Saying “I Don’t” to the Wedding Industry – Part 3: The Wedding Ceremony

January 19, 2026January 19, 2026 / laurielfrodo / 1 Comment

^{The church where our wedding ceremony took place.} ^{Photo by Leah Reed.}

In my experience great thought and preparation is put into the wedding reception, but not as much attention is given to the wedding ceremony. This seems a bit strange to me since the ceremony is, after all, when the marriage becomes “official” with the vows said before family, friends, your spouse, and if you’re in a religious setting – God. Often the couple will leave a lot up to the officiant on how things are handled, and/or pick traditional songs, scripture readings, etc. without putting as much thought into the selections as they do about what the wedding cake design will look like. I know everybody loves a party, but if the foundation of a marriage is taken seriously shouldn’t the ceremony where the promises are made and the tone for the future is set be of prime importance, and worthy of some dedicated contemplation? Is this yet another area where the wedding industry sets the tone in saying the ceremony should be soft-pedaled in comparison to the reception? Or when it does get attention, is the “beauty” of the ceremony overshadowing the meaning it should carry? Are the floral arrangements more important than the words that are spoken?

What Marriage Means

One of the key ingredients in planning the ceremony is a thorough understanding of what marriage means to both of the participants. The joining of two lives can take on different priorities and approaches depending on the couple, so it is essential that this has all been discussed in advance, agreed upon, and is made manifest in the ceremony. In many Christian contexts, this is handled through the requirement of pre-marital counseling. This counseling time allows the couple to compare their family and faith backgrounds, marriage expectations, and bring out hurts or brokenness that should be addressed before getting married. If these things are not discussed they can lead to train wrecks in the relationship later. What role does faith play in the home? What will external family involvement look like in the marriage? How are finances to be handled? Which examples, or patterns of marriage that the couple has already witnessed, are healthy or unhealthy? What goals do they have individually and as a couple and where do priorities lie?

For my wedding ceremony we wanted the primary focus to be on our faith since we viewed this as a sacred ceremony coming before God to say our vows. We also wanted to be sure our families and close friends had parts in the ceremony that carried special meaning since we view them as part of our marriage and future life together. And since we are both lovers of literature, Celtic and Asian culture, and music, we wanted these to be part of the ceremony too under the over-arching theme of our story being part of God’s “Great Story.” We carefully chose the scripture and literature excerpts to be read, as well as who read them, selected a hymn that had a similar theme, and had a special Bible verse as well that was engraved on our wedding rings. We asked the pastor officiating to make that verse part of his message during the ceremony, which he graciously did.

Symbolism of the Ceremony Elements

^{The “Loving Cup” ceremony from our wedding.} ^{Photo by Leah Reed.}

Choosing traditional elements for a ceremony is not by any means to be discouraged, provided the couple understands the meaning of those elements and is not choosing them simply to avoid making more thoughtful decisions. I was interested to learn, for example, that the very popular “unity candle” tradition actually started in the 1960s or 70s without much integration into Jewish or Christian symbolism and was more of a commercially induced custom:

“In Christian liturgies, for example, a lighted candle symbolizes Christ, the Light of the world. The bride and groom once processed up the aisle with candles, because as baptized Christians their souls were smaller lamps bearing witness to the divine Light. … Accordingly, a new marriage has never been symbolized by the lighting of a new candle for the simple reason that marriage is not the creation of a third soul or even the fusion of two souls: In wedlock, husband and wife become one flesh and hopefully one in spirit, but they do not metamorphose into one soul.”

– “Ceremonies,” Wedding Rites: A Complete Guide to Traditional Vows, Music, Ceremonies, Blessings, and Interfaith Services by Michael P. Foley. (Eerdmans, 2008): 98.

And whether or not you’re concerned with the historic import of the unity candle, the risk of it failing to light or going out soon after it has been lit is not a great metaphor to start off your marriage (and I’ve seen both first-hand in ceremonies). My husband and I enjoyed looking through the above quoted book to learn about traditional wedding customs and their meanings, along with vows and blessings that have stood the test of time for centuries in the Christian wedding tradition. Instead of a unity candle, we settled on using the “Loving Cup” tradition of pouring into a joint cup and both drinking from it as a metaphor for the joining of our lives and fortunes. We used our favorite kind of tea poured while a hymn sung in Japanese was playing. The vessel used was a matcha bowl, and it was placed in front of a Celtic cross as a symbol of Christ’s lordship over our lives.

The Vows

^{Image: https://www.pexels.com/photo/elegant-wedding-vow-books-with-floral-bouquet-33343763/}

If there’s one part of the ceremony that couples do tend to spend more time personalizing, it’s the vows. They, rightly so, want the vows to each other to speak from the heart and be meaningful promises going forth into their marriage. While we were encouraged to add personal touches to our vows, we were also cautioned to pay attention to the “tried and true” verbiage in traditional vows that covers a lot of ground for what future life could and will look like. “Sickness and health,” “richer or poorer,” “until death do us part…” says a lot in a few words. Our officiating pastor also had us do two sets of vows, one set said to each other and another set said directly to God, because the marriage ceremony for Christians is really between the couple and God, not just the couple with each other, witnessed by the members of your community. That reality makes the ceremony the most important part of the wedding day and definitely something not to be taken lightly.

Other Elements & Setting the Tone

^{Seat decorations at our wedding.} ^{Photo by Leah Reed.}

Two additional elements we included in our ceremony were prayer, and a slideshow. We had the pastor and members of our families pray for us in recognition that we depend on God and our communities to guide and support us. We can’t live in isolation, nor can we have a successful marriage without the Lord’s help. For the slideshow we selected pictures of our lives up until we met (trying to include most wedding guests in the photos so they would see their own part in our story and as a way to thank them for coming to our wedding), and photos from our courtship to share how our stories have now blended and were coming together. The slideshow also helped those present get to know us since most guests only knew the bride or the groom well, but not both (at least not yet).

Thinking through all of these parameters and making plans for a ceremony that was sacred, meaningful, joyful, and reflected who we are as a couple honestly gave me the most pleasure in all of the wedding planning process. I was excited to share this special moment, and all the elements we had chosen to be part of it, with our community, and also as an act of worship before God. I’m intentionally not mentioning the trimmings here: the flowers, candles, satin bows, the kind of church sanctuary, or what flower petals the flower girl uses, although they will get more discussion in the next post. They are just that: trimmings. Don’t let those ceremony elements the wedding industry wants you to focus on lure you into thinking they will make the day perfect. They don’t carry the meaning that should be integral to the ceremony, so don’t let them distract from it. They’re fine to have, but not in place of what matters most: the act of joining two people together and setting the tone for shared life going forward. That’s too important to overshadow with anything else.

Saying “I Don’t” to the Wedding Industry – Part 2: Wedding Attire

January 3, 2026January 19, 2026 / laurielfrodo / 1 Comment

^{Image: www.pexels.com/photo/woman-in-black-top-smiling-8459414/}

Wedding attire does deserve its own post due to the iconic images of the wedding dress, the bridesmaid dresses, and their entanglement in the wedding industry. My own experience suggests that male wedding attire carries fewer pressures and expectations, but anyone who has experienced otherwise is welcome to drop a comment. The majority of the attention, and the price tag, rests on the bride’s shoulders in choosing both her own dress and the dresses for her attendants.

^{Bride dolls for sale at a Korean grocery store in the Chicagoland area.}

From childhood, little girls are inundated with, and often fascinated by, weddings and wedding dresses. The bride must be beautiful. The dress must be special and perfect. There are bride dolls and dresses to play with, wedding make-believe games with family members or on the playground, and every fairytale ending in book and film has a wedding with a beautiful bride in a white dress. Metaphorically, this a lovely thing to long for with becoming a lovely bride for your intended on your wedding day. From a spiritual point of view, in the Christian faith, the bride is the Church preparing to be united with Christ. There are deep historical and cultural underpinnings attached to the persona of the “bride,” and the dress embodies much of this weighty load on a subconscious level, along with all the other heightened emotions of the day itself. That’s a lot of pressure on one garment (plus accessories). While I am not trying to undermine the significances outlined above, the “wedding dress” idolization realm is another area where the wedding industry needs some significant reform.

Fashion Frenzy

The wedding dress industry is intimately connected with the fashion and design industry, which may be a telling reason why it feels more high-stakes and pressured than a lot of the other components of wedding planning. If the bride loves fashion, and the dress is one of her PRIORITY items for the wedding day, then it makes sense to give this element higher attention and funding. And of course, it’s important for the bride to look and feel beautiful. After all, photos of that dress will be hanging out on walls and bookshelves for years to come.

