Oh baby boy. You are growing up so so quickly. You are the best little boy in the world. Love you to bits.
p.s. It was Mother's Day yesterday. Here's to us. Mmmwah.
Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
Monday, 13 May 2013
Friday, 31 August 2012
Day 12/12: Twenty-four hours
This time tomorrow, I'll be on my way back home.
Can't wait. Counting hours now.
Can't wait. Counting hours now.
Sunday, 26 August 2012
Day 7/12: Background and history
Dearest Adam
I have checked out from the hotel that I stayed in previously, and am now at another hotel. I have two hours to kill before I can check in though.
Yesterday (Saturday), I did a bit of work for half the day, and then one of my collaborators here, a local girl, took me out for a bit of sight-seeing. Travelling to new places is great; but to have a local host is always an added value. True enough, my host Katia is very passionate about the country's background and history so I managed to get a more in-depth view of Ukraine/Kiev. She took me to places that I wouldn't have gone had I been walking around on my own. Very enjoyable indeed.
Listening to Katia talk about her country reminds me of something I'd like to do myself, and I hope you'd find a similar interest - and that is in learning history. History of the world, of our homes, for we have many homes, and of our background. For example, if I am ever back in Malaysia again, I'd like to be more knowledgeable of Malaysia's history, culture and heritage. Not simply the school text-book version, or the Tourism Malaysia version. But the people's version.
Your ayah is better at this than I am. He is more diligent in reading up about places and histories whenever he travels. I want to start doing this too. We all should. Have a better sense of the world we live in. Understand peoples' similarities as well as their differences.
As it is, I want us to see ourselves as citizens of the world, and to do that we should have a strong sense of our origins, our home base - wherever that may be - and the places we go to.
Now that I've done my sight-seeing, today I have to start prepare for tomorrow and the next five days. Work is getting more complex now. Although a large part of me wants to just escape, I will need to be resilient and persist through this. Get this done, to the best that I can manage.
Still counting the days.
Love you
Mummy xxx
I have checked out from the hotel that I stayed in previously, and am now at another hotel. I have two hours to kill before I can check in though.
Yesterday (Saturday), I did a bit of work for half the day, and then one of my collaborators here, a local girl, took me out for a bit of sight-seeing. Travelling to new places is great; but to have a local host is always an added value. True enough, my host Katia is very passionate about the country's background and history so I managed to get a more in-depth view of Ukraine/Kiev. She took me to places that I wouldn't have gone had I been walking around on my own. Very enjoyable indeed.
Listening to Katia talk about her country reminds me of something I'd like to do myself, and I hope you'd find a similar interest - and that is in learning history. History of the world, of our homes, for we have many homes, and of our background. For example, if I am ever back in Malaysia again, I'd like to be more knowledgeable of Malaysia's history, culture and heritage. Not simply the school text-book version, or the Tourism Malaysia version. But the people's version.
Your ayah is better at this than I am. He is more diligent in reading up about places and histories whenever he travels. I want to start doing this too. We all should. Have a better sense of the world we live in. Understand peoples' similarities as well as their differences.
As it is, I want us to see ourselves as citizens of the world, and to do that we should have a strong sense of our origins, our home base - wherever that may be - and the places we go to.
Now that I've done my sight-seeing, today I have to start prepare for tomorrow and the next five days. Work is getting more complex now. Although a large part of me wants to just escape, I will need to be resilient and persist through this. Get this done, to the best that I can manage.
Still counting the days.
Love you
Mummy xxx
Saturday, 25 August 2012
Day 6/12: What not to do
Dearest Adam
Whenever I get into the thick of things in terms of my work, it is inevitable that I become self-critical and discover (or realise, not for the first time) my inadequacies and imperfections.
I just want you to know that sooner or later you will find out that I am flawed. I may be the one you look to to guide you and teach you the rights and wrongs; and what to do and what not to do. But there will come a time that you will learn to judge for yourself that I don't know it all and I don't have it right all the time.
Here are some things that I know I don't do right. In this instance, these are three things that are evident in my current work context, and they are contributing to the stress I am facing here while I am away from home.
