Nail Polish

I was on a flight from Charlotte, NC to Phoenix, AZ and was in desperate need of a mani pedi. And please know that when I say "desperate need", it really means it's been a week and I'm bored of one color and ready for another. So, naturally, I planned ahead. In my carry on, I brought with me my OPI of choice, in this case it was a deep teal named Fly and a super sparkly confetti-like polish called Rainbow Connection (currently, my personal fave, perhaps you've seen it on Pinterest). I filed and buffed my nails on the way to the airport, so once I boarded and settled into my seat with my handy dandy little iPod, it was time. I pulled down my tray table, opened my ziplock baggie and out came Fly and the gorge Rainbow Connection. I proceeded to paint my nails. Coat one...Coat two...Fast Drying Top Coat....I was on a roll.

Meanwhile, dude to the left of me was (in my opinion, over the top) dramatic about the smell. Mind you, OPI doesn't have formaldehyde in it, which is what gives nail polish it's strong smell, so I didn't really think his fanning his face with the complimentary copy of Sky Mall magazine, nor his sticking his nose in his shirt like a two year old were necessary. But nonetheless, to each his own. Including me.

So, I finished my mani and had my 3 nail polishes sitting on my tray table with my hands gently placed in my lap waiting for my nails to dry when the stewardess strolls right on by. The sparkles in my Rainbow Connection must have caught her eye, because she passed me, did a double take, and then backed that @$$ up and said to me, "Umm, excuse me, Ms., you aren't painting your nails, are you?" To which I replied, "Nope. I already finished." She was taken back and said "Well you can't do that on board. Nail polish is flammable and the fumes make people sick." I didn't have the guts to look at the guy next to me, but surely he was not happy with me. I threw her a simple "okay", and off she went.

And here is my favorite part of this story:
Later that night, I was talking to R on the phone. He knew I was planning on painting my nails on board and asked if I had gotten the chance to do so, so I proceeded to tell him the story. His response is what makes me love him so much...."What?! That's retarded! (Referring to the over-dramatic guy in seat 12A) I mean, what if someone ordered coffee and you don't like the smell of coffee? Who cares?! Oh! and "it's not allowed on board??" What, was there a sign for that?? I didn't think so!"

Haha! I love it that we see eye to eye on these things! I have the world's best husband!

The Bachelor

R and I were watching The Bachelor, something we both look forward to every week. And as you may or may not know, we still don't have TV, so we use only Hulu.com for all our television needs, which is pretty limited to say the least. Hulu doesn't post the show until the day after it airs on tv, and even then, it often takes us a couple days to get around to watching them anyway. So full circle here.....R and I are upstairs and I had just turned on the latest episode of The Bachelor. In the first few minutes of the show, these phrases came out of my dear sweet R's mouth:

"Oooh, black nail polish with that outfit? No go girl!" 
"Bad outfit chicka. Well, I mean, at least she tried."

And then this conversation followed:

R: Can we just fast forward to the end and see who gets the rose?
Me: No.
R: Fine, want me to tell you who gets it?
Me: No.
R: Are u sure, cuz I know; Bryan told me.
Me: Whos Brian?!
R: Bryan, (as if I should know him) from work.

Is it just me, or does the image of Ryan and Bryan discussing the latest Bachelor gossip while marching in the woods, drenched in sweat with their 80 pound ruck sacks on their backs and blisters on their feet crack anyone else up?! Because I'll tell ya what, I have a hard time containing myself even just remembering this little conversation!!

Magazines

Oh man, once you pop, you can't stop! The funny things R says just keep on getting funnier! Read on....

R organized his closet a couple weeks ago, and after I did laundry a few days later and apparently didn't hang up his shirts in the correct "category", he said to me, "Okay, either learn the system, or from now on, I'll just start hanging up my own clothes!" (As if he were threatening me?) Haha! Yeah, that didn't last longer than a day...