Taking a step back from all of that mental and emotional static, however, we are ultimately talking about one outfit that will be worn for one day, maybe shown off in some home-based future fashion shows if it still fits, and possibly passed to another friend or relative for another one-day event in the future. Less than twenty-four hours in the spotlight, and its intended purpose is complete. This is not the business suit that will take you through years of meetings, conferences, and work days. This is not the evening dress that will work for cocktail parties and funerals for years to come. This is not the flattering summer gown that will grace future weddings and garden parties. This is one dress for one day. Let that sink in before reading further.

Financial Frenzy

My patronage of bridal boutiques for bridesmaid dresses, helping other friends look for wedding dresses, and buying my own wedding dress stretches across many years (see my wedding “resumé” in my previous blog post). You enter a store and are met by an energetic, or possibly harried and worn-out, sales associate who begins to help you narrow down your selection options by style, color, and size. Other small gaggles of young women, perhaps with mothers or other friends and relatives in tow, are doing the same thing, amassing a pile of dresses that are swept into fitting rooms with the bride emerging in a variety of styles for their party to “Ooo!” and “Ahh!” over as they twirl on a podium in front of a wall-sized mirror, followed by critiques of each dress’s benefits and drawbacks. Repeat this process between two and fifty-plus times. Some people might love this. I found it exhausting. The styles available in these stores vary by era and fashion trend. What the bride envisions vs. what is commercially available and within her price range can lead to a long search.

Dress prices typically start at a few hundred dollars to as high as you are willing to go. And here is one of the biggest surprises that my wedding coordinator told me: wedding dress sellers make most of their money on the alterations, not the dress itself. If you are starting with a dress that is over a thousand dollars, that is going to call for some expensive alterations. Some of the bridal boutiques I called to inquire about appointments said their dresses STARTED at $1,000, and their appointments are set at one and a half hours minimum. I asked one vendor over the phone: “What if I don’t need that much time for a wedding dress appointment?” The response was: “The dress search is a very time-intensive process. It takes the bride a long time to find her dress.” That’s the industry standard, that’s what is said to each bride, and so that’s what everyone believes to be true. And if you do find a dress in-store, it must be ordered in your size and then altered, both of which will take months to accomplish.

^{The price tag of a wedding dress that I tried on at a bridal store.}

My Wedding Dress Search

My own wedding dress search process went something like this:

I visited two to three wedding dress boutiques over about a four-hour period on one day with a couple of friends. I tried on some styles to narrow my focus to what looked best on me, although after years of experience wearing formal wear (and heck, just paying attention to which clothes I put on my body in general) I had a pretty good idea at this point of what would look flattering. I was also determined to have long, flowing sleeves. Sleeves of any variety on a dress were not to be had in any of the stores I visited, as they were not in fashion at that time.

^{Me looking disgruntled at one of the few options for having sleeves with my wedding gown: buying a separate jacket that ALSO cost hundreds of dollars.}

After the stores yielded no results for desired style nor desired price, I headed home to search for the wedding dress style I wanted online. That style is called “bohemian,” and once I learned that helpful term, online searching became a lot easier. I purchased three dresses after two hours of searching that were $200-400 each. The delivery time took around two to three weeks. I tried on two dresses, and before the third one arrived, I knew I had found my dress for $200 from an online vendor based in Israel. The alterations needed were minor and cost $150 from a local dry cleaner who also offered a wedding dress tailoring service (NOT an alterations department associated with a bridal store).

Granted, being both a decisive person and unwilling to give in to the usual pressures of the wedding dress industry, this method luckily worked out for me. My dress also did not have lots of fabric, sequins, or beading that can make the alterations process more time-intensive and hence more expensive, although it did have lace, which can be tricky too.

My point with these observations is that the time and price spent do not HAVE to steal your sanity and your budget. The wedding industry wishes you to believe otherwise, but only has as much power as you are willing to give it. If you want to spend thousands of dollars on your dress and having “the one perfect dress” to make your wedding day what you want it to be is important to you, go for it, but I’m willing to bet this is not the desire of EVERY bride. I am confident that anyone wanting a special white dress that highlights the bride’s beauty to herself and others does not have to follow the scripted protocols of the wedding industry.

Accessories

Once the dress is acquired then comes the question of all the “extras” that must go with it, which can also add up quickly and drain additional finances. Wedding veils alone can be hundreds of dollars. Again, it is important to consider “what is important to you, and how much power and money do you wish to give to these expectations?” For myself, I wanted my accessories to be beautiful and compliment the dress, but not break the bank to do so. Although some accessories, like shoes and jewelry, could conceivably be re-used for other future outfits, that is not so much the case with a wedding veil.

^{The wedding veil used with my dress, acquired at Hobby Lobby.}

Here’s how my accessories added up:

Veil: $30 from Hobby Lobby (sales in their “wedding supplies” section make purchases VERY affordable)
Shoes: $25 from an online vendor (I chose flats for comfort and safety)
Jewelry: $20-30 from an online vendor (I don’t recall the exact price)

Total cost: about $80-90 (maybe a bit more with shipping costs)

Friends provided some elements I borrowed, such as hair ornaments and some charms for “good luck” that I tucked into my bouquet. Borrowing is not only great for the budget, but it adds a warm sentimental element to the day to remember loved ones when you engage with the items lent to you.

So the total cost of my wedding attire was:

Dress: $200
Alterations: $150
Accessories: $90

TOTAL: $440

Sexualization / Objectification of the Bride

Another important element to consider is how the wedding industry chooses to frame the dress and therefore the bride herself. What amount of plunging neckline, skirt slit, or other exposed skin crosses the border between making a bride feel and look beautiful and objectifying her as a sex symbol? Certain wedding attire traditions, like the garter toss, also lean into sexual innuendos. Women have worked hard to push back the societal trends to see them only as objects for sexual pleasure, and they should be no less vigilant on their own wedding day or with the dresses they tell the wedding industry they are willing to buy. The ways women view their own bodies and what makes them feel beautiful varies widely from person to person and is too big a topic to discuss here, but these considerations should be part of the process when choosing a wedding gown. I hope that no bride feels objectified. Let that dress show your real beauty and bring confidence, comfort in who you are, and joy to your wedding day. The groom and guests will sense those things if you do!

Bridesmaid Dresses

^{Image: www.pexels.com/photo/bridal-party-celebrating-with-bridesmaids-outdoors-34319011/}

Despite the primary focus by the wedding industry on the wedding dress itself, something must be said as well about bridesmaid dresses, and let’s just say I have a LOT of experience in this area. A typical approach a bride might take is selecting a certain bridesmaid dress designer and picking a uniform color. Sometimes the designer has the same color in multiple “styles,” and the bride may allow her bridesmaids to choose within a range of styles keeping with the same color. Other times, all the bridesmaids are wearing identical dresses. The dress must be ordered months in advance, because the dye lot needs to be consistent for the dresses to match perfectly, and of course there are stocking issues for styles, backlogged orders, and shipping delays to consider. In addition, the dress will have to be properly fitted once it arrives with…you guessed it…ALTERATIONS!

So if you are a bridesmaid, you’ll need to:

Examine the parameters the bride gives you (which may include accessories like jewelry and shoe style / color)
Pick and order a dress far in advance (often requiring you to go to a bridal store to try on some options)
Purchase needed accessories
Wait for the dress to arrive
Get the dress altered

This is almost always all on your own dime. This expense in addition to travel, lodging, food, gifts, and other logistical expenses required to attend a wedding can be prohibitive for bridal party members and/or for the bride and groom or their families if they are offering to cover some of the costs.

Some things to consider as a bride:

Body types vary widely, so allow your bridesmaids a selection of styles so they can find something that will fit and look good on them.
There are also a variety of skin shades and complexions. Very rarely does a single color look good on EVERYONE.
Even if you think the bridesmaid dress you chose “can be worn again,” the odds are that it won’t be, so do not make that assumption
Consider balancing your priorities with how they will impact your bridesmaids (financially, logistically, emotionally, etc.)

The historic origin of bridesmaids was to protect the bride from kidnapping and evil spirits. Having a bunch of identical “mini brides” was supposed to confuse and thwart any wrong-doers on the wedding day. Today, bridesmaids are supposed to be close friends and family members supporting the bride on her special day. It is far less important for them to be “identical” unless that is what you want for your bridal party photos. Personally, I think it nicer to let bridesmaids shine with their own individual beauty and feel comfortable, while also letting the bride shine.

