Josna Rege

632. A Sense of Proportion

In Food, reflections, retirement, Stories on January 13, 2026 at 4:29 pm
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Small everyday rituals help me maintain my balance in these chaotic times. Of course, as I age, literally staying on my feet is essential, but I am talking here about inner balance. It is easy to wake up in panic mode, triggered by the ever-lengthening To Do list (which must of course be done) and the crises in the nation and around the world. But the To Do list and the crises can only be tackled one item at a time, and will always be there. It serves no purpose to start getting worked up about them before even having had one’s first cup of tea.

Two of my friends have recently mentioned the world being in some kind of destabilizing astrological configuration. My first—and, to be honest, my second, and third—inclination is to dismiss such suggestions out of hand, but this time a tiny part of me actually gave them some credence. Everything everywhere seems to be out of joint. Of course, this is nothing new—people have been feeling these things from time immemorial. But whether or not there are unseen forces at work misaligning everything from the earth beneath our feet to the relationships within families, there are things we can do to find and keep our own sense of proportion. What a wonderful phrase! My dear friend Hayat used it today in reference to what her father would say to his children when they lost their tempers with each other: “Has everyone lost their sense of proportion?!” In times like these, stress levels are high, sleep is disturbed, tempers are frayed, and self-righteous outrage—often entirely understandable—blinds us to all other perspectives but our own. We can indeed lose all sense of proportion.

As long as I can remember I have been slow to mobilize in the morning. In retirement, despite my best intentions, there are far too many mornings when I sleep in and take an inordinate amount of time to get going on the day’s work. I know that these winter days have only so many hours of daylight; that I ought to break the vicious cycle of too-late nights followed by too-late mornings; that my time is short and only getting shorter. Nevertheless, my morning rituals remain a must for my equanimity.

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First, tea in bed, two cups (whole-leaf, half Assam-half Darjeeling), preceded only by teeth-cleaning. Andrew and I take it in turns to do the honors—venturing down the cold corridor from the bedroom, turning up the heat in the living room, filling and turning on the kettle, warming the pot and the mugs, and after the requisite 5-minute steep, pouring and adding the milk (almond for him, 2% cow’s milk for me) and bearing a tray into the bedroom for us both. We have our first cups, then—in my case—a second, over the New York Times Spelling Bee and the news headlines of Democracy Now!. Between the first and second cup of tea, I have a slice of lightly buttered toast with Marmite, cut into quarters. If Andrew is lucky I let him have a couple of bites out of one of the quarters, but both of us know that this ritual is strictly mine. (There is a paean to Marmite in TMA #41, Eating for Four.) In the summer, when we have our own tomatoes coming in from the garden, Andrew would put a slice of tomato, heaven-fresh, on each quarter. Nowadays, it is just plain, with a slice of cucumber on occasion. But each bite, followed by a sip or two of piping-hot tea, is just what the doctor ordered. Now I’m ready. Despite the fresh horrors in the day’s headlines, despite the long shadow of the To Do list, it is a new day and I can face it with a smile.

Although I normally limit my consumption of Marmite-on-toast to the morning, I was up late the other night writing a particularly tedious article and losing my concentration. Naturally, Marmite came right to mind (by the way, don’t get me started about that infuriating marketing term, top of mind), and I decided to make myself a quick pick-me-up—a late-night slice, topped, in the absence of fresh tomato, with slivers of fresh green chili and a quartered pearl onion. Slipping the bread into the toaster, I screwed open the cap of the jar. What a surprise to see the image looking up at me—a Marmite smiley face!

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My face immediately broke into a corresponding grin. Returning to my work with a will, and with toast and a reheated mug of tea in hand, I wrapped it up in short order, without any further procrastination.

Such small rituals help me maintain my sense of proportion, despite everything.

Note: the corporate giant that owns the Marmite brand did not pay me to write this.

