicholas realizes too late that Amin is a madman and tries desperately to get home.
This film is a great example of how absolute power corrupts absolutely, the fine line between hero and monster, and the danger of declaring oneself "king".
Rating: 7 out of 10
Spot on.
Shortbus
Shortbus by John Cameron Mitchell (of Hedwig and the Angry Inch fame) stirred up some serious buzz when an e-mail solicitation for actors prepared to engage in hardcore sex on film got around. And though the film is packed with sex, in more positions than the average pervert is aware of, none of it is hot, and there seems to be a deliberate disconnection between the participants.
Shortbus tells the story of some of the people in New York after the September 11 terrorist attacks and the great blackout of summer 2003. People who felt alone in the crowd, and desperate to be loved. Not filled with fear and hate, as the media portrayed most New Yorkers during that time.
The film succeeds in creating some believable characters that you can instantly like, care about, and relate to. It's funny (though some of the dialog is too witty to be real), and touching (not the pants kind), includes several musical portions (including the American national anthem being sung into an asshole), and is pretty entertaining overall. Transitions between stories in the film involve flying through a New York city made of lit up cardboard painted brightly, like a the delightful dream of a child.
Rating: 8 out of 10
Hopeful.
Renaissance
Renaissance is set in Paris in 2054, a city where all movement is monitored and recorded by big brother, and at the center of it all is a cosmetics company called Avalon. Following a breakthrough, Avalon scientist Ilona is kidnapped and supercop Bart Karas is sent in to find her.
While an interesting technical achievement in animation, which looks like rotoscoped actors inspired by Frank Millers Sin City, Renaissance is plagued by terrible voice over acting, uninteresting dialog, a slow build in the story (I almost fell asleep!), and a lack of any kind of "wow" factor. While Renaissance might have worked as a short film, I'll take the films of Hayao Miyazaki (Princess Mononoke) over this any day.
Rating: 5 out of 10
All style, no substance.
Trapped Ashes
Trapped Ashes is a very simple horror story about 6 people who are mysteriously invited to tour Ultra Studios, a famous movie company (think Universal), and become trapped with their tour guide in a haunted mansion on the back lot. In order to escape they must each tell their own terrifying but true story. While some of the stories are funny (perfect if you like stupid funny), none of them are actually scary, most of the film is cheap laughs and ridiculousness.
Despite some enjoyable moments in the film, some amazing art featured in the story set in Japan, and an ethereal score by acclaimed Japanese composer Kenji Kawai, the film didn't really do it for me. Worth a look as a rental or on TV I guess. Who keeps giving Joe Dante work anyway?
Rating: 6 out of 10
Clichéd.
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(1 lick | bite me)
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| Thursday, September 14th, 2006
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10:30 am - SPOILER FREE Reviews From The 2006 TIFF
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The Abandoned
Adopted and taken to America following her biological mother's murder, Marie spends her whole life searching for traces of her parents. With the help of a lawyer, Marie receives a photo of her mother and the deed to the extremely isolated family farm in Russia. Desperate for answers she journeys "home" with the help of a guide, who quickly disappears upon arrival. Then Marie begins to see and hear things.
That's enough about the story, which honestly sounded like the standard haunting tale when I read the summary. Luckily, The Abandoned is so much more. The actually haunting aspect is really original, but the real hook in this film is the sound, and the volume is the key. There is a scene in the film where you can hear the roar of a plane and the crying of a baby, each rising into a powerful crescendo, the climax of which made all of the hairs on my body stand up (a mean feat indeed). Looking around in the theater during these moments I noticed people having powerful reactions to the sounds. Some people holding their ears, shaking their heads, clenching their teeth, making faces, it was incredible. Though unnecessarily dragged out in some parts, the whole film is eerily atmospheric, and effectively scary when it wants to be.
I can't wait to get a copy on DVD so that I can watch it at home in the dark with a pair of headphones on, the way a film like this should be seen.
Rating: 8 out of 10
Turn it up.
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(1 lick | bite me)
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| Monday, September 11th, 2006
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11:24 am - SPOILER FREE Reviews From The 2006 TIFF
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Black Sheep
So far easily the best of the Midnight Madness lineup, Black Sheep is about genetic tampering in sheep which accidently turns them carnivorous, a single bite slowly changing their victims into weresheep. Apparently this is every New Zealandars', and every ovinophobes', worst nightmare. 50,000 stampeding flesh hungry sweaters *is* some pretty scary shit. The standoffs between main characters and sheep, as they try to determine if a sheep is carnivorous and silently stare at each other, are absolutely hilarious.
