And So The Time Has Come

I'd say six years was a good run but I've felt for a while now that this blog isn't the real me anymore. And how strange is that? But I think it's a good thing. The person I was when I started writing here six years ago definitely still exists in some ways but I've transformed in so many ways and I feel like I need a fresh start. I've actually started a new, completely private blog just to jot down random things about the girls because I've finally become one of those who doesn't want everything out there anymore. Plus, I just don't have the time anymore to care about grammar or if I'm telling a good story! I just need the memories there forever. I've put too much out there already, I fear, which is why it's all gone now, except for my original post, just for kicks. But, that'll soon be gone, too. It's not that I don't think blogging is awesome and that you should NEVER use names or give any details of your life...no, there are so many blogs out there that I love reading that do just that but they do it for the right reasons. I used my blog too many times for the wrong reasons. To air my dirty laundry...to vent my frustrations about family, friends and coworkers thinking I could hide behind initials and code names but...come on...the world is becoming more and more tech savy and this is not the place for such. The truth is, as great as it felt to come here and get it all out, the best thing for me to do is deal with it face to face. This was just another way around doing that and I can't do that anymore.
Not only that but I have to stop wanting & needing everyone's opinion on every decision and every step I make in my life. Again, not saying this is why anyone else blogs but I've come to realize this played a major role in why I did over the years. My whole life, I've struggled with feeling accepted and feeling like everyone liked me. I carried that over here...crazy, right? I am sick to death of feeling that way. I have to start trusting in myself more and believing that I can make decisions for myself and my family.
Finally, in my 32nd year of life, the pieces are beginning to fall into to place. I see what matters and though I may not have it all, I know the path to take to eventually get it. Most importantly, I am beginning to hear MY voice and I like the sound of it.
I've "met" many incredible people through blogging and will continue to follow those of you who are still telling your stories and leave you comments; and to those of you have left me comments and advice over the years I do thank you. It always meant so much to me and I don't mean anything against you by what I have said. It is just time for me to do as I tell my babies and be a big girl :) Some of you are my "friends" on Facebook so the updates will continue there!
I won't say I'm giving up blogging forever; I'm sure it won't last. But it won't be Blonde Ambitions and I won't be using names again...but anyone who read me before will know me again :)

All the best to you & yours and thanks for the ride!!!

Trying my hand...

After years of reading blogs, I have decided to try keeping one for myself. I mainly want to start a blog because soon my husband and I will be starting to try to have a baby...our first after four years of marriage and ten years together. So, this will most likley be a very interesting time in our lives.
To give a little background info, my husband (D) and I are high school sweethearts. We began dating at the ripe old age of sixteen. We were engaged at 18 and have a four year engagement (yes, on purpose...I wanted to graduate college before getting married). So this December we will celebrate our 4th year as Mr. & Mrs. and we have both agreed it's time to try for the newest member of our family. It took me quite a while to get to this point. At one time I even said I wouldn't have a baby until I was 100% ready...well, I know realize that you can never be 100% ready. D & I are pretty much the last of our married friends without child but yet we were one of the first couples to be married! So, it's time. Now I am just worried that I won't be able to conceive but I'll give myself a little time before I start freaking out about that.
D & I leave for Cancun on the 15th of this month and this trip was planned specifically for the reason of being our last "hurrah" as a married couple sans child. I have always known (well, since I got married at least) that I wanted us to go away one last time and have an extremely romantic weekend as our official start date for trying to conceive. Corny, yes, but necessary to me. I am very much looking forward to this trip, even more so than our honeymoon. The only people in our lives that know the real reason behind this trip are my brother & sister-in-law. My sister-in-law has told my mother-in-law but I really don't think it has sunk in since it didn't come from us. I think she has pretty much given up on us as far as babies are concerned! I just can't wait to be able to make the announcement to everyone. I won't even let myself think of ways to make the announcement...I am too afraid of jinxing myself.
Anyway...that's it...my first blog!!! Guess I'll get back to work...