Finn is 3.5 years old, and he is every bit as cheeky as he appears in the photo above.
And he's every bit as feeling and pensive he as appears in this photo.
And. He is a happy kid.
Last month marked the halfway point between Finn's third and fourth year! I just really can't believe he's getting so big. Sometimes if I look at his profile, close-up, I can still see the baby he was in his face. Especially when his hair is wet, because he was so very bald.
But most of the time he is just unrecognizable from that baby! He's a boy!
He sometimes likes to announce to me that he's a grown-up now.
Our 3.5 year old is still high energy (mental, physical, emotional), always talking, friendly and confident with strangers and friends alike, cheeky, curious, imaginative, focused, stubborn, polite, observant and funny.
Finn has been going to school 2 mornings per week and has grown to love it. I think it's adorable that most days he tells me that he called me on the phone while there (a toy phone, I'm assuming). He is picking up on the Spanish very well and will often tell me what different words are in Spanish. He understands Spanish with fluency when his teacher or nanny are rattling it off at their native pace, and will answer their questions.
Finn loves to ride his Skuut bike and rides it like he's ready for a real bike without training wheels. And maybe he is! When he goes down hills he lifts up his feet and coasts down, perfectly balanced. He really only needs to use his feet to push himself forward, and not for balance. I credit that to his long term relationship with his "momo," which is basically a thick balance bike, that started when he was 17/18 months.
He's so good at waiting for me at every corner, no matter how far behind I am, he will sit and patiently wait.
Recently after a visit to the museum to which I had ridden my bike and met Jer with the boys, we pulled Finn's skuut and helmet out of the trunk of the car and he rode all the way home with me. 3 miles. About 2 miles into it he started suffering, "My bum bum hurts!" But I distracted him fairly well from his discomfort and then when we were a few blocks away Finn took me up on my offer to call Papa to come pick us up. By the time Jeremy caught up with us we were just a block away. Finn still wanted a ride :)
He is still in swim class, which he enjoys. He was in his friend Henry's class for a while and those two had a blast together. Most recently he swam on his back the entire length of the pool. The teacher was surprised! None of us knew he could do that.
Jeremy takes Finn to swimming most Monday mornings. Afterwards they go to Fort Point by the Golden Gate Bridge to eat a snack and watch boats, locate Alcatraz and the like. It's a lovely little routine that Finn really cherishes. Outside of class Finn goes nuts for chances to swim for fun. We had a couple recent excursions to the UCSF pool, where he was in heaven.
Finn just started his first soccer class and seemed to take to it really well. He was attentive and participatory, of course barking out his random thoughts to the teacher at any given moment.
Probably the event that rocked Finn's world the most in the last couple months was when on a super hot day biking in the park, he, Oscar and I went in the fountain. He was absolutely elated, and the little mischief-maker in him absolutely loved the fact that he got to do something that he knows is not routine. He was skipping and jumping and splashing through that fountain, laughing out loud.
Finn's favorite pastime of all these days is imaginative play. He loves to play that he's Bob the Builder, and I become Wendy. Often first thing in the morning he has to run back to his room to get into character and then he rings the imaginary door bell in the hall just before our kitchen. He demands that I respond, " Hey! Who is that ringing my door bell?" To which he responds in a sing-songy voice, " It's Bob!" Bob then joins us for breakfast.
He is starting to play "waiter at the restaurant" and likes to take our order and help serve the food. He absolutely loves going to actual restaurants and ice cream shops and interacting with the workers, first asking, "What do you recommend??" They get a kick out of it.
Another favorite of his these days is to play "Dolphin Show." When we were in Hawaii some friends took us to Sea Life Park and Finn watched a couple of impressive shows wherein the dolphins did flips and tricks. The dolphin trainer stood on the side of the pool kind of bobbing away to the music and doing hand signals for the dolphins, then would give them some fish. There was catchy pop music playing. When Finn first decided he wanted to play "Dolphin Show," apparently none of the music was appropriately fitting with his memory of dolphin show music. So I downloaded a Backstreet Boys song, and it was immediately deemed acceptable. Oscar is our baby dolphin and the big trick of the show is to get him to crawl through our tunnel. Finn is dolphin trainer and he refers to me as "Mister udder (other) dolsin trainer girl." We dance to the music and do arm signals and thank everyone for coming to our show. Finn will pull out the yoga mat and a pillow for padding and perform a summer sault (but he asks me not to watch).
He also loves to play siremen (firemen) responding to an emergency. When we are partners in firefighting, he calls us "Mister udder sire man guy!"
Finn uses his killer imagination to turn any ordinary household thing into a useful tool or prop in whatever game he is fancying at the time.
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Finn using grocery bags as robot legs to become "Robot Zot," a character in a library book.
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He gets really excited for chances to watch shows and movies especially since this isn't a routine thing at our house. Finn got a new sandbox recently and loves playing with his diggers in the sand, pouring water in it to make "cement" and smoothing it out as a steam roller would. He also likes to play firemen (and for some reason confuses the word emergency with apartment--he thinks and apartment is an emergency). Indoor "stut-sun" (construction) is also a popular game. He still enjoys puzzles and is a big fan of watercolor. I recently made him a big lump of green playdough that he enjoys messing with. He likes to make uh-scetti (spaghetti) by squeezing the playdough through an old garlic press.
