1.
I am tired
Of sitting down to pee and having
The smell
Of raw steak
Forcing itself into my nose
Because the baby factory is not making babies this month, either
I’m tired
Of the blood on my hands
And I wish
It was from reaching into myself
To rip out the factory
And not from blood soaking through the toilet paper
Can I not perform one last act of capitalism
And declare the factory worthless
Write it off
Claim back taxes
It is a loss making business, after all
Why must I keep budgeting
Spending
Scheduling
Washing my hands, over and over, until the skin across my knuckles
Cracks
I am so tired
There is so much blood
2.
When you think about Gender it isn’t
Always
Explicit.
You don’t think
Gee I’m a neatly outlined definition of a Man
You may not think about it
Much
Or at all.
For you Gender is a Feeling.
It’s when you finally download face app
The selfie ready
Your finger hovering for so long the screen goes black and you have to unlock your phone again
And again your finger hovers
Until
It’s transformed
And you think
Wow that’s my brother’s face
But it’s not your brother’s face.
It’s that Feeling
When you can’t stop staring at the transformed self
Studying it
What this version of Gender is
The Feeling is somewhere deep in your stomach
In your throat
A vice around your heart
You save the transformed You to your camera roll
You don’t show it to anybody
You don’t tell anybody
What is there to tell?
You’re not a Man.