We were eating dinner at the Sunset Cantina, and our waiter, Daniel, was a young kid from Massachusetts. Odd ball, that one. In R's words, he was "kind of like Frankenstein, but not like Frankenstein". I couldn't have said it better myself (sarcasm), although, please excuse me while I try... He stood 6'4" and was in his early 20's. He kind of stood really close to us, actually, that was an understatement, because he did, in fact, stand really, very close to us...like totally in our bubble and just said weird, unexpected things that you wouldn't normally hear from your wait staff. He walked away from our table and R and I gave each other a look like we knew exactly what the other was thinking. Except I didn't know exactly what R was thinking, apparently; because just when I thought we were thinking the exact same thing, he says this: "There's no way that kid is from Mass. He's from another country for sure." I said, "What? Why you say that?" R replies, "Because. Everybody in America has a bubble, and he clearly doesn't." And that was that.

If you don't know me well, you may or may not know I have a slight shoe obsession. And not just any shoes, heels and wedges mostly. I couldn't have married a man that appreciates it more, because regardless of how "manly" R is, don't get it twisted, he always has an opinion on how hot my newest kicks are and even has me try them on with different outfits to decide which look is best; (with skinnys, shorts, a dress, etc.). It even went as far as this last week: I had just ordered a couple new pairs of heels from my favorite site, (heels.com, obviously), and was modeling them for R. He is analyzing what he likes most about them, how they could be hotter, what makes them hot, etc. and then just settles on saying this, "You know, we should really just start designing our own shoes! Think about it babe, YOU could be the next Jessica Simpson!" Hahahahaha!!! Oh man, where does he come up with this stuff?! Gotta hand it to him though, he sure knows his audience, because Jessica Simpson heels make up a large part of my shoe collection and kudos to him for being so observant, riiiight?!

It's a ritual of ours, that whenever I get a catalog in the mail, R and I sit down at the kitchen table and flip through it together, often picking out our favorite shoes/outfit/swimming suit/etc. on the page and then compare our picks. Well, this day was no different, until R said "Let's pick out which models have the best eye brows" from a Victoria's Secret catalog! Haha! And so we did.

And last one, I don't know why this made us both laugh so hard, but nonetheless, it did...
We were, again, sitting at the kitchen table casually flipping through my Cosmopolitan magazine and saw a picture of the three Kardashian sisters. We comment on how gorgeous Kim is and then R points out that Kourtney is the only one with a widow's peak, while Kim's hairline is perfectly round. The following conversation proceeded:
R: Obviously, it's airbrushed.
Me: Whatev. Besides, how can you tell?
R: (Without skipping a beat): To a professional eye, you can see that hairline is airbrushed from a mile away.
Me: Oh yeah? And what makes you think you have a professional eye?
R: Because sweetheart, I've been looking at women my whole life.
Can't argue that!

Blonde

Oh goodness! I'm going to be honest here, I really debated writing this, because, well, let's face it, my red hair isn't fooling anyone, but then I thought, "Nah, I put all of R's dirty laundry out there (mainly because I know he won't read it, haha), so why not just throw it all on the line and write mine too?" I have been totally scatterbrained lately! I don't know what it is, but I have had some total blonde moments the last few weeks.....

For starters, I went to yoga in Southern Pines a few days ago. I was in kind of a rush getting there and apparently didn't find it a priority to close my trunk after getting out my yoga mat. For a whole 2 hours, I was in the studio completely oblivious to the fact that my car was in the parking lot with the trunk wide open. Thankfully, nothing was stolen but good grief, who does that?!

And while we're on the topic of cars, I was driving with my girlfriend last week, stopped at a red light, looked both ways, saw it was clear, and started going. It took only a second to realize that I was in fact at a stop light, and not a stop sign, so I put it in reverse, and backed up. Next thing I know, I look up to see that I had accidentally put my car in neutral instead of drive again and had rolled right out into the intersection. Thank goodness the oncoming traffic was paying attention, else that could have been the death of me. Literally. And it's not like I was texting either! I was just sitting there! I kind of had the "sense" I was moving, but didn't really pay close enough attention to realize, that I was in fact rolling forward. Yikes!

