Jan 2, 2006

Back in 2006 I had a Family Home Evening lesson with a group of singles in Fremont, California. I can't believe I kept it this entire time and I actually knew where to find it! I have been anxiously awaiting this day for 4 years! I forgot what I wrote in there! We filled out a form and here was what I read:

Name: Kat Shattuck

Age: 20

Hair length/color: Shoulder length and brown with blonde streaks

Current work/school situation: Ohlone College (IPP), ILRCSF (work) and American Eagle (work).

Highlights/accomplishments during 2005: Went skydiving, moved away from my hometown, went off prozac, only had ONE boyfriend during the year (apparently an amazing accomplishment for me), made the lead in south pacific; Nellie, went to new york, and turned 20, not a teenager anymore.

Goals for 2006: Temple attendance at least twice a month (accomplished), graduate the IPP (accomplished), write in journal once a week (accomplished), grow my hair past my chest; no major cuts! (accomplished).

Accomplishments/what you think you'll be doing/goals for the end of the year 2010: I wish to be married at least by 2010 (little did I know I'd be married for 3 years by this time). I hope to have a BA in deaf studies or interpreting (accomplished! Whew). I don't know where I'll be living but it doesn't matter. I hope I'm alive! If not... at least I know I'm in a better place. (Wow, I was morbid!!)

To be honest, I'm a little disappointed that I didn't have better goals and expectations for myself. I have accomplished so many more things than I could have imagined, and maybe I felt like I COULD because I was able to take my time and didn't have any deadlines to meet.

2010 was a rough year, but also fulfilling. Looking back at the beginning of the year I was going through some hard times, but things are really put into perspective for me when I compare that to where I am now. (Plus... I have my sister back!)

I don't have many goals for 2011. Gee, I'm starting to get complacent with my life... I feel like there's not much left to accomplish except to just LIVE! I've done everything I wanted to by now except for having kids and traveling everywhere. Kids will have to wait, and I just got back from England so I guess I could say life is pretty great right now.

My one major goal for 2011?

Forgive, forget, and live in the present.

the BEST part of the trip

It still makes me cry.

Back from England!

Well, I'm back and we brought Lizzie home with us!!

Let me tell you that the moment we were reunited, we were inseparable. :) I was a lovely day, being reunited with my best friend and sister. My mom and I took turns being Lizzie's companion the whole trip. She got released yesterday.

England is MAGICAL. I absolutely love it. It was colder than I could have ever imagined (I don't think I ever truly felt warm the entire time) but it was WORTH IT. I have some incredible stories to share with you all and of course, some amazing pictures. England is so wonderful around Christmas time. It was freezing but it was gorgeous. We didn't let the cold stop us from doing anything! We bundled up best we could and made our way around England!

We got back Christmas day, which was actually nice because I got to be with Travis. I sure did miss him! I have a pretty nasty cold and have completely lost my voice but all is well. I hope you all had a great Christmas!

cheerio!

Well folks, I'm off to England tomorrow morning! I can't wait to see my sister and give her the biggest hug ever, but I will miss Travis a ton. I've never left the country without him and usually when we are apart (for various trips or something) I always have cell phone service so I can talk to him or text him. This time it's no contact! Hopefully my family will let me stop at an internet cafe so I can at least email him.

Look for pictures and stories when I get back!!

my hair is finally growing

I decided to document how my hair has been growing recently. When my mom was going through treatments, I was shaving my head every weekend.

This picture was only a few weeks before we shave our heads.


This picture was taken after I shaved my head. I hadn't even looked in the mirror yet.

This was the shortest I shaved my head. (#1). It was the closest I could go without having to wear a wig at work.

This was as it grew a little (number 2)

This is my sister's trainer from the mission! It was awesome to meet her. It was like having a little bit of my sister! (p.s. I can't believe I will see my sister in a week!!!)

Here is about a week ago..


This was today. It's sort of long enough to do a mini faux-hawk... still not all that cute though. Also please don't mind my "natural" look. I've been on strike recently regarding make-up. I'm trying to give my face a break so I haven't been wearing any. I look like a 12 year old boy.


More pictures to come as it grows out. Also I'm thinking of going platinum again. I really miss it. What do you think?

if at first you don't succeed....