All of the effects were provided by WETA (of Lord of The Rings fame) and THANKFULLY are all robotic puppets and guys in rubber suits rather than computer graphics. A transformation scene (man becoming a weresheep), is an obvious homage to American Werewolf in London, but so much better. Funny and Gore-filled, like Peter Jacksons' cult-classic Braindead, New Zealand continues to produce the best films in the sci-fi/horror/comedy genre.
This movie would have to be longer in order to be any funnier. You know that checklist everyone keeps in their pocket that has all the things they'd want to see in a killer sheep movie (you don't have one?), everything got checked off.
Rating: 10 out of 10
Shear enjoyment.
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11:09 am - SPOILER FREE Reviews From The 2006 TIFF
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Paris Je T'aime (Paris, I love you)
Paris Je T'aime is a collection of vignettes by 21 different directors, a wonderful experiment that is impossible not to like. Some of the stories are funny, some are touching, some real, some surreal, but if you don't feel the pangs of love in your heart at any point in this film, you've either never experienced love, or you may be dead inside. See a doctor.
There are not just stories of love between men and women, but also love between men, a woman and the city, a mother and child, between strangers, between monsters, and love of life.
The great thing about these brief looks into the city of love is that if you don't like the events, characters, actors, and/or direction, each story is brief enough that you can ignore it and welcome the next. I found a few of the stories to be genuinely moving, and I hope to see more studios try similar experiments in the future, and in different genres.
Rating: 7 out of 10
Lovely.
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10:32 am - SPOILER FREE Reviews From The 2006 TIFF
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All The Boys Love Mandy Lane
This is literally the only film I was interested in that I couldn't find any information about before buying tickets. As a result, I took a chance on the ticket but had low expectations going in. Boy was I pleasantly surprised! All The Boys Love Mandy Lane is set up as your standard teen slasher flick by the way of the classic 70's aesthetic. Every frame is washed out with too much light, and framed as a page from a Buffalo jeans ad, with horny soon-to-be-slaughtered teens in ridiculous varying states of undress.
The director introduced the film by setting up actress Amber Heard (who plays Mandy Lane, see photo above) as a goddess, and while she's certainly generically hot, she didn't take my breath away until she was backed into a corner.
The weak points of the film were the soundtrack (nothing special, though I may just be too old to know what the kids are listening to these days), the fact that the teens act retarded in the face of danger (you CAN have someone act intelligently and still get killed), and for a slasher flick the death scenes were very PG-13 and uncreative, a HUGE no-no. Come on people! Shoot an R rated movie, and make a PG-13 version in editing so that everyone gets to see the version they want.
Rating: 6 out of 10
Surprising.
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(bite me)
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10:20 am - SPOILER FREE Reviews From The 2006 TIFF
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The Bothersome Man
I love this movie. Based on a radio play, which I'm dying to hear, The Bothersome Man is a story about a man who dies and suddenly finds himself as the only person on a bus in the desert. The bus stops at a tiny gas station where the attendant is hanging a welcome banner, and he greets the bothersome man because he has been expecting him. And this is probably the most normal thing that happens.
At its core, The Bothersome Man is about one mans journey from heaven to hell (or hell to heaven depending on yor perspective) and beyond. It's about the God given gifts we take for granted. Stunning visuals in both realities, heaven and hell are represented as modern cities rather than a fiery pit and a cloud kingdom.
I want everyone I know to see this film so I can discuss it with them, so expect to get a DVD of this from me as a gift when it comes out.
Rating: 10 out of 10
Incredible.
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10:08 am - SPOILER FREE Reviews From The 2006 TIFF
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La Tourneuse de Pages (The Page Turner)
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Dropkicking Oldboy, the previous king of films in the revenge genre, La Tourneuse de Pages as I expressed to the director during the Q&A after the film, is "The most beautiful face I've ever seen put on such ugly vengeance" to which the director instructed the rest of the audience to "watch out for him [me]". Haha.
What makes La Tourneuse de Pages my new favorite revenge film is its subtlety. The long passage of time in which a hopeful heart once broken is turned darker by the day. The teenage star of the film, actress Déborah François, is gorgeous. I could not take my eyes off her, even when she did the the most terrible things. Free of the clichés prominent in the revenge genre, it will be difficult to topple this film from the top of the pile.