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631. Mind Cleanup, January 2026

In Family, Inter/Transnational, memories, people, places, reading, reflections, Stories, travel on January 5, 2026 at 4:51 pm
The White Rabbit: "I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date"
The White Rabbit: “I’m late, I’m late, for a very important date”

Always and inevitably, it seems, I am running late. This mind cleanup is long overdue, and ought to have been conducted before the end of 2025. I hope it will serve a two-fold purpose, as a review of the past year and an exercise in re-ordering and de-cluttering this scattered and wayward mind.

My last such exercise was back in October, 2019, more than six years ago and before the pandemic put paid to all my plans for the following year. Reviewing it now, I see that, far from decluttering, it ballooned into a long list of my activities and preoccupations, divided into 10 categories. It was all over the place. There was a lot on my mind, and I didn’t have any idea how to clear it up. The only thing that’s clear to me now is that I still don’t, which may be why I have been postponing this effort for so long.

But the hour is late, so here goes:

In 2025, Andrew and I traveled both to India (5 weeks in Jan-Feb) and to England (nearly 4 weeks in June-July). In India we attended reunions in Delhi and Dehradun of my high school in the foothills of the Himalayas, Class of 1969. After the larger reunion with my classmates, some of whom I had not met for nearly 60 years, a small group of us from four continents and five time zones who had been corresponding regularly by email for several years managed to actually spend a few days together in person. This accomplishment was so amazing that it felt almost unreal.

On the way to Mussoorie
On the way up to Mussoorie

After the reunion, we traveled from the north down to my father’s home state of Maharashtra to visit family in Mumbai and Pune, then further down the West Coast to Karwar, in Northern Karnataka, then back up to Goa for a few short days by the Arabian Sea before returning to Mumbai for the flight back home. Five weeks in India is too short a time.

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Karwar

The three months between our trips to India and England were busy ones. We had mini-split heat pumps installed in our house and removed our oil furnace and tank. That was a big job and although it got us off fossil fuels, it left us entirely dependent on electricity for home heating. We had the house insulated and are conserving like crazy this winter, wearing hats and jackets in the house, but bracing ourselves for skyrocketing electricity bills. I worked with Massachusetts Peace Action to organize a timely webinar, A New Generation of Nuclear Lies: Small Modular Reactors and Nuclear Plant Reopenings/ Relicensing, featuring M.V. Ramana and Linda Pentz Gunther. We cleared our back yard of debris after some very messy tree work, and planted a vegetable garden, which a dear friend watered for us while we were away.

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Sunset walk on Hampstead Heath

Traveling to England in June, we both came down with COVID soon after we arrived, and so had to cancel or postpone most of our plans to meet friends and family. Interestingly, this forced us to slow down and carry on as if we weren’t on holiday, but were just living there—in the part of North London where my mother was born and raised, where my parents met, and where I was born. We went on long walks, read in bed, made endless cups of tea, watched The Change and Eastenders, took the bus to supermarkets and charity shops, got take-out fish and chips. That time of enforced everydayness was really rather wonderful.

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For the rest of the year we stayed home, but between June and October three generations of family from India and England came to visit us. We tended the vegetable garden on the terraces out back and split a share in the UMass Student Farm’s CSA. Lots and lots of fresh vegetables to eat, give away, and preserve for the winter, some of which we are still eating.

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Butternut squash

In 2025, I kept up to speed on local affairs by joining the copyediting team for our town’s independent, progressive online weekly, The Amherst Indy. After the family visits, after the garden was put to bed, we supported the campaigns of intrepid friends running for our town council. They won!

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I did a lot of reading last year, reading and re-reading. In the month of April, participating again in the annual A-Z Blogging Challenge, I discussed a book a day, discovering anew books I thought I had read decades before. But apart from that one month of daily blogging, I did very little writing. That’s something I want to change in 2026.