My favorite stance on bridesmaid dresses was introduced to me by my sister when I was her maid of honor. She asked each bridesmaid to wear a formal dress they already owned and checked our choices in advance to ensure none of the colors clashed with the other dresses. It worked beautifully. I asked my own bridesmaids to do this, but they all ended up picking dresses of a similar color: navy. So it was a win-win in the end, and hey, they actually picked dresses they could TRULY wear again for other purposes.

Conclusions

The takeaways from this post will vary, since the priorities for the wedding day are different for each person. When it comes to attire and how the attitudes and expenses connected to it are fueled by the wedding industry, I hope that the topics outlined here have provided at least some food for thought.

To sum up:

Think about what the wedding dress means to you and ultimately how much you are willing to spend on it, the alterations, and the accessories.
Prioritize the wedding attire in light of all the other elements of the wedding. Where does it fit into the list?
Consider the needs of your bridal party when asking them to be part of your wedding. How can the attire requests you make for them support those needs?
Think about non-wedding-industry-based methods of acquiring your wedding dress. Are there boutiques that have second-hand dresses which may not be as expensive? Do you know any friends or relatives with dresses to give or loan? Have you tried shopping online? Have you tried shopping at a non-bridal specific dress retailer? Do you know anyone who could make your dress for you?

Attire can be beautiful, meaningful, and make the wedding day special without giving into the wedding industry’s demands. Which bride do you know that needs to hear this?

^{Our bridal party…and I got my dress with sleeves! 😉 Photo by Leah Reed.}

Saying “I Don’t” to the Wedding Industry – Part 1

November 9, 2025January 19, 2026 / laurielfrodo / 2 Comments

The Overview

_{Image: https://pixabay.com/photos/bride-couple-groom-hands-1837148/}

“We’re getting married!” is a sentence overflowing with excitement and anticipation. Then comes the tidal wave of wedding planning: guest lists, the dress search, reception venues, food, flowers, the ceremony. There’s so much to think about, so many details to consider, so many decisions to make, and so much money involved. If you’re looking for a guide to get through all of that, this isn’t that kind of blog series. No, dear reader, this series of posts contains reflections on the engine that drives it all, the Wedding Industry. That industry needs to be re-evaluated and brought to account.

After many years of being in weddings, attending weddings, helping to plan weddings, and then having my own wedding in 2023, I’m ready to share some observations that hopefully bring insight to the current state of wedding planning. We need to expose aspects of modern weddings that promote focus on surface-level elements and lose focus on needed priorities. This kind of realization will in turn encourage healthy transformation in marriages, families, and communities.

My Wedding Resumé

Before going much further it might help to hear more about my own background with weddings. I started young as a flower girl for my aunt’s wedding in the 1980s. I moved on to become close to a professional bridesmaid between 2001 and 2021 and a bride in 2023. Here are the stats:

Flower girl – once
Maid of Honor – 3 times
Bridesmaid – 4 times
Attendant to the bride – once
Guest book attendant – 3 times
Bride – once
Wedding attendee without any of the above responsibilities – too many times to count

_{My first wedding party participation as a flower girl in November 1988 (I’m on the left)}

Getting asked to be in a wedding is an honor, and it was meaningful to support friends and family members on their special day by being in the bridal party or helping with the wedding logistics. But with all that experience comes a lot of observation, and that in turn leads to questioning. Why are things done this way? What are the benefits and drawbacks? Which elements are cultural or traditional? What is the societal or familial expectation? Where do the similarities and differences lie? Eventually this led to some deeper concerns. Is more attention being paid to the trimmings of the day rather than the significance of the ceremony itself and the marriage that is beginning? Are couples starting off on the wrong foot with crippling debt due to the wedding expenses? Is there so much pressure on this one event that families are left with lifelong feuds over the color of napkins? How did this joyful event lead to such distressing circumstances?

Some blanket disclosures:

There are a lot of ways to “do” weddings well out there, and I’ve witnessed plenty of those. These blogs are geared towards the worse end of the spectrum and the industry-defined philosophies that fuel the areas of concern that I’ll be addressing.
If I was in a wedding you know about, or if it was your own wedding, please don’t try to parse through my comments looking for hidden critiques of your celebration. Believe me that these observations are compiled from a BROAD data set and not meant to be critical of any particular event I’ve attended.

“Your Perfect Day” – or – Commercialist Narcissism

_{Image: https://pixabay.com/photos/burger-hamburger-double-patty-burger-7419419/}

I may be saying something slightly controversial with the above section title, but in the Western world we are bred to be self-focused from the moment we draw breath. Every commercial, every advertisement caters to what “YOU want” and what “makes YOU happy.” YOU deserve this pair of jeans, this new car, this deluxe burger. The barrage of narcissistic messaging never ends, and it certainly helps sell the products it’s pushing. With weddings this message is only amplified. Your wedding day must be YOUR PERFECT DAY! It’s all about YOU, do what you’ve always dreamt of doing! We watch brides buying $10K+ dresses on “Say Yes to the Dress,” watch friends and relatives splash out on the most elegant reception venues and gourmet food, and see destination weddings featured on reality TV (or in our own social circles). The couple dreaming about being a bride or groom begins to think this is all natural, it’s just what you do for your wedding…and they and all their personal desires are the center of it all. The wedding industry knows this. They helped write and perpetuate the script. And by buying into it we only drive the prices and expectations higher and higher. One example I heard from a friend is a relative of his that spent $150,000 on the wedding, and the marriage ended in divorce 2 years later. Where is our priority placed, on the appetizers or on the marriage? On showing off to our friends and family, or inviting them to share in a sacred event and seeking their support as a new family is formed?

Financial Woes

I’ll share some additional facts about finances in future posts, but it’s worth mentioning that financial stress is one of the biggest areas that can strain marriages and cause them to fall apart. How insidious that the industry meant to launch a new marriage is also geared towards making it very difficult to afford the wedding, often leaving the couple in debt. Even if the wedding expenses are paid for by relatives, should the priority really be placing too much glut on a single day when those finances could go towards a downpayment on a home, further education, a new vehicle, or something else that would truly give the couple a leg up in their new life together and steer them in the direction of success?

I’ve heard from event planners that whenever someone mentions that an order or service is intended for a wedding (rather than another large-scale event like a conference, family reunion, etc.), the price is immediately raised. Sure, expectations for weddings are higher, and the vendor might be protecting themselves with a raised price, but they also know that people will pay to get precisely what they want for a wedding, and that cycle of desire and over-paying to get it is self-perpetuating.

Family Feud

There is another element to weddings that can quickly become debilitating: family expectations. Parents, grandparents, and don’t forget that one great aunt…can all have ideas of how they envision the wedding arrangements, and resentments can form if their plans are not executed the way they had hoped. I heard of one wedding where the color of the bridesmaid dresses caused a lifelong grudge amongst one set of relatives. There is so much emotion wrapped up in a wedding day, which often fuels the opinions of how it “should” be, or this is the way “I want it.” The couple does need to take family expectations into account, but also set boundaries on wishes that are unhealthy, domineering, or are simply not possible under practical conditions due to cost, extent, etc. This is one of the hardest areas to reign in, because while it might be possible to reframe a bride or groom’s mindset, it can be virtually impossible to do so with hard-nosed relatives. My only advice with this area comes down to setting clear boundaries and remembering that you and your spouse are the new family unit. Other family units need to take a sideline in the future, and that starts with the wedding. Families do need to be honored and included, but not to the point where they harm the start of your marriage. Determine which battles to fight and which to let go. How can you show love but also not compromise in important areas?

I was in one wedding of a dear friend whose mother up until the wedding day did not approve of the groom (her problem, because everyone else including me knew him to be a fantastic person). Every time the bride passed her, she saw her mother’s displeasure written all over her face. “Is it OK for me to smile even though my mom’s so unhappy?” the bride whispered to me at one point. “Absolutely,” I replied. “This is your wedding day, not hers, and you have every right to be happy. Let your biggest smile shine today.”

The Outline from Here

Over the next few posts, we’ll delve deeper into areas like the wedding dress, reception, ceremony, etc. and ponder how these areas can be recaptured, or “reframed,” from what the wedding industry has modeled and coerced us to believe. Weddings really are beautiful events. I hope these posts challenge us to find ways of removing the tarnished and gaudy elements that are industry-created and allow weddings to embody true beauty rather than spectacle. May that help not only our wallets, but also the institution of marriage itself. I want to see a generation of marriages that start off so strong and beautiful that they outshine any possible 24-hour event. Isn’t that worth fighting for?

