W O W.
So it's been quite awhile I see. And my last entry may or may not have had something to do with voting for Bush. GOOOOOD times. But I updated the look of this here journal and brought it up to 21st century standards. Check it out if you want? heeelllllooooo it's me...

It's a new year, I'll be 26 tomorrow, I started this journal when I was 21...how times have changed.

Something old: I still work for Cramer Krasselt and make your yellow pages pretty. Go ahead, look up Cintas under 'Uniforms'...that's right, I'm amazing. No no no, I'm not at all. But it's a good job and my coworkers rock my world...figuratively AND literally speaking (see below). And creatively speaking, in my spare time when I'm not punching in phone numbers, I make fake Rolling Stone covers, draw comic book characters for my manfriend, daydream about how to decorate my new apartment, and postulate about how I need to make purses out of beads, fancy fabric and old wooden boxes from antique stores.

Something new: I DO have a manfriend as of six months ago! he could go by Captain Midnight or Jonathan S. Cakes, Esq. in some circles, but to me he's just johnny. He has a daughter too, she's 4. It's been the epitome of fun and wonderful and all that good sappy stuff. I actually have worked with him for the past year and a half, and I finally caved (I was all crazy worried about the dating a coworker science fair, but now I'm good.) And what an excellent decision THAT was!

Something borrowed: I don't have a library card or a subscription to Netflix, but if I did, I would insert this information here.

Something blue: Blue just died, isn't that sad? "I clooooose myyyyy eyyyyyyes". Other than that I bought my first real furniture item: a couch...and it's like a periwinklish blue. It will go well with my Wish You Were Here poster, my future black Ikea coffee table, my orange and black dungeon lamp complete with chains, and hopefully an orange shag rug that I will eventually locate and purchase...question mark.

That's it guys! Maybe I'll update here and there. Rather than 'my day'...I'll try to think up something more clever and unusual.

FUN!!! As I told a fellow ljer (davey!), I thought today would be a good day to check my friends list. Not many posts really. Typical "get out and vote."

VOTING DAY!!!

I voted for Bush. And as much as that feels like I'm admitting I'm gay or something...whatever, people need to stop being so intolerant. There I said it.

We have stuff to look forward to though! Maybe months of deliberation? And if Kerry wins, we'll see...at least we won't have to deal with Bush haters slashing Republican voting vans' tires and burning swastikas into Pro Bush people's yards. And if Bush wins? People will throw themselves off bridges in horror and someone will undoubtedly make an assassination attempt and that'll be in the news for months. FUN!!

America. Where you don't get gassed by your president unless you drive a gasoline powered car.

Aww, hey everyone! I'm not dead afterall and in fact very much alive! And doing my tri-annual lj post ;p Nothing too new...Christmas was awesome as always 'round these parts. No snow, that's unfortunate, but we should start getting used to it, living in SNOWY WISCONSIN and all!

[Best presents include, but are not limited to the following: classic, 'original version' posters of The Apartment and Taxi Driver from Mandsi...upon opening them I cried! Also new and improved LARGE versions of stuffed 'Misfit Toy Plane' and 'Coach Comet' from the CVS Pharmacy Rudolph... Collection...toys which I originally received several years ago, toys I cherished greatly, but toys that were discarded by my landlord when he thought trash bags in the closet were his ex-wife's. I HAVE BEEN REUNITED! THANKS MANDSI!!!!!!]

Otherwise I'm working a lot...usually averaging 47 hours a week, but sometimes more than 50. Okay, that's a lot for ME compared to the nine months I had off back there ;) I can't believe it's almost been a year since I started!

No boys lately, but no time either :( Too bad, because my bed gets so cold in the winter! I have to wear a fuzzy hat with a ball on top!

***

SO! If you actually end up responding, which, hey, don't worry about, um tell me one (or several) semi-large or important thing(s) that has/ve happened to you in the last six months to a year. Perhaps you proposed or got proposed to or even got married! Perhaps you suffered a sad event like a death in the family. Perhaps you got into grad school or maybe even received your masters! Perhaps, like me, nothing at all happened to you and that's okay because we're cool people too. Tell me about a really neat film you just saw, like Love Actually and describe how wondrous it was!