Try, Try Again.

Well Folks, I decided to put this to the test. I auditioned for another musical on Monday night. I feel it went well, but I said the same thing the last time... and that turned out to be a disaster.

I was a little apprehensive to audition for this place (it's REALLY REALLY hard to get in, even as a part of the ensemble) but I hiked up my pants and went for it. (Is that a real expression? Who knows.)

Anyway, I went, sang my song and left. That was it. I won't find out about call backs until later this week. Callbacks for dancing and singing are this Saturday so I'm assuming I would get a call at least on Friday to let me know if they want to see more from me. If I don't get a call... well that's that.

We'll see. Either way, it was good practice to sing in front of people again. It's been a while. Besides, auditions are scary and I'm just getting the hang of it again. Maybe by the 17th audition I'll be ready to actually be cast in a show.

I really want a part in the show, even if it's in the ensemble. I'll take it. I just want to be on stage again, doing the things I love to do but haven't in years because I was too scared.

Utah is weird. Everyone here is amazingly talented. I swear they come out of the womb with jazz hands and tap shoes on already.

I used to be a big ole fish where I'm from and moving here kinda sucked at first, realizing that I was no one special. I am not in any way super talented like most people here, but I do have a little somethin somethin stage presence. Let's hope they take a chance on me.

If not this time.... well.. you know. They haven't seen the last of me!

i've got troubles

Today at work I was interpreting in a setting I hadn't been before, and in that setting I noticed one of my friends that I hadn't seen in several years.

We did the usual chatter: how are you... how's marriage... how's school... how's the family... etc. I mentioned to him that my mom had cancer and that's why I shaved my head. I told him that I was glad my hair was finally growing back, even if at a snail's pace.

Then he said, "Yeah I kinda figured that, but the guys behind me had some choice things to say about you and your hair."

I asked him to elaborate. BAD IDEA.

He said, "Well the guys sitting behind me thought you were a lesbian and you know... that's like every guy's fantasy..."

At this point I started to turn red. I said, "Did they not notice my ring??"

He said, "Oh yeah, they totally noticed it, but they thought you might have had some kind of ceremony with your girlfriend. They kept discussing where they thought you were from and so on."

He alluded to the fact that the boys had mentioned that I must be the butch one of the relationship.

I kinda got after him for not sticking up for me and not saying something. After all... he was supposed to be my friend, right?

I tried to play it off cool, but afterward I went into the bathroom and cried for like 10 minutes in the stall.

For some reason, this hurt me to my core. I want to clarify that I am NOT saying anything about the LGBT community or how I feel about that. All I'm saying is that something was assumed about me and these guys completely judged me based on my looks. I'm not sure why my friend felt the need to tell me all about it, especially since he didn't stick up for me.

Since my hair has been growing out... it has become an awkward stage where it's not long enough to do anything with it, but not short enough to look shaved. I REALLY DO look like a boy. Thank heavens for my chest, otherwise with my recent weight-gain my entire body would look boyish.

I wish I could say, "Forget them, they're nothing, they don't know me" and get on with life. However today of all days this was the straw that broke the camel's back. Let me tell you why.

I woke up this morning feeling pretty excited that it was the weekend and jeans day. (Every Friday at work is jeans day). I tried on 4 pairs of my favorite jeans. NONE of which I could pull above my butt. Some I couldn't even get past my thighs. That was depressing enough... until I BROKE A ZIPPER. I'm no seamstress but I'm pretty sure that once you completely rip out a zipper, it's kinda hard to replace, especially since the material was ripped, too. No matter about the zipper though, obviously they don't fit so it'd be useless to try and fix them anyway.

I know that weight fluctuation will be a part of my life for basically ever since I'll be having kids someday. But right now, I have no reason or excuse for this change in my body. If I was pregnant, I probably wouldn't complain because I would have purpose in gaining (a healthy amount) weight to sustain a fetus. Since I'm 99.9% sure there ISN'T a baby inside me, I'm feeling pretty bad. I know I know, there are always people worse off than me... and I shouldn't feel bad for myself. Yet I still do.

I've had a rough week to say the least. GLAD it's the weekend.