- Don't take things too personally.
Develop a thick skin for the times you need it. I get upset too easily, too quickly. I take things personally. In my work, and really, in any circumstance in life, there are often times when people disagree, criticisms are thrown around, and the overall feeling of having 'failed' others prevails. I have the bad habit of letting these get to me to the point it cripples me and makes me generally unhappy.
I wish I have a thicker skin. Of course it is important to care about reputation and to have empathy and understanding of the world and the people around you; but the result should be productive, not crippling. If you can, please deal with this better than I do. Be more constructive with the feedback you get from everything and everyone around you. It is so much nicer to be happy anyway.
- Don't be lazy.
Be efficient. The truth is, a lot of times I try to fake it. Sometimes people buy it, sometimes they don't. In reality, I am lazy. Which brings me to this point in my life where I am questioning myself, 'why am I still doing this'. I could just stop. Being lazy at work brings a whole lot of problems. It really does. So buck up and step up. Things can get done faster and better, and you can save yourself a whole lot of problems later down the line. I've been taught this lesson over and over again yet I have not learned. Let me tell you something about lessons. Until you learn them, you will have to keep receiving the lessons.
- Don't be afraid to signal S.O.S.
When the going gets tough, or when you feel like you are in way over your head; ask for help. I am bad at that. It's part pride and part ignorance. It is not wrong to admit "I don't know how to do this" or "I can't cope" or "I need help". More often than not, people, especially those you work with, will appreciate it. Candor is good. I keep finding myself overwhelmed and by the time I feel the need to admit that I need help, it is usually a bit too late. So if ever you feel out of your depth, reach out to someone. Your Ayah and I will try to be here for you, though sometimes (or perhaps most times) it is not us that you want to reach out to. That's okay too. Just get help when you think you need it. I don't want you to ever feel that you are alone. It's what I am feeling right now, and it is a horrible feeling.
Almost half way through this work trip. This time next week, I'll be on my way home to you and your Ayah.
I miss you both terribly.
Mummy xxx
Whenever I get into the thick of things in terms of my work, it is inevitable that I become self-critical and discover (or realise, not for the first time) my inadequacies and imperfections.
I just want you to know that sooner or later you will find out that I am flawed. I may be the one you look to to guide you and teach you the rights and wrongs; and what to do and what not to do. But there will come a time that you will learn to judge for yourself that I don't know it all and I don't have it right all the time.
Here are some things that I know I don't do right. In this instance, these are three things that are evident in my current work context, and they are contributing to the stress I am facing here while I am away from home.
- Don't take things too personally.
Develop a thick skin for the times you need it. I get upset too easily, too quickly. I take things personally. In my work, and really, in any circumstance in life, there are often times when people disagree, criticisms are thrown around, and the overall feeling of having 'failed' others prevails. I have the bad habit of letting these get to me to the point it cripples me and makes me generally unhappy.
I wish I have a thicker skin. Of course it is important to care about reputation and to have empathy and understanding of the world and the people around you; but the result should be productive, not crippling. If you can, please deal with this better than I do. Be more constructive with the feedback you get from everything and everyone around you. It is so much nicer to be happy anyway.
- Don't be lazy.
Be efficient. The truth is, a lot of times I try to fake it. Sometimes people buy it, sometimes they don't. In reality, I am lazy. Which brings me to this point in my life where I am questioning myself, 'why am I still doing this'. I could just stop. Being lazy at work brings a whole lot of problems. It really does. So buck up and step up. Things can get done faster and better, and you can save yourself a whole lot of problems later down the line. I've been taught this lesson over and over again yet I have not learned. Let me tell you something about lessons. Until you learn them, you will have to keep receiving the lessons.
- Don't be afraid to signal S.O.S.
When the going gets tough, or when you feel like you are in way over your head; ask for help. I am bad at that. It's part pride and part ignorance. It is not wrong to admit "I don't know how to do this" or "I can't cope" or "I need help". More often than not, people, especially those you work with, will appreciate it. Candor is good. I keep finding myself overwhelmed and by the time I feel the need to admit that I need help, it is usually a bit too late. So if ever you feel out of your depth, reach out to someone. Your Ayah and I will try to be here for you, though sometimes (or perhaps most times) it is not us that you want to reach out to. That's okay too. Just get help when you think you need it. I don't want you to ever feel that you are alone. It's what I am feeling right now, and it is a horrible feeling.