Adventures to the beach and playground are still a regular occurance, and essential for my sanity so that this boy can get some of his extraordinary levels of energy out. At the beach he loves to run in and out of the water like a crazy person, and look amongst the rocks for "enemies" (anenomes).
Finn really loves coming to my work to eat lunch with me in the cafeteria. He is just so excited and I can tell he feels really privileged to be able to do that. Warms my heart to no end. He also loves dropping by Jeremy's work, calling him at work, or meeting Papa during his break at the playground right next door.
He has mostly dropped napping but he still does take a nap once a week, sometimes twice a week. The nap is usually soon after coming home from Monday morning swim class. He also naps more if he is sick. Bedtime is usually 7/7:30, 8:00 if he has napped. I think when he has napped he probably doesn't fall asleep till 8:30 or later. He usually sleeps until 7/7:30 am. He still likes to put his "Nano" in his mouth for comfort when he's upset or to go to sleep. It's a disgusting piece, that's for sure.
Finn wakes up every morning wanting to play right away. He wants entertainment or just to talk our ear off far more than breakfast and it is a big challenge to get breakfast into that boy. It takes FOREVER.
While more and more Finn is becoming independent in his playing with friends and cousins, this boy of ours really values one on one time with the grown ups in his life. He also loves to hold full phone and skype conversations with his beloved relatives.
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| Making "pie dust" with Grandma |
Finn gets so excited to play with his friends. He and his friend Berkeley continue to see each other regularly since her mama and I trade child care hours. They just seem to be getting cuter and cuter in their playing together and unless of one of them is tired or out of sorts, they have a blast.
Finn and I recently went on a date together to the Pixar film, Brave. It was held at UCSF and they served everyone their own popcorn and pack of M&Ms. Finn thought it was the greatest thing ever. It was so nice to spend time with him and I could tell he felt special.
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| Finn has the greatest smile in the world. When it isn't posed. He's still working on that. |
On my birthday Jeremy had to work early so we could go out that night, and grandma was in town. I got to take Finn to his swim lesson and grandma gave Finn some money to buy me a cupcake afterwards at our favorite place. This really pleased him to be in charge of the money and treating me.
It's easy to see the adoration when Finn looks at his Papa. If he continues to have him as a role model, he'll be in good shape.
He is starting to show loyalty and protectiveness when it comes to Oscar. One day recently a boy at the playground started throwing sand in Oscar's face. Finn immediately started bellowing at the boy, "Hey! Don't do dat to my brudder! Stop srowing sand in his face!" And when the boy kept doing it Finn got more and more incensed. Even at our house, he staunchly defends Oscar by saying "Hey! Don't talk to my brudder like dat!" if I ever tell Oscar "Stop!" or " No!" Finn may not understand that I'm actually reacting to something like Oz almost sending himself down the stairs. I have to say I got a little misty eyed at that first playground incident where Finn had his brother's back.
And while he is still a typical big brother in some regards, there are also times when he is in absolute giggling fits during his play with Oscar.
Lately I've been recognizing something disconcerting about Finn; something I fear has the potential to limit him throughout his childhood. And that is that he has tendencies towards perfectionism. He's very sensititve to perceived failure. It kinda breaks my heart. He will quickly abandon any activity that he feels he did not do "right," rather than simply trying and enjoying the challenge/ process. This has happened during little soccer games we've played, experiments with writing, doing coloring books, trying to build things, and most definitely, potty training. Not doing it "right" distresses him, and so he distances himself from the activity asap so that he feels better. And he is such an incredibly stubborn little soul.
After one preschool pick up I was asking Finn about his day at school. He had brought home a paper on which he had traced the letter A. Some of the examples had clearly been done by the teacher as she showed him how its done. The subsequent ones were crooked lines that strayed away from the pattern, and back again--Finn's attempts. Of course I thought it was awesome. In our conversation when I pointed out that he had written letters he responded in a disappointed tone, "Yeah, but I couldn't do it dat well. My lines are crooked." Aw. I quickly tried to give Finn pride in his efforts and point out that crooked lines are just fine, but it made me so sad.
Over the past couple of weeks in preparation for his starting soccer class, I took him out to the field to introduce him to the basic concepts of the game. He loved playing with me, especially the first time. The next time we went, after playing a while he started getting frustrated and not wanting to play anymore after he fell down on the grass a few times. I sat down with him and told him about how falling down is all part of the game and how when I used to play soccer I would fall down all the time. I told him that part of the game was to see how fast you could get back up and get back to the ball. After our talk he was willing to play more, and a few days later he reminded me of how I used to fall down when I played soccer, almost like he was reminding himself that it was ok. He was really listening. He is really constantly trying to determine and validate for himself what is success and what is failure. I just know this is going to be a major parenting battle for me as he grows up-- to show him the value in simply trying things, and enjoying the process, rather than always having to do it "right."
