Jan 2, 2006

Back in 2006 I had a Family Home Evening lesson with a group of singles in Fremont, California. I can't believe I kept it this entire time and I actually knew where to find it! I have been anxiously awaiting this day for 4 years! I forgot what I wrote in there! We filled out a form and here was what I read:

Name: Kat Shattuck

Age: 20

Hair length/color: Shoulder length and brown with blonde streaks

Current work/school situation: Ohlone College (IPP), ILRCSF (work) and American Eagle (work).

Highlights/accomplishments during 2005: Went skydiving, moved away from my hometown, went off prozac, only had ONE boyfriend during the year (apparently an amazing accomplishment for me), made the lead in south pacific; Nellie, went to new york, and turned 20, not a teenager anymore.

Goals for 2006: Temple attendance at least twice a month (accomplished), graduate the IPP (accomplished), write in journal once a week (accomplished), grow my hair past my chest; no major cuts! (accomplished).

Accomplishments/what you think you'll be doing/goals for the end of the year 2010: I wish to be married at least by 2010 (little did I know I'd be married for 3 years by this time). I hope to have a BA in deaf studies or interpreting (accomplished! Whew). I don't know where I'll be living but it doesn't matter. I hope I'm alive! If not... at least I know I'm in a better place. (Wow, I was morbid!!)

To be honest, I'm a little disappointed that I didn't have better goals and expectations for myself. I have accomplished so many more things than I could have imagined, and maybe I felt like I COULD because I was able to take my time and didn't have any deadlines to meet.

2010 was a rough year, but also fulfilling. Looking back at the beginning of the year I was going through some hard times, but things are really put into perspective for me when I compare that to where I am now. (Plus... I have my sister back!)

I don't have many goals for 2011. Gee, I'm starting to get complacent with my life... I feel like there's not much left to accomplish except to just LIVE! I've done everything I wanted to by now except for having kids and traveling everywhere. Kids will have to wait, and I just got back from England so I guess I could say life is pretty great right now.

My one major goal for 2011?

Forgive, forget, and live in the present.

the BEST part of the trip

It still makes me cry.

Back from England!

Well, I'm back and we brought Lizzie home with us!!

Let me tell you that the moment we were reunited, we were inseparable. :) I was a lovely day, being reunited with my best friend and sister. My mom and I took turns being Lizzie's companion the whole trip. She got released yesterday.

England is MAGICAL. I absolutely love it. It was colder than I could have ever imagined (I don't think I ever truly felt warm the entire time) but it was WORTH IT. I have some incredible stories to share with you all and of course, some amazing pictures. England is so wonderful around Christmas time. It was freezing but it was gorgeous. We didn't let the cold stop us from doing anything! We bundled up best we could and made our way around England!

We got back Christmas day, which was actually nice because I got to be with Travis. I sure did miss him! I have a pretty nasty cold and have completely lost my voice but all is well. I hope you all had a great Christmas!

cheerio!

Well folks, I'm off to England tomorrow morning! I can't wait to see my sister and give her the biggest hug ever, but I will miss Travis a ton. I've never left the country without him and usually when we are apart (for various trips or something) I always have cell phone service so I can talk to him or text him. This time it's no contact! Hopefully my family will let me stop at an internet cafe so I can at least email him.

Look for pictures and stories when I get back!!

my hair is finally growing

I decided to document how my hair has been growing recently. When my mom was going through treatments, I was shaving my head every weekend.

This picture was only a few weeks before we shave our heads.


This picture was taken after I shaved my head. I hadn't even looked in the mirror yet.

This was the shortest I shaved my head. (#1). It was the closest I could go without having to wear a wig at work.

This was as it grew a little (number 2)

This is my sister's trainer from the mission! It was awesome to meet her. It was like having a little bit of my sister! (p.s. I can't believe I will see my sister in a week!!!)

Here is about a week ago..


This was today. It's sort of long enough to do a mini faux-hawk... still not all that cute though. Also please don't mind my "natural" look. I've been on strike recently regarding make-up. I'm trying to give my face a break so I haven't been wearing any. I look like a 12 year old boy.


More pictures to come as it grows out. Also I'm thinking of going platinum again. I really miss it. What do you think?

if at first you don't succeed....

Try, Try Again.