Lighten the mood a little....You don't have to know me well to know that I am not the least bit what they call "sports savvy". And by "they", I mean "me", because I don't know who else actually calls it that. For example, when you get asked by one of your students if yoga class is canceled next Sunday due to the Super Bowl, and your response is "The Super Bowl is on a Sunday??", you know it's bad. Or when you see a million Facebook status updates about a "Tebow" and you have to ask just wtf a "Tebow" is, (come to find out, it's a person's last name), it's borderline embarrassing. I once had a friend try to explain the rules of football to me, but when I asked what "all the lines on the court" meant, he pretty much died laughing and just gave up then and there.

And, ummm, I can't decide which is more embarrassing of these last two:

A few weeks ago I was getting ready to go run some errands. I had my outfit on and was just trying on different pairs of shoes to see which looked better (where's R when I need him?!) Apparently, I decided that they both looked equally good and I totally (and unknowingly) walked out of the house wearing one of each shoe! What's worse, is that I didn't even realize it until I was half way through with my errands!!

And last but not least, earlier this week, I was driving out to Southern Pines for yoga. I was just leaving the base, and to my right, I saw they were doing controlled burns in the woods, definitely not unusual to see out here. Several hours later, I was on my way back and the smoke had gotten much thicker. As I was coming through the gate to get on base, I had this conversation with the gate guard:

Me: Man! It sure is smoky through here!!!

GG: Yeah, a tsunami came through and we had to set off a bunch of grenades.

Me: Whaaaaat??? A tsunami?? Omg!! (Confused). Wait, a tsunami?? I don't even know what a tsunami is....

GG: (Shocked) Realllllly?? A tsunami! You know, like a huge tidal wave that took out Japan??

Me: Ohhhhh! (Still confused). Wait, (put on your best (worst?) valley girl voice possible) Don't you have to, have like, water for a tsunami??? (I'm obviously totally confused now, because there's no water around).

GG: Umm, yeah, I'm totally messing with you, but that was EPIC!!!! (Very proud of himself, and now laughing hysterically).

He hands me my ID and I drive off, still wondering what the hell just happened. Oh man, it's been a long week!

And that's all for now! Thank goodness because I'm really hoping this is the end of my Scatterbrain Streak, but only time will tell.
In the meantime, Happy February Ladyoga readers!

Dream

I have always adored the way R can make me laugh at the simplest things, at the most unexpected times, or in the most mundane activities. He has such a quick witted and dry sense of humor that just gets me every time! Often times, he'll make one liner jokes to our waitress, or the cashier, or the random person that makes a comment to him in the gym and they just kind of look at him with a confused look on their face, not knowing how to respond because they can't tell if he is being serious or not...And then there I am, standing next to him, cracking up because I actually got his joke, (which is ironic because I'm usually the one who never gets anyone's jokes).

Anyway, I have been diligent about keeping notes on my phone of the conversations we have that result in some hearty chuckles. I understand that many of these are probably "you had to be there" moments, but since we were there, and we laughed, I thought I'd share...

Last night I was writing (a rough draft) on my blog and R was rushing me so we could go eat dinner. R says, "Come on honey, you're not Carrie Bradshaw! You don't write a column for a newspaper, it's just a blog!" I burst out laughing so hard! Go ahead! Ask my rough and tough Army Special Forces Weapons Expert of a husband how it is that he even knows who Carrie Bradshaw is! (And for those of you who don't actually know (shame on you), Carrie Bradshaw is the main character in the Sex and the City TV series, which is obviously one of our faves!)

Earlier today, R and I were on the ski lift, both with our headphones on and each jamming out to our own playlists. I start singing out loud to a Five Finger Death Punch song that comes on; R tries to out sing me and busts out in TLC's "Don't Go Chasing Waterfalls" lyrics! I almost fell off the lift I was laughing so hard! He claims he wasn't really listening to that song, but it still cracks me up that it was the first one that came to his mind!