And by the by, spores_attack...for some CRAZY reason, I keep checking back and cannot respond to your comment to 'come back and write soon'. I don't know what the H is going on there, but thanks for checking in with me Shaun! I hope you're doing well...it looks like you are with all the lovin' that's going on over there! Jeevus!! :D

In conclusion: Enjoy the rest of your holidays and I wish you all the best of new years. 2004 comin'atcha? yeah.

I thought I'd sashay round these parts for some quick updating. My momsi recently informed me that every time she checks my journal (yes she reads), she gets depressed because of Tom. Thus, an update. And you'll notice that I'm having no commentary, or commentation if you will, available because I never comment to anyone anymore and feel that it'd be unfair for you all to stare blankly and perhaps angrily at the 'leave comment here' link....or 'buy some healthy choice pudding' in my journal's case.

Anyway.

I got into another accident a little while ago. What I thought was a little rear-ending (due to the fact that it hadn't rained in Milwaukee for some ridiculous 37 days and the roads were coated in gasoline and oil) turned into a nightmare of my car...yes the Mazda Protege I bought a mere nine to ten months ago...being totaled. Apparently in Wisconsin there's the crazy law that states: when a car's repairs reach 70% of its value, the car is a total. So when a car is only worth about $4400, it won't take much. BUT! Today, after a week's wait, I found out that it is not, in fact, a total and I get to keep my lovely Floyd. EXTRA good because I recently purchased a $1 bumper sticker that says: 'My other ride is a Mrazda' because I heart Jason Mraz and he is my love slave. I mean you HAVE to own a Mazda to sport that kind of bumper sticker. I also purchased a button that states: 'I heart sex' just like Mr. Mraz fashions in his liner notes. My purse fashions it only on the weekends...I don't think the boss would be down with that flava.

WOAH doggies I got off track. So Floyd will be good to go and I couldn't be more excited. He's my baby. And I REEEEEAAAALLY didn't want to get a new car.

Updating further:

*Recently I've also enjoyed action in a Madison back alley, on the cement, amongst trash, as well as smooching a New Yorker in a slutty Milwaukee bar.

*I've been reading 101 Things You Don't Know About Science and No One Else Does Either by James Trefil, which I highly recommend for you non-science folk who would perhaps like to dabble in the art of learning bits and pieces of science: 'How Will the Universe End?' or 'Why Do We Age?' and even 'What Cures Cancer?'

*I listen to a lotta Tijuana Brass and Baja Marimba Band and I've rekindled my love affair with Alphaville. And I haven't really watched TV in awhile but that's about to change, specifically on Wednesday and Thursday nights...NBC will then be my love slave (sorry Jason).

*And finally I've partook in the wonder that is the Milwaukee County Transit System (and the wonder that is being a minority for once). Today I experienced the irony of all ironies when my bus got into an accident. I'm comin' at you like a tornado made of arms, teeth and fingernails ...apparently. Then on the new bus we transfered to, this older African American gentleman, Gerry, commenced a discussion with me in which he asked for my number several times. He was very nice, but you know, we're on a bus.

I hope absolutely none of my livejournal pals have experienced any hardship that I've missed in these past few months. If so, and as generic as it's going to sound, I send any appropriate condolences.

Thanks for reading and until next time! MUCH LOVE!!!!!!!!!!

tom mertins commit suicide.

fucking suicide.

a few weeks ago, I called my mom coming home from work...one of my worst days...and she was opening an email from a friend of hers who's 18 year old son commit suicide by purposefully lighting himself on fire. I hung up with her and bawled the entire way home. fucking suicide. and now tom.

permanently and very personally sensitive now because of my dad's suicide some ten months ago...to know that life is *that* horrifying...that you just can't make it through because of misfiring synapses and imbalanced chemicals and terrible things that happened to you as a child. that you can leave your children, your husband or wife, your parents with a gaping hole of 'what could I have done to stop it?'

this is the worst feeling in the world.

but apparently not as bad as being so depressed that you cannot stand to live anymore. as I understand it, however, it isn't necessarily you who even goes through with it, but some hollow distant version of yourself...merely a shell of your humanity.

no one is to blame...this is what I've learned over the last year.

i'm sorry tom. i'm so sorry. i'm happy our paths crossed whether it served any purpose or not. but above all, my heart goes out to your family and friends. i know the pain...and losing someone so unique and impressionable...it will linger for some time.

bwahahaha!!!!