Well Folks, I decided to put this to the test. I auditioned for another musical on Monday night. I feel it went well, but I said the same thing the last time... and that turned out to be a disaster.

I was a little apprehensive to audition for this place (it's REALLY REALLY hard to get in, even as a part of the ensemble) but I hiked up my pants and went for it. (Is that a real expression? Who knows.)

Anyway, I went, sang my song and left. That was it. I won't find out about call backs until later this week. Callbacks for dancing and singing are this Saturday so I'm assuming I would get a call at least on Friday to let me know if they want to see more from me. If I don't get a call... well that's that.

We'll see. Either way, it was good practice to sing in front of people again. It's been a while. Besides, auditions are scary and I'm just getting the hang of it again. Maybe by the 17th audition I'll be ready to actually be cast in a show.

I really want a part in the show, even if it's in the ensemble. I'll take it. I just want to be on stage again, doing the things I love to do but haven't in years because I was too scared.

Utah is weird. Everyone here is amazingly talented. I swear they come out of the womb with jazz hands and tap shoes on already.

I used to be a big ole fish where I'm from and moving here kinda sucked at first, realizing that I was no one special. I am not in any way super talented like most people here, but I do have a little somethin somethin stage presence. Let's hope they take a chance on me.

If not this time.... well.. you know. They haven't seen the last of me!

i've got troubles

Today at work I was interpreting in a setting I hadn't been before, and in that setting I noticed one of my friends that I hadn't seen in several years.

We did the usual chatter: how are you... how's marriage... how's school... how's the family... etc. I mentioned to him that my mom had cancer and that's why I shaved my head. I told him that I was glad my hair was finally growing back, even if at a snail's pace.

Then he said, "Yeah I kinda figured that, but the guys behind me had some choice things to say about you and your hair."

I asked him to elaborate. BAD IDEA.

He said, "Well the guys sitting behind me thought you were a lesbian and you know... that's like every guy's fantasy..."

At this point I started to turn red. I said, "Did they not notice my ring??"

He said, "Oh yeah, they totally noticed it, but they thought you might have had some kind of ceremony with your girlfriend. They kept discussing where they thought you were from and so on."

He alluded to the fact that the boys had mentioned that I must be the butch one of the relationship.

I kinda got after him for not sticking up for me and not saying something. After all... he was supposed to be my friend, right?

I tried to play it off cool, but afterward I went into the bathroom and cried for like 10 minutes in the stall.

For some reason, this hurt me to my core. I want to clarify that I am NOT saying anything about the LGBT community or how I feel about that. All I'm saying is that something was assumed about me and these guys completely judged me based on my looks. I'm not sure why my friend felt the need to tell me all about it, especially since he didn't stick up for me.

Since my hair has been growing out... it has become an awkward stage where it's not long enough to do anything with it, but not short enough to look shaved. I REALLY DO look like a boy. Thank heavens for my chest, otherwise with my recent weight-gain my entire body would look boyish.

I wish I could say, "Forget them, they're nothing, they don't know me" and get on with life. However today of all days this was the straw that broke the camel's back. Let me tell you why.

I woke up this morning feeling pretty excited that it was the weekend and jeans day. (Every Friday at work is jeans day). I tried on 4 pairs of my favorite jeans. NONE of which I could pull above my butt. Some I couldn't even get past my thighs. That was depressing enough... until I BROKE A ZIPPER. I'm no seamstress but I'm pretty sure that once you completely rip out a zipper, it's kinda hard to replace, especially since the material was ripped, too. No matter about the zipper though, obviously they don't fit so it'd be useless to try and fix them anyway.

I know that weight fluctuation will be a part of my life for basically ever since I'll be having kids someday. But right now, I have no reason or excuse for this change in my body. If I was pregnant, I probably wouldn't complain because I would have purpose in gaining (a healthy amount) weight to sustain a fetus. Since I'm 99.9% sure there ISN'T a baby inside me, I'm feeling pretty bad. I know I know, there are always people worse off than me... and I shouldn't feel bad for myself. Yet I still do.

I've had a rough week to say the least. GLAD it's the weekend.

ripped to shreds

My dogs ripped up one of my journals today. It may seem really stupid of me, but I think I cried for 2 hours straight, went back to work, and then came home and cried for another hour.

