Strange Ramblings of a Strange Person

some of you can skip this post if depression gets you down... I won't mind, in fact I won't even know
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well this started out as a depressed post - but I realize it has turned into a Major Rant!!


Housemate has all of a sudden determined that **I** am the source of all his lifelong problems and has decided to cut all communication off towards me - to punish me (not hubby who he can still order around)..
Funny - he has been eating our food, using our utilities/ internet, having us drive him everywhere, re-arranging our apt to suit HIS needs, having his friends over whenever he wanted and for how ever long he wanted ... all without paying much at all in rent or gas. He doesn't even offer to 'pay' his rent in helping out around the apt, or helping with any kind of work that needs to be done.
And because hubby and I decided to put a few simple rules down on paper - all of a sudden **I** am the ogre, no one else....
His primary complaint at me is 'It is ALWAYS - your way or the highway!!" - if I wasn't secure in my own self I would take this as a major problem and try to show him that I DO NOT want everything my way - in doing so he gets his way even more and gets me even more under his thumb.
It is OK for him to be a pathological lier and compulsive bullshitter - he demands that people tell the absolute truth to him
It is OK for him to force himself to the center of attention - but anyone trying to get a word in edgewise is accused of 'butting in' and 'trying to annoy people with your useless talk"
It is OK for him to take what he wants from anyone - but don't even *think* of joking about touching something of his!
He states that he is a Native American Shaman,, but he enjoys telling stories of how when he was 'overseas' he was in the thick of warfare and enjoyed killing people.  Shamans / Priests / Spiritual Leaders normally do not 'enjoy' killing people. They promote peace and understanding (most of the time).
If you offer something to him for a temp use - he takes the item and hides it in his stuff, and when you go retrieve said item he gets all screammy and temper tantrum at you. Trying to make you feel like the 'bad person'.
BUT!!
If he gives you something you are to realize he is only giving it to you until he wants / needs it back and you are to give it back to him without a whimper - no matter what he said when he gave it to you.
He gets jobs and then his personality really comes out and he sabotages his job and then complains it wasn't HIS fault he lost it, or it was someone who hates him, or the moon was in the wrong quarter.

I allowed his behavior because I was getting a 'friendship' of sorts out of it. Now it has gone beyond my limits and I find that I don't really care if he talks to me or not.... his choice. 

Many of my friends have been supportive towards me about housemate. Now I see what they have been gently saying about him.
Now I have a choice - screwed up housemate or all my friends

SNORT!!  no choice!

Friends will never yell at you for being yourself, friends will not try to take over your life and then get upset when you don't follow their advice to the letter, friends will tell you where to go and then later get told to go to the same place, friends understand that you need to do things your own way and won't demand that you ignore your own feelings and do it someone else's way. Friends understand and accept you the way you are - not the way they want yu to be.
A True Friend Knows All About You and Likes You Anyway!!

I spent 2 years with a Mental & Emotional Abuser who was passive-aggressive ... I WILL NOT play that game again! Not unless I allow it - and on MY terms!

Does anyone know of a Animal Shelter that will take this 30+ year old immature, little snot?? I will not burden a person with his behaviors, so I figure he can live with the other animals.

THis year I had hoped to have a T-Day diner at home with people I wanted to be with.

It was to be a good dinner, with good conversation, and good fun with no TV or computers in the way.
We were actually going to eat all together in hte same room at the same time and actually have a 'meal' together.

INSTEAD it turned into one person crying, one storming off into the night, an another very upset and yelling.
We got: Misunderstandings, hurt feelings on all 3 sides, frustrations, acusations and a streaming war movie

For one of the 2 special dinners in the whole year -  all I wanted was a simple meal with friends..

Now I have to wait till everyone calms down (if they do without bearing a grudge about this dinner) , and try to repair the dammage.

I really don't know how to do dammage control right now.. I know time will help - but how do I calmly explain what I had wanted with this dinner?
Or should I have stated this ahead of time? How do I explain what I want(ed) without sounding like a demanding bitch?