Look how often I'm updating these days! My roommate with the internet is totally never home anymore, so I gank his computer. ROCK!

Updating to officially remind myself that men are pigs.

How would YOU respond emotionally to the statement: "if you don't have sex with me, I'd rather be single and go fishing and golfing with my friends"? Well, some of you may have wacky answers, so I'm making it a rhetorical question. But seriously. Ladies? You can back me up on this. Don't you love it when a guy professes all sorts of love to you, sweet nothings and all that fun stuff...only to leave you completely bewildered when he'll break up with you over sex (or lack thereof)? SERIOUSLY?!! AM I IN HIGH SCHOOL?!!?! Sorry it's only been four weeks and I'm just not that girl. Oh and sorry to the doubs when YOU AREN'T EVEN DIVORCED YET!!!!!! But those just aren't good enough 'excuses' I suppose. He told me that he's just sick of women calling the shots when it comes to sex. He wants to be able to decide. Sure...I guess.

So Tony is no longer. He just turned out to be completely the opposite of what I expected. I thought that he was this ultra sensitive, completely genuine, sincere, mature type of guy. But I suppose five years in a marriage that never should have happened in the first place, that was based solely on sex, can fuck a person up a touch, particularly when SHE cheated on him. (Sidebar question: when a woman cheats on a man, is it usually 'emotional cheating'? What I mean is: does a woman usually seek out someone else because she doesn't feel like she's making the emotional connection at home, rather than sexual? I just don't know.) Anyway, I thought, even with all Tony's drama, I'd give him the bennie of the doubt, but it's just too much. He's got a lot to sort through and I'm sure he'd do much better on his own for awhile. Especially seeing as his soon-to-be-ex-wife was his first and only. He seriously thinks ALL women (not just some) feel that sex is the most important thing in a relationship. And perhaps even think this more than men. My question is, since when has THIS been the truth? While sex 'and such' is a significant portion of a relationship, it definitely isn't THEE portion. What about the conversation? What about sharing interests and being able to spend time together? What about waking up on a Sunday morning, drinking coffee, and reading the newspaper? I may be whacked, but to me, these are the important parts of a relationship. Oh don't get me wrong, the sexual side is fantastic, but it can kinda wear away after awhile. I'd rather be able to seriously talk with my man for the rest of my life rather than just have sex with him and that's it. Now having both? Ideal, of course ;) But I could sense that the conversation with Tony would have died down eventually. He's very serious and I don't think he ever warmed up to the classic Katie sarcasm. I can't part with my sarcasm!!

But the bottom line is that he made me feel like I was some freak. That I was this little girl who had no idea what she was talking about when it came to these issues. It really made me feel so sick inside after he expressed his 'true' feelings. It was horrible! What really bothers me is how caring I was to him. And I never asked for anything in return. Most of our conversations revolved around his broken marriage and how his kids would turn out and how he was getting through it all. But at the time I didn't care. I WANTED to listen. I wanted to be there for him. Did I mention the letter I wrote him? I wrote him this letter telling him how I wanted to do something special for him because I felt bad for everything he had been going through. Stuff like "I wish I could do something for you. As cliche as it sounds you deserve to be happy. What I wouldn't give to wrap my arms around you at this very moment if it meant that you could feel relief or joy or fulfilled." And I remember ending the letter something like "Everything happens for a reason. I couldn't believe more in that statement. And I thank you. For your kindness, your honesty. For the way you smile. For how much you've shared with me in these short weeks. For you time and energy. But above all, for letting me be a part of your life, because you are now a part of mine." Yeah yeah, I know. It all sounds so pathetic now, but at the time I wrote it, I truly meant it...and more importantly, I thought it truly meant something to him. (After he read it, he couldn't stop talking about it and how no one has ever done anything like that for him, etc. etc.) I wonder if he'll ever read the letter again.