We had this little conversation over dinner:
Me: You know, people must think you are so mean to me when I tell them all the "mean" stuff you say to me, even though I know you are joking and we say stuff like that to each other all the time". I'm sure they're like, "Omg! Her husband is so rude!"
R: Yeah, until they meet me, then they're like, "What a dream!"
Even he couldn't keep a straight face at that one! We both laughed so hard and water may or may not have shot out my nose. Just sayin'...

And last one for tonight, which also took place at dinner:
We stopped in for a quick bite at the little pizza joint across from our ski lodge. The waiter brought out our plates and set this bright multicolored plate in front of R. He gives me a dull red one with a little chip on the corner. I say, "Hey! Why is yours so much more colorful than mine?" Without hesitation, R responds with this little number, "I don't know, but it probably has something to do with the reflection of our personalities"! Several knee slaps later, out came the handy dandy little iPhone...

And the rest is history.

Stay tuned Ladyoga readers, 'cuz there's more where that came from...

Jokes

One day I will write a book called "Sh*t My Husband Says". The following posts will be included:

Last week I made a(n apparently stupid) joke and R looks at me with pity in his eyes, saying, "Awww, honey, let's just leave the jokes to me, okay?" So I just said that to him in response to a joke he made (which was clearly a swing and a miss btw), and he replied with "Psh, yeah right. I mean, your jokes have been getting better but you're still not quite at my level". LOL Something to strive for I guess. Always something to strive for...

At the Scholtzkey's drive thru a few days ago, R's driving. Chick opens the window and totally checks R out as they are exchanging money, food and drinks. I giggle and say, "Babe, chick was totally checkin' you out!" He responds in the most aloof kind of way and simply said, "Yeah, must be my watch". LOL Yeah, 'cuz that's what we ladies look for in a man....a nice watch.

I was reading some past blog posts to R and was just laughing at how funny/ridiculous some of them were. I laughed and said, "Babe! These are actual happenings in our house!" He goes, "Great, I should start documenting your angry happenings." LOL And while we're on the subject, I may as well point out that he does actually try to do this. Whenever we are having a disagreement or a heated discussion on a subject, he ever so casually pulls out the "record a memo" app on his phone so that he can record what I'm saying (I'm assuming to use against me later on). It is at that point that I exercise my Miranda Rights and just stop talking.

This one will only be comical if you've read the book Personality Plus:
R and I were talking about Jesus, what he was like as a kid, toddler, etc. We were discussing what kinds of things he did and what kind of personality he had. R says, "I'm guessing we're dealing with a Phlegmatic Melancholy here". I giggled and asked why. He says, "Because, I just can't imagine Jesus being a Sanguine!" LOL

I had just gotten out of the shower, I was wearing panties and my robe. As I took off my robe and put on some pajama pants, R was standing in front of me with a grin on his face. This conversation followed:
Me: Why are you laughing?
R: Not laughing, just happy that you're finally getting into shape.
LOL Well okay then! Glad that's settled!

And along the same lines, this little number happened earlier today:
Me: (looking in the mirror at my backside): Man! Jenn (my personal trainer) really knows what she's doing! I don't have back fat anymore!
R: Ummm, I think it's probably more accurate to say you don't have as much back fat anymore.
LOL Okay, you're probably right. Thanks for clearing that up for me, Babe!

R and I have been getting ready to leave town, and of course, put off packing until the last minute. We were trying to get everything done and hadn't eaten lunch yet. Idk about you, but when my blood sugar gets low, the claws come out! For your sake, I'll just give you the last 30 seconds of our conversation:
R: I really don't want to start this 6 hour drive with you in bad moods.
Me: Then it's probably best we not talk to each other. At least til we both get some food in our belly's.
R: Agreed.
Moral of the story: If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

On another note, a week or so ago, I was omw to get my nails done when a car swerved in front of me so abruptly that I almost crashed. I usually keep my road rage to a minimum, but this was just uncalled for! So I may or may not have flipped him the bird along with a dirty look as I drove past him, just to get my point across that that was no bueno and he should watch out next time. Turns out it was an undercover cop. Woops! Mah bad!