It seems like all i am doing lately is getting depressed, being upset and not being able to explain what I would like.
I usually get statements like: you are too sensitive, you should let OTHERS have what they want once in a while!, you never ask - you demand or whine, watch what you say, whatch how you say things, being upset over the smallest things, you have an attitute, stop coping an attitude

now this dinner is ruined and no ammount of fixing is going to put it right again

I seem to have a problem with LJ

On 'my lj' page there is a button called - messages - this should show me certain journals or communities that I especially want to see ..

well , no such luck, the last post i have is from a week ago... 

what is going on??

Here is an AP wire article for all of you Start Trek fans..

[you might have to give your zip, birth year and sex to see the article... sorry :-(   


http://www.nj.com/ap/stories/index.ssf?/base/national-84/1177775644133040.xml&storylist=topstories

About James Doohan finally having his 'space trek'.......

I know this is a long shot -- but 

On Thursday April 26 I was listening to the BBC World News and heard a very interesting story. Unfortunately I didn't hear the begining of the story. 

It was about a museum / building? that was doing a show with many different medieval / very old manuscrips of different Holy books side by side. Showing the smiliarities instead of the differences.

I remember one bit where they were describing 2 manuscrips one Muslim and one Christian done by 'probably the same school' because they were both illuminated & caligraphied the same. Both in (arabic??/ IIRC) scrip and both looked the same, only the content of the words were different. 

I have scoured the BBC.co.uk site and can't seem to find any links to yesterday's broadcast. 

Can anyone help?

Oh! DUH!  I was listening to it from 8:30 -9am on WNYC (NY, NY radio station) - if this helps.

In case anyone here is on Yahoo groups... you will have (or soon will) noticed that yahoo is haveing a *MAJOR* problem.

Every post is being repeated over 5 times  -- and a lot of people are either not noticing it or just don't care...

The moderators on a lot of my groups are asking people NOT to post for a while to wait for Yahoo to clean up it's act.

If you think you are getting mulitples, just think about the poor moderator who is getting over 10+ copies of each post, along with spam and complaints from the people on the lists about the repeating messages. 

This has been a message from your local Yahoo Group Problem Alert System....

you may now go back to your normal LJ viewing...

Ok folks, 

I need a little help here, 

My computer's hard drive is slowly going bad. It was originally made in 1995 and has been in almost continual opperation since then. Back when it was bought - Partition Magic was used and the one hard drive was turned into 4 drives (C,D,E, F). The next problem is that somehow my disk drives are fried (I have an 5 1/4 and a 3 1/2 drive and the computer thinks they have switched 'brains' and I can't get them back)

The major problem is I can no longer Defrag my C Drive. D, E & F defrag no problem, however C keeps stopping defrag to tell me to run Scan Disk, and the computer hangs up on Scan Disk.

So I figure if I dump ALL the drives onto a thumb drive (memory stick) and somehow either clean and consolidate the drive into one drive
OR
remove the drive and insert another hard drive and reinstall the OS (from disk) and re-install all the important programs I might be able to keep this computer afloat.

The only problem is that I don't know what the actual physical memory size is.
I know that the computer tells me that c is 1.96 gb, d is 998 mb, E is 1.99 gb and F is 974 mb -- so this equal 6 gb -- RIGHT??

So do I first find out what the actual hard drive is, or do I get a memory stick for 6 gb and just not fill it all the way. 

Also, someone told me there are external hard drives that go up to 6 gb, so I just plug it into the USB port and download ....


THis is making my head hurt,,, 

I kinda need an answer soon, as Staples is having a really really great sale on 2 gb sticks (only $25 instead of $60). 
BUT if I need a 6 gb I can order them from a catalog hubby has... only $60+ ...