Almost half way through this work trip. This time next week, I'll be on my way home to you and your Ayah.
I miss you both terribly.
Mummy xxx
Friday, 24 August 2012
Day 5/12: The importance of being kind
Dearest Adam
Happy Ukraine National Day! haha. There is a show going on outside my hotel room. Part of it is a car/truck/motorbikes show. I bet you would love those! I'll take photos for you.
While I am trying to work (and procrastinating - bad Mummy), I came across this article online. It is about kindness in business. Kindness is right up there among the key values I want to instill in you. Over the years I hope we can talk about it and practice it in our lives all the time. For now, I'd like to copy the whole article here for you. I hope the author/owner of the article won't mind - The link is here, but just in case the site is no longer there by the time you get to read this, here's the whole article for you.
It's More Important to be Kind than Clever - by Bill Taylor, Harvard Business Review, 23 August 2012
Okay baby. Mummy has to get back to work. Love you, kisses.
Happy Ukraine National Day! haha. There is a show going on outside my hotel room. Part of it is a car/truck/motorbikes show. I bet you would love those! I'll take photos for you.
While I am trying to work (and procrastinating - bad Mummy), I came across this article online. It is about kindness in business. Kindness is right up there among the key values I want to instill in you. Over the years I hope we can talk about it and practice it in our lives all the time. For now, I'd like to copy the whole article here for you. I hope the author/owner of the article won't mind - The link is here, but just in case the site is no longer there by the time you get to read this, here's the whole article for you.
It's More Important to be Kind than Clever - by Bill Taylor, Harvard Business Review, 23 August 2012
One of the more heart-warming stories to zoom around the Internet lately involves a young man, his dying grandmother, and a bowl of clam chowder from Panera Bread. It's a little story that offers big lessons about service, brands, and the human side of business — a story that underscores why efficiency should never come at the expense of humanity.
The story, as told in AdWeek, goes like this: Brandon Cook, from Wilton, New Hampshire, was visiting his grandmother in the hospital. Terribly ill with cancer, she complained to her grandson that she desperately wanted a bowl of soup, and that the hospital's soup was inedible (she used saltier language). If only she could get a bowl of her favorite clam chowder from Panera Bread! Trouble was, Panera only sells clam chowder on Friday. So Brandon called the nearby Panera and talked to store manager Suzanne Fortier. Not only did Sue make clam chowder specially for Brandon's grandmother, she included a box of cookies as a gift from the staff.
It was a small act of kindness that would not normally make headlines. Except that Brandon told the story on his Facebook page, and Brandon's mother, Gail Cook, retold the story on Panera's fan page. The rest, as they say, is social-media history. Gail's post generated 500,000 (and counting) "likes" and more than 22,000 comments on Panera's Facebook page. Panera, meanwhile, got something that no amount of traditional advertising can buy — a genuine sense of affiliation and appreciation from customers around the world.
Marketing types have latched on to this story as an example of the power of social media and "virtual word-of-mouth" to boost a company's reputation. But I see the reaction to Sue Fortier's gesture as an example of something else — the hunger among customers, employees, and all of us to engage with companies on more than just dollars-and-cents terms. In a world that is being reshaped by the relentless advance of technology, what stands out are acts of compassion and connection that remind us what it means to be human.
As I read the story of Brandon and his grandmother, I thought back to a lecture delivered two years ago by Jeff Bezos, founder and CEO of Amazon.com, to the graduating seniors of my alma mater, Princeton University. Bezos is nothing if not a master of technology — he has built his company, and his fortune, on the rise of the Internet and his own intellect. But he spoke that day not about computing power or brainpower, but about his grandmother — and what he learned when he made her cry.