Rating:10 out of 10
King of the revenge film.
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9:57 am - SPOILER FREE Reviews From The 2006 TIFF
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The Host
The Host is a monster movie that is breaking box office records all over the place, because of three very important reasons (would-be film makers should start taking notes now).
1) Every monster movie has a hero (or heroes) but The Host features real people, living and dying by their own heroic actions, whether they are main characters or not. Some people try to be a hero and lose their nerve in the heat of the moment. Some make mistakes that save, or cost lives. Few succeed. Demonstrations of people at their best and worst makes the terrible events seem real.
2) The monster, though generated by computer graphics (personally, I prefer a guy in a rubber suit), is fantastic. In order to really show off the creature, the filmmakers did what other companies avoid, they show their monster in the bright light of daytime. Other films hide the flaws of their creature in the shadows, which also gives the viewer the impression that they are only unsafe at night. In the case of The Host, you're never safe.
3) Though The Host has a lot of big action, and a healthy dose of laughs, it also has an important message about responsibility at its core. Something North American monster movies lack.
If you're looking for a splatter fest, look elsewhere.
Rating: 8 out of 10
Solid.
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(bite me)
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| Friday, September 8th, 2006
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9:19 pm - SPOILER FREE Reviews From The 2006 TIFF
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Brand Upon The Brain!
What an unbelievable experience! With the aid of a live the Toronto Symphony Orchestra, foley artists, narrator, and a fat man in a bear skin hat lip syncing to a children's choir, Guy Maddin's silent film Brand Upon The Brain! really came to life. There were a few technical glitches getting started, but nothing that could count against the film.
How can I describe the film without giving anything away? Well, imagine a story about good and evil, science and religion, on a secluded island full of orphans. Now throw in the hardy boys, or "hardly boys" I should say, as the boy Chance is absent and his sister Wendy plays herself and also moonlights as him. A character that could only have been inspired by Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon.
It was funny, sexy, awkward, sexy awkward, odd, wildly entertaining, and of course sexy.
Rating: 10 out of 10
A Must See.
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4:46 pm - SPOILER FREE Reviews From The 2006 TIFF
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Time
No one does love story like director Kim Ki-duk (3-Iron). His latest work Time is no exception. The story centers around a woman who believes that her boyfriend has lost interest in her physically after just two years, so she leaves without a word and has radical cosmetic surgery to win back his affection.
Solid and realistic performances, which you don't usually find in a romantic drama. Though this is as close to your standard romantic drama as a gopher is to a toaster. Note: If you decide to put bread into a gopher based on what I just typed, please use the hygienic end.
A beautifully angry tale of true love, jealousy, obsession, and how some things "just fit together".
Rating: 9 out of 10
Enthralling.
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4:31 pm - SPOILER FREE Reviews From The 2006 TIFF
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Big Bang Love, Juvenile A
Described by Giovanna Fulvi on the TIFF website as "destined to surprise Miike's devoted fans" (is that even possible?), director Takashi Miike's film Big Bang Love, Juvenile A is born as art, vacations as a homoerotic prison movie, and has a 9 to 5 job as a faux-noir murder mystery with a comedic punchline. Full of metaphors the coffee house crowd say they "get", the rest of us would probably like a second viewing before making such a claim.
Fun to look at. Confusing. Unnecessarily repetitive. Worth a look for Miike fans, maybe not for others.
Rating: 7 out of 10
Abstract.
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4:05 pm - SPOILER FREE Reviews From The 2006 TIFF
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Fido
What's the best way to start the film festival? How about a Canadian zombie family comedy? Yeah, I wrote "zombie family comedy". I'm familiar with all of those words, but I never expected to use them together like that. But boy am I glad I did. Fido is a hilarious film set in an alternate 1950's world where we've "won" the zombie war and they are now our domesticated pets. It's about loyalty, family, and friendship. Don't worry, every time it gets gushy and heartwarming, the elderly (which we can't trust) get torn apart and eaten. Finally a zombie movie you can bring the kiddies too!
As far as casting goes, Billy Connolly was a brilliant choice for the zombie. But my favorite choice has got to be Dylan Baker, thankfully typecast long ago to always play a father, no one does "creepy/awkward dad" quite like him. And homegrown hottie Carrie-Anne Moss will now replace Barbara Billingsley in my "Leave it to Beaver" fantasies.
Great 50's style music, look, and feel. My only gripe was that it was a bit slow at times (editing?) and I left wanted more, which is a bad combo.