Our Engagement Story

January 1, 2023January 3, 2023 / laurielfrodo / 5 Comments

John and Laura got engaged on December 28, 2022, and for those curious, this is our engagement story. The tale begins with the finding of the ring (which was not made by Sauron).

Our friend, Lauren, works in a jewelry store in a local mall. John loves malls, so we thought this should be at least one location we looked into for our engagement ring, and it turned out to have the one we chose. Since John currently lives out of state, Laura went to scope out some ring options earlier in December. She had told Lauren to look out for anything with Celtic interlace designs, and Lauren had several rings ready for Laura to look at when she arrived. After looking at the different options, Laura returned to the first ring Lauren had showed her.

There are two interlace strands that symbolize our seemingly parallel lives crossing paths and intertwining, and three main diamonds symbolizing John, God, and Laura, and/or the Holy Trinity. The side of the ring also has some decorative elements and curves into what almost looks like a gothic arch, giving a pleasing spiritual connotation as well. Laura called John and showed him pictures of the ring, which he also liked, and we settled on selecting this one as our ring.

“That was the first one I chose for you,” Lauren told Laura later, “because it just looks like a Laura ring!”

John and Laura went to the jewelry store to pay for the ring on December 21 (John had arrived two days earlier than expected due to an impending snow storm), and it was sized and ready to be picked up by the next day. We’re very grateful to Lauren and her store, Rogers & Hollands, for the excellent service and for helping us find the perfect ring.

Over the next few days, December 24-28, John and Laura traveled to Iowa to spend Christmas with Laura’s family. Laura told John she’d be OK getting engaged “anytime after we get back from Iowa,” and John took that very literally.

Upon arrival back in Illinois, John slipped the ring box into his pocket, and Laura had a suspicion that the engagement would happen sometime soon, but didn’t know exactly when nor how.

On the evening of Wednesday, December 28, John and Laura got dressed up for a lovely Italian meal at Tony Spavone’s Ristorante. We had decided weeks previously to have at least one “fancy” meal out, so this just happened to be the day when the dinner was planned. Laura had said she didn’t want the proposal to happen in a public space, so dinner progressed without the ring box emerging.

There was a large group of Italian diners on one side of a central-pillar fireplace, and we were seated on the other side of the fireplace. It was nice to have some background conversation in the air, but still be in an area that felt private. We had freshly-baked rolls, salad, soup, and a rice ball appetizer, followed by lasagna for John and shrimp & broccoli linguini for Laura. John also had an espresso that really packed a punch despite its small size.

About an hour into the meal, when we were just about finished eating, an Italian gentleman got up and started singing songs at a microphone nearby. We stayed at the table a little longer and softly sang along to “Stand by Me” before leaving to head back home.

Upon arriving home, Laura freshened up and came back into the living room to find John standing waiting for her holding a Bible. He asked her to read a scripture verse that has become “our” verse, Proverbs 13:12.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” (NIV)

This verse was on the whiteboard of a classroom in John’s old school that he and Laura toured back in November, and we took our picture by it.

The verse carries a lot of meaning for us because it took many years for us to find the right person, and we feel that God has brought us together.

After reading the verse, Laura read a wonderful note that John had handwritten on special stationery for her that had been tucked into the Bible to mark the verse spot. John had slipped the note into the Bible on the shelf before we had left for Iowa, and luckily Laura didn’t notice with all of the Christmas cards from friends set on the same shelf in front of the Bibles.

The end of the note said to look for “one more Christmas gift” beneath the tree, so John walked over to the Christmas tree, picked up the ring box, and then got down on one knee and asked Laura to marry him. She, of course, said “yes.” John also played the Owl City song from his phone “If My Heart was a House,” one of Laura’s favorites.

The story continues with a special surprise that Laura had prepared for John. She walked over to get a note she had written for him, and a separate ring box. She presented the note to John, which explained that the silver Celtic interlace ring she always wears on a necklace has a twin, golden ring.

Both rings were purchased at the same time in Ireland on a trip Laura took with Wheaton College in the summer of 2001. She had saved the golden ring to give to someone special, but had not had the opportunity to do so until now. The silver ring traveled Ireland with Laura and had been pressed against rose petals at Powerscourt Gardens, dipped into the Irish Sea, and been next to her as she studied at Oxford. It always symbolized being part of a pair, with two intertwining strands in the interlace pattern that don’t have a beginning or end in the circle of the ring. The golden ring had been worn only occasionally by Laura, and had otherwise been kept in a drawer for over 20 years waiting for the day when it was the right time to give it to someone. Laura is glad that day came . . .

. . . and the ring just happened to fit John’s ring finger perfectly. Another sign that God is the one who brought us together!

Tea Tales: Blooming Jasmine

August 17, 2022 / laurielfrodo / Leave a comment

This will mainly be an “eye candy” Tea Tales post as I at last got to try out the Budding Jasmine white tea I received this past Christmas. Flowering teas offer an aesthetic tea brewing experience as you watch the tight-knit bundles unfold in hot water to reveal a botanical masterpiece. Best enjoyed in glass teapots or mugs, you get a full view of the show that occurs during the steeping process. Here is what mine looked like when I tried it a few days ago.

Bundle of Budding Jasmine before steeping – top view

With thanks to my high school senior orchestra mug for providing the excellent views of the show. 🙂 And the verdict: the tea tasted disappointingly very bland! Yes, it looked much better than it tasted, but white teas have a very subtle taste to begin with, so one can’t be too disappointed. Definitely worth the experience.

Until next time…tea you later! 😉

Why I Love Hunter x Hunter

March 2, 2022May 24, 2022 / laurielfrodo / 1 Comment

Note: I attempted to make this a spoiler-free post, with only general commentary about what happens in the show.

As a follow-up to my previous post, “10 Reasons How Finding a New Fandom is Like Falling in Love,” this post will delve into why I love the anime show, Hunter x Hunter, and how it became arguably my favorite anime of all-time. My post “Why I Love Japan” provided an overview of how I got into anime, and I now have around 11 years under my belt of dabbling in the anime world and watching a wide variety of shows and movies. I had heard of Hunter x Hunter before, but never started watching it. One has to be cautious of shows with large amounts of episodes, and personally prepared to make that kind of time commitment, and this one has 148 episodes. Each 20-odd minute episode may seem innocuous, but they add up very quickly and your free time evaporates.

In recent years, I’ve enjoyed watching anime with friends so that the time spent is spent together, and the media watched can become a topic of shared discussion, and the occasional delectable in-joke. I’ll also have one or two shows I’m chipping away at personally on the side, but seldom do these fit the “binge-worthy” category, or capture my attention sufficiently to get a high ranking on my anime watch list. When browsing my local public library anime DVD section in fall 2021, I was intrigued by how many of the titles I’d seen before. I paced the aisle checking off titles I had seen, or had heard of but had no interest in watching (particularly those with high gore or horror elements to them). Then I paused in front of the Hunter x Hunter DVDs (2011 version, for those wondering, which is more manga-accurate). They had 2 DVD sets for episodes 1-13 and 14-26. Although I had heard of the show, I knew next to nothing about it, and the DVD box art, show description, and character design didn’t really inspire me much.

“I know it’s popular, so there must be something worthwhile about it,” I said to myself. “I’ll just take home the first few episodes and see what I think. If I don’t like it I’ll just not continue.”

The show opens with a cheerful, and arguably stereotypical, shounen protagonist named Gon who is incredibly sweet and has a lot of natural physical ability. His desire is to become a Hunter (the show’s version of an elitist group of explorers in various fields of expertise), and to meet his father, also a Hunter, who abandoned him when he was young. He departs home to take the “Hunter exam,” and meets the other show protagonists and antagonists along the way. The Hunter exam is full of challenges akin to some mixture of Survivor, Hunger Games, and Food Wars, but has an intriguing plot that keeps you wanting to know what happens next. I sped through the first 13 episodes, and liked them well enough to get the second DVD set from the library, with a week or two in-between viewings.

Reader, I began watching Hunter x Hunter on September 1, and had finished all 148 episodes by October 2. Beyond that I sought out the 2 spin-off movies (which were pretty awful, but I watched them anyway), the 2-chapter manga telling Kurapika’s background story, and read the manga from the point where the anime leaves off at chapter 338 through where the manga currently stands at chapter 390. This was all accomplished by early November. The manga, for those who don’t know, has been on indefinite hiatus for the past 3 years, with no indication on when its creator, Yoshihiro Togashi, will continue the story [until May 2022…see bottom of this post!]. I knew I’d hit a wall with no closure to the story, but I needed to get there in my relentless pursuit of knowing all the storylines this fandom has to offer, and what the characters I’d come to appreciate in the anime were “currently” up to when the manga went on hiatus.