EDIT - UPDATE:
1)I have taken the computer apart and found I have 2 harddrives and each is 3 GB. I was able to figure out which one was the C D drive and which the E F.... 
2) Hubby found an old hard drive I can use as a replacement - it is 20GB WOW!!!! However I have to initialize it.... 
and install Win 98..
3) I purchased a 'case' that turns an internal hard drive into an external USB drive... however I'm having trouble getting the computer to recognize the drive,, it says it is 'installed' but can't find any drivers - not even on the disk that came with the case.
4) I'm busy moving non-essential files from the C - D drive to the E - F drive so when the drive fails it won't take everything with it...
unfortunately with the C D drive sooooo messed up it is causing the computer to lock up and give me trouble. 

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For a lot of my Geek Friends .... 

A Finland Parliment Member has a website entirely in Klingonese.....

http://www.kasvi.org

Read about it on Hubby's SciFi Channel E-mailing.........

Supposidly he has it in that language to attract the Star Trek members - so they will vote for him....

 

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will
swim by, you might live in Upstate New York.

If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights a year because Saranac Lake is the coldest spot in the nation, and Syracuse gets more snow than any other major city in the US, you might live in Upstate, NY.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from October through May, you might live in Upstate New York

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year, you might live, bundled up, in Upstate New York.

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Upstate NY.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Upstate New York.

If you have worn shorts and a parka on the same day, you might live in Upstate New York.

If you have had a lengthy phone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Upstate New York.

"Vacation" means going South past Syracuse for the weekend.

You measure distance in hours.

You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.

You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.

You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend/wife knows how to use them.

You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction.

Down South to you means Corning.

Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new shed !

You go out for a fish fry every Friday.

Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

You find 10 degrees "a little chilly."

You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Upstate New York friends and to those who used to live here and left. -- (chickens!)

I think Live Journal is having a heart attack because all of the posts on my 


It looks very wierd to see it in the new formatting. And I didn't even chang 


Is anyone else getting this wierd look?? 


Hope this comes through OK

EDIT: OK - I THINK!! I have corrected this entry .... seems I should have posted it with the HTML tab not the Rich Text tab.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stole this from my good friend Hugh Casey's LJ... - see Hugh! not ALL of us are pervs...

You'll die from an Unlikely Illness (like the plague).

You will unfortunately succumb to a random and unlikely disease.? Only to find out after death that eating more broccoli would have cured you.

'How will you die?' at QuizGalaxy.com

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS: 

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this:

You cannot post  "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery", and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians.


It creates a hostile work environment.

OK--

this is a test to see if I can put a link up to my gallery....

http://pics.livejournal.com/krings_keep/gallery/00001w72

and also to see if people can see the photo.....


There is only one pic up now,, but hopefully there will be others...

On my recent trip to New York, I was walking near a small courtyard and heard voices murmuring. So I looked in and saw an altar with a large zero in the middle and a banner that said "N I L".

White-robed people were kneeling before the altar chanting hymns to "The Great Nullity", "The Blessed Emptiness", and "The Big Zero in the Sky".

I  approached one of the white-robed cult members and asked, "Is Nothing Sacred?"

Talk about COMPLETELY WRONG!!!!!!

I am going to be 40 this year, but most of my friends have told me that I don't act my age. Of course I play Dress-up and Lets-Pretend (I'm in the SCA), and I think that a good time at a Carnival should include taffy and sugared waffles.

You Are 27 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

To all of you who got too much snow --

Blame me....   I put in an order for snow,, it didn't arrive, I put in another order - still nothing.. I finally put in an extra-large order of snow and when THAT didn't arrive I gave up..


NOW!!! I find out part of it got stuck in New York and the other part in Ohio!!

You can all send your unwanted snow to central NJ to punish me.... (small voice --- me sorry.)

..............................................

In other parts of my life - Hubby and I went out to Valentine's Day for special dinner -- Bennigan's!!!   YUM!   Monte Christo and red raspberry dipping stuff.....  drrroooooooolllllllllllll


well, got to go - the howling of the wind and the cold drifting throught the window AND storm is making my feet cold.

GAGH!@!!!!!!!

I sjust spent 1/2 hr typing a great LJ post....

and the computer ate it..... COMPLETELY!!!!!

%$#^&%$*^&^%$#@#$!

Do you know what the fresh egg said to the frying pan?
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If you get hot before I get hard, remember I just got laid!

