No Butter in Hell

Sending gratitude and hugs to the anonymous friend for the wonderful birthday gift! I love it so much! 💜💜💜

Love you and miss you forever, mom.

Even though I feel like total garbage today, I had to run out for some groceries because I'd run out of something I needed (which I try never to do because I never know when I'll feel okay enough to run errands), and I was so focused on getting in, grabbing everything, and getting out, I totally forgot to put on my mask. First time in five years. And now my amygdala is going bananas, and I can only hope to hell I didn't inhale anything contagious, like measles.

Gaaahhh.

thevetia very kindly took me over to my doc's office today so I could pick up my medical records. I managed to hold it together until I finished filling out the required HIPAA form, and as the office manager handed over the giant, heavy envelope, she told me to call if I needed anything, that she'd be there until the 28th so an actual human would answer the phone — at which point I tearfully thanked her and handed over the sympathy card I brought, and she lost it, too.

The doc's office had a portrait of John Muir in the waiting room, and every room had beautiful art of different wild critters. When I learned he was retiring, I'd envisioned him spending his free time hiking in Yosemite and other beautiful places. Now that he's passed, I'm keeping that same vision of him, forever surrounded by nature, happy, and at peace.

To my very kind, generous, anonymous friend who sent me a really wonderful and useful birthday gift: thank you so much! <3 <3 <3

Had a checkup today with my cornea doc and was relieved when she said everything looked fine, because my right eye had been a little red and feeling really dry the past two days, and I was concerned there may be something else going on. She thought it was possible the high pollen count was irritating my already-dry eyes -- it happens to her, and neither of us has seasonal allergies, so it seems likely.

I also asked her about a medication I'd seen in a TV ad (I normally recoil at those because, inevitably, the side-effect disclaimers are terrifying, like, "Take this med for your osteoporosis... but, hey, it may cause your thigh bone to break!") that's a nasal spray instead of yet another eye drop, and it's supposed to make your eyes produce more natural tears, and had no scary disclaimers, so I figured maybe it was worth a shot? She said it was new, and had only helped a couple of her patients -- but as soon as she explained that it worked by stimulating the *trigeminal nerve* in your nose, I noped out and explained to her about my wonky nerves and my reluctance to deliberately mess with any nerves in case I accidentally induced some new lifelong pain issue in my head. And knowing my luck in that area... yeah nah, best not kick that hornets' nest.

So... I'm kind of bummed. I was so hoping for something other than gunk that makes my vision blurry and just sits in my eyes/on my lower lids until it evaporates.

Many thanks to the kind anonymous person who got me a paid account. 💜💜💜

Hallucinogenics
Music: Matt Maeson
Fandom: Guardian 镇魂 (2018)
Vidders: Jill, Kathy, Kay
Download link (438MB zip file)

Also streaming on Vimeo:

Hallucinogenics from klia on Vimeo.

There was a time Buffy stopped Spike from doing some evil deed and he realized he'd been that dumbass whose plan had been thwarted because he took time to gloat? I don't think they called it gloating or monologuing, but it's driving me nuts that I can't remember what word they used! Anyone remember?

Twitter just logged me out and now I can't log back in. No idea what's going on. If my account posts a bunch of spammy crap, let me know, because it's been hacked.