Small everyday rituals help me maintain my balance in these chaotic times. Of course, as I age, literally staying on my feet is essential, but I am talking here about inner balance. It is easy to wake up in panic mode, triggered by the ever-lengthening To Do list (which must of course be done) and the crises in the nation and around the world. But the To Do list and the crises can only be tackled one item at a time, and will always be there. It serves no purpose to start getting worked up about them before even having had one’s first cup of tea.
Two of my friends have recently mentioned the world being in some kind of destabilizing astrological configuration. My first—and, to be honest, my second, and third—inclination is to dismiss such suggestions out of hand, but this time a tiny part of me actually gave them some credence. Everything everywhere seems to be out of joint. Of course, this is nothing new—people have been feeling these things from time immemorial. But whether or not there are unseen forces at work misaligning everything from the earth beneath our feet to the relationships within families, there are things we can do to find and keep our own sense of proportion. What a wonderful phrase! My dear friend Hayat used it today in reference to what her father would say to his children when they lost their tempers with each other: “Has everyone lost their sense of proportion?!” In times like these, stress levels are high, sleep is disturbed, tempers are frayed, and self-righteous outrage—often entirely understandable—blinds us to all other perspectives but our own. We can indeed lose all sense of proportion.
As long as I can remember I have been slow to mobilize in the morning. In retirement, despite my best intentions, there are far too many mornings when I sleep in and take an inordinate amount of time to get going on the day’s work. I know that these winter days have only so many hours of daylight; that I ought to break the vicious cycle of too-late nights followed by too-late mornings; that my time is short and only getting shorter. Nevertheless, my morning rituals remain a must for my equanimity.
First, tea in bed, two cups (whole-leaf, half Assam-half Darjeeling), preceded only by teeth-cleaning. Andrew and I take it in turns to do the honors—venturing down the cold corridor from the bedroom, turning up the heat in the living room, filling and turning on the kettle, warming the pot and the mugs, and after the requisite 5-minute steep, pouring and adding the milk (almond for him, 2% cow’s milk for me) and bearing a tray into the bedroom for us both. We have our first cups, then—in my case—a second, over the New York Times Spelling Bee and the news headlines of Democracy Now!. Between the first and second cup of tea, I have a slice of lightly buttered toast with Marmite, cut into quarters. If Andrew is lucky I let him have a couple of bites out of one of the quarters, but both of us know that this ritual is strictly mine. (There is a paean to Marmite in TMA #41, Eating for Four.) In the summer, when we have our own tomatoes coming in from the garden, Andrew would put a slice of tomato, heaven-fresh, on each quarter. Nowadays, it is just plain, with a slice of cucumber on occasion. But each bite, followed by a sip or two of piping-hot tea, is just what the doctor ordered. Now I’m ready. Despite the fresh horrors in the day’s headlines, despite the long shadow of the To Do list, it is a new day and I can face it with a smile.
Although I normally limit my consumption of Marmite-on-toast to the morning, I was up late the other night writing a particularly tedious article and losing my concentration. Naturally, Marmite came right to mind (by the way, don’t get me started about that infuriating marketing term, top of mind), and I decided to make myself a quick pick-me-up—a late-night slice, topped, in the absence of fresh tomato, with slivers of fresh green chili and a quartered pearl onion. Slipping the bread into the toaster, I screwed open the cap of the jar. What a surprise to see the image looking up at me—a Marmite smiley face!
My face immediately broke into a corresponding grin. Returning to my work with a will, and with toast and a reheated mug of tea in hand, I wrapped it up in short order, without any further procrastination.
Such small rituals help me maintain my sense of proportion, despite everything.
Note: the corporate giant that owns the Marmite brand did not pay me to write this.


