What? I *SAID* it was a FRESH egg!

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, either your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone
If you dial a wrong number, you will never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law
If you change traffic lanes, the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath
Immersion of the body in water will invariably cause the telephone to ring.

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach of the arm.

Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, someone will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Rugs/Carpets
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness, cost and /or color of the carpet/rug.

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Wilson's Law
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

Another bit of sillyness


25. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
24. Having "***" in a twin bed is out of the question.
23. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
22. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
21. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
20. You watch the Weather Channel.
19. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."
18. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
17. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
16. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door
won't turn down their music.
15. Older relatives feel comfortable telling "***" jokes around you.
14. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
12. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
11. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
10. You take naps.
9. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
8. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
7. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
6. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good sh**."
5. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
4. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
3. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
2. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "What the h*** happened?"

And the number one sign you are getting old is:

1. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old a**.

Then you forward it to a bunch of old friends 'cause you know they'll enjoy it.

Before I forget I want to wish <lj user="octoberland"> a 


HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!


And may you have many more happy days to come.

Here is a turkey recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing. Imagine that! When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people like me, who just are not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out. Give this a try.

1) 6 - 7lb turkey
2) 1 cup melted butter
3) 1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is good)
4) 1 cup uncooked popcorn (I use Orville Redenbacher's)
5) salt, pepper, poultry seasoning to taste

DIRECTIONS: Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees.
Brush turkey well with melted butter and sprinkle with salt, pepper and seasonings.
Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn.
Place in baking pan with the neck toward the back of the oven.
Listen for the popping sounds.

When the turkey's ass blows the oven door open and the turkey flies across the room, it's done. And you thought I couldn't cook.......

Still more stolen Holiday items......

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On Dec 24th, exactly 100 years ago this night, as a matter of fact, the
very first broadcast of voice and music over radio was accomplished from Brant Rock, Massachusetts by Canadian-born Professor Reginald Fessenden. He broadcast a Chrstmas greeting, read a portion of the Christmas story from the Bible, and played "O Holy Night" on his violin.


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and
female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop
their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to
mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give
birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's
reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a
girl.

We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a
red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

For Cthulu lovers --

http://www.irregularwebcomic.net/1428.html

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

A Politically Correct Christmas Story

And Joseph went up from Galilee to Bethlehem with Mary, his espoused wife, who was great with child. And she brought forth a Son and wrapped Him in swaddling clothes and laid Him in a manger because there was no room for them in the inn.
And the angel of the Lord spoke to the shepherds and said; "I bring you tidings of great joy. Unto you is born a Savior, which is Christ the Lord."

"There's a problem with the angel," said a Pharisee, who happened to be strolling by. As he explained to Joseph, angels are widely regarded as religious symbols, and the stable was on public property, where such symbols were not allowed to land, or even hover.
"And I have to tell you, this whole thing looks to me very much like a Nativity scene," he said sadly. "That's a no-no, too."
Joseph had a bright idea "What if I put a couple of reindeer over
there near the ox and the ass?" he said, eager to avoid sectarian strife.
"That would definitely help", said the Pharisee, who knew as well as anyone that whenever a savior appeared, judges usually liked to be on the safe side and surround it with deer or woodland creatures of some sort.
"Just to clinch it, throw in a candy cane and a couple of elves and snowmen, too." he said. "No court can resist that!"
Mary asked, "What does my son's birth have to do with snowmen?"
"Snowpersons," cried a young woman, changing the subject before it
veered dangerously toward religion.

Off to the side of the crowd, a Philistine was painting the Nativity scene.
Mary complained that she and Joseph looked too tattered and worn in the picture.
"Artistic license," he said. "I've got to show the plight of the
haggard homeless in a greedy, uncaring society in winter." he quipped.
"We're not haggard or homeless, the inn was just full," said Mary.
"Whatever," said the painter.