It's really interesting the journal they seemed to "pick" to completely destroy. I had all my journals in a box down in the basement. I thought I had put them high enough for the little devils to not sink their teeth into. Apparently, I was wrong. When I went to let them outside earlier this afternoon, I noticed a bunch of papers strewn about on the basement floor. When I noticed that it was one of my journals, I SCREAMED bloody murder and dismissed the dogs to go outside. I didn't touch the dogs or hit them or even yell at them. I was so hurt I couldn't even look at them. I know they are innocent and really don't know any better. I mean how could they tell the difference between the hymnbook that was sitting right next to it or my journal? Who knows why they chose my journal to destroy?

As I knelt down on my hands and knees collecting the little bits that was left of my journal and noticing my handwriting on the pages, I cried uncontrollably. It felt too symbolic. It felt as though part of my life (several years were covered in that journal in GREAT detail) was torn to shreds and here I was trying to put it back together. This specific journal was not just any old journal, it was the time in my life where I struggled the most. It also included how I met Travis and when we got married. At some point I just had to stop. I went upstairs and just shut the basement door. It hurt too much to even look at the damage.

I know what you're all thinking: It's just a journal. Get over it. But for some reason, I am having a really hard time letting go. My journal is SO personal. I write things in there that no one has ever known or will ever know until I am dead. I use my journals to see how I've grown, and how I have overcome certain trials and I tell my success stories as well as my struggles. I can't help but feel like all of that was worthless now.

I know I should just leave the past in the past where it "belongs" and move on. But my past experiences have greatly shaped who I am today. You all know I have been really struggling with my self-esteem lately and today it took another huge hit. I feel like I've regressed, become worse and only more unbearable to live with.

That journal was really important to me. I had many keepsakes within those pages; special, sacred memories.

I can't help but feel like I am standing on the edge of a raging river. I have built dams over the years to slow down that river and make it more tolerable and hopefully easier to cross one day. But seeing my personal life strewn across my basement floor... the lowest place in our house... made the dams in the river break, and it is raging stronger than ever now. All the memories came back flooding into me within seconds and I felt sick to my stomach with guilt, sadness and despair.

You may think I am being overly dramatic right now and that's okay if you don't understand what this feels like. I have always been diligent in keeping a journal and I have over ten journals, so this had great sentimental value to me and years of work and time spent writing in the journal took only seconds to destroy. The dogs ripped up one, and chewed on 3 others - although the pages of those are unscathed....fortunately.

Can I get mad at my dogs? No. It's completely my fault. I am responsible for not putting my journals in a safer place where this couldn't happen. It's my fault that I let the little terrorists run rampant in my basement with no restrictions. I have only myself to blame. It's my fault that I let my dogs rip up part of my life and literally drag it through their own pee. But it still hurts. Bad.

Happy Valley

We live in a place nicknamed "Happy Valley" and we actually love it. I'm not quite sure why the area got its nickname. (Drug abuse, perhaps? I know Utah County is pretty dang high.) Either way... we are happy here - despite my hesitations and protestations to live here at first.

I just googled Happy Valley, and the first thing that came up was a town called Happy Valley, Oregon. The next link was a website called happyvalley.com for attractions and services around Penn State. The third, Happy Valley, HONG KONG. Yep.... there's a little suburb called Happy Valley in HK and interestingly enough, Travis and I are looking to relocate to Hong Kong eventually. (No joke, we've kept an eye out for jobs in Hong Kong for several months now. I even started looking for jobs out there the DAY we got back from our vacation in HK last year). Don't be surprised if we just up and leave one day.

5th down the line was our own little Utah Valley, nicknamed "Happy Valley."

Glad to be here. I really do love it, even though it can be annoying living in a college town sometimes. Summers are great though, when they all leave.

I don't want to stay in Happy Valley forever, or even in Utah forever. I would love to live in Hong Kong, or California or anywhere that has a coast. (The middle states really kill me).

In 26 days....

This Girl.

Yes I felt this picture was appropriate given that my sister has seen lots of Harry Potter sites in England AND that the movie came out this weekend.

Me.

Reunited.

Here. (In London).

I cannot WAIT to go. I've almost got my bags packed already.

the sexiest man alive

People recently named Ryan Reynolds as the sexiest man alive. Whether you agree or disagree is not in question. (If you don't believe me, click here)

Here's the real point: A billion people tell me that my husband looks just like Ryan Reynolds. (It's his celebrity look alike).

