A woman sits in a chair reading a book.
Introverts can have many personality stereotypes. Many people assume they are quiet homebodies who prefer alone time, but not all introverts are the same.
Psychologist Jonathan M. Cheek, along with his colleagues Jennifer Grimes and Julie Norem at Wellesley College, presented findings in a 2011 study identifying four types of introverts: Social, Thinking, Anxious, and Restrained (STAR).
"Many people assume introversion is fixed, but introversion is on a spectrum," Chloë Bean, a somatic trauma therapist in Los Angeles, told Upworthy.
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Essentially, there is no one-size-fits-all type of introvert.
"It can shift depending on life phase, your stress level, burnout, support system, and trauma history," Bean said. "What looks like 'being introverted' is sometimes the nervous system doing it's job, protecting you especially when you're feeling overwhelmed or need to connect with yourself more."
Four types of introverts
In an interview with The Cut, Cheek explained that these introvert "types" are more like "shades," and that introverts are often a mix of each one. Here's what you need to know about each type of introvert:
Three women sit on a blanket in the park. Photo credit: Canva
Social introverts
Bean noted that social introverts may be selective about who they connect with. They enjoy spending time with others but need downtime to recover.
"They prefer to stay home with a book or a computer, or to stick to small gatherings with close friends, as opposed to attending large parties with many strangers," Cheek explained.
How to tell if it's you:
"You may tend to lose a lot of energy when socializing in large groups even when they're fun and prefer one-on-one time," said Bean. "You may feel more regulated with one person at a time, as you can feel overstimulated with more than one person at a time."
Thinking introverts
Thinking introverts are internally rich, deep, and active but appear quiet on the outside, Bean noted. They spend a lot of time reflecting, imagining, creating, or analyzing.
"You're capable of getting lost in an internal fantasy world," Cheek said. "But it's not in a neurotic way, it's in an imaginative and creative way."
How to tell if it's you:
"You feel energized and excited by ideas but you feel exhausted when there is constant feedback and stimulation externally," Bean explained. "You need time to be with your thoughts to come to your conclusion so staying with your inner voice and process is supportive because you can get easily distracted by others' thoughts and opinions."
@onlyjayus The 4 Types Of Introverts
Anxious introverts
Bean said that anxious introverts deal with anxiety and avoidance driven by fear, as the body anticipates rejection or not being accepted socially.
How to tell if it's you:
"You might replay conversations, dread upcoming plans and cancel them when the tension and anxiety gets too strong," Bean shared. "This is often less about your personality and more about your nervous system feeling dysregulated by thoughts about socializing."
Restrained introverts
Restrained introverts are highly observant, take time to warm up to others, and are cautious about who they spend their energy with, Bean explained.
How to tell if it's you:
"It might take you some time to feel like you can trust others and feel safe enough to speak up," Bean said. "You might also avoid being put on the spot or being the center of attention."
A man tried to tell a pro golfer she was swing too slow.
We’re all probably familiar with the term “mansplaining,” when a man explains something to a woman in a condescending or patronizing way. Often, this takes the form of a man explaining a subject to a woman who already knows it at an expert level. The female neuroscientist who was told by a man that she should read a research paper she actually wrote comes to mind.
Often, mansplaining can show up in small interactions that minimize or infantilize a woman's knowledge and expertise. It can be a man spouting off facts because he thinks it makes him seem interesting, or giving unsolicited fitness advice at the gym in a poorly disguised flirting attempt. But sometimes the irony at play is just too much to bear. Frankly, it's often delicious.
In 2024, some next-level mansplaining was caught in the wild. Georgia Ball, a professional golfer and coach who’s racked up over 3 million likes on TikTok for all her tips and tricks of the sport, was minding her own business while practicing a swing change at the driving range.
People practicing on the driving range. via Canva/Photos
A man tries to give a female PGA pro golf tips
It takes all of two seconds on Google to see that when it comes to incorporating a swing change, golfers need to swing slower, at 50-75% their normal speed…which is what Ball was doing. And this is what prompted some man to insert his “advice.”
In the clip, we hear the man say “What you are doing there … you shouldn’t be doing that.” Exhibiting the patience of a nun, Ball simply tells him that she’s going through a swing change. But her attempts at reason are unfortunately interrupted, multiple times, when the man repeatedly assures her that, since he’s been playing golf for 20 years, he knows what he’s talking about.
He then insists, repeatedly cutting her off, that she’s going too slow on her swing and should be following through. Cue Ball’s incredulous look to the camera.
Watch the whole, cringe-inducing interaction here:
@georgiagolfcoach Can you believe he said this? 😳⛳️👀 #golf #golfswing #golflife #golftok #golftiktok #golfer #golfing #golfgirl #golfpro #golftips #golfclub #drivingrange
Hoping to appease him, Ball finally gives a hearty swing, writing “I knew I had to make this a good one” on the onscreen text. As the ball sails through the air, the man says, “See how much better that was?" completely taking credit for her swing. Which is hilarious because she didn't change a thing she was doing.
Poor Ball then tries to tell him that even the “best players in the world” slow down their swing when going through a swing change. And she'd know. Not only is she a golf coach, but she's also a certified PGA professional. “No, I understand what you’re saying, but I’ve been playing golf for 20 years,” the man repeats. At this point, Ball is just “trying to keep it together.”
A group of people playing golf. via Canva/Photos
People in the comments couldn't handle the mansplaining
Sure, this guy might not have known who Ball was, but it’s pretty evident that the last thing she needed was this guy’s “advice.” And thus, the “mansplaining” jokes commenced in the comments section.
Here’s a small sampling:
“As a guy, this is the first time I’ve ever seen ‘mansplaining’ happen.”
“The way he took credit for your next swing.”