After a number of such experiences and an abrupt change in his willingness to wear underpants, I realized that this sensitivity to failure is at the root of our challenges with him being able to get out of diapers. Probably about 9 months ago, he went a couple weeks of going pee in the potty. He got a reward and was thrilled about putting stickers on a chart towards that reward. During that period he became proud and excited to wear underpants. He did so twice, and both times he wet them. He started refusing to use the potty altogether and the suggestion of underpants just had him bellowing protests. Well...after 9 months of a serious aversion to all things potty, a few weeks ago he decided he was excited about his underpants again. Most likely because I 've been asking his friends if I can see their cool new underpants, purposely in front of him. He was suddenly way excited about underpants. Wanted to call everyone he knows and tell them what he was wearing. We left to go on a run and I told him he should maybe change back into a diaper (since we had in fact not had an attempt at using a potty for 9 months). He did NOT want to put a diaper back on. I was pretty excited about this drastic change in his attitude and we went on a 5 mile run, with me checking in for the need for a potty break every 5-10 min. He made it through the whole run dry. When we returned home I was in rocking Oscar to get him sleepy for his nap. I heard a loud wail of devastation from the living room. When I came out I saw a big puddle on the floor. Finn had recovered somewhat, but apparently not from the sense of failure. He no longer wanted underpants. But! It was a step. And we've spent a lot of time talking about accidents as part of the process and he's seen his friend have accidents, and that it's ok. After a couple more weeks he's seen his friends' underpants some more and taken some more turns in his. He has had a few accidents but I think has been more okay with it just in the fact that he's been willing to try again sooner. He never really took to the last toddler potty we had and it cracked, but we tried letting him pick out his very own new potty and that got him interested again...for 1 day. He was super excited to pick it out and then for it to arrive. We had a whole plan of action to use it upon its arrival and although he was nervous, he executed that plan within minutes of opening it. He wanted it in his room, and he wanted to be alone. He filled that sucker up with pee! I was so pleased. But he's still terrified to go poo in anything but a diaper. He's still nervous in general. And after 1 success in the potty, even though he was naked and could've run to use it again, he still piddled on the floor. And he hasn't gone in it again since that first time. Small steps, but overall heading in the right direction here.
Here is to hoping that Finn gets easier on himself over time. One thing that's certain is that he puts himself out there when it comes to relationships. He loves with all his heart. His favorite time is "hamily" time when we are all together. A favorite family activity has been to load up on the bikes/ bike seats, ride through the park and get dipped soft serve, sprinkled with sea salt at the "Turl and Dip" ice cream truck. Finn loves to see the weekend happenings all throughout the park, especially the dancers.
Finn still entertains us daily. Some of my favorite Finn stories from recently:
Walked into Toy Boat Dessert Cafe for some ice cream. Finn made a beeline for the coin operated horsey there, thrust his hands into its underside and said,"Sirst, I needa milk da cow!"
Driving to preschool...
Finn: Mama, I want you to take care of Mickey since I'm not going to be there. And if Oscar tries to grab him, tell him "No, Oscar! That's Finn's!" Mickey, I has to got school and you're going to go home with Mama. Is dat okay? Dat's going to be da plan, okay?
Driving in the car with the radio on...
Finn: I like da song but I don't like da words. Because da words crack me up. (totally straight faced)
On a hike...
Finn: Hey, dat's a soc-a-late (chocolate) tree!
Discussing having some frosted animal cookies...
Finn: No! Der not treats! Der crackers!
In GGP Finn saw an old man playing a flute outside of the Japanese Tea Garden. After watching him for a minute or two he turns to walk away and says "silly old nut".
Ran past a group of serene Chinese doing their morning tai chi, perfectly in unison.
Finn, from the stroller as we sped past: ALL TOGEZER (together) NOW!"
After a preschool pick-up:
Me: tell me about your day at school?
Finn: well, this boy pushed me ozer. And I fell down.
Me: oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Did it make you cry?
Finn: no, it didn't.
Me: what did you do after he did that?
Finn: I just danced.
Calls the life jackets "lifeguard jackets"
"Dis is a hooker truck!"
There was a music and dance program at the music concourse in the park and Finn sat watching it when he zeroed in on a lady wearing some fur. He stared and stared and finally got up the courage to creep up and poke the fur with his finger. I think he wondered if it was an animal. He repeated this a couple times.
Finn's bedtime prayer:
"Hopesully we will get to see uncle Michael again tomorrow."
Finn loves to go get ice cream or to restaurants and ask the workers, "What do you recommend?"
Oh Finn. Our love. Our goofball. Our aspiring leader. He brings us joy and challenges us everyday. I've learned so much parenting this boy, have still so much to learn, and I have a feeling the hardest parts are yet to come! But also exciting parts. I know it will be thrilling to watch what he can do and become. He has so many incredible strengths, and his potential is overwhelming. I hope we can help him make the most of life, conquer his fears, and continue to love himself and others like he does now.