So naturally, since Travis looks like Ryan Reynolds...

I married the man that looks like the sexiest man alive.

I pretty much DID marry the sexiest man alive. :)

(Love the reasoning, don't chya?) Oh.... I love mushy-ness.

breast cancer ribbon

Before I decided to let my hair grow out, I had Travis do the breast cancer ribbon on the back of my head. Lots of people said they loved it... and many people didn't ask my WHY I shaved my head. They just saw the ribbon and it explained everything. This was a while ago, and my hair has grown out quite a bit! You can't really see the ribbon anymore. It was fun while it lasted though!

we torture them

I'm miss pepper, and I like to read. I'm learning from the dog whisperer how to be the pack leader.

We love learning how to be good doggies, that's why we read!
I'm literally feasting on the words of this book!
The hunger games books are my favorite!!
Dodgers, too!
I love my owner, Kat.
We like to lounge around in Trav's lap.

I am a good doggie.
So regal.

Pepper's expression below absolutely kills me. She's like, "are you serious? I'm so embarrassed."

mmm SPAM

Hey all.....

It seems that we have been victims of a little spameroni. I got several emails from people (friends and colleagues) with only a link in the body of the email... nothing else. If you receive these, don't open it, just delete them. I got one from a friend and I opened it and even clicked on the link because I didn't know why she would be sending me the info... now Travis and I seem to be sending out spam through our emails. We sincerely apologize. I don't really know what happened!

Not sure what to do about it, but it seems to be going around REALLY fast. I got 3 emails in 10 minutes from a co-worker and 2 people that used to be in my old ward. The emails are spilling in like crazy.

Just a word of caution.

thanks a lot, Kim

I'm obsessed with my cousin's kids!! They are adorable. They came to visit last month and I loved spending time with them! Just LOOK at how precious they are!!!!

Junie is like a little DOLL.




Then there's Jet. He's is the most fearless kid I've ever met and he LOVES people!!
He also get's excited about everything.

I've been thinking lots about these little kiddos lately. I'm pretty much obsessed with them. So to my cousin Kim, I say "Thanks, a lot. I can't get enough of them!!" Kim's amazing and talented husband couldn't come this time around and we sure missed him but we were lucky to have Kim and the kids come to visit. I wish we lived closer!

meet the new kid

We have another little pup. His name is Dodger and he's a chorkie. (Chihuahua and Yorkie mix). He is adorable and very different from Pepper. He is more calm and cuddly. We love him so much and Pepper is learning to like him.
He is smaller than Pepper. He weighs only 5 lbs whereas Pepper (little miss TANK) weighs 13.
We did not put this bandana on him, we swear! When we bought him, the seller left that on him. Dodger didn't like it. He warmed up to Travis instantly and then warmed up to me. He's a little cuddle muffin. He's darling.

I like to describe him in the following way: He's so ugly, he's CUTE. :) Wouldn't you agree?




we are so mean... sometimes we like to use them as decorations. :)

I guess I'm not the exception

For as long as I can remember I've always been satisfied with how I looked. (Well there was the few months in college when I had such bad acne it was tough to even look in the mirror). Ok fine maybe I should rephrase what I said: for as long as I can remember I've been mostly satisfied with how I looked. (better?)

I would pity the girls who had a tough time with their self image and I would just be secretly grateful that I was content with how I looked and I even considered myself to be pretty. Not gorgeous, but good-looking.

I had a hard time understanding why girls would loathe themselves when looking in the mirror or trying on clothes or comparing themselves to others.

Recently my perspective has completely changed. I have recently gained 20 lbs. Yes, 20. I know that may not seem like much, but for a person of my frame and height, I feel huge. My skin has stretch marks all over. (Nope... sorry people, I'm not pregnant.)

I have no idea what the reason is for the sudden increase in weight, but I can tell you this: I have never been more self conscious in my life. My clothes don't fit. I have some major pudge in my midsection, causing people to ask me if I am pregnant - (yep, 3 times now... by 3 different people. Boy were they embarrassed when I said "no way.") - and when I wear jeans, I have a serious muffin top.