Rating: 9 out of 10
Brilliant.
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| Tuesday, September 5th, 2006
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12:41 pm - 2006 Toronto International Film Fest
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Ahhhhhhhhhh, yeah! The film fest cometh. Here are the confirmed films I will be attending. Go to: http://www.e.bell.ca/filmfest/2006/home/default.asp and check out the films, bitches. It's always more fun to go with others! Advance single tickets go on sale tomorrow (Wednesday, September 6, 2006).
Thursday September 7, 2006
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Fido, Andrew Currie, 2006 - RYERSON - 9:15 PM
Borat..., Larry Charles, 2006 - RYERSON - 11:59 PM [ with Quentin? ] SOLD OUT
Friday September 8, 2006
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Big Bang Love, Juvenile A, Takashi Miike, 2006 - PARAMOUNT 1 - 9:15 AM
Time, Kim Ki-duk, 2006 - PARAMOUNT 3 - 12:15 PM
Brand Upon the Brain!, Guy Maddin, 2006 - VISA SCREENING ROOM (ELGIN) - 6:00 PM [ with Stacy ]
Jade Warrior, Antti-Jussi Annila, 2006 - PARAMOUNT 2 - 9:30 PM
The Host, Bong Joon-ho, 2006 - RYERSON - 11:59 PM [ with Katie ]
Saturday September 9, 2006
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La Tourneuse de pages, Denis Dercourt, 2006 - PARAMOUNT 4 - 9:15 AM
The Bothersome Man, Jens Lien, 2006 - PARAMOUNT 4 - 11:45 AM
Paris, je t'aime, Multiple Directors, 2006 - RYERSON - 3:00 PM
Waiter, Alex van Warmerdam, 2006 - VARSITY 2 - 7:00 PM
Everything's Gone Green, Paul Fox, 2006 - PARAMOUNT 2 - 9:30 PM
All The Boys Love Mandy Lane 2006 - RYERSON - 11:59 PM
Sunday September 10, 2006
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Paris, je t'aime, Multiple Directors, 2006 - RYERSON - 3:00 PM
Black Sheep 2006 - RYERSON - 11:59 PM [ with Katie ]
Monday September 11, 2006
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Stranger than Fiction, Marc Forster, 2006 - RYERSON - 12:30 PM
The Abandoned, Nacho Cerdá, 2006 - RYERSON - 11:59 PM [ with Katie ]
Tuesday September 12, 2006
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The Last King of Scotland, Kevin Macdonald, 2006 - PARAMOUNT 2 - 10:30 AM
Shortbus, John Cameron Mitchell, 2006 - PARAMOUNT 1 - 2:15 PM
Renaissance, Christian Volckman, 2006 - PARAMOUNT 2 - 7:00 PM
Trapped Ashes, Multiple Directors, 2006 - RYERSON - 11:59 PM
Wednesday September 13, 2006
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Pan's Labyrinth, Guillermo del Toro, 2006 - VARSITY 8 - 11:45 AM
Sleeping Dogs Lie, Bobcat Goldthwait, 2006 - PARAMOUNT 1 - 3:00 PM
Bugmaster, Katsuhiro Otomo, 2006 - PARAMOUNT 3 - 9:30 PM
Thursday, September 14, 2006
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Black Book, Paul Verhoeven, 2006 - RYERSON - 12:00 PM
The Fountain, Darren Aronofsky, 2006 - RYERSON - 3:00 PM
Invisible Waves, Pen-ek Ratanaruang, 2006 - PARAMOUNT 1 - 6:00 PM
The Pleasure of Your Company, Michael Ian Black, 2006 - VARSITY 8 - 9:15 PM
Severance, Christopher Smith, 2006 - RYERSON - 11:59 PM
Friday September 15, 2006
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Princess, Anders Morgenthaler, 2006 - RYERSON - 11:59 PM
Saturday September 16, 2006
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Candy, Neil Armfield, 2006 - VARSITY 2 - 1:15 PM
Taxidermia, György Pálfi, 2006 - VARSITY 1 - 5:45 PM
Sheitan, Kim Chapiron, 2006 - RYERSON - 11:59 PM
More details later on, peeps.
Hope to see you there!
current mood: anxious
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(10 licks | bite me)
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| Thursday, August 24th, 2006
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11:51 pm - How NOT to steal your own bike ...