So what happened between my dabbling in the DVDs and my speeding through the entire anime and manga with flames on my feet? I fell in love with the characters, and what I call the “moral compass” of the storyline. All 4 protagonists are likeable, but for me particularly Kurapika, Killua, and Gon (sorry, Leorio fans – I see and salute you). They all have significant backstories with struggles, and have made choices in spite of those challenges that are morally admirable, despite additional personal flaws they are continuing to work through. Watching them develop in ability and self-knowledge is a wonderful journey, and their relationships with each other tug at the viewer’s heart strings. You’re cheering for all of them, their respective goals, and their friendship. They’re supportive, sacrificial, courageous, and willing to go the extra mile for their friends. They’re also willing to call their friends out when they’re not being smart or are acting rashly. And there’s a lot of failure, frustration, and real risk in this story. There are plenty of wounds, and deaths. The protagonists don’t just hop from victory to victory, they have to earn each one, and fail just as often as they succeed. Solutions don’t just come from the saccharine “power of friendship.” Those struggles are engaging both for storytelling as well as for the character development. My most repeated phrase while watching the anime was: “Oh NO!” Worried both for the safety of the characters I cared about, and about the odds they were up against. There are plenty of comedic and heartwarming moments too.

The character I gravitated to in particular was Kurapika and he has subsequently become my favorite anime character of all-time. Maybe it’s because we’re both Enneagram Ones, or because his backstory is particularly tragic, or because he has such a high moral standard for himself despite the dark underbelly of society where his path has taken him to achieve his goals…I can’t fully say. But his journey has touched my heart like few others, and my respect for him as a character, despite his flaws – some of which I share, has outstripped any other character in anime that I’ve yet met. The fact that he’s extremely intelligent, strategic, has amazing physical (and special fighting) abilities, and is dedicated to his objectives doesn’t hurt either. I particularly appreciated these two videos which further examine his character, if you don’t mind spoilers:

He is a main character in the current manga arc that has been left hanging, and I’m once again fearful for what awaits him, but like all other HxH fans, I must wait to see when (and if) the story will continue.

Despite all that praise, there is one arc of the anime that I really don’t care for, and found it difficult to get through: the Chimera Ant arc. Many fans adore this arc and rate it as one of the highest in all of anime. That is an opinion I don’t take lightly, but personally just can’t agree with. The pacing was slow, deadly slow compared to earlier parts of the show. Part of what drew me into the show at the beginning was its fast pacing (always a treasure when found in anime), and to slow the pace down to this extent challenged my ability to keep watching despite my love for the main characters. It clocks in at 61 episodes, so that’s a long haul to get through. The action was centered around creatures I found grotesque, and antagonists that I absolutely detested. Main characters (one in particular) were led to drastic measures that stretched my believability, and other main characters were painfully absent and I missed them immensely. Of the few redeeming parts of this arc, I did appreciate the character development we witnessed Killua go through. That was definitely worthwhile. I realize some folks consider this arc a work of art, but the themes it presents (which may have been revolutionary at the time but are more trite in my opinion now), are not sufficient enough to make up for its deficiencies. This arc alone is the one reason I had hesitated in declaring Hunter x Hunter my favorite anime of all-time, but since I will watch any other part of the anime with anyone at any time, and have already begun re-watching all of it, I guess that suffices to kick it to the top of my list.

The main take-away themes from the show that won my heart over are as follows:

The characters (protagonists) value life, and the lives of others
The characters work hard to achieve their goals, and the goals require real struggle and sacrifice to achieve
The characters make decisions not only based on their own desires and well-being, but also take others into consideration, and the moral implications involved in the decisions
There’s a lot of humor to off-set the serious situations
The characters have great development arcs, and you see the tangible growth, as well as setbacks
The storyline was engaging, and unpredictable

And like other anime shows that I admire, I simply could NOT predict the plot nor how the story would proceed. I was fully on-board with how it developed, and the characters stayed true to their expected traits and personalities within the situations delivered by the plot (at least most of the time), but I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how situations would unfold or what would happen next. That is INCREDIBLY refreshing.

You’ll notice I haven’t said much about the setting, and it is definitely of secondary importance to my enjoyment of the show / story. It has enough realism to keep it familiar (the characters are using computers and cell phones), but enough fantasy to make it whimsical, and at times humorous (most long-distance travel is by airship, and one of the main cities is named “Yorknew City” – maybe not the most creative choice). The magic system, called “Nen,” is incredibly well-developed and very cool to learn about. However some plot loopholes in who knows it, and the power structures within its user base and their inconsistencies, can lead to some head scratching at best, and huge gaps in believability at worst.

Those deficiencies are forgivable in my book, however, in comparison to the riches we are given through the story and characters. I am fully ensconced in this new fandom, and signs indicate that my passion for it won’t fade anytime quickly. Merchandise has been purchased, I’ve told everyone I know about it, I’m exploring all kinds of related online content about the show that I can find, I’ve coerced both friends and family members into watching it (to very good effect, I’m glad to report), discussed it with a cozy group of comrades, and have even cosplayed as Kurapika at Halloween. My friends, I think we’re on the path of a life-long romance, and I’m the richer for it.

So that, dear reader, is why I love Hunter x Hunter, and there’s just one last comment needed to close out this post:

Please come back, Togashi.
We miss you, and we need you.
Sincerely,
The HxH fandom xoxo
As of May 24, 2022 – Togashi heard our pleas. The Hunter x Hunter manga will continue!
[And yes, I’m beyond excited…]

How Watching Anime Helped Me Take Better Care of My Body

February 16, 2022January 10, 2022 / laurielfrodo / Leave a comment

It’s been an interesting road for me with learning to notice, appreciate, and care for my physical body. In my earlier years, my body was merely the necessary vehicle to take my head places. Chronic pain from my desk job led me to seek out regular massage therapy, visit a chiropractor, and start practicing yoga. The practical and rational reasons for taking care of your body are numerous, but it wasn’t until I found an imaginative perspective for taking care of it that I really began to appreciate the inner workings of my body and tried to give them more support to be well. This revelation required the power of anime.

The anime Cells at Work (Hataraku Saibou) aired in 2018, based on the manga by the same name. I watched it in early 2019, and its later second season in 2021. The storyline focuses around one hard-working (but directionally-challenged) red blood cell (Sekkekkyuu AE3803) who cheerfully goes about her job delivering oxygen and nutrients to, and removing carbon dioxide from, the 37.2 trillion cells in the human body where they all live. She is often helped by a white blood cell (Hakkekkyuu U-1146) who patrols the body with his fellow colleagues protecting against rogue germs and infections, wielding their knives like bloodthirsty ninjas against any invaders there to do the body harm.

Each episode shows some new situation where the viewer gets to see a part of the body working hard to keep all systems normal and at full health, and a new threat is introduced that the cells must conquer, like allergies, germs, the common cold, and wounds. In each scenario, new systems and parts of the immune system feature and show off their spectacular abilities to defeat the enemy and make the body well again. The adorable platelets (who all look like kindergarteners) organize themselves into efficient teams to cover up wounds, the Killer-T cells are the military elitists ready to destroy germs, outshone only by the NK (Natural Killer) cells who can detect hidden or disguised infected cells or viruses. From the brain command center to the lungs, spleen, stomach, and gut, every part of the body has a job to do and memorable embodied characters who work together to keep the human they inhabit in top shape.

From the reviews of the show by medical professionals I’ve seen, the anatomy functions seem accurately described as well. You’re learning anatomy and facts about the human body while you’re being entertained by anime! And when I don’t get enough rest, or am eating poorly, I’m not just injuring myself, but am hurting the trillions of little adorable (albeit imaginatively created) cells in my body doing their best to keep me healthy. I just need to give them the support and tools that they need to do so.

The exhausted Red and White Blood Cells of *Cells at Work: Code Black*

In a spin-off show that aired at the same time as the second season, Cells at Work: Code Black (Hataraku Saibou Black), you get a glimpse into a body that has several chronic conditions including smoking, stress, and alcoholism. The usually-cheerful and dedicated red blood cell character gets overworked and exhausted, the ranks of the white blood cells dwindle and those left to fight on their own are overwhelmed. Several organs become sick and unable to properly function, the lungs and arteries become filled with filth, and the body itself is at risk of completely shutting down. Watching these characters fight so hard to overcome the obstacles in their way makes you wish the human they inhabited was making wiser choices to help them out.