My weight has fluctuated my entire life +/- 5lbs, depending on my menstrual cycle, but this is beyond just my normal fluctuation. I've started to view my body so differently, and looking at pictures of my "skinnier" days wishing I looked like that again.

Not only that, but not having hair is really starting to get to me. Ok ok it was fun at first and all the compliments I received seemed to make up for the fact that I feel hideous and I think I look like a boy. One time I went to the grocery store and they had cameras at the entrance that captured how you looked from behind, and a television screen mounted on the ceiling so you could see yourself. When I walked in, I looked to my left and right, searching for the boy that was wearing the same outfit of me. Then I realized.... it WAS me.

When I complain to others about how I look (yes, I have stooped that low) they almost always retort, "Oh my heavens well I would have never noticed." Or, "well you don't LOOK 20 lbs heavier..." etc. I appreciate the comments but they're just trying to make me feel better similar to all the comments I said to my friends when they were complaining about their weight.

Yeah, I've got some issues, right? I always thought I was "above" all the girls who complained about their looks. Now I've realized that I'm no better, the guilt is overwhelming. The guilt of how I've judged all those girls over the years and how I put myself above them. I could not have been more wrong, and I guess this is what I deserve for being such a snot. I am not a nice person.

I am really struggling with how I look and I hate this feeling. I miss the security of loving how I looked in my own skin and not caring about my body. Of course I wouldn't care about my body being a size zero, I had no reason to hate my looks. I'm not saying I have reason now to really HATE how I look, but I definitely don't like it.

The feelings of disdain I am experiencing about my body have really damaged my self esteem. I find myself thinking that I am the worst interpreter in the world, and that my house is hideous, that I am a horrible wife, and envying everything that everyone ELSE has. I think to myself that I'm not special, nor am I unique and that I'm good for nothing. I find myself crying at night wishing I was different, and wishing that my current circumstances in life would change. Who knew that a mere 20 lbs could bring on such horrible feelings?

I'm not implying that I know what it's like to really struggle with self esteem issues because some girls have struggled their entire lives and I've only struggled for 2 months. All I'm saying is that I hate these feelings of disdain and guilt. I'm not sure what to do.

book worm

Yesterday I spent $67 on books. Yes, BOOKS. Now that I'm not in school I have been reading like CRAZY. I pretty much will read anything I can get my hands on. I'm not picky and I enjoy everything. Right now I'm reading a book that is of a 4th grade reading level, but it's a darling story and I don't care! It's really simple but right now I don't want anything mind-challenging, I just want to get lost in a great story. :)

I think I have read probably 16 books since I graduated (which was in the middle of August). That may not be much to some (who read like a book a DAY) but it's a lot for me!

cafe rio pork salad

warning: graphic content.

Yesterday I was puking my guts out. Literally.

When I got up to go to church, I wasn't feeling good but decided to go to church anyway. As we sat there I started feeling worse and worse. I felt so bad it actually brought on some tears. I was crying pretty hard throughout the meeting and if I didn't have such a strong will to NOT throw up, I would have ran to the bathroom at church and just got it over with.

I wondered if I could make it the full 3 hour block but quickly decided that wasn't the best choice. After the first hour, we went home and I went straight to bed after taking a phenergan. (Oh I love my phenergan). Minutes later I was in my bathroom seeing the pork salad I ate from the day before plummeting into the toilet. So much for the phenergan, that didn't stop me. :(

Here's the thing. I'm not sure if it was just a 24 hr bug or food poisoning. I sported a nice little fever of 101.4 which gave me the terrible shakes and shivers. Is that common of food poisoning? Maybe it was just dehydration?

I HATE HATE HATE throwing up. It is the worst thing in the world. I couldn't handle it and after each "episode" I cried like a little baby. Seriously. Travis had to carry me back to our bed because I was so weak and upset from throwing up. I hate it THAT much.

After I knew I had gotten it all out, I took a phenergan again and then slept peacefully for about 10 hours. Today I am feeling much better. My entire body aches, I have a massive headache, and I am really dizzy. That could be the after-effects of phenergan. It always makes me feel funny for a day or two.