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 Left work with plans to meet up with chums and watch some fake wrestling in the park. On the way I stopped at Taco Bell to surprise everyone with delicious empanadas (caramel apple pies).
When I came out and attempted to unlock my bike, the key snapped off in my expensive Kryptonite U-Lock (which is about a year old). I tried using the broken key to open the lock, and failed. I went to the mall and bought some precision tools, perfect for picking locks, and returned to my bike. I worked on the lock for about an hour, in a very obvious fashion, but the lodged key proved to be impassible. I thought to myself, "Wow. Hundreds of people have passed me on the sidewalk and none of them have said anything to me, or even tried to keep me from stealing this bike." Immediately after completing the thought the police arrived.
The police checked my ID, asked me every question they could think of about the bike (and my customizations), and ran my name through their database. I told them about the accidents I've been in which sealed the deal. "Okay, that's all we need. Good luck.", one officer said. "Wait, you guys aren't going to help me?", I asked. "No." the officer said, chuckling. "Call the fire department.".
Luckily I have some amazing friends.  tigger_jay came to my rescue and kept me company while John arrived with some cutting tools to bust the lock. After that I had to wait around for about 10 minutes until the cut lock was cooled down enough to put in my backpack. Geez.
current mood:  thankful
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(12 licks | bite me)
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2:50 pm - Beggars ...
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Toronto has a severe problem with beggars. And you know who's fault it is? YOURS. When you give a beggar money you are rewarding them for doing nothing of worth and encouraging them to continue to beg in order to live. It's your money though, so I don't really have a say do I? Sure I do, because it's our city. Giving someone food, or your time, is a different story. But if that's all that people gave, then we wouldn't have beggars on every corner.
I ate a Quizno's today, by the window so I could keep an eye on my bike. Below the window on the sidewalk sat an obese, clean, 40ish woman in regular clothing, begging everyone (even children) who passed for money or cigarettes. In the 30 minutes that I sat there I noticed that 1 in 10 people stopped and gave her money, 1 person gave her a cigarette.
Do what you want, but please realize that if you give a beggar a single penny you negate your ability to complain about this problem.
current mood:  annoyed
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(43 licks | bite me)
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| Friday, August 18th, 2006
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11:40 am - Encore/Numb
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Can someone PLEASE find me a remix of the song "Encore/Numb" by Jay-Z ft. Linkin Park WITHOUT any of those cock magnets from Linkin Park "singing" in it. For fuck's sake.
current mood:  aggravated
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(3 licks | bite me)
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| Thursday, August 17th, 2006
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2:11 pm - The Woman ...
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 I dream vividly every night. Always less like a dream, more like visiting another reality. Being awake ALL the time is VERY tiring.
Last night there was a woman in my dream, of indeterminate age and impossible beauty. She made me feel foolish in a way that I enjoyed thoroughly, red-faced and abashed like a boy once smitten. She handed me a shot glass of milk at one point, covering her mouth and giggling when I sipped it cautiously. My posture slumped as I drank what she had given me with reckless abandon, breaking her glance for the first time since we met. When I looked up once more, knowing she was with me but not looking at her was too difficult to bare, she had stopped busying herself and was simply smiling at me. The kind of smile that slows time, penetrates every bone in your body with a happy tingling, and fills your mind with a perfect peace and the blinding faith of love. Hadn't she always been smiling? Maybe. But this smile, this particular beautiful smile, this is a smile that she smiled just for me.
And I was infused with a sense of satisfaction that I retained even when I woke.
Though her smiling face is lost to me in this reality.
Sometimes being this tired is TOTALLY worth it.
current mood:  satisfied
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(2 licks | bite me)
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| Friday, August 4th, 2006
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3:35 pm - Solid!
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| Monday, July 24th, 2006
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5:42 pm - First Public Warning
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Sometimes when I fall asleep, if I am physically exhausted, I can't completely wake. What I mean by this is that I become fully aware, instantly, not gradually as you are supposed to wake from sleep but I am unable to move any part of my body, including my mouth, so I'm unable to even scream. Usually I can move my eyes first, and make deep guttural sounds, like an animal, until control of my physical self returns.
This happened again this morning. The experience was accompanied by a blue light (like an LED flashlight) originating from just over my left shoulder. There is nothing blue in my room, so I assume this was a hallucination rather than a reflection of light or anything.
I do NOT enjoy this experience. Instead of terror, it leaves me filled with an uncontrollable rage. Whatever is happening to me, perhaps control of my physical body is temporarily removed purposely so that I can't act on my rage.