I really respect the creators who put this show (and manga) together with all of the imaginative ways to demonstrate how amazing the human body is, and encourage viewers to empathize with the characters. In turn, we’re motivated to take better care of ourselves for the sake of those characters. It’s unfortunate that the will to regularly exercise still escapes me, but at least I now am cheering on the legions of cells in my body as I try to give them the rest and food they need to keep doing their jobs well. Maybe an exercise anime will come along one day to help me tackle that next hurdle. Every step towards improvement is something to celebrate. 😉 Thanks, Cells at Work! I’m grateful.

Visiting the Library of Congress for the First Time

February 2, 2022January 10, 2022 / laurielfrodo / 2 Comments

In October 2021 I was able to check a big item off of my bucket list: finally visiting the Library of Congress for the first time. My previous 2 trips to Washington D.C. had unfortunately missed this important landmark. The first trip was with my family when I was eight years old, and we hit all the normal tourist destinations like the White House, Lincoln Memorial, Smithsonian, etc. My parents did a great job having us see the sights, and not knowing my future career as an archivist, its arguable if I would have fully appreciated seeing the grandeur of the LOC, despite my already well-established love of books by that age.

My second trip to D.C. was with a group of friends and the time allowance to see ONE destination for an afternoon trip down from Philadelphia. With that limitation, and as a fresh graduate school student with my archives degree, I had to see the National Archives and the original copies of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. The movie National Treasure was pretty big at that time as well, so along with the refurbished rotunda, seeing the NARA “mothership” of my archival profession was a done deal, and a great delight.

But I had always regretted never seeing arguably one of the most marvelous icons of learning and knowledge: the Library of Congress. The LOC is many things. It’s a classification system used by libraries across the US and internationally, its name is in the front of published books telling us their classification, it’s a series of buildings, workers, and workflows organizing past and present knowledge, and it’s the world’s largest library with over 171 million items in myriad formats and 470+ languages, and over 40 million volumes spanning 530 miles of bookshelves. In October 2021, armed with a fellow librarian friend open to adventure, I finally got my chance to see this glorious place in-person.

Unsure of what COVID regulations would remove from the tourist experience (personal tours of the library were off the plate of offerings, for example), I had 2 goals when visiting the library:

Get to see the famed Reading Room
View at least a few books from the personal library of Thomas Jefferson, which formed the beginning of the library’s collections and helped establish its classification system.

I achieved both goals, and a lot more. We lined up with eager anticipation under the main stairway to the Jefferson building where guards monitored the line, then let us in for our 10am reservation with the customary metal detector and bag search that most attractions in D.C. have now implemented. The entrance fee was blessedly free, as are so many fabulous D.C. museums. What a gift!

I was wildly unprepared for the lobby of the library, however, and when I stepped into it and looked up for the first time, my jaw dropped and I had that “Belle being shown Beast’s castle library” moment. Utter. Stunned. Awe. The marble columns, the sweeping staircases, the intricate carvings, surrounded by murals and quotes celebrating books, learning, knowledge, and the written word, with a golden glowing ceiling above everything, illuminated with expertly-placed lighting…it was so much to take in that it required an hour wandering around appreciating it all before I even felt ready to look at adjoining wings and galleries. Cheerful volunteers circulated on foot, ready to answer all of our questions and tell us more about the library’s collections and building architecture. And they even had LOC librarians on large TV screens around the lobby areas ready to do a virtual chat with anyone who walked up to the TV and, via webcam, ask them questions. What a fantastic idea! Evidently this main building was meant to show Europe back in the day that the US was a rival for architecture and our share of culture, beauty, and aesthetics. In my opinion: “mission accomplished.”

Once the initial ogling and photo-taking frenzy had died down, we began to explore a few side-rooms with early maps of the Americas that would easily have made cartographers cry with delight and been the prize of any collection. After that, I gathered myself to climb the stairs to the second-floor viewing gallery of the Reading Room and look down on that much-anticipated sight. I was almost giddy with joy. The Reading Room was indeed beautiful, and I did not see Nicholas Cage lurking around anywhere near the central reference desk. I looked at the assembled readers, spread out across the curved desks, each with its own antique-looking lamp, and wondered what brought each one there on a Saturday morning to read and study. The reference collections scattered on open shelves about the room on various levels were lovely to behold, and the carved historic figures celebrating different fields of study glanced down from the vaulted dome ceiling with approval.

After that, we wandered back into the main lobby to head to a different wing that held the complete library of Thomas Jefferson on display for public viewing. The shelves were arranged in a large spiral with glass fronts and backs allowing you to see the books from different angles. Jefferson stored his books in a circle so that it was easier to find whatever titles he needed. We read about Jefferson’s unique categorization system by topic / subject rather than author or title, that led to the current LOC classification system, and how the sale of Jefferson’s own 6,487 books in 1815 replaced the previous congressional library that had been burned by British troops during the War of 1812. A second fire on Christmas Eve in 1851 tragically destroyed about two thirds of those volumes, but since they had been cataloged, replacements were sought, and many found, some of which were already in the LOC’s collections. Today, 2,000 volumes from Jefferson’s original library are in the LOC, along with 3,000 or so matching replacement editions of those lost in the fire. Several hundred other missing works have been purchased as well since the year 2000. The origins of the volumes are designated by different colored ribbons: green for original Jefferson library book, gold for recently purchased replacements, no ribbon for books that are identical to the editions owned by Jefferson that were taken from the LOC’s collections, and book boxes to designate missing titles the LOC is still trying to track down as replacements. There were several gaps on the shelves as well to show book sections that had been removed for digitization.

Did the young Meriwether Lewis hold and read any of these titles??

We were able to ask one of the “virtual librarians” (Librarian Deb) more about Jefferson’s library and his annotation habits. Evidently he did not annotate his books extensively, but did wager guesses at who authored each of the Federalist Papers that came out while he was abroad in France (and his guesses weren’t always correct). He also had the habit of writing his initials “T” and “J” on the “i” (Greek for “J”) and “t” gatherings of the books, which is another helpful way to establish the provenance of a volume.

Virtual librarians online and ready to answer your questions. Such a great service.

I also asked our helpful virtual Librarian Deb about the collection priorities and differences between the LOC, the National Archives, and the Smithsonian since it wasn’t clear to me where the collection development for one ended and the other began. She said the three collections have the following distinctions:

Smithsonian: More focused on science, innovation, and future discoveries. Moved away from the collecting focuses of the other 2 institutions.

National Archives: Focused on American history authoritative records and “official” record keeping. So the final version of something, or its authoritative or “official” legal format, will be here. Some but not all presidential papers are in NARA’s care. Some of the earlier presidents’ records still reside at LOC or were sold to other institutions before the official retention policies were established. NARA came into existence after the LOC.

Library of Congress: All of American history in various formats not collected by the other institutions, hence the widest “net” of the three. Includes archives, books, and various other media.

One of the greatest surprises of the day also happened while standing next to Jefferson’s library. A “chance encounter” as Gandalf may have called it. A former Wade Center student worker, who lives in Tennessee, spotted me and we shared a huge hug and a quick catch-up moment with time to grab a couple photos. She was in town showing college friends around D.C., and what are the chances that we should bump into each other next to Thomas Jefferson’s library?! Appropriate that Wade colleagues should meet up next to a batch of historic books.

After spending some time and money in the LOC gift shop, my friend and I wandered out to the front terrace of the library to eat our sack lunches and enjoy the sunshine and 70-80F degree weather (in October!). We then headed off to a few other adventures that day. Our quick trip to D.C. took us to a lot of spots, and we charted 25 miles of walking, but for me the Library of Congress was a huge highlight since it had been such a long-anticipated visit. It was definitely worth the trip, and gave me some wonderful memories to take home.

Why I Love Japan

January 19, 2022January 10, 2022 / laurielfrodo / 3 Comments

Japanese Pavilion, EPCOT, Orlando, FL, May 2017

When one of my fellow Japan-loving friends told me that he was “giving up on the dream of living and working in Japan” along with his enjoyment of the culture and related accoutrements, I was flabbergasted. I asked him to reconsider and reflect on what made him fall in love with Japan in the first place. He’s since rekindled his interest, much to my relief, but my supplication to him made me ponder my own passion for Japan. When did it begin, and how did a midwestern girl become intrigued with an Asian country in the far east?

I’m not a stranger to various fandoms and passions, and travel and exploring other countries definitely falls into a similar category for me. Up until early adulthood, I was uniformly an Anglophile with a decided taste for all things UK. I also liked the food, culture, history, and art of European countries. In college, my roommate introduced me to the fabulous Chinese cuisine of Vancouver, British Columbia in Canada, and my willingness to try new foods greatly expanded along with my travels and new friendships.