Sigh.

I'm over it though. We all knew it'd probably would fall through. So go ahead and roll your eyes (I'm looking in your direction Tom). We all make our mistakes. So another one bites the dust. We did have some good times. Jazz in the Park and wine, late late nights when we had an early morning, the Best of Chicago cd, and being giddy at work. But that's what life is all about, isn't it?

But please...guys...I know it can be really hard, but if your lady friend just isn't ready to sky dive into bed with you, please don't push her. Your chances of stuff happening eventually (and they most likely will), skyrocket if you just give her some room to get comfortable. She just wants to be comfortable, that's all. And what's the rush? If you think she's worth the time, if she's someone you can see spending good days with, the good nights will follow soon enough. It really can't be THAT much of a sacrifice.

seriously.

I only got through the H's...this is WAY harder than I thought. Um, perhaps I will hopefully get to the rest of yas one day. I completely understand if you refuse my tender lovin from this point on H through Y.

I just HAVE to get sleep though. I am of the exhausted persuasion.
PEACE OUT MY PEEPS

SO! After I'm done with this post, I'm REEEEALLY going to try to comment to every one of your journals. I may not make it all the way through though, so don't be alarmed. I'm going to go in alphabetical order, so it won't seem unfair. Sorry Davey Womprat :( Kidding :)

ANYWAY! How the fuck are yas? I'm so peachy it's delicious.

SUMMER OF 2003 RULES THE FRIGGIN SCHOOL

AAAAAND it's lightening outside right now. LOVIN IT.

SO yeah, the boy? Tony? Oh I am so on that. Words don't really describe. He's just very wow. Love it. On one of our dates we went to Jazz in the Park and finished off two bottles of wine. Yeah I didn't have dinner. S'okay though because the night was, dare I say, magical? Ha! We spend a lot of time lying on my couch. I wrote him a letter. We are seeing the fireworks tomorrow with the rest of the Crew. Ah Tony.

Sigh.

But I won't slather you with sacrin oozing any longer, 'specially you single folk that aren't diggin' the singlehood because I know how I wasn't a big fan of the oozing at times. I have never had *this* in my life though. Not once. Not like this. Remember ERIC ZACHER PEOPLE? Yeah thinking about that guy makes me laugh. I actually thought he was worth the trouble. Anyway, point is: I'm 23 years old and I think it is about time I feel some kinda love. And I'll use that term loosely for now ;)

SO! I'm going to attempt to do this commenting thing. God help us.
I can't wait to uh connect up my shiz so I can do this more often???

Yep. Mm.

PS For the love of Jesus, Mary & Joseph, someone please tell me how to spell sacrin!!!
PPS Roundy's is hot stuff. GO RAINBOW FOODS STORES!!!

You guys hate me I know. I'm just the worst ljer ever, right? Right. Anyway, I thought I'd update in case this thing lapses or whatever. I can't remember if it does that or not.

First and foremost, I hope you all are doing quite well for yourselves and the year 2003 is treating you kindly. I have not decided to quit. I'm just far too lazy.

New developments have sprung up in my life. I recently attended the wedding of two very close friends, Josh and Tina, and yada yada yada I was really tired the next day ;)

But seriously, I connected with truly amazing man. Brother of the bride actually. His name is Tony, he's 27, he's about to be divorced, and he has two kids.

Yep.

Such is the fantastic life of Miss Katie Nelson.

We did the date thing last night: dinner, a local downtown music festival, my favorite bar Von Trier, walking in the rain, and back to my place.

I'll tell you though, boy am I in trouble. Falling head over heals and in the worst possible situation. It has been literally AGES since I've fallen head over heals. It's so horrifying and scary how much heart breaking potential this has. Yet, I just can't seem to help myself. Today I find myself smiling and crying simultaneously. Life is far too complex at times. Katie's all growed up.

This most definitely calls for a sigh.

By the by, I caught Tina's bouquet.
I tell ya...