No joke, this is the THIRD time I've gotten sick from eating the Cafe Rio pork salad. Was it the lettuce, the dressing, or something else? I'm not positive. One thing I AM sure of is that I will NEVER be eating at Cafe Rio again. Third time's the charm, right?

coupon crazy

I went to Smiths earlier today to purchase all of my weekend food needs (I have company coming, my cousin KIM!!!!!) and it was crazy busy. I don't know why I ever attempt to go to ANY supermarket on a Saturday evening. Costco, Walmart and other grocery stores are swarming with little Mormon ladies trying to get their shopping done before Sunday.

Well I braved the task and came out unscathed. Luckily.

However, at the checkout, we waited FOREVER for this one lady and all her groceries. Was it the attendant's fault? The customer? Well, sort of both. This lady had a HUGE stack of cut out coupons and the cashier was scanning all of them (I think literally over 50). The cashier was clearly upset about all the multiple coupons and sometimes 2 coupons for the same item, basically making the item free.

The cashier gave the lady the grand total: $9.95

I almost gasped as I immediately looked at her cart which was overflowing with food, products and children. THAT ENTIRE CART FOR $9.95? You've got to be kidding me.

This lady may have held up the line and made a few people irritated (including, admittedly, me) but she went home happy with a huge cart of food for less than 10 bucks. Lucky girl. It makes me really want to sit down and look up websites for coupons and order the Sunday paper and really go through my "val-pak" that comes in the mail.

Hmmm... is it really worth the time? Worth the effort, probably... but I have limited time as it is! Maybe someday when I have kids and I'm not working, I'll have all the time in the world.

yeah right.

get a life

This past weekend we had some friends over for dinner and we played the game of life.

I haven't played that game in YEARS.

Naturally, I win at life.

At the end, I had $3,255,000. I had a great house, twins, and another boy and girl. My car was FULL.

Travis sucked at life. He kept saying that during the game, "I suck at life!" It was actually quite comical.

He was trying to manage my finances throughout the entire game. He kept telling me when to pay off my school loans and where I should turn.

I looked at him and said, "Sweetie I love you, but this is a game. I'll handle it!"

He was trying to manage our finances even in a GAME. We all had a good laugh about it.

Wish the game was real! But I wouldn't trade my experiences for everything! Although twins would be fun! I also wouldn't mind having 3+ million dollars. :)

bye bye piano

Do you remember the beautiful baby grand piano I've had since I was 9? Here's a picture to refresh your memory:



Yesterday, we sold it and now our front room is depressingly lonely without it. I know I know, you're thinking, "If you're so sad Kat, why did you sell it?" Well, it was a family choice, and we sold it to help out with finances. I won't lie... the night before, I played it one last time and cried my eyes out through every single song. Then my tears made it hard for me to see, so I just sat there and stared at the piano.

I kept thinking of all the memories that involve that piano. I remember when our family moved into a bigger house, one that would accommodate a piano of this size. I would sit in the room where it was going to be. We got the piano bench almost 2 weeks before the piano arrived and I would sit on the bench and play the "air-piano" gracefully and wonder what it would be like to play a really nice piano like that. (Remember, I was 9). I played the piano for many wonderful years. I learned how to really play the piano and get better at it. I would play songs and my sister, Lizzie would sing to them. Some of my fondest memories were playing the piano for her and listening to her angelic voice.

I also taught piano to a few students when I was in highschool to earn a little extra money. I loved watching the learning curve of each of my students and seeing them progress. I felt so grateful to be able to have a piano in my home that I could use for good. I remember playing duets with my cousin Kim, and performing for our highschool talent show, and other times playing in sacrament meeting at church.

When I got married I wondered what my parents would do with our piano. For a very long year, the piano sat in storage before my parents bought their house here in Utah. Then it was moved into their home and every other Sunday I would provide my family with "Sunday Entertainment" which meant playing a bunch of hymns and other church music to serenade them after dinner.

Travis and I bought our first home last year in June. We weren't in our house but a few days when my parents finally gave in and decided to let me have the piano and it was moved the next day. I watched anxiously as the piano mover brought the piano into my home. After it was tuned and cleaned, I played almost every day.

Very precious and almost sacred moments involve me sitting at the piano and shedding lots of tears. When I was frustrated or sad, I would play the piano. When I was happy and rejoicing, I would play the piano. There wasn't a time when I didn't really want to play the piano.

I know that I will have a piano in my home again sometime in the future, but for now, I will have to do without. I understand that this may seem a little melodramatic, but it's not the piano that I will miss, it's the opportunities to play it, and learn new songs and practice for playing the piano in church. I'll miss the memories I shared with my family.