Attending a “Music of the Legend of Zelda” symphony concert in Chicago, 2017

I can trace my early interest in Japan back to my encounter with two media influences: Final Fantasy, and Studio Ghibli films. I saw a cut scene of Yuna’s “sending” dance from the video game Final Fantasy X sometime around 2010 (date largely questionable as I just can’t remember…), and it immediately appealed to my aesthetic sense of beauty. I had to know where it was from, and ended up watching a complete FFX game walkthrough on YouTube. I had enjoyed watching my cousin play Legend of Zelda games on Nintendo growing up as well, and only later did I realize that both of these game franchises come from Japan.

Hosting a Ghibli movie party with Wheaton College Students in 2012. We watched *Whisper of the Heart* and *The Cat Returns.*

My first Studio Ghibli movie was Spirited Away with the Wheaton College anime club. It was charming, but I was a bit put off by the mysteries of the spirit world, and some grotesque elements (like disembodied bouncing heads). It started a thirst to watch similar films, though, and I began to check off every Studio Ghibli film, and anything else I could find that Hayao Miyazaki had created, from my viewing list. I’m probably one of the few US folks to have watched every episode of Sherlock Hound. 😉 Howl’s Moving Castle (and the related 3 books by Diana Wynne Jones) and Whisper of the Heart remain my 2 favorite Ghibli films.

Studio Ghibli films led me to other films like The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, Summer Wars, Your Name, Wolf Children, etc. Naturally, anime shows followed along with the movies. I tore through Death Note, watched Full Metal Alchemist with a friend who also showed me other anime shows (and other FF game cut scenes), I asked for recommendations from other friends, and the list of “viewed titles” continued to grow in a variety of genres. I loved the diverse storytelling in anime, plots that I often couldn’t predict or knew how they would end, and fantastical settings. I loved “slice of life” anime that showed me what going to school in Japan was like, what kinds of foods are eaten, and views into the culture and customs (granted some shows were better at realism than others). The pacing of storytelling varied from western shows as well, and slower moments and scenes of beauty took a lot more screentime. I really appreciated that. I enjoyed meeting new characters, and saw a lot of “villains” or antagonists in the anime shows get a shot at redemption and reconciliation, something else I was also not used to seeing in western productions. I enjoyed a few anime well enough that I picked up their manga counterparts and continued reading the stories there.

Making friends with Tortoro at Mitsuwa, 2018

Anime led to food. I wanted to try the foods I had seen in the media, and found a few things in Chicago’s Chinatown (where I tried my first mochi and tasted matcha for the first time). I browsed the international food sections in local grocery stores, and discovered the amazing Japanese grocery store, Mitsuwa, in the western suburbs of Chicago. I went to ramen and sushi restaurants, started cooking a few dishes at home, and got to try variations like Hiroshima vs. Osaka okonomiyaki, and different varieties of milk tea.

Hiroshima style okonomiyaki with yakisoba noodles / River Valley mushrooms / egg / yuba / shio-kombu. At Gaijin, Chicago, 2019

Excited about trying new foods at Mitsuwa, 2018

Likewise I discovered a host of YouTube channels with English-speaking vloggers from Australia, the UK, the US, and Canada who are living in Japan and show regular scenes from their everyday lives and post tons of interesting facts about Japanese culture, history, travels around the country, etc. I probably have close to 20 Japanese-related YouTube channels now that I’ve subscribed to and watch at least one Japan-related video per day. These vloggers intensified my desire to visit the country someday, and start a long list of places I’d like to go, food I’d like to try, and things I’d like to experience. Given the current travel restrictions, that dream has been delayed since 2018, but I do hope to go sometime in the not too-distant future. Meanwhile I’ll haunt Japanese gardens in the US, and keep looking for new food experiences and all-you-can eat sushi.

At Anderson Japanese Garden with friends, Rockford, IL, 2021

Trying out coveyor belt sushi in Washington D.C., 2021

The one main category I’m lacking in, and probably won’t delve too deeply into, is the Japanese language. I think languages are fascinating, but lack a lot of the discipline and motivation required to study and learn them. Other than a few polite phrases and lines from anime, I still have a pretty big blank in my Japanese language knowledge. I’ll still gladly watch anime with English subtitles, though! 😊 Oh, and I’m not really into Japanese music either, outside of what I hear through anime and the occasional taiko drum performance. J-POP hasn’t been an area I’ve investigated much, although who knows…that could change in the future!

Enjoying a taiko drum performance at the Asian Festival, Morton Arboretum, 2017 – taikolegacy.com

So to sum things up, WHY do I love Japan? There isn’t one simple answer to that question. I love the beauty of the country and its created art through various forms of media. I love the sense of peace and stillness that comes with a lot of its traditions and cultural sensibilities. I love the variety of food and amazing flavor combinations I’ve experienced. I love its respect for life, harmony, and for the greater sense of community it embodies. The richness of its cultural tapestry always leaves more to discover, and I love each new revelation as it adds to my own foundation of delight and admiration. It’s a joy to experience personally, and particularly when shared with friends. I look forward to more Japan-related adventures now and into the future.

Kimono history and fashion show event, Japanese Cultural Center, Chicago, 2018

Japanese tea ceremony, Frederik Meijer Gardens and Sculpture Park, Grand Rapids, MI, 2018

Karaoke with Wheaton College students, 2019

Boku no Hero Academia movie “Heroes Rising” with friends, February 2020

A sip of sake at hot pot, Happy Lamb, 2019

10 Reasons How Finding a New Fandom is Like Falling in Love

January 4, 2022March 2, 2022 / laurielfrodo / 3 Comments

Source: https://www.onceuponatee.net/collections/geeky-hallows?view=all

Preliminary note: For anyone worried about my mental health, this post is just for fun! No need to call the psychiatrist…yet. 😉

There are a lot of fandoms in my life. My first one came around the age of three, and from there I’ve just kept acquiring more. As one of my friends told me: “You don’t really give up fandoms, you just add more as time goes by.” This is a lot of passion to manage, and there are definitely seasons when some fandoms are more at the forefront than others. Perhaps a well-loved childhood show gets a reboot, or you find new merch available for purchase, or you meet someone who is just as excited about a particular fandom; then that fandom from the past comes rushing to your attention again with full energy and excitement.

Ben: We don’t need someone crazy. But one step sort of crazy, what do you get?
Riley: Obsessed.
Ben: Passionate.
– National Treasure, 2004

Finding a new fandom can be life changing. You experience something so fresh, new, and enticing that you don’t know how you lived without it. Eras of life can be defined by which fandoms you’re “into” at that time, or which you had and hadn’t yet discovered. Having been through this experience many times, I know how special it is when a new fandom enters your life, and you know it’s serious, and probably a new lifelong passion. Reader, I just had this happen in the fall of 2021 when I encountered the anime show Hunter x Hunter.

I had heard about the show before, but with 148 episodes I wasn’t sure I had the time or willingness to invest in it. Having watched a lot of anime to this point, I’m always hoping to find a show that makes me want to keep watching, takes me to wonderful new places, introduces me to great characters, has an intriguing and clever story, and if I’m lucky, moves my heart. After a few episodes of Hunter x Hunter, I knew I’d found this kind of show. After the first 50+ episodes, I knew I’d arguably found my favorite anime character of all-time, and by the end of the show, despite one arc that was less to my liking, I knew that this show might easily become my favorite anime of all-time.

The reasons for liking Hunter x Hunter specifically are left for another blog post, but observing how my interest in this show evolved was a fascinating process, since by now I know the signs of fandom infatuation. I thought it would be an amusing exercise to see how well fandom obsession matched up with “falling in love,” and came up with a pretty comparable list. I guess when it comes to affairs of the heart, romance and fandom have a shared language. I hope any other fellow dyed-in-the-wool “nerds” reading this post can find some similarities with their own experiences, and have a good laugh.

1. Makes You Happy Whenever the Fandom Comes into Your Thoughts or Conversation

A lot of “good” shows, books, movies, games, etc. can do this, and the enjoyment after-glow of the first encounter can last a few days or even a couple weeks. You experience something and say: “wow, that was a lot better than I’d expected!” You think about it and enjoy the residual reflections or conversations relating to it, along with those you may have shared or experienced it with. Perhaps a movie had a really cool plot that took unexpected turns and the storytelling really impressed you. Or you finished a show that had a really likeable character, and keep thinking about the enjoyable moments watching that character. The difference between passing interest and long-term infatuation comes when these “after glow” reflections don’t leave quickly, and the more you consider them, the more you think, “I want to watch or experience that again,” and go back to it. You realize new depths or insights into why you appreciated the experience, and the art and creativity that went into it. And you keep that investigation, thinking, and conversation going for what turns into months, and then into years, bringing delight whenever you return to it. And you get a stupid grin on your face whenever you hear it mentioned or catch yourself thinking about it.