Two women began to argue fiercely. One said she objected to Jesus'
birth "Because it privileged motherhood." The other scoffed at virgin
births, but said that if they encouraged more attention to diversity in family forms and the rights of single mothers, well, then, she was all for them.
"I'm not a single mother, all Jewish women of my time are called
virgins during the first year of their marriage" Mary started to say,
but she was cut off by a third woman who insisted that swaddling clothes are a form of child abuse, since they restrict the natural movement of babies.
With the arrival of 10 child advocates, all trained to spot infant
abuse and manger rash, Mary and Joseph were pushed to the edge of the crowd, where arguments were breaking out over how many reindeer (or what mix of reindeer and seasonal sprites) had to be installed to compensate for the infant's unfortunate religious character.
An older man bustled up, bowling over two merchants, who had been
busy debating whether an elf is the same as a fairy and whether the
elf/fairy should be shaking hands with Jesus in the crib or merely
standing to the side, jumping around like a sports mascot.

"I'd hold off on the reindeer, the man said, explaining that the use of asses and oxen as picturesque backdrops for Nativity scenes carries the subliminal message of human dominance.
He passed out two leaflets, one denouncing manger births as invasions of animal space, the other arguing that stables are "penned environments" where animals are incarcerated against their will. He had no opinion about elves or candy canes.
Signs declaring "Free the Bethlehem 2" began to appear, referring to the obviously exploited ox and ass.

Someone said the halo on Jesus' head was elitist.

Mary was exasperated. "And what about you, old mother?" she said
sharply to an elderly woman. "Are you here to attack the shepherds as prison guards for excluded species, maybe to complain that singing in Latin identifies us as Roman oppressors, or just to say that I should have skipped patriarchal religiosity and joined some dumb new-age goddess religion?"
"None of the above," said the woman, "I just wanted to tell you that the Magi are here."
Sure enough, the three wise men rode up. The crowd gasped,
"They're all male!" And, "Not very multicultural!"
"Balthasar here is black," said one of the Magi.
"Yes, but how many of you are gay or disabled?" someone shouted.
A committee was quickly formed to find an impoverished lesbian wise-person among the halt and lame of Bethlehem.

A calm voice said, "Be of good cheer, Mary, you have done well and
your son will change the world."
At last, a sane person, Mary thought. She turned to see a radiant
and confident female face.
The woman spoke again, "There is one thing, though, Religious holidays are important, but can't we learn to celebrate them in ways that unite, not divide? For instance, instead of all this business about 'Gloria in excelsis Deo,' why not just 'Seasons Greetings'?"
Mary said, "You mean my son has entered human history to deliver the message, 'Hello, it's winter?'"
"That's harsh, Mary," said the woman. "Remember, your son could make it big in mid-winter festivals, if he doesn't push the religion thing
too far. Centuries from now, in nations yet unborn, people will give each other pricey gifts and have big office parties on his birthday. And that's not chopped liver!"

A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated. Please read the following carefully.

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Canada and the northern boarder states.

As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind. However, I made certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us.

Such as...

1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] near the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus; sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flying coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

4. You won't hear On Comet, on Cupid, on Donder and Blitzen. When Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty.

5. Ho, ho, ho! has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I herd dat!"

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back off". The last I heard it also had other decorations on the sleigh back as well. One is a Ford or Chevy logo with lights that race through the letters and the other is a caricature of me (Santa Claus) going wee-wee on the Tooth Fairy.

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

9. And finally, lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me like "Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer" and Bing Crosby's "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town". This year songs about Bubba Claus will be played on all the AM radio stations in the South. Those song titles will be Mark Chesnutt's "Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox", Cledus T. Judd "All I Want for Christmas Is My Woman and a Six Pack", and Hank Williams Jr.'s "If You Don't Like Bubba Claus, You can Shove It.

Sincerely Yours, Santa Claus
(member of North American Fairies and Elves Local 209)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

December 20th is the 354th day of the year, with only 11 days remaining in 2006.

CELEBRATING TODAY: Happy Holiday Countdowns, Day 6
2 days until Solstice - the beginning of winter in the Northern Hemisphere and summer in the Southern Hemisphere.
5 days until Christmas.
6 days until Boxing Day.
6 days until Kwanzaa.
11 days until New Years Eve.
Tonight is the sixth Night of Chanukah.