Even as a 10-year-old boy, it turns out, Bezos had a steel-trap mind and a passion for crunching numbers. During a summer road trip with his grandparents, young Jeff got fed up with his grandmother's smoking in the car — and decided to do something about it. From the backseat, he calculated how many cigarettes per day his grandmother smoked, how many puffs she took per cigarette, the health risk of each puff, and announced to her with great fanfare, "You've taken nine years off your life!"
Bezos's calculations may have been accurate — but the reaction was not what he expected. His grandmother burst into tears. His grandfather pulled the car off to the side of the road and asked young Jeff to step out. And then his grandfather taught a lesson that this now-billionaire decided to share the with the Class of 2010: "My grandfather looked at me, and after a bit of silence, he gently and calmly said, 'Jeff, one day you'll understand that it's harder to be kind than clever.'"
That's a lesson I wish more business people understood — a lesson that is reinforced by the reaction to this simple act of kindness at Panera Bread. Indeed, I experienced something similar not so long ago, and found it striking enough to devote an HBR blog post to the experience. In my post, I told the story of my father, his search for a new car, a health emergency that took place in the middle of that search — and a couple of extraordinary (and truly human) gestures by an auto dealer that put him at ease and won his loyalty.
"What is it about business that makes it so hard to be kind?" I asked at the time. "And what kind of businesspeople have we become when small acts of kindness feel so rare?"
That's what's really striking about the Panera Bread story — not that Suzanne Fortier went out of her way to do something nice for a sick grandmother, but that her simple gesture attracted such global attention and acclaim.
So by all means, encourage your people to embrace technology, get great at business analytics, and otherwise ramp up the efficiency of everything they do. But just make sure all their efficiency doesn't come at the expense of their humanity. Small gestures can send big signals about who we are, what we care about, and why people should want to affiliate with us. It's harder (and more important) to be kind than clever.
Okay baby. Mummy has to get back to work. Love you, kisses.
Mummy xxx
Thursday, 23 August 2012
Day 4/12: Little boys all around
Dearest Adam
I went for a little walkabout today, around Kiev city. It reminds me a lot of Kuala Lumpur, funnily enough. It's the eve of their National Day. I've been expecting it to get noisy tonight, but it's now a quarter to eleven and things are still pretty mild outside. My hotel is smack in the middle of the celebration square; a huge stage has been set up there, the roads are closed to traffic, they've been playing music on and off and I do see people walking and strolling around outside. In fact I went down there myself, just a couple of hours ago. Maybe the pace will pick up closer to midnight. Or maybe they just don't do countdowns and the celebration will only start in the morning tomorrow.
As I walk around the city, my eyes keep getting drawn to little boys about your age. I look at them and smile and think of you.
I miss your smile baby, I really do.
Love
Mummy xxx
I went for a little walkabout today, around Kiev city. It reminds me a lot of Kuala Lumpur, funnily enough. It's the eve of their National Day. I've been expecting it to get noisy tonight, but it's now a quarter to eleven and things are still pretty mild outside. My hotel is smack in the middle of the celebration square; a huge stage has been set up there, the roads are closed to traffic, they've been playing music on and off and I do see people walking and strolling around outside. In fact I went down there myself, just a couple of hours ago. Maybe the pace will pick up closer to midnight. Or maybe they just don't do countdowns and the celebration will only start in the morning tomorrow.
As I walk around the city, my eyes keep getting drawn to little boys about your age. I look at them and smile and think of you.
I miss your smile baby, I really do.
Love
Mummy xxx
Wednesday, 22 August 2012
Day 3/12: Our good fortune
It's only Day 3?? I am counting the days and the days are going by so slowly.
I spent half of the day today in a very poor area of Kiev City. I went to the hospital there. Everywhere I go, I think of you. At the hospital, I saw a young mother with a little baby. They were at the HIV treatment centre. That is so sad. Then I went to a centre where drug users go to to get support. It's in a residential area among the very poor community there. As I entered the centre the first thing that struck me was that there were childrens toys scattered everywhere. Teddy bears, balls and dolls. Why are there toys here, I asked? The drug users bring their children here with them, they answered. That is also very sad.