Have I told you about my new fandom??

2. You Need to Tell EVERYONE About It

A very good sign that you’ve found a life-changing fandom is that you simply won’t shut up about it. Everyone must know of this new discovery, and how much it means to you, similar to a new-found love. You see how you can weave it into your conversations, and you’re always on the lookout for other fans of the same fandom. If others haven’t heard of the fandom, you get to work convincing them to try it out, preferably with you getting to watch them experience it, and eagerly awaiting their impressions. I recall running into an acquaintance while shopping a few months ago, and I was just waiting for them to ask me “how I’d been” so I could tell them I’d found a great new show to watch! Haha

3. You Meet New People Through the Fandom

Just as you meet new friends and relatives through a loved one’s network, you also start meeting new people through the shared ties of fandom. A stranger who shares your fandom passions can quickly become as dear as a long-lost brother. You begin skimming online forums, getting referrals from others who know someone else who likes the same thing you do, and perhaps even going to conventions and connecting with people in the same fandom wheelhouses. A shared fandom is a wonderful way to break the ice and start building new relationships.

College students at a fandom Halloween party dressed as characters from Legend of Zelda, Lord of the Rings, Doctor Who, and Avatar: The Last Airbender

4. You want to Know Everything About it, and Spend as Much Time Together as Possible

Once you’ve fallen hard for a fandom, you want to learn more about it and invest time in doing so. Who are the creative minds behind it? How did they get their ideas? How did the story evolve in the writing process, and what were its key influences? What is its impact in other avenues, and its reception over time? Are there additional character backstories you need to know about? In-world facts and lore that didn’t make it into the main narrative storyline? Different adaptations? And the ever-important question: what’s the meme culture like in this fandom? You read news articles, cast and creator interviews, go back and re-watch or re-read key story segments for re-evaluation, seek out secondary and scholarly literature…the hunt goes on. Each bit of knowledge gained is worth the hours of investment, and brings insight and joy. You’re getting to know the focus of your affection better.

Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Discworld#/media/File:Discworld_Reading_Order_Guide_3.0_(cropped).jpg

5. Your Wallet gets Lighter, and You’re Happy About It

Along with time investment comes financial investment. If you don’t have a personal copy of your new fandom in its original medium, that’s one of the first things on the list to acquire so you can dip into it whenever you wish. Purchases continue as you want to make this new intoxicating entity more and more a part of your life. You drape it on your body in the form of a t-shirt, you find the best pics for your cell phone and desktop wallpapers, plushies become appealing, themed board games are tantalizing (provided one can wrangle others to play), stickers, jewelry, and more. Big ticket items might also appear, like models and replicas, clothing items for cosplay, and perhaps even plane tickets for conventions, theme parks, or location tours. I’m looking at you, Universal Studios and New Zealand. 😉 Somehow these purchases, these physical embodiments of the fandom, bring joy and value to fans who feel like they are more deeply connected to the object of their affection through that physicality. We are beings who need these physical manifestations of passion. It’s almost sacramental.

Me looking what one might consider “over-excited” about a gifted glass Burger King Lord of the Rings goblet in 2012…

6. You Feel Guilty if Other Fandoms Vie for Attention

I can’t say this is a usual experience for me, as all fandoms are welcome in my life at almost any time, but I did laugh this past fall when I felt guilty about Hunter x Hunter occupying my thoughts during Tolkien Week and during an Avatar-themed birthday party. The other two long-standing fandoms deserved my full attention during those events. What was this new upstart fandom doing invading my thoughts and drawing my attention away from these well-loved and long-serving companions? Since I started watching Hunter x Hunter in early September, I could only blame it on the honeymoon period and breathed an apology to Tolkien and Avatar the Last Airbender.

7. Begins Influencing your Habits, Words, and Gestures

With deep fandom passion comes in-jokes, recited lines, new vocabulary, and possibly even certain adopted gestures. The influence may be conscious or subconscious, but it’s similar to the impact a friend or loved one may have on you when their habits become your own. From oft-quoted Monty Python lines, to a gif or emoji that goes on regular rotation, these add-ons bring delight to everyday interactions, particularly within shared fandom groups. They are nerd “calling cards,” and also a private language of shared understanding. So if you have an Avatar-loving friend who is having a bad day, cheer them up with your best Zuko voice and say: “that’s rough, buddy.” It brings a smile and makes a difference.

Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory

8. You become Protective

No one needs proof that fans are passionate about their fandoms, and will leap to their defense if they sense a threat of attack or malignment. Twitter wars, commenting threads that end in flames, and even broken relationships can come when others have varying opinions or openly attack cherished aspects of fandom. The aggression becomes as intense as a personal insult. Fans associate so closely with their fandoms that they are willing to not only defend the fandom, but disassociate with others whose views can’t be reconciled with their own. It’s passion as fierce as sports rivalries, and as ruthless as politics. This aspect of fandom actually makes me really sad. Even within a fandom family, there can be different segments of contention and a lot of in-fighting. Star Wars has been one of the more drastic examples of this as the franchise has passed through different creator and corporate hands and taken a lot of new directions. The passion and protectiveness is laudable, but the relationship carnage and ugliest traits of humanity that emerge are regrettable. A “greedy love” that bypasses relationship reconciliation is never attractive regardless of the area in which it is manifest.

Source: https://therauschrating.wordpress.com/2018/01/12/the-ways-of-the-force-and-the-downfall-of-star-wars-fandom/

9. You become Devastated with Poor Adaptations or “Betrayals”

I would assume everyone in fandom has experienced the excitement and anticipation of a promised adaptation, reboot, or dramatic retelling of your beloved story and/or characters, and then the disappointment (and at times, utter devastation) that comes with the resulting poor execution. The writers may be to blame, or the executives who pushed the production too fast and left creativity and respect of the original work by the wayside, or the medium itself was unsuitable, or the vision just did not match your own personal expectations and how you envisioned the story. Whatever the case, it was a poor embodiment of your beloved fandom, and feels almost like a betrayal. The fans all ask: “What went wrong, and how could they do this to us?” Perhaps the situation is even more complex when some fans enjoy the adaptation, others don’t, and others may be apathetic about it. A poor adaptation is, luckily, seldom a reason to abandon the fandom, though. The original medium is still uncorrupted, even if its current manifestation was less than perfect.

On the more positive side, whenever there’s a great adaptation you are the first one to stand up and cheer: “that’s MY fandom!” You are first in line at the box office, and the ultimate cheerleader and promoter.

10. Break-ups are Gut-Wrenching, but You Never Forget the First Infatuation

The wound can be even deeper when the fandom is itself tied to the medium, such as a movie franchise or television show that gathers a large following, but then the future installments or ending episodes fail to live up to expectations. “Don’t bother with the last 2 seasons, they’re trash,” someone might say. Sometimes fans can separate their affections and remain attached to the earlier eras of the fandom, but other times the later failures can cause emotions to cool, and at worst, lead fans to abandon the fandom altogether. These “break-ups” can include sadness and regret, but fans move on. Likewise, fans sometimes say they “grow out” of a fandom, or “liked it at an earlier stage of life, but no longer like it now.” The reasons for this are myriad, but fandom attachments can come and go, just like relationships. Even for the rare fandom that I have “moved on from” (and there are few of those), I still like to remember the reasons why I first engaged with and enjoyed it. Those reflections help me understand myself better as a person, and how I’m growing and developing. I can acknowledge that past attachment as a valid chapter of life, and the reasons why it was an important step on the journey.

Andy grown up in Toy Story. Source: https://pixar.fandom.com/wiki/Andy_Davis

For anyone who engages with fandom more casually, or can’t relate to the passions described above (or think it might be cause for certifiable insanity), that’s quite alright. Story impacts people differently, and that is part of its mystery and its beauty. I’m a firm believer in different passions leading us to different life callings, relationships, and opportunities. For me, fandom led me to my full-time career and a host of friendships my life would be bereft without. It’s worth celebrating.

And for those moments of mild insanity, well, there’s a group of fellow fans ready to embrace you with the phrase “one of us” ready on their lips. You belong.

The Wheaton College Tolkien Society end of year picnic, 2018

Sunlit Fields

Darkness is brief, Light is Eternal