2025 was a year of losses. In England, the last of my mother’s generation, Auntie Angy, passed away in March. And in India, the last of my father’s eight siblings, Mandatya, in November. I have found these deaths of my elders destabilizing, along with the deaths of two elderly neighbors and the departures of two more to assisted living facilities. Also in the U.S. we lost Janice, a dear friend who died much too young and before we could say goodbye. And Jimmy Cliff, without whom I might never have fallen in love with Reggae music.


So here I am in the first week of 2026, here we all are:

. . . as on a darkling plain
Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,
Where ignorant armies clash by night.

(Dover Beach, by Matthew Arnold

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Free Palestine march and rally, Camden Town

Ukraine, Gaza, Venezuela. Ignorance is not acceptable when one’s own nation is deeply complicit in the killings of thousands upon thousands, in daily violations of national sovereignty and international law. Closer to home, masked immigration enforcement personnel raid and round up hapless immigrants, sometimes in the dead of night, sometimes at their schools and workplaces, whisking them off to distant detention centers where they are humiliated, terrified, abused, and separated from their families. People are being told to self-deport or face deportation, in which case they will never be able to return. People are being arrested based on their accents and the color of their skin. It is hard not to take all these ongoing assaults personally.

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No Kings Day

It is hard not to be overwhelmed by sadness. I take refuge in the love of my dear partner, of family, friends, and community; in nature; in books, memories, home-cooked food. Sometimes, especially in these dark days of winter, curled up in my warm bed, I cannot seem to rouse myself. But it must be done. There is no time, no place to hide away.

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Small, comforting rituals

Amidst the chaos, I seek comfort in small daily rituals. But in 2026, there is work to be done, there are rifts to be healed. More is required of me—more creative energy, more concentration, more optimism of the will. More music and singing, more fellowship and joy. Joy, despite everything.

And now, off to bed. Tomorrow is another day.

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630. The Loneliness of Sonia and Sunny

In Books, culture, Family, Immigration, India, memories, parenting, places, postcolonial, reading, Stories, storytelling, United States, women & gender, writing on November 10, 2025 at 4:09 am

[This appreciation of Kiran Desai’s new novel is not intended to be a spoiler, so you can read it safely unless you don’t want to know anything about it.]

If I don’t set down a few words now, quickly, I will risk taking notes for as long as the author took to write it! For Kiran Desai’s new novel (her first since 2006), is like the world, a never-ending, ever-extending, web of multifarious stories. The feelings it arouses in me are personal and political, feelings that make me nod in assent, want to write my own versions of them, feelings that tear me between three generations. For, like Desai, I am also a 1.5-generation immigrant, having come to the United States as a teenager, half a generation older than Sonia and half a generation younger than her mama, Seher. Like Sonia and Sunny, like so many members of the South Asian and the postcolonial diasporas, I too have shuttled back and forth on similar paths across the same continents—in their cases Delhi-Vermont-New York-Allahabad-Delhi-Landour-Goa-Mexico and back again, with an interlude in Italy in-between, and ghosts of Germany floating, lost, in the Himalayan mists. Like Desai’s protagonists, I too have been beset by the consciousness of unearned privilege, of being a “cheating outsider” (as the man with the longest fingernails in the world called Sunny), but also, of being, like Salman Rushdie’s protagonist Saleem Sinai in Midnight’s Children, “a container of worlds.”

There are so many different pieces all stitched into this patchwork of a novel, that nonetheless follows the fateful stories of Sonia and of Sunny as they crisscross continents both separately and together. There are almost-stand-alone set pieces, dreamy reveries and haunting nightmares, notes and sketches that might have been written in coffee shops over the years, post-colonial peregrinations, self-reflexive musings on how these ever-expanding drafts could possibly be made into something that would cohere. And just before a prosaic passage threatens to get a little tedious, Desai sweeps the reader into lyrical, utterly beautiful language that one wants to stretch out and bathe in.