“But did you consider that he’s been playing golf for 20 years?”
“*implement nothing he says* ‘See how much better that was’ HAHAHAHAH.”
“My hope is that he comes across this video and it keeps him up at night."
Others couldn’t help but praise Ball for keeping her cool.
“He doesn’t even give you a chance to explain, just forces his opinion and advice onto you. Goon on you for staying calm and polite,” one person wrote. Of course, others felt Ball was being “too nice” to the man. One even exclaimed, “there’s no reason to be so polite!”
Ball told BBC that it wouldn't be in her nature to shut the man down harshly, even if that's what he deserved. "I wouldn't interrupt and say that," she says. "I suppose it's just the humble side of me."
@georgiagolfcoach Play a hole with me ⛳️🏌🏽♂️25mph wind 🤯🤣 #golf #golftiktok #golftok #golfer #golfswing #golfing #golflife #golftips #golfcourse #golfclub #golfgirl #golfdrills #playaholewithme #golfpro
Perhaps worst of all, this kind of behavior is pretty common, especially for female athletes. A fellow female golfer even commented, “So glad you posted this because it is my BIGGEST frustration when I’m at the driving range. Unfortunately, men always feel the need to comment on my swing or want to coach me. Guys take note: Please don’t.”
On the bright side: as annoying as it is that Ball had to endure that (not to mention what it says about the very real b.s. that women in general have to put up with on the regular), she laughed it off and just went on about her life being awesome at what she does. Just like the other smart, capable women of the world. It’s almost like…maybe women don’t need advice, so much as they need
Ball isn't holding onto any grudges over the incident
"I have a lot of interaction with males and females every single day [on the course]. And I'd say it's mostly always positive," she says. "I'm just glad I can look back at it now and laugh about it because the majority of people and golfers are all just out to help each other."
Even though her time on the golf tee with the mansplainer was uncomfortable, the reaction to her discomfort has been positive. "The reaction has been so positive," she told the BBC. "All the support, the comments, the messages, it's just been so good. And I'm just so grateful for everything that's come through."
This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.
A letter found after his wife's death changed Tony Trapani's life.
Handwritten letters were a standard feature of human civilization for centuries, but the art of letter-writing has been lost in the digital age. Gone are the days when you would write down something important, send it off, and wait for a reply that may or may not ever come. Unlike modern-day "ghosting" or being "left on read," if someone didn't respond to a letter, it might mean they never even received it.
Such was the case of a letter sent to Tony Trapani in 1959 that his wife never showed him. Tony and his wife were married for 50 years despite the heartache of being unable to have children. "She wanted children,” Trapani told Fox 17. "She couldn't have any. She tried and tried." Even though they endured the pain of infertility, Tony's love for his wife never wavered, and he cherished every moment they spent together.
When Tony was 81 years old, his wife passed away. He undertook the heartbreaking task of sorting out all of her belongings, including a mountain of papers stuffed into filing cabinets. Trapani diligently went through every single one.
People used to save letters they received. Photo credit: Canva
That’s when he stumbled upon a carefully concealed letter in a filing cabinet, hidden for over half a century.
The letter was addressed to Tony and dated March 1959, but this was the first time he had seen it. His wife must have opened it, read it and hid it from him. The letter came from Shirley Childress, a woman Tony had once been close with before his marriage. She had reached out, reminiscing about their past and revealing a secret that would change Tony's world forever.
"Dear Tony, I bet you are surprised to hear from me after so many years. I was just thinking about you tonight like so many other nights. But I thought I would write you and find out how you are," the letter reads. "Tony, please don't be angry or surprised to hear this. I have a little boy. He is five years old now—grey eyes and beautiful black hair. What I am trying to say Tony is he is your son."
Tony Trapani found a letter saying he had a son decades after it was sent.Photo credit: Canva
"Please, Tony if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, please come and see him," Shirley wrote in the letter. "Every day he asks me where is his daddy and believe me Tony I can't even answer him anymore. I would be forever grateful to you if you would just see him. ... I'll close now hoping and praying you will answer. P.S. His name is Samuel Duane."
Now, Tony faced the fact that he had a son that would be around 60 years old and he set out to find him.
For over a year, Trapani’s sister tried to track down the mysterious Samuel Duane Childress, until she finally contacted his wife, Donna.
Tony and Samuel met in January 2015 and he felt like a new dad. After meeting his father, Samuel said his mother told him she sent the letter, but Tony never responded. "Why my wife didn't tell me," said Trapani, "I don't know. She wanted children. She couldn't have any. She tried and tried."
It's easy to understand why it may have been hard for Trapani's late wife, Dolly, to pass along that sort of news. Though we'll never know what exactly must have been in her heart and mind when she hid the letter all those years ago.
"I always asked my mom, I said, 'Well what does he look like?'' Samuel said. "She said, 'Well, go look in the mirror."
The two met and caught up on a lifetime of memories with the understanding that they could never change the past. "Just to know him now is so important to me. It's going to fill that void," Samuel said.
But just to be sure, Tony took a paternity test to ensure they were father and son. Stunning everyone involved, the test came back negative. Tony was not the father after all.
The news upset Tony and Samuel, but they still had a unique bond. They shared a relationship with Samuel’s mother and both have been on an incredibly wild ride after Tony found the mysterious letter.
Letter-writing is a lost art in the digital age.Photo credit: Canva
“They're keeping that bond,” Donna said. “That paper doesn't mean anything to him. That bond has been made—and we're going to move on from here.”
Tony Trapani passed away in 2017, leaving him just two short years to connect with the man he once believed to be his son. If he'd seen the letter earlier, maybe they would have had more time. But that's all in the past, and by all accounts, the men treasured the time they got together and the relationship that they did have — even if it was not the one they wished for.
This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.