We are so blessed, Adam. You are blessed. To be borne with every basic needs met, and having more than enough. Your Ayah and I may not be perfect, but I do believe we are doing the absolute best that we can to provide you not simply with just things, but also with important values and giving you the keys to open as many doors as you want in your future.
If there is anything that I could ever ask of you, it is to never take anything for granted and to not expect to be entitled to anything that you have or that is given to you. And to remember others who have less.
I called home today to hear your voice. Your Ayah told me that you had a big smile on when we talked. I miss that beautiful smile of yours.
One day closer to you.
xxx Mummy
I spent half of the day today in a very poor area of Kiev City. I went to the hospital there. Everywhere I go, I think of you. At the hospital, I saw a young mother with a little baby. They were at the HIV treatment centre. That is so sad. Then I went to a centre where drug users go to to get support. It's in a residential area among the very poor community there. As I entered the centre the first thing that struck me was that there were childrens toys scattered everywhere. Teddy bears, balls and dolls. Why are there toys here, I asked? The drug users bring their children here with them, they answered. That is also very sad.
We are so blessed, Adam. You are blessed. To be borne with every basic needs met, and having more than enough. Your Ayah and I may not be perfect, but I do believe we are doing the absolute best that we can to provide you not simply with just things, but also with important values and giving you the keys to open as many doors as you want in your future.
If there is anything that I could ever ask of you, it is to never take anything for granted and to not expect to be entitled to anything that you have or that is given to you. And to remember others who have less.
I called home today to hear your voice. Your Ayah told me that you had a big smile on when we talked. I miss that beautiful smile of yours.
One day closer to you.
xxx Mummy
Tuesday, 21 August 2012
Day 2/12: Doing ok
Hi Adam
Apart from the fact that I have been ill with food poisoning since last night, I am doing ok. Missing you, of course, but not miserable. And I hear that you are doing fine too. That's my boy.
We are putting so much trust in others. I trust your Ayah, Tok and Ki are all keeping you safe and happy. The babysitters will help out too. Not being there with you, that's about all I can do, trust others.
It's a good time for you to be with your grandparents. They are wonderful with you and you in turn bring them so much joy. A handful, of course! But joyful. Now that you've found your walking legs and getting more and more adventurous, we all need to keep up!
Did you know that I borrowed Hippo? He is here in Kiev with me, keeping me company and helping me have a part of you here with me. Not the same as cuddling with you (you give the best cuddles in the world!) but he'll do.
I close my eyes and imagine the moment I see you again and to cuddle and kiss you again. That's what is keeping me going.
love you baby.
xxx Mummy
p.s. when you're older and if you ever travel to Ukraine... DO NOT eat the sushi!
Apart from the fact that I have been ill with food poisoning since last night, I am doing ok. Missing you, of course, but not miserable. And I hear that you are doing fine too. That's my boy.
We are putting so much trust in others. I trust your Ayah, Tok and Ki are all keeping you safe and happy. The babysitters will help out too. Not being there with you, that's about all I can do, trust others.
It's a good time for you to be with your grandparents. They are wonderful with you and you in turn bring them so much joy. A handful, of course! But joyful. Now that you've found your walking legs and getting more and more adventurous, we all need to keep up!
Did you know that I borrowed Hippo? He is here in Kiev with me, keeping me company and helping me have a part of you here with me. Not the same as cuddling with you (you give the best cuddles in the world!) but he'll do.
I close my eyes and imagine the moment I see you again and to cuddle and kiss you again. That's what is keeping me going.
love you baby.
xxx Mummy
p.s. when you're older and if you ever travel to Ukraine... DO NOT eat the sushi!
Sunday, 19 August 2012
Day 1/12: Bye bye baby
At the airport waiting to board my flight to Kiev. I am just concentrating on breathing. I had a long goodbye cuddle with you this morning before I left the house. You were fast asleep, though. I'm sorry I didn't wake you up to say goodbye. It would have been too difficult. It'd break my heart.
This is going to be the longest twelve days of my life.
Since the day you were born, more than a year ago, this is the first time we are apart. But let's make this a good experience. Let's thrive on it and grow through it.
I'll see you soon, baby. I'll be back for you.
Love you always,
Mummy.