She need not have worried—The Loneliness of Sonia and Sunny (Loneliness) does cohere. It is a pleasure to read this third novel from a mature writer at the height of her powers and confident in her own style and voice. It employs magical realism without grandiosity. It luxuriates in language without tipping over into solipsism or farce. After a bit of a slow start, it grew on me—and grew, and grew, into 21 parts, 75 chapters, 670 pages. And when, all of a sudden, it was over, I was left wondering what had become, what would become of these people whose fates I had come to care about. And found myself starting over, in hopes of finding out.

Despite its length, the core of Loneliness, so viscerally real that it tied a knot in this reader’s stomach, plays out in the first quarter of the novel. It describes a relationship of coercive control that embeds itself deep and malignantly into one of our protagonists and haunts them both for the rest of the novel. What will it take to exorcise it?

Like her writer-mother, Kiran Desai brilliantly conveys a sense of place. Just the title of the section set in Vermont, “Winter Vast and Forlorn,” conjures up the desolation of the landscape, both inner and outer. At times, as in some scenes in Mexico and Goa, she risks overdoing the descriptions, and in those cases I found myself skating over the passage. But much more often I took great pleasure in them, letting them carry me away. For people whom history and politics have displaced, precious places must be conjured, claimed, and revisited in imagination, again and again.

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But beware! In this novel, one must remain alert at all times, for the characters are at risk of being carried away for good. The sea that can rock you, lull you to sleep in its balmy waves, can also drag you down in a riptide that comes without warning. What will it take to get across? The sea is a living presence in Loneliness, putting me in mind of Virginia Woolf’s The Waves, and of Woolf’s acute awareness that we are all waves, thinking of ourselves as separate until we become one with the sea.

The sea contains all our stories. One thinks of the Kathasaritsagara, the ocean of the streams of story (often invoked by Rushdie, notably in Haroun and the Sea of Stories). In The Loneliness of Sonia and Sunny, Kiran Desai has woven a multiplicity of stories together into a web too large for any single person to contain, and has disappeared into them.

Part 1 is entitled, “Lonely? Lonely?” These words are spoken in utter bewilderment by Sonia’s grandparents when her father tells them that Sonia is lonely and depressed. For “they had no patience with loneliness. . . they had never slept in a house alone, never eaten a meal alone, never lived in a place where they were unknown.” But over the course of the novel and in different characters, we become intimate with loneliness as both a life sentence and a gift.

To carry us through and across these vast expanses of loneliness, we feel the need for a talisman. Pervading Loneliness is the figure of a particular talisman that must never be parted with, and that, if lost, must be recovered at all costs—although, as the novel so powerfully shows, the greatest loss of all is the loss of ourselves.

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I can’t close without saying something about Kiran Desai’s mother Anita Desai, one of my very favorite writers. Anita is continually evoked in the distant, reclusive, beloved figure of Seher, Sonia’s mother (Anita’s German mother transformed into the Seher’s German father), but also in the mountain mists swirling around Cloud Cottage in Landour, Uttarakhand, so reminiscent of the setting of Anita Desai’s 1977 novel Fire on the Mountain. In her words of acceptance in 2006 upon being awarded the Man Booker Prize for The Inheritance of Loss, Kiran Desai said, “To my mother, I owe a debt so profound and so great that this book feels as much hers as it does mine.” In 2008 I wrote a paper for a conference on the strong similarities and the critical differences between the mother’s Fire on the Mountain and the daughter’s The Inheritance of Loss. Re-reading it yesterday, it still rang true. In Inheritance, the female protagonist Sai was an orphan. In Loneliness, both Sonia’s parents are very much present. Desai dedicated this new book to her late father, after whose death she asked herself, “why was I here? Without him there, why should I go back? Without that ache between us, what was I made of?” I recognize those feelings now, with the death in India last week of my Manda-atya, my father’s youngest sister and the last of his siblings. Without her there, why should I go back?

Thank you, Kiran Desai, for finishing this novel at last, and sending it out into the world. It was worth waiting for.

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