I do NOT wish to become the destroyer of worlds once more, but I will.
Do NOT force my hand.
- The Management
current mood: annoyed
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(9 licks | bite me)
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| Thursday, July 20th, 2006
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11:08 am - I Won!
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My favorite film blog, Twitchfilm.net, just ran a Danger After Dark Collection giveaway, and I won!
The rules for the contest were: When Groucho Marx was offered membership in an exclusive social club he ressponded with a letter that is now in the Smithsonian Institution. "Dear Sirs, I could not possibly be a member of any organization that would invite someone like me to become a member." Your assignment is? Send us a letter rejecting an organization which has offered you membership. My winning entry follows below ...
 Dear Hoff-Haus (The Official David Hasselhoff Fan Club),
Though I am painfully aware of the "artistic" career of David Hasselhoff, or "The Hoff" as I've come to refer to him, I must decline the offer to become the premiere member of his fan club. And by "premiere member", I assume you mean "first and only" member.
I can only assume that you've obtained my email address through the purchase I made of a Baywatch calendar last christmas. I assure you that when I made this purchase that I did not realize that there were ONLY pictures of Mr. Hasselhoff inside. And uh ... it was for a friend anyway. Yeah.
If one were to casually flip through my year book they would probably notice that, along with my Vanilla Ice hair cut (I have witnesses that will confirm that this looked cool at the time), I am also sporting a "Don't Hassle the Hoff" t-shirt. I make no apologies for this shirt, as I was trying to be ironic. While explaining this to my English teacher at the time, she suggestion that I look up the word "ironic", and also the word "shame". I made a suggestion in return, that I feel would be inappropriate to write here.
Thank you for taking the time to write me this letter, and for the Baywatch Nights Season 1 DVD. I've used the DVD to prop up the short leg of my kitchen table where I cut out pictures of David Hasselhoff to glue over top of my ex-girlfriends face in all of our prom photos.
Johnny.
current mood: Fuckin' Jazz'd!
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(7 licks | bite me)
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| Tuesday, July 18th, 2006
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10:54 am - Inspiration?
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 Woke up feeling like death, as usual. Got dressed. Ate breakfast. Not in that order. Dragged myself to the front door and hit shuffle on my iPod, hoping for a little inspirational music to get me to work. What comes on?
KOOL MOE DEE - I GO TO WORK
A classic! Thanks for getting my ass to work Kool. I owes ya.
current mood:  tired
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(2 licks | bite me)
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| Monday, July 17th, 2006
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1:11 pm - The Amazing Screw-On Head!
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You can watch the pilot of Mike Mignola's (Hellboy) The Amazing Screw-On Head on scifi.com right now:
It's pretty funny stuff.
current mood: impressed
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(1 lick | bite me)
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| Wednesday, July 12th, 2006
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10:42 am - Apparently, I sell babies.
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 I had this dream last night that it was (sort of) the 1950's and I was going to be cast in "The Adventures of Superman". Someone handed me a superman costume and told me, "Hurry up! The Directors are waiting to see you!".
I can only explain the place I am standing in as a comic book/candy store. In the back of the store, where I went to change, is a locker room (bathrooms, showers, etc.) straight out of a horror movie. I go as far back into the empty shower room as I can so I can change, and these kids are trying to see me change into superman over a ledge on the opposite wall. I get the costume on, which doesn't fit right, when Dan runs in and says, "Hurry the hell up!". I run out past him, he stops to lock up the store, when Morgan yells from down the hill, "Grab my sunglasses!". Dan goes back inside. I rush down the hill and into the house there. Inside Jimmy is sitting staring at a TV. Someones mother is cooking something. There are kids in the room. "Where are they?" I ask. Jimmy says I should go upstairs. I run upstairs and Patrick (Sean's, one of my oldest and best friend, little brother) tells me we have to go to the basement. I follow him into the basement where he says "Sit down.". We are sitting around an awkwardly low coffee table. He is fiddling with something small (like sim cards) and passes me a cordless telephone. "Use this." he says. "What am I supposed to do with this?" I ask. He says, "Nothing." and looks behind me. I turn around to find police standing behind me.
They arrest me for "selling babies".
What the fuck does that mean?
Geez.
I won't up in a sweat, exhausted and extremely dehydrated. Good thing too, because the power went out last night and reset my alarm clock.
current mood: confused
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(2 licks | bite me)
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| Tuesday, July 11th, 2006
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11:16 am - Return of the Grey Blur ...