This is going to be the longest twelve days of my life.
Since the day you were born, more than a year ago, this is the first time we are apart. But let's make this a good experience. Let's thrive on it and grow through it.
I'll see you soon, baby. I'll be back for you.
Love you always,
Mummy.
Tuesday, 7 August 2012
Happy 1st Birthday
Dearest Adam
Happy Birthday sweetheart. We love you so much.
What a year it has been, and what a wonderful boy you are. I truly believe you are put on this earth to bring joy to people's lives. You certainly bring joy to your Ayah and I. We are so blessed.
We had a nice, quiet, quality day today. No big party, not too many presents. But full of love. We don't want to associate birthdays with gifts and things, but more with appreciation and gratitude. And on your Ayah and my part, with time. I am present for you today. As I have been for every single day of this first year of your life. Your Ayah and I also want to instil the spirit of giving in you, so we are hoping to start a tradition where each year, on your birthday, you give away something. For now, we'll do it for you in your name and your honour. I am packing up a whole lot of your toys, those that you have outgrown or have lost interest in, and I'll be selling them off in a fundraiser that my friends and I are planning to hold soon. The proceeds are to go to a home for disabled children in Viet Nam. This is in your honour, sayang.
A one-year old boy. Oh wow. You are simply amazing. I know that I am not biased in saying that you are quite exceptional. You are smart and you have a wonderful personality. Such a joy. I hope you continue to develop such positive traits. I hope to continue to be able to play a role in moulding you into a great human being.
One of the main things your Ayah and I really wanted to provide you with, is the love of reading. We've worked hard in the past nine months to try to achieve that, and it does look like our efforts are paying off. Your love for the written word is extraordinary. You already have a vocabulary list of at least thirty words that you recognise when written down. For most of those, you can even give a response. 'Dog' is a "woof". 'Bellybutton' is "lellylelly", 'Car' is the roll of your arms showing the wheels going round and round. 'Butterfly' is the flapping of your palms.
Amazing.
Another amazing thing is your smile. Your laughter. They light up my world. And when you hug me, or give me one of your open-mouthed sloppy kisses, my spirit rises up and soars to the clouds.
Please know that you are loved.
Lots of love,
Mummy.
07.08.2012
Happy Birthday sweetheart. We love you so much.
What a year it has been, and what a wonderful boy you are. I truly believe you are put on this earth to bring joy to people's lives. You certainly bring joy to your Ayah and I. We are so blessed.
We had a nice, quiet, quality day today. No big party, not too many presents. But full of love. We don't want to associate birthdays with gifts and things, but more with appreciation and gratitude. And on your Ayah and my part, with time. I am present for you today. As I have been for every single day of this first year of your life. Your Ayah and I also want to instil the spirit of giving in you, so we are hoping to start a tradition where each year, on your birthday, you give away something. For now, we'll do it for you in your name and your honour. I am packing up a whole lot of your toys, those that you have outgrown or have lost interest in, and I'll be selling them off in a fundraiser that my friends and I are planning to hold soon. The proceeds are to go to a home for disabled children in Viet Nam. This is in your honour, sayang.
A one-year old boy. Oh wow. You are simply amazing. I know that I am not biased in saying that you are quite exceptional. You are smart and you have a wonderful personality. Such a joy. I hope you continue to develop such positive traits. I hope to continue to be able to play a role in moulding you into a great human being.
One of the main things your Ayah and I really wanted to provide you with, is the love of reading. We've worked hard in the past nine months to try to achieve that, and it does look like our efforts are paying off. Your love for the written word is extraordinary. You already have a vocabulary list of at least thirty words that you recognise when written down. For most of those, you can even give a response. 'Dog' is a "woof". 'Bellybutton' is "lellylelly", 'Car' is the roll of your arms showing the wheels going round and round. 'Butterfly' is the flapping of your palms.
Amazing.
Another amazing thing is your smile. Your laughter. They light up my world. And when you hug me, or give me one of your open-mouthed sloppy kisses, my spirit rises up and soars to the clouds.
Please know that you are loved.
Lots of love,
Mummy.
07.08.2012
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