I'm grateful for my knowledge of knowing how to play the piano. It has been a blessing to me and has given me many opportunities to serve in the church. My piano teacher, Sister Jones became a great friend and confidant throughout my life. I'm grateful to her and the many others that helped me to learn this great skill.

It's just a piano and I know that I shouldn't be so sad about selling it, but it really had great sentimental value for me. It went to a very wonderful and loving home. The lady who bought it from us is an amazing musician and I know she will get much use out of the piano and someday I hope she will pass it along to one of her children who is also very musically talented. For now, I will do without a piano until sometime in the future. As for what to do next, I'm trying to figure out how to fill the empty space in my living room and metaphorically, my heart.

tubes:tied, denied and I cried.

It has been quite a while, hasn't it?

I figured I better update those out in cyber-world what's been going on with us lately.

We took the little Pepperoni to get spayed last week. When I dropped her off at the vet she was whining like crazy. When I picked her up, she didn't want to have anything to do with me, even though she was loopy and drugged up. She was maaaaad at me!! She went in heat (started her little period) last month and it drove me crazy! We couldn't leave her outside for long periods of time for fear of neighborhood horn-dogs jumping our fence and practically raping our little Pepper. The vet said we had to keep her inside the entire time. She bled for 3 weeks! (Ok girls, we thought a week was bad?! Poor doggies!) Anyway, she has a little incision on her tummy and within a day she was back to jumping and terrorizing us, like she always does. I was worried about her for a second though, because when she was loopy, it was so unlike her character. We're glad to have her back to normal, with no chance of pups, and no more bleeding.

Next... we were denied health insurance. Ever since Trav quit at Prosper, we have been insurance-less. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but I seem to always get the random sicknesses and have to go to the ER or be admitted to the hospital. For example: that random kidney infection I had, the ilias, c.diff, and more. SO Travis and I better not get sick or break any bones because if we do, we're in major trouble. We applied for health insurance but were denied last night. After waiting practically a month of hearing nothing, I knew the odds weren't in our favor. Travis can't get insurance through his new job because technically he's a contractor. (Did ya'll know he has a job with Ebay? He works in HR there and LOVES it). If he gets hired on permanently at Ebay, then insurance will start day ONE, and they won't ask us any stupid medical questions. We are praying sooo hard for that to happen. We won't know until the end of this year or early next year.

Lastly, I've been shedding lots of tears recently. Who knows why. (No people, I'm not pregnant!). I seem to be sensitive to lots of things lately, whether it be movies, comments, recent events, or just my feelings of inadequacy overwhelming me. I also really really really miss my sister. She has less than 3 months to go, but as it gets closer, I feel more anxious instead of excited. I'm scared that she'll judge me and think I'm a horrible person and never want to hang out with me.

I also am discouraged because we were supposed to fly with my parents to England to pick her up and now with our finances, that seems nearly impossible. We can't even afford a plane ticket for just one of us. :( I wanted so badly to support her and have her show us around her mission areas and introduce us to the people she's been in contact with. For me, it's really not about the sights to see. It's about the people, and supporting my sister. I pray daily for a sudden influx in money (I know, I shouldn't pray for that) or that we will be blessed financially for paying tithing. It's hard to be consistent in obedience, but recently President Monson said that "We don't have to have (xyz.. can't remember what he said.. fill in the blanks) to be obedient and keep the commandments." SO... instead of wishing I had x,y and z, I will continue to be obedient and keep my promises/covenants.

In spite of all these recent events and things going on, I'm surprisingly in good hopes. I have a lot of faith that everything will work out, and although I don't know how or when, I trust that God will take care of us. So while I may not be able to stop myself from crying, at least I can have a smile through the tears.

no shirt, no shoes, no service

Ok so these pictures are a few weeks old, but I've been behind on my blogging. This was a few weeks ago when we took the boat out to play. Our fun neighbors and their kids came with us. We had a blast! I love wakeboarding! I rode so hard that I dislocated my toe!

cute Husband (above)

and cute neighbor Emily (below)

this is the only wakeboarding pic of trav I could get because my camera is so SLOW!!


I was lovin it! We had a great time. I never want summer to end!