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Encountered the Grey Blur again this morning, though he had the audacity to change his shirt (to black!). Once again he left me in his wake, though with a belly full of breakfast I was able to go full on and catch up to him. I did get stuck behind a couple red lights, which put some distance between us, but eventually I caught up. The Grey Blur got distracted by something on his left (at Broadview) which is when I passed him and maintained the lead.
Better luck next time, Blurry.
current mood: accomplished
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(9 licks | bite me)
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| Thursday, July 6th, 2006
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1:55 pm - The Grey Blur ...
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Forgot to mention it this morning. On my bike ride to work I passed a kid in a grey shirt, who in turn rocketed past me. The important thing to note however, is that I could NOT catch up to him. The Danforth is like a highway for bikes, and he was bent over his handlebars peddling feverishly. Determined to pass him, I kicked it into last gear (on my 24 speed, oversized crank, street bike) and pushed it full tilt. Have I reached my limit on this particular bike? Even at over 50km/h I couldn't pass him, only barely keeping pace, until we hit a red light and we both waited to go South on Parliament street. This was the last I saw of him, either he turned off Parliament at some point, or he couldn't keep pace with me in a high traffic area.
Either way I just wanted to say, "Way to go Grey Blur, you are one fuck of a rider!"
current mood: impressed
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(5 licks | bite me)
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1:35 pm - Awesometown!
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Click it ...
current mood: amused
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(bite me)
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| Sunday, July 2nd, 2006
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5:00 pm - Bubble Battle
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Man, the bubble "battle" was fun. Less of a battle, more of a Mexican standoff. Heheh. I'll link some Flickr photos later. I was too busy filling the sky with bubbles and giggling like a schoolgirl to snap any pics. Did a search on Flickr for "bubble Toronto" and this awesome kid came up.
He could not be any MORE awesome without hurting himself.
It's too hot to live today. I'm going swimmin as soon as my girl gets home.
If anybody needs me, me and this root beer float will be in the hammock.
Spoon.
current mood:  hot
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(6 licks | bite me)
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| Friday, June 30th, 2006
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9:39 am - She does look like Thom ... kind of.
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| Wednesday, June 28th, 2006
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12:36 pm - Happy Birthday Standley!
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Can't have a Christ without an Anti-Christ.
Have fun buddy. I promise not to destroy the world if you won't. ;9
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(bite me)
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10:33 am - TRANSFORMERS Movie: Bumblebee leaked!
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| Tuesday, June 27th, 2006
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4:05 pm - Go Fug Yourself!
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Saw this on GoFugYourself, where they post pictures of people they think are dressed Fugly (Fucking Ugly).
"Neat trick, promoting your movie about a more-or-less alien superhero by inviting an actual alien to the festivities."
Crazy fucks. Yes, she looks alien. And that's totally hot.
Agree? Disagree? Bueller?
current mood: sleepy
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(15 licks | bite me)
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| Monday, June 19th, 2006
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4:47 pm - I am a cyclepath!
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 So last week was my moms birthday, she lives in Port Hope. To surprise her, I left work Thursday night, did some quick errands, rode the GO train from downtown Toronto to Oshawa, then bicycled from Oshawa to Port Hope. Got to admit, it's been a while since I did that. Port hope is about 52km away from the Oshawa GO station if you ride along highway 2, which is what I did.
What a great ride! Got into Port Hope after 10pm. Without a light on the front of my bike (just one in back) I wasn't able to see any potholes because highway 2 is unlit (mostly) and Port Hope is farm black (no light pollution, beautiful sky full of stars) so I was riding purely on faith.
Stuff I learned on the trip:
1) I'm in better shape than I was when I was a kid. I wasn't tired after cycling over 130km!
2) Oshawa to Port Hope is mostly downhill. I didn't fully realize this until the ride back. Hahah.
3) I need a light for the front of my bike.
4) Highway 2 is in amazing condition between Oshawa and Port Hope. There is even shoulder for most of it!
5) Another rider told me the Waterfront Trail is awesome. I'll try that next.
6) I need to test exactly how many kilometers I can bike in a day, and also before getting tired.
When I got to my moms apartment and knocked on the door she was on the phone with my sister and I startled her. "You biked here?" she says to me, looking at my bike. "You're crazy brother biked here!" she says into the phone. I love surprising my mom, she's the best. I told her I came to paint her kitchen for her birthday. "Crazy jackass." she said.