I want to say 'I'm Sorry' to all the people who were worried about my last post...

After about 12 hrs I was back to my 'so called normal' state....
My Hubby has said that he is *NOT* letting me get to that state again.

That said...

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Christmas Cards for the Psychiatrically Challenged

SCHIZOPHRENIA: Do You Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER: We Three Kings Disoriented Are

DEMENTIA: I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas

NARCISSISTIC: Hark, the Herald Angels Sing About Me

MANIC: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores
and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire
Hydrants and . . .

PARANOID: Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Me

PERSONALITY DISORDER: You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna
Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

DEPRESSION: Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All Is Flat, All Is
Lonely

OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER: Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, ........
(better start again)

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY: On The First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave To Me (and then took it all away)

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER: Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire.

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YOU MIGHT BE A SCROOGE IF:
- Your only contact with three spirits on Christmas Eve is gin, vodka and bourbon.
- You turn on the lawn sprinklers on Christmas Eve to keep carolers away.
- You buy all of your Christmas gifts at a store that also sells gas.
- Your favorite version of "A Christmas Carol" stars Bob Packwood or Bill Clinton.
- Your favorite version of "The Nutcracker" stars Andrew Golata.
- You get your Christmas Tree at a rest stop at night.
- You give bathroom fixtures as Christmas gifts.
- Your prized Christmas ornament is Santa Claus shooting the moon.
- Your favorite Christmas movie is Jurassic Park.
- Your idea of Christmas dinner is a six pack of beer and a cheese log.
- You think "Ho, Ho, Ho" is a line from a Rocky movie.
- Your best Christmas tradition involves a fire and reindeer meat.
- You use your Christmas Club money to buy wrestling tickets.
- Your favorite version of "Silent Night" is sung by OJ Simpson.
- Your only holiday decoration is a rotting pumpkin.

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I'll post more as I find them......

I HATE MY COMPUTER!!!!

I had just finished typing out a ton of stuff to get off my chest when the computer made the sound like it was going to shut down (for no apparent reason) so I immediately tried to save the entire message - and got for my troubles --

An auto update - that I HAD disabled...
and this:


a


yup! that is the complete message I took an hour to type....

I HATE MY COMPUTER...

EDIT: I just went through and fixed the typos.. I must have been very mad at the system to make THAT many mistakes.

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can and quickly. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an "eggnog-aholic" or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas.

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand-alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello???

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, pumpkin and mincemeat -- have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all costs. (yeah! send it to me - torture me by making me eat these delight.. er nasty cakes)

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips. Start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body. But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO what a ride!"
HAPPY HOLIDAYS ! !

Shamelessly stolen from ladypeyton

Since I am Averous, and Greedy (and all the other 7 Deadly Sins) I present to you -- My Christmas Stocking:


( my xmas stockingCollapse )

For those of you who have been following my troubles with Hubby's car..
http://krings-keep.livejournal.com/5282.html

I finally got a day that was warm enough to do car repair,,, crawled under car and ------

Good News: found leak in brake line! yay!

Bad News: it is in a 1/4 inch steel line that goes from (as far as I can see) from the front of the car alllllllllllll the way to the rear tire. (translation specialty part - specialty cost!)

Good News: the leak is in a easy to get to spot! Not between the gas tank and the body like I had feared.

Bad News: this repair needs to be done by a mechanic. Because
1) the lines are over 13 years old and very corroded
2) because of their small size they crush VERY easily
3) since the Master Brake Cylinder is only 1 large cylinder any leak anywhere in the system causes ALL brakes to go out
4) with no brakes the car has to be towed to the repair shop
5) right now we don't have the $$ to even pay for the tow, let alone a good cheap mechanic

Thankfully I have MY car - so we aren't stranded. As soon as hubby's car is in good condition I need to start saving $$ to replace the muffler on MY car...

On a Welfare budget. SIGH!