Well, that's all for now folks! R and I are headed to Snowshoe Mountain in West Virginia for the next week to do a little Christmas Ski trip. Alone. Just the two of us. Which, you know what that means, there's going to be a lot more where that came from. No worries though, I'll keep detailed notes on my phone of all the sh*t my husband says and report back next year. Until then, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!



xoxo's
The Savard's

Sleep Talk

It's been a hot minute since I've blogged, right? Well, I was randomly trying to remember a funny story that happened last Christmas that I knew I had blogged about. Idk, something or other about a nativity scene...

Anyway, I popped open my Safari browser, typed in my blog address, and lo and behold, there it was! A whole crap load of funny stuff right before my eyes! I forgot so many of these stories and am so glad I blogged about them! I had a good little ab workout reading through them and laughing at all the funny things (that R has done over the years. I'm gonna be honest though, I wish I could say I was laughing with him, but when I asked him if he wanted me to read them out loud, he kindly declined with a "no, that's okay". So, I happily went on and read them silently to myself but certainly didn't hold back the sudden outbursts of laughter that were (in)directly targeted at him).

Anyway, although it's been a while since I've blogged, I always have the intention to blog whenever something interesting or funny happens. And in order to remember the funny stuff that happens, I often will jot down a few quick notes in my phone. I occasionally open up this little badboy and skim through it for a little laugh or two when I'm bored. With that being said, I thought I'd get back on the horse and continue sharing the funniness that is my life. Here goes....

This one is word for word what I wrote down in my phone:
R is sleeping next to me in bed and snoring quite loudly. I give him a little "love tap" (aka an elbow to the shoulder) and tell him that there's no snoring in this room, but he's free to go to the guest bedroom and snore as loud as he wants in there. A minute later, he rolls over and says, "No baby, I was just snoring you a love song". LOL What a romantic man I married!

This one happened a few months ago when we were in Las Vegas visiting our fave Las Vegas peeps, a big shout out to Phillip and Cynthia and family!! Woot woot! Aunt Cynthia is my most loyal reader and didn't for a hot second let me forget that I have been majorly slacking on my blog updates the entire time we were visiting :) And look where it got me?! Here I am now, only 7 months later updating my blog! Who'da thunk you'd have such an impact on me Aunt Cynthia?! haha! Love you :)))
So quick preface to this story, R and I were going to breakfast one morning and wanted Lauren, my 14 year old cousin to come along. Here's how the conversation went down:
R: (to Lauren) Come on boo.
L: (Confused look on her face) What? I'm not "boo".
Me: No, it's cool, we call everyone boo.
R: Yeah, "boo" just means "chick".
Me: (Now I'm the confused one) Umm, no. I call you "boo" (talking to R, of course).
R: (Thinks for a second) Oh yeah, "boo" is everyone.
Haha Idk why this made me giggle so much, but every time I think of it, I can't help but lol

Here's a little tidbit that happened with my 3 year old niece, Kaytlyn when I was visiting last month:
Me: Kaytlyn, do you want a piece of gum?
K: No, thank you.
Me: Does your mom let you have gum?
K: No. Does Uncle R let you?
:)

Another R talking in his sleep story:
R is asleep in bed. I climb in next to him and toss an extra pillow to the other side of him. He stirs slightly and then mumbles "I like your handbag". I giggled and said "what?!" just to clarify what I heard. He repeats himself. I say, "Boo, that was a pillow". He barely opens his eyes, enough to realize he was talking in his sleep and then says, "Oh no, I was just dreaming about bags". Hahahahaha!!! I guess it's true! Soul mates do exist and looks like I found mine!

And last but not least, R just decribed a pair of HIS shoes to me as a "wedge"! Idk if I'm more embarrassed that he even knows what wedges are or that he owns a pair of shoes that can be called wedges! Either way, let's never let him live this down, please!

Oh em geeeee, I love that man to pieces! He makes me laugh so much, even if it is at his own expense! :)