The next day we painted her kitchen together, which turned out great. I finished just before I had to ride back to Oshawa. The ride back was tough. I got lost in Oshawa, because Oshawa is a shit hole (Sorry Jimmy Jims!). I met a funny fellow cyclist while waiting for the GO train back home. He "had a few beers" and was full of interesting stories.
When I finally got home I was SOAKED in sweat. For those of you who know how much I sweat (I'm lookin at you, ladies) imagine me being 10x sweatier than that. Sweatier than trolleycrash! (say what?) I headed straight for the shower and speed stripped. I noticed that the sweat from my ABC (Ass Balls Connection) had left the moistened imprint of the face of André the Giant, from the OBEY sticker campaigns. Hahah. Weird.
The coolest part was that I didn't get tired or sore until the next day, when laying around and watching movies indicated to my body that it would not have to do any more cycling for a while. And then I was immobile for most of the day.
Pretty awesome.
current mood: accomplished
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(8 licks | bite me)
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| Thursday, June 15th, 2006
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5:07 pm - Kawaii Not
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| Wednesday, June 7th, 2006
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10:46 am - Made Me Laugh Out Loud ...
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From http://www.angryman.ca ...
Bicycle Helmets
When I was a kid learning to ride a bike, I fell off a lot. But guess what? No helmet, no elbow pads, and not a single case of brain damage. None of us wore helmets back then, and none of us ever hurt ourselves. And we were 10 billion times more reckless on our bikes than kids are today. I saw a guy ride off the roof of a church in 5th grade. I'd like to see the Nintendo generation try that. Nowadays you see helmets everywhere: on roads and trails, on adults and kids, on bicycles and tricycles. How the hell do you fall off a tricycle? If your kid needs a helmet on a tricycle, I hate to say it, but your kid needs a helmet 24 hours a day. A total stranger pulled up beside me the other day and told me I should be wearing a helmet. I asked him why he wore his, and he said it was to protect his head. So I punched him in the neck.
Hahaha.
current mood: amused
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(8 licks | bite me)
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| Monday, June 5th, 2006
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2:37 pm - Revenge of the Coin Slot
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Hot girls in low-rider pants on bicycles.
Move over swearing and puppies peanut butter and chocolate,
there's a new favorite combo in town!
current mood: amused
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(bite me)
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| Friday, May 12th, 2006
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4:10 pm - Umbrellas!
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Haven't posted in a while ... so here's a rant about umbrellas.
FUCK UMBRELLAS!
Oh, but you like umbrellas? Gosh, that was pretty inconsiderate of me. I take it back. What I meant was Fuck YOU, and Fuck your stupid umbrellas! (Maybe fuck you WITH your stupid umbrellas ... I don't know, be creative).
Umbrellas come in many shapes and sizes. There is the standard long umbrella ("old school"), there's the extending umbrella ("he's a grower") and then there's the mini ("not the car"). Now the mini umbrella has a short stem that does not extend at all. That is just fucking retarded. If you work in a factory that makes these, you can expect me to send you a box of cancer for christmas, you fuck. In order to hold a mini umbrella at a "safe" height (safe defined as higher than my face) you must be at least 4 feet tall and extend your arm fully above your head. Of course you wouldn't actually do this, because then you would look as much of a retard as you actually are.
So yesterday I was walking to the TTC (because of the rain ... PS, Fuck Rain) when a woman with an umbrella walked by me. One of the pointy metal ends struck me right below my left eye. I screamed "AH! MY FUCKING EYE!". She stopped and looked at me slack jawed. I said, "You hit me in the eye with your fucking umbrella!". She stared at me, turned, and continued walking.
What the fuck is wrong with some people?
So I run past her and stop in her path. I grab the umbrella from her hand and hold it out in front of me. Now she's getting soaked. I turn the umbrella inside out and shred the cloth covering. She opened her mouth momentarily like she was going to say something, so I smashed the umbrella in two pieces over my knee. Then I shook the pieces in her face and said, "learn some fucking courtesy." in a calm low tone. Then I put the pieces in the garbage, because littering is fo' suckas.
I'm not a fucking psychopath. All of this could have been avoided by KNOWING HOW TO HOLD AN UMBRELLA and/or SIMPLY ACKNOWLEDGING MY EXISTENCE.
current mood: annoyed
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(5 